Gossip grows in unhealthy groups. Toxic groups, especially
those with one or more narcissists or people on the dark triad, use gossip to
triangulate, exclude and control others to fuel their narcissistic supply. Some
group members gossip, showing their shared feelings and gossiping to bond. Others
may fear if they don't allow others in the click to gossip or don't gossip
themselves, they are excluded from the group and suffer from others gossiping
about them.
HOW TO DEAL WITH GOSSIP
State the Specific Behavior
You said that Mary is a tramp because
she is dating three different men
(Or you said the John is incompetent
because he keeps asking for advice on data entry)
It doesn't seem very honest or
kind when you talk about Mary to us and don't share how you feel about her
directly.
State How Your Feel
I feel uncomfortable. I am being
disrespectful. I am not honoring someone who is not here to defend herself.
State What You Want
If you have this serious problem
with her, I think you need to speak to her about your concerns directly and
honestly. Otherwise, you are all being dishonest any time you interact with her
without telling her. That creates a lot of unhealthy Behavior and tension.
State What You Will Do
In any case, Mary is my coworker,
and I don't want to hear you speak disrespectfully of her
