Search This Blog

Should You Reach Out to a Guy Who Gives You the Silent Treatment? How to Respond to Ghosting.


Silence is a nonverbal communication. When you reach out to a man to indicate your interest and they do not respond you are left with a black hole. Does silence mean dislike, indifference, withdrawal, passive-aggressive punishment, or some problem in their life that is engaging them that has nothing to do with you? Inside the agony of this ambiguity, the black hole, we project our expectations, emotions, and anxieties.  The top four are What they think about you, what they feel about dating or having someone interested in them romantically, What’s going on in their life, Who they are, that is what kind of personality and social skills and issues they have.

Let’s look at those last two. They could have something going on in their lives, illness, loss, depression, workload. If that’s a possibility give them an option.
“I am interested in you, but it seems this a not a good time.” I am here if you want to reach out, but I will give you the time you need and reach out again in a month to see if it’s a better time.”

Let’s look at the other option if there is still a chance they are interested. They could find it hard to communicate for whatever reason.

“I know it's hard to do small talk and date.” “I am interested in getting to know you and I want to make it easier.” “If you are interested in me, just say, I am interested, but not sure, and want to take it slow.” “If I don’t hear back and will know you are not interested and that’s ok I just didn’t want to miss the chance to get to know you better.”

If you can rule out those reasons for their lack of response know that in In persuasion theory, it takes on average three claims to persuade someone. So listen to the message of three rejections. There is rather a magic number. Our brains seek patterns and three is the smallest number we need to create a pattern.

The general social rule is that three requests/emails, texts, or calls from you to them with no responses in most circumstances are an indication they are “ghosting” you.

They have communicated to you, just not with the message that you want.

You have three options. You get the message and break contact with them. Send a message that you get their message of disinterest and that you are sorry that you won’t get the chance to know them better or three send them a message that you are interested and know they are not currently at a place to connect and that will contact them in a month to see if their interest has changed. 






Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.