Body Language at Work, First Impressions

Reading body language in your co-workers so you can tell what they really think about you.


What Your Colleagues Really Think of You
Wondering about your workplace relationships? How to tell what your colleagues really think of you
Jennifer Barrett; Additional reporting by Alex Kish

You don't have to wait for someone to get tipsy at the holiday party to find out how you're viewed at work. "We get nonverbal messages from the people around us every day—often, we're just not paying enough attention," says Sherron Bienvenu, Ph. D., a communications professor emerita at Emory University's Goizueta Business School and author of Business Communications. Following is a crash course in ferreting out whether your workplace colleagues think you're smart, likable, or neither!

Your Coworkers Like You If...

They initiate conversations
Coffee klatches have gone the way of cigarette breaks—they're all but extinct. Nowadays most people communicate by e-mail, IM, or phone. "So if your colleagues are chatting you up in the hallway, they're taking time to break routine to speak to you," says Patti Wood, an Atlanta-based body language expert. If they avert their eyes or sneak glances at their watches during a conversation, they may not be so into you.

They offer feedback
During a one-on-one, does your coworker nod thoughtfully and lean into your conversation? Do the corners of her eyes crinkle when she smiles in response to funny comments you make? "The more animated a person's face, the more emotionally invested they are in the conversation," says Tonya Reiman, a New York City-based body language expert and the author of The Power of Body Language.

They're smooth talkers
"People deviate from their normal speech patterns when they're nervous or uncomfortable," says Maryann Karinch, a body language expert based outside Denver and a coauthor of How to Spot a Liar. Someone who normally speaks at a leisurely pace might become a speed talker, while a person who usually talks quickly might pause for long moments. If they enjoy your company, you won't notice a change in their vocal stride.

WORK RELATIONSHIPS: DECODE YOUR COWORKERS
What Your Colleagues Really Think of You
Wondering about your workplace relationships? How to tell what your colleagues really think of you
Jennifer Barrett; Additional reporting by Alex Kish

Your Coworkers Respect You If...

They keep quiet
Asking for your opinion—that's a no-brainer. But letting you take control of a conversation is a less obvious way to show how much they care about what you have to say. "You can see the degree to which other people respect you by observing how often they look to you for a reaction or a cue," says psychologist Ann Demarais, Ph. D., a coauthor of First Impressions: What You Don't Know About How Others See You. "And when a problem arises, they turn to face you."

They make room for you
"When you sit down at a meeting, see if your neighbors move their stuff closer to themselves and out of your way, or push their chair back a bit to give you more room," Demarais says. "That shows respect."

They copy you
What they say about imitation and flattery is true: "Subconsciously, we try to mirror people we like and respect," Reiman says. So if you notice your coworker mimicking your movements—for example, picking up her pen or cupping her chin with her hand when you do—she probably admires you.
What Your Colleagues Really Think of You
Wondering about your workplace relationships? How to tell what your colleagues really think of you
Jennifer Barrett; Additional reporting by Alex Kish

A Coworker Has A Crush On You If...

He goes the extra mile
He spends an hour trying to fix your frozen computer, gives up his chair at a crowded conference room table, or offers to pick you up a latte during his afternoon coffee run. Maybe he's just an incredibly nice guy—but more likely, he's into you.

He drops your name
Saying things like "Hi, Jane," or "How are you doing, Jane?" may seem like common courtesy, but it's actually an intimate gesture. Consider it the verbal equivalent of a touch on the arm—a way to get more personal.

He's a stand-up guy
In the civilized world as in the wild, strong, physically imposing alpha males have the best shot at mating. So men instinctively want to make themselves seem bigger and badder around women they're interested in, Reiman says. If he suddenly stops slouching and puffs out his chest when he's around you (the old "I'm just stretching my arms" routine), take note— he may have a crush.


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Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

First Impressions, He seemed like such a nice person then....

How does someone appear nice to some people and then do something we bad? I was reading an article about the recent attack on the Jetliner in an article on MSMBC.com
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34592031/ns/us_news-security#story
The suspects father warned the US Embassy about his son but he was still allowed to fly to the US. His school chum describes him as a nice guy in the article.
What we forget is that a friendly, polite people can do bad things. The thought that anyone can appear nice, but do bad is frightening. We want to believe we can gather accurate impressions of someones charachter. That we can protect ourselves from harm.

Nigerian newspaper, ThisDay, said Abdulmutallab began to show his increasingly radical views on Islam during his high school days at the British International School in Lome, Togo. His attendance at the elite college preparatory school, attended by children of diplomats and wealthy Africans, could not be confirmed by school officials on Sunday.

But Efemena Mokedi remembered Abdulmutallab from their days on the basketball team at the exclusive school as "a smart kid" and "a friendly person."

"He was a very religious person, a very honest person. He was friends with all the teachers," said Mokedi, who now lives in the United States, in an interview broadcast on the BBC. "Yes, I'm very surprised. ... This is really out of how he is as a person. This is unexpected ... He's a very good guy, a very good chap." Aides to President Barack Obama are pondering how terror watch-lists are used after the botched attack, according to officials who described the discussions Saturday on the condition of anonymity so as not to pre-empt possible official announcements.

These adjustments came after the Justice Department charged that Abdulmutallab willfully attempted to destroy or wreck an aircraft; and that he placed a destructive device in the plane.



Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

First Impressions and Chance Encounters

First Impressions. Last week I got into a deep stuff discussion with a group of people. We talked about fate and premonitions. I have often wondered if premonitions and first impressions are oddly related. You know, hebejeebie, new age, I met you in a past life, let's burn some incense odd.
Years ago, a few days before Valentine’s day. I had a strange premonition. I was in a huge bright white room with really high ceilings and there was a very shy sweet man standing in front of me. I could tell by his body language that he was really nervous and then he asked me out and I said, “Yes, I would love to.” This was odd in so many ways, not the least of which was that I hadn’t dated in five years and couldn't image standing in some weird white room with a stranger and saying I would go out with him.

A few days later on Valentine’s Day I was stuck in Snow storm in a very crowded Chicago Airport. I had been standing in the security line quite awhile when I realized I didn’t have a plastic bag for my makeup so I had to get out of line. I got back in line and opened my water bottle, the water was carbonated and had gotten quite a bit of shaking in my briefcase so the water spouted up and all over me. I started laughing and the gentleman in line behind me smiled. I thought what a sweet man, and we struck up a conversation. We talked a bit and said goodbye after we went through the check point. Later I got in line to get in an airport restaurant and something just told me that I didn’t want to get in line yet so I went to a bookstore. I got back in line and had my eye on a quite table that was about to come open but the two guys behind me asked me if I wanted the seat at the bar that was open. I hate sitting at the bar of a restaurant, but something told me I should take it so I said I will take it and when I sat down I discovered the guy from the security line was sitting right next to me. We ended up talking for 2 and half hours about; Music, TV shows from the seventies, relationships and loving our work. As we shared and laughed together we marveled at how many things we had in common. We bonded. We were about to say goodbye and get on our delayed flights when we noticed we were about to get on the same plane. When I got off the plane in Atlanta the guy walked with me to baggage claim and we kept talking and laughing. We got to baggage claim and I looked at him and noticed that he was shy and nervous all of a sudden. I looked up and realized I was in a huge bright white room with high ceilings and that they sweet guy was about to ask me out. He asked me out I said, “Yes, I would love to.” And we became sweeties.




Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Billy May's voice will be missed on TV

The TV pitchman Billy Mays died today ABC News Story. He had an iconic voice, loud abrasive and fast paced and even some say horribly irritating. He created a first impression of power and confidence. I used his voice as an example in my speeches and workshops on body language as an example of persuasive paralanguage. His body language, the big smile and energy and his enthusiastic voice certainly made us buy a lot of Orange Glo and Oxiclean. And there was no mistaking his voice for anyone else's. "As Seen on TV" ads will never be the same.

How to Ask Someone to be "Friends" over the Internet

I teach people how to feel comfortable greeting each other. But how do you greet and introduce each other over the Internet? I am on all the social media and find it stressful to respond to someone that emails with a standard request to be a friend or be "linked-in", without providing any information of who they are or how we are connected. I also don’t know the polite way to respond when I have no memory of ever having met them. I want to be kind, and I know as a professional speaker, an audience member is sure I will remember them. I therefore feel rude not linking or "Friending," but if they don't say they were in my audience, I don't know.
So here are my questions for today.
First question: What is the proper etiquette of requesting to "friend" or link?
Second Question: How can you politely ask, “Who are you? and “How do I know you?”

Advice for Video Resume and Interviews and Body Language

I am a body language expert and media and job interview coach. As employers get more savvy about technology and more people are giving video interviews and asking for video resumes. I have been blogging about what to do to prepare for your video interview or resume. In my chapter on first impressions in my book Success Signals I share the research finding that the four major factors that affect first impressions are credibility, likability, attractiveness and power. You will notice that great job experience is not listed. My advice to those seeking a job through their video resume is to look as attractive as possible. Get your hair done and put on full make up if you are a woman and at least apply powder if you are a man. I know you might not do that in "real life" but a real job requires some work and a video make up artist can help you look fantastic. As you might guess the research show that the most attractive job candidate typically wins the job, and that attractiveness factor assessment is even more important when the selection is being made by going through a series of videos. Next, practice greeting with a natural "high energy" body language and vocal paralanguage. It will make you look powerful and confident. According to research on interviewing from the 60's to the present day most hiring decisions are made during the first 10 seconds of a face to face interview. You can't shake hands and establish normal rapport in a video "interview." And most research on video viewing indicates that you may have only a fraction of a second to gain a positive first impression. Smile confidently and speak with a slightly louder than normal voice to insure that you sound self assured. Search here for more blogs on the topic. attached is a blog I did on the topic.

Ten Tips for Introductions

May I introduce? The proper etiquette, rules, tips and guidelines for making introductions.

Using the proper introductions help to establish rapport when meeting people. Yes they are not always easy, but they are important. And knowing how to introduce people to one another can make you not only more comfortable in business and social setting it can make other people feel more comfortable and make you look more confident! Here are ten tips for making introductions.

The most important thing is to introduce people to each other. If you don’t know someone’s name. Or you forget whose name comes first it is alright. Don’t avoid them or just stand there hoping they will introduce them selves.

If you forget a name simply say, “Please forgive me I have forgotten your full name.” If that seems awkward to you simple say. “Hello, I would like you to meet my wife Sara and hopefully they follow through with their name. It is still less awkward than standing their you’re your unnamed wife. That shows a lack of respect for both parties. Always introduce!

In very formal setting you would say, “I would like to present to you....” Otherwise it is fine to say, “I would like to introduce you to...” or less formally, Mrs.Garmen, Mrs. Tolbight,”
When your introducing someone at a party or say out at a restaurant at the mall or a bar you could also say. Mrs. Jones, you know Mrs. Robinson, don’t you?” Or Sarah have you met Molly. Or Julie do you know my Mother?

In business at formal business events Introduce individuals to each other using both first and last names. If you are in a casual social setting or party it is fine to use first names. "Jim, Id like you to meet my neighbor, Sarah." Or, very casually, "Sarah, Jim.", "Jim, Sarah".

Whose name do you say first? Though even Miss Manner and Emily Post disagree on whose name comes first I believe you should honor the highest person by saying their name first. So think authority defines whose name is said first. Say the name of the most important person first and then the name of the person being introduced.

Introduce people in the following order:
· Younger to older, “Mrs. Hopkins I would like you to meet my little sister Mary Jones.”
· non-official to official,”Mr. President I would like you to present to you Mr. John Brown.”
· junior executive to senior executive, ”Mr. Iacocca I would like you to present you to our new junior executive Mr. Sam Horn”
· Colleague to customer, “Mrs. Hawthorne (The customer) I would like to introduce you to my college Mr. Mike Frank.”
· 2 year employee to ten year employee. Sam Coke I would like you to meet John Hordin.
· Trump rules. A customer visiting an office trumps the CEO. Mr. Camp I would like you to meet our CEO Mr. Mike Smith. There are also choices to make. Let’s say that you are introducing people to a speaker at an event and not everyone knows the name of the speaker. You could either say. MS Patti Wood I like you to meet my college Mr. Mike Stewart. Mr. Stewart (or just plane Mike) I would like you to meet our speaker today Patti Wood or you could say the lower status person’s name first Frank Smith I would like to introduce your to our speaker Dr. James Nelson. Dr Nelson this is Frank Smith he has been at the Atlanta Training office of UKS for two years. He works with Jennie Waddington. It is OK if you mess up the order. No small children were harmed, just keep going.

If you're in a formal business setting, say a convention, introduce someone who has a title’s doctor, for example’ include the title as well as the first and last names in the introduction. Use proper titles. Don't introduce your parents as 'Mom' or 'Dad' unless that is how they would like to be addressed. You can say, “I would like you to meet my mother Ms. Jones.

If the person you are introducing has a specific relationship to you, make the relationship clear by adding a phrase such as 'my boss,' 'my wife' or 'my uncle.' In the case of unmarried couples who are living together, 'companion' and 'partner' are good choices.

Use your spouse's first and last name if he or she has a different last name than you. Include the phrase 'my wife' or 'my husband.' Mr. Jones I would like you to meet my husband Eric Mann.
Introduce an individual to the group first, then the group to the individual. For example: 'Dr. Noble, I'd like you to meet my friends Hassan Jubar, Kim Nordeck and Michael Smith. Everyone, this is Dr. Mark Noble.'

Give them something to talk about once you have introduced them, preferably something they have in common. For example:” Sara this is Paul.","Paul, Sara is the biggest Baseball fan I have ever met" Now you have them a conversation starter. If you need to go, once they get a bit of a conversation going you can excuse yourself politely

Stand up. The rule used to be that only men were supposed to stand when being introduced to a woman. Now, gender no longer plays a role in most business introductions in the U.S. and European communities. In business situations, one should always stand up when being introduced to someone else.If you are traveling to another country, whether it be for business or pleasure, or if you are meeting someone whose culture is unfamiliar, always check to see what the specific manners are for that country or culture. If you are in a casual setting or in a group setting you won’t get beat up if you don’t stand, but you should stand. You don’t get to shake hands if you don’t. The exception to the rule. If you are eating you don’t have to stand or shake hands.

If your introduced to someone respond. You don’t have to say, “Nice to meet you.” It is the polite response, but you may not be sure yet if it will be nice. You don’t have to say, “It is a pleasure to meet you unless it is a pleasure.You do have to say something. You should repeat the person's name back; In a formal setting saying "Hi" or " Hello" is not enough. Instead, say, “Hello” "Do you prefer being called David or should I call you Dave?"

For more free tips on body language register for my FREE Body Language Teleclass, once your registered you will receive all the info and even if you cannot make the call we will provide you with the FREE mp3. Register here http://www.pattiwood.net/program.asp?PageID=7830