Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

What are Tie Signs and How Can You Read Nonverbal Cues to See How Your Relationship is Going.

What are Tie Signs and How Can You Read Nonverbal Cues to See How Your Relationship is Going. Reading Couple Body Language.

For many years I have been reading the nonverbal cues of celebrity couples to see what is going on in their relationships. One set of cues that you can use to read your relationship are Tie signs.
Tie signs are Nonverbal cues that communicate intimacy and signal the connection between two people. Tie signs can be objects such as wedding rings or tattoos like a I love Sarah heart, that are symbolic of another person or the relationship, actions such as sharing the same drinking glass, or touch behaviors such as hand-holding. My most visited article on this blog and on my website is what playing with a wedding ring means. Guess what, playing with a wedding ring is a low tie sign!

Walid A. Afifi and Michelle L. Johnson, “The Nature and Function of Tie-Signs,” in The Sourcebook of Nonverbal Measures: Going beyond Words, ed. Valerie Manusov (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 2005): 190. Talk about touch behaviors Tie signs. They are what I look at the most frequently as they can communicate much about a relationship based on the area being touched, the length of time, and the intensity of the touch. I often look for mutual touch in couple photos. Kisses and hugs, for example, are considered tie signs, but there are so many kinds of kisses and hugs. a kiss on the cheek is different from a kiss on the mouth and a full embrace is different from a half embrace. (Look at my blog posts on Hugs and their definition and what different Kisses mean.)
If you consider yourself a “people watcher,” start noticing the various tie signs you see couples people use and what they might say about the relationship.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert

How Long Does It Take For You To Assess If Someone Is Trustworthy?

How Long Does It Take For You To Assess If Someone Is Trustworthy?

Trusting Faces:
How long does it take us to judge the trustworthiness of a person we just met? According to the research with brain scans apparently not long. In fact, within 33 milliseconds , we have already decided if we initially trust a person just by judging their face

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

If you give a mouse an iphone and "GOOD NIGHT IPAD"

If you Give a Mouse an IPhone – Shows Kids are Missing Out on Life by Spending Too Much Time on their Phones

Thursday night a member of our discussion group shared that he thought if we had had iPhones as teenagers we would not have been on them all the time because of the post Vietnam continuing love and peace movement and creative vibe of the time period we would have continued to play guitars, sing and have deep philosophical conversations. Most of us disagreed and said the cocaine like hit we get from being on our cell phones is addictive and that peer pressure would have pulled us into the habit and the hit would have kept us there. We continued with a discussion about how most kids and adults are so caught up on their iPhone they are not experiencing real life. This inspired me to find the video of the little children’s book spoof, “If you Give a Mouse an iPhone. The links are below you may want to follow that up with Good Night ipad parody of Good Night Moon. I am particularly fascinated with the mouse child being so distracted by the iPhone that he misses out on all the adventures in life. You may want to read the excerpt from my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma Tech Impressions chapter where I talk about the neuroscience of checking your phone messages and goggling for information.

http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=8108 and

http://www.snapfirstimpressions.com/uploads/1/2/4/9/12493682/page_159_-_why_are_we_looking_at_our_phones_and_laptops_and_how_is_that_effecting_our_first_impressions.pdf

Here are the links to the cartoons

http://www.davidmilgrim.com/DMDC/Mouse.html

http://www.davidmilgrim.com/DMDC/Goodnight_iPad_home.html

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

What You Wear Shows How You Feel. Research on Clothing and Mood

What You Wear Shows How You Feel.

The other night I was watching a funky documentary called "Advanced Style" about older women in New York City that where over the top fun clothes. There was lots of women wearing hot pink and leopard skin prints! Though the women in the documentary were more than a little eccentric it was an inspiring look into a way to enthusiastically move into your elder years.

A recent study suggests a strong correlation between wearing certain clothes and emotional states. For example, it revealed that women who are depressed or sad are more likely to wear baggy tops, sweatshirts, or jeans. Women who had more positive emotions were more likely to wear a favorite dress or jewelry and generally look nicer.^h

You may know that what color you were effects your mood, but here are some specifics. Colors can profoundly affect emotional responses. While not everyone experiences the same emotion in response to a particular color, most people find reds and oranges stimulating and blues and purples restful. In contrast, gray, brown, black, or white tend to be emotionally dulling.

Get out your favorite bright colored clothes and your rhinestones. Guys you really do look great in that colored oxford shirt.

Your Facial Expressions Show You are Sleepy, Does Sleep Deprivation Effect Your Relationships? Do People Treat You Differently If You Are Sleepy

Research Study Reveals the Face of Sleep Deprivation - The Body Language of Sleep Loss

Below is research on the facial expression of sleep deprived tired people. The most interesting thing about it is that they look sadder. Yes, on some level you know that. But for me it is extremely interesting. Think about it. I am familiar with research that we avoid and in other ways treat people who look sad differently. How do you interact with someone who is sad or who just looks and feels sad because they are sleepy. Are you more empathetic to someone who look sad/tired? Are you gentler or do you avoid people at work who look sad? What about leadership, credibly, sales and persuasion? Do you take the advice of someone who looks tired? Do you buy from a tired sales guy? Do you follow the protocol for your health from your sleep deprived Doctor? Do kids ignore the commands of their tired parents?

I would love to do a study on this. Here is the study I read on the facial expression of the sleep deprived.

Results show that the faces of sleep-deprived individuals were perceived as having more hanging eyelids, redder eyes, more swollen eyes and darker circles under the eyes. Sleep deprivation also was associated with paler skin, more wrinkles or fine lines, and more droopy corners of the mouth. People also looked sadder when sleep-deprived than after normal sleep, and sadness was related to looking fatigued. Here is what I find interesting, The James-Lange Theory argues that the pattern our body language for emotions goes as follows: stimulus - bodily reaction - emotion. Which means how your hold your body effects how your feel. If sleepiness causes sad facial expressions you can't help but feel sad. By the way this goes against the conventional view that emotions cause bodily reactions

Link to the research or full research study below. http://www.sciencedaily.com/news/top/environment/

Date - August 30, 2013

Source - American Academy of Sleep Medicine

Summary

A new study finds that sleep deprivation affects facial features such as the eyes, mouth and skin, and these features function as cues of sleep loss to other people.

Tired eyes.

Credit: © Sylvie Bouchard / Fotolia

[Click to enlarge image]

Credit: © Sylvie Bouchard / Fotolia

A new study finds that sleep deprivation affects facial features such as the eyes, mouth and skin, and these features function as cues of sleep loss to other people.

"Since faces contain a lot of information on which humans base their interactions with each other, how fatigued a person appears may affect how others behave toward them," said Tina Sundelin, MSc, lead author and doctoral student in the department of psychology at Stockholm University in Stockholm, Sweden. "This is relevant not only for private social interactions, but also official ones such as with health care professionals and in public safety."

The study, which appears in the September issue of the journal Sleep, was conducted at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden. Ten subjects were photographed on two separate occasions: after eight hours of normal sleep and after 31 hours of sleep deprivation. The photographs were taken in the laboratory at 2:30 p.m. on both occasions. Forty participants rated the 20 facial photographs with respect to 10 facial cues, fatigue and sadness.

According to the authors, face perception involves a specialized neuronal network and is one of the most developed visual perceptual skills in humans. Facial appearance can affect judgments of attributes such as trustworthiness, aggressiveness and competence.

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. Tina Sundelin, Mats Lekander, Göran Kecklund, Eus J. W. Van Someren, Andreas Olsson, John Axelsson. Cues of Fatigue: Effects of Sleep Deprivation on Facial Appearance. SLEEP, 2013; DOI: 10.5665/sleep.2964

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American Academy of Sleep Medicine. "Study reveals the face of sleep deprivation." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 30 August 2013. .

People With MS Can Have Trouble Reading Emotion From Body Language Posture Cues and It Can Make Them Seem Cold and Unfeeling

I have a friend Cathy whose sister Beth has MS. Cathy struggles with her relationship her sister. No matter what Cathy does to help Beth, her sister seems selfish and lacks empathy. It is all about Beth and her needs. A new research study on MS and the lack of the ability to read nonverbal cues of emotion may explain all or at least some of her problems with her sister. People with MS may not read body language posture cues of emotions well.

I can see if you can’t read you would have trouble mirroring and empathizing. Here is the link to the article. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/11/141110083515.htm and below is the actual article.

Recognizing emotions, and what happens when this is interrupted

November 10, 2014

Sissa Medialab

Recognizing the emotions other people feel is crucial for establishing proper interpersonal relations. To do so, we look at (amongst other things) facial expressions and body posture. Unfortunately, in some neurological disorders this ability is heavily impaired. This happens, for example, in multiple sclerosis where scientific evidence shows that people affected by the disease often have trouble recognizing expressions that communicate emotions. A new study now demonstrates that the same difficulty may also be encountered with emotions conveyed by posture.

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A new study now demonstrates that the same difficulty may also be encountered with emotions conveyed by posture. In addition, the study shows that this difficulty recognizing other people's emotions is unrelated to difficulties identifying one own's emotions, a disorder known as alexithymia, which may be present in patients with multiple sclerosis.

"The finding on posture is new, and even though this symptom is less pronounced than the inability to read facial expressions, it is nonetheless important" explains Marilena Aiello, a SISSA researcher. "Studies on the identification of expressions in neurological disorders such as multiple sclerosis are important. In this type of disease the relationship between patients and carers is crucial to guarantee the patient the best quality of life. It's thus vital to identify the factors that may influence and improve this relationship."

In addition to Aiello, the other SISSA researchers who participated in the study, published in the Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, are Cinzia Cecchetto (first author) and Raffaella Rumiati, a SISSA neuroscientist who coordinated the research project.

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by Sissa Medialab. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. Cinzia Cecchetto, Marilena Aiello, Delia D’Amico, Daniela Cutuli, Daniela Cargnelutti, Roberto Eleopra, Raffaella Ida Rumiati. Facial and Bodily Emotion Recognition in Multiple Sclerosis: The Role of Alexithymia and Other Characteristics of the Disease. Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, 2014; 1 DOI: 10.1017/S1355617714000939

Body Language Read of Blake and Ryan - Easy Does It!

Ryan Reynolds, 38, and Blake Lively, 27, sexed it up for the cameras at the Met Gala in May. As he palms his wife's rear, "Ryan has that proud look on his face, like, "Look at this babe I've got an my arm!". There is a boyishness there, says Patti. But Ryan's red-carpet approach was entirely different with a now-pregnant Blake at the Angel Ball in NYC. "Ryan's fingers are tenderly curled around her back. It is as though he doesn't want to hurt her as he draws her in!"

Patti gives the couple in May a 3 on the Life and Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti gives the couple in October a 5 on the Life and Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Body Language Read of Kim and Kanye - Ships in the Night!

Kim Kardashian, 34, stole the spotlight from Kanye West, 37, during a September appearance in London. "She looks as though she could be there all by herself," observes Patti. "It's odd that Kanye's almost hidden behind her." Things improved at a recent gala - sort of. "They're looking at each other and having fun, but there is still no tenderness and connection here. It look so fake!"

Patti gives this couple in September a 1 on the Life & Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti gives this couple in November a 3 on the Life & Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Tips For Self Promotion for Women How to Brag Successfully So You Don't Look Like a Show Off.

Nine Tips for Self-Promotion for Women

How to Brag Successfully so You Don't Look Like a Show Off

Here are nine tips for the best way to brag in a politically correct manner and how to

successfully and gracefully self-promote.

1. Be fearless and speak well of what you have done.
Yes, there is a gender-based difference in how men who self-promote are perceived and how women who say their accomplishments are perceived. It can change, but the research still shows that in traditional gender stereotypes men are admired for their work, physical and monetary accomplishments and women for their relationships, nurturing, social accomplishments But, that perception can ONLY change if women are courageous and speak well of their accomplishments without fear.  A good rule of thumb when sharing your success is to see how, when and what men are sharing about theirs and by balancing what you share about yourself with admiration and others. By seeing what others do that you respect, and admire and complimenting them directly and speaking well of them to others even when they aren't there.

2. Choose to do things that are worthy of self-promotion.
Be courageous, take risks. By this, I don't mean take on more tasks and be a workaholic, I mean be thoughtful in your choices. Spend your time wisely and with integrity. Volunteer for important projects. Help other team members. Work on committees, (You can choose to be on committees with important people.) Speak up at meetings with great ideas. Take the lead position on projects, suggest and spearhead innovations.

3. Learn to tell a short self-promotional story.
“Last week the most fantastic thing happened... “I had the best week this week……”, “I feel so great about something that happened this week...” and then tell about one specific success. Don’t preface it with how tired you are. Don’t list all you did, or how busy your week was. Tell one very brief story. A hero’s journey is interesting. A recap of your to-do list or rundown of all the things on your outlook calendar is boring. If you have not read, "The Power of Myth" find it or at least read about it so you know what a hero's journey looks and sounds like. Make sure you include brag bites―pieces of relevant facts, such as clients that you’re working with, how long you’ve been in the industry, or a project you’ve recently completed.

4. Be very careful of your tone and nonverbal delivery.
Look at how men get excited and make the telling of their hero’s journey into a fun journey for the listener. Don’t be haughty and don’t hog too much time. Think how men share a sports success story, “I hit a home run, I caught the ball, I made a hole in one." People actually ENJOY listening because they feel the pleasure, excitement of the adventure and challenge along with the storyteller. But remember, women have a narrower band of acceptable delivery options so you can't be over the top and again you must tell a shorter story than a man.

5. Send a thoughtful email to a specific person about your accomplishments.
Men will email what they have done to accomplish their projects and you can do it too. If you see a good example of someone stating an accomplishment in an email you receive the model it. Don't send a group email listing your checked off to-dos. If you are not sure how it sounds read it out loud or try it out on someone who can be brutally honest with you about how it sounds.

6. Make your work visible by spending time with people.
Talk to people who can recommend you. Take influential people out for coffee or lunch, stop by people’s offices and ask what they are up to. Spend productive time-sharing and visiting in the break room.

7. Compliment and "brag on" other women.
When you focus on others accomplishments and notice what is worthy of praise your energy is focused in the right place and you learn what matters. One simple way to give praise is with an introduction. For example, when you introduce your female friends, coworkers and business friends to someone new share their name and an accomplishment. "Jim, this is Sara Beckman, she just headed up the committee for our new quarter sales meeting and it was fantastic." "Tom, this is Morgan Tyler, she just spearheaded the new marketing project." "Karl, this is Veronica Mann, she works with our top client Prudential."

8. Ask other women to brag for you.
If you have established healthy, reciprocal, working relationships with other women it is perfectly acceptable to ask them to help you by giving a brag boost. You can even ask someone to share something specific to someone specific. But if you do this, I advise that you always reciprocate. Be the person that says and shares positive things about others.

9. Be a good listener.
We like people who listen to us and often imbue them with good behaviors. If you want people to listen to you share your successes, be the best listener for them. It will not only make you more discriminating about what and how you self-promote but more importantly it is just gracious behavior.

For other ways to look good at work you can check out other articles.
Five Ways to Give a Great First Impression
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=11491
Nonverbal Cues of a Good Listener
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=2323
How Do We Know Someone is Credible within Seconds of Meeting Them?
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=10452

On a personal note:
When I was in my late thirties, I was at a party with my fiancé at the time and someone asked me what I did for a living. I said, "I am a body language expert and professional speaker."
Later my fiancé chastised me for saying I was a body language expert. I remember going through a cascade of different emotions and revelations at that moment.

First I felt shame at the thought that I could have been inappropriate and a braggart. But then I realized that was not what I should feel. I should feel proud of being an expert. Then a stronger emotion took over and I was angry at my fiancé for not seeing me for all I was. Then I felt disappointment in myself as I realized that he might not even know all that I had accomplished. I had never told him.
But, I did manage to do with him, something I had not done well until that moment, brag. I said, “I have several degrees in nonverbal communication, I taught body language at two universities. My body language class at Florida State averaged 150 students each semester and was voted one of the most popular college courses in the country. I have been researching and consulting on the topic for many years. I have written a book on body language. And I have been speaking on the topic to the top companies around the world for many years. I am an expert!”

I may have been inappropriate and given too much of a laundry list, but by god, I bragged. It was a seminal moment. A watershed if you will, where I consciously took pride in what I have done and what I do.

Do People Make You Tired? Introversion and the People Battery Drain Connection

Does being around people make you tired? You may like being with them, but you feel like all that talking and socializing drains your batteries. Depending on your personality people time can energize you or make you want to go home and not talk with anybody. I just read this blog post from an introvert. I get it, According to the Myers Briggs Personality Assessment I am an Introvert. Yes, that is a big surprise, a professional speaker and body language expert who is introverted. But many performers are introverts. We love performing! Its enormous fun. It just means for me that after I speak and socialize with my audience I need to take time that night or the next to recharge my batteries. I do that by reading a book on the plane home! I love training on both the DISC Personality training and Myers Briggs Personality. It gives great insights for teambuilding, sales, customer service and dealing with difficult people. Here is link to another introvert's blog post.

http://rwcg.wordpress.com/2008/01/27/people-make-me-tired/