Coaching to reduce Social Anxiety disorder

Most of you know that I both a professional speaker and a one on one coach. I have had so many clients in the last few years that are dealing with social anxiety issues. What does that mean. Well just like public speaking anxiety that makes you fearful before and or during speeches social anxiety disorder means that are are fearful before and or during social interactions. I had a Friend years ago who's anxiety was so high he was uncomfortable ordering a pizza over the phone. It makes sense that so many people are dealing with this stress. So many young people are not getting the normal practice of face to face interactions growing up. So in coaching I have several methods to deal directly with the clients fear anxiety and then we break down all the parts of the social interactions that the client has trouble with and we practice them and the client does fun doable homework projects in the real world until he or she is super comfortable. I love this work. The clients are always surprised at how much fun the coaching is. We laugh a lot and I am so pleased that we have the time for focused work so that even in one session the client can accomplish so much and I get to see the shift in their confidence and actual changes in their communication. I not sure if this is a normal blog entry, but I have had some great coaching sessions lately and I am so happy doing this work I wanted to ramble a bit about it. I think another time I will explain some of the tools I use int the coaching.

Openess, Approachablitly, body language and attraction

Openness, Approachability, Body Language and Attraction

Here are some questions I recently answered as part of an article for Health magazine

1.       We talked about how women have a smaller stance and that it can make people think you're a doormat.

That is not a doormat stance just a regular stance. It simply means when women stand with their feet less than five inches apart that they look a little less powerful and are physically just easier to push over because their stance is typically not as broad.

2.      How would you recommend standing if you want to command respect, say with a co-worker or with a teen?

Knowing there is a fine line between respect and aggression I would say 6 to 8 inches apart to give information and commands For example, should you stand up straight or plant your feet a certain width apart.

3.      If you notice that you cross your arms as a way of keeping people out, is there another way you can hold your arms or hands that's more approachable, like behind your back or something like that?

First there are over 60 different ways of crossing your arms and reasons for all of them. If you would like to look and feel approachable you want your hands to be viewable. Think cave man brain, we want to make sure the person we approach is not armed. Also you ideally want to show the palms of your hands, gesture with open hand and keep the center of your body where your heart lies open or unblocked. If your nervous you can rest an arm at your side and touch your fingers together to give yourself an security anchor or briefly put on hand in your pocket.

4.      What if you notice that you cross your arms to hold in emotions or thoughts, is there anything you can do with your body to help fix that? Sometimes you close your arms down, just like a computer shuts down when it is on overload. You fold your arms because you don’t want to take in and or give out more information and you need to shut down to process it. When you’re ready you can open your arms to accept more information. One tip if you are bored at a meeting is to rest your full arms on the table reaching out toward the speaker in a symbolic reach and give them your eye contact and smile. Research indicates that audience’s energy and attention can improve the speaker’s animation.

5.      You said the body often lifts up when someone is happy. If you're depressed and you notice that your body is going downward, can sitting up straight or lifting your head actually lift your mood (the same way that smiling when you’re sad can make you feel better)? Any time you change your body language and paralanguage you are potentially changing the chemicals that are being sent into your body. Lifting up your head, bringing your shoulders back, sitting up and smiling can change your mood in less than a fraction of a second. I have quite a bit of research on that and I am especially intrigued with the research on smiling.

6.      We talked about several signs that show physical attraction.  These are opening or approach me signals rather than pure attraction signals such as opening your palms or heart window to someone.

7.      Is there some other type of body language that might show openness to someone like a new friend or a potential business partner? Turning your feet towards then. Woman sometimes when they are attracted tilt their head and play with their hair, while showing the palm. Guys sometimes increase their stance and puff up their chest.

Visit the website at http://www.pattiwood.net

Tango dance scene to show matcing and mirroring.

If you love isopraxisim and matching and mirroring watch the formalized version of it in this dance scene from tango. It's absolutely wonderful.
Tango - Larroca
June 20, 2008, 09:24 AM
Wonderful dance sequence from the 1998 film 'Tango' directed by Carlos Saura and featuring music by Lalo Schiffrin. http://www.ModernJiveGermany.com

Tips for Preventing Bad Breath.

I have other posts about the social consequences of bad breath here are tips to beat it.
I am a body language expert. I know it sounds funny, but I am also known as an expert on chewing behavior as a result of my research as the spokes person for Wrigley’s Spearmint chewing gum and an expert on smiling from my research as the National Spokes person for the Natural dentist tooth care products. As a result of my research, I know a lot about bad breath and mouth issues.

Your mother probably told you to chew with your mouth closed, but she may not have added that chewing actually helps you release enzymes that help clean your mouth. To keep your teeth and breath clean you should chew all you food thoroughly. If your a late night snacker, like me, make sure you chew something crunchy like celery before you go to bed or have a nice long conversation with someone. Keep that mouth moving. For late night eating especially, foods like fruit and cheese are much better for your teeth than sticky candy and other sweets. In fact, sweet,sticky, foods like dried fruit should really only be eaten with a meal, not as a between meal snack. It sticks on your teeth and because you don’t have a full meal of chewing the bacteria builds up and causes bad breath. After you eat, bacteria in your mouth feeds off the food left on your teeth. This is one of the major causes of bad breath. In addition this bacteria forms acids which attack tooth enamel and cause tooth decay. Saliva is your body's natural defense against tooth decay. When you chew your mouth makes lots of saliva which helps wash the acids and food particles away more quickly to reduce the attack on your teeth and help prevent tooth decay.

Three recommendations. Chew healthy sugar free gum after a meal or sticky snack or sugary beverage. If you’re out at a restaurant take a big swig of water and swish it around your mouth to loosen food off your teeth and then swallow. This may sound silly, but research shows it really does help considerably. If your self conscious about swishing water at the table, you can even hide the tooth swishing behind a napkin or visit the restroom.
Finally, if your lucky enough to be at a nice restaurant ask for a sprig or parsley and chew on it. The leaves of fresh parsley are rich in chlorophyll and act as a powerful neutralizer of bad breath. Chlorophyll is an anti-mutagen that acts as a very good deodorizer. It is especially good at reducing garlic-odor.Chewing on parsley sprigs dipped in vinegar also helps combat bad breath. This when chewed and swallowed and helps in improving the digestion. The sprigs of Parsley when swallowed also help in reducing intestinal gases that may further reduce bad breath. There you go

Greeting and Goodbye touch rituals for couples

I was asked by a journalist to give some body language rituals for couples. Here is the first touch ritual too keep couples together and happy.
Always make a loving ritual of hello’s and goodbyes. That means coming from wherever you are in the house to greet your spouse with a kiss and or a hug hello when they come home. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, cooking, or online. By immediately going towards each other to touch, your are communicating to your partner that he or she is the most important thing to you. You are saying nonverbally, "You come first." Greetings are designed to let someone who has left the tribal cave for the day know everything is safe in the home and they are welcome back in. It is wired into our primal brains that we should be on guard until we are warmly welcomed into a space. If fact, couples are more likely to argue later if there wasn’t a warm welcome home. In addition, kissing and or hugging goodbye symbolically says, "I leave you with love." With a touch goodbye you anchor to your mate. So the last memory of he has of leaving the home is that he is y surrounded by love. Touching on greeting and with goodbyes are small rituals with a big impact.