Men like to talk side to side, Woman perfer to talk face to face
There are unique aspects of matching and mirroring and being in sync with another person that help build rapport, but there is another nonverbal factor that concerns what I call body Windows. The central window is the window at the middle of your chest that I call the heart window. When men sit across a table a counter or desk facing another man and their heart windows are open and unprotected in can cause them to feel uncomfortable and awakens their primal fears of danger. Men feel that in that vulnerable position that must battle and in a business interaction that leads to disagreements, defensiveness, ego battles and verbal attacks. Because of this primal warring position even little boys will move their chairs and work to sit and stand side by side. In that position their heart is protected and they feel that the man beside them physically is also symbolically on their side. In fact, men feel so much safer that they will self disclose more and communicate more effectively in a side by side to side or catty corner position than from the more opposition causing male face to face position. Woman actually are wired to speak positioned face to face They are built to create and nurture relationships and from this position they can see all the body language and respond accordingly. Again, men prefer to have their hearts protected and be on the "same side" when they talk. For more information on this you can read the chapter on body windows in my book success signals www.PattiWood.net. Go to the products page to order
Methods of dealing with Conflict learned from the echidna
Would keeping cool under stress make you live longer? Well, if you were to model the behavior of the long-beaked echidna, one of the oldest, most passive and silliest-looking mammals on the planet, you might try a little “You live your life and I live mine” philosophy to increase your longevity.According to echidna researcher Dr. Peggy Rismiller of the University of Adleaide in a New York Times article on the ehidna www://www.nyt.com,echidnas are not only “the oldest surviving mammalian group, but individual monotremes can live 50 years or longer.”
So what specific conflict tools do they use? Well according to Take, 1952, when disturbed an echidna buries itself rapidly in the ground. Now that reminds me of men I have dated. Forget the guys going into the cave a la Grey's Mars vs. Venus to fight stress, just bury yourself in the ground when you're upset. In my workshops, I do teach that there are times to avoid conflict, but I wouldn’t recommend staying underground too long. Someone might forget you were mad and walk right over you.
Maybe we should learn to be level headed like the echidna. Though if 50 percent of our brain was the language rich, reasoning, rational thinking neocortex like the Echidna's instead of the measly 30 percent we have, it might be easier not to rant and rave under stress. Again being reasonable is always great, but I recommend making conflict management choices based on the situation rather than shouting out to the galaxy that we all need is to be more logical-- a sort of Star Trek's Spock-- under stress. Of course, there may be another reason the pacifistic echidna can deal well with conflict and live a long life. They are covered with spines. When I meet anyone spinney I know I avoid conflict with them. So let’s add one more conflict management choice to the mix. Sometimes it’s good to be sharp and aggressive. So what have we learned? Be like a long-beaked echidna and have more than one way of dealing with conflict. You can choose to:
1. Let it go and don't stress about it
2. Leave it or avoid it
3. Be logical and reasonable
4. Be aggressive
5. Be weird looking
For specific tools to deal effectively with conflict you may wish to check out my books, “The Conflict Cure” and “Sword Shields Daggers and Handshakes” on the products page of my website www.pattiwood.net or consider having me come in to speak to your group or talking to me about one-on-one coaching.
Music Memories
The article about song memories that I referred two posts ago just appeared here is the link. I am quoted in the second paragraph.
http://tunesnews.com/love-music-and-memories/
Since then my grad school roommate and I have reminisced about listening the Sade's song. "You give me the sweetest taboo." while we danced around the house one night before going out. It was a good memory as I spent almost every night for seven years of grad school studying at the house or library or at my night job heading a survey research team. Going out was a big treat and going out with my roommate who was and is so much fun was a special treat.
We also remembered being in the car with a guy freind and rocking out to a song about MTV. We sang the lyrics on the phone with each other yesterday and were transported back to the eighties. Ahh.....music memories.
http://tunesnews.com/love-music-and-memories/
Since then my grad school roommate and I have reminisced about listening the Sade's song. "You give me the sweetest taboo." while we danced around the house one night before going out. It was a good memory as I spent almost every night for seven years of grad school studying at the house or library or at my night job heading a survey research team. Going out was a big treat and going out with my roommate who was and is so much fun was a special treat.
We also remembered being in the car with a guy freind and rocking out to a song about MTV. We sang the lyrics on the phone with each other yesterday and were transported back to the eighties. Ahh.....music memories.
Fear of germs and use of antibacterial liquid
Oh my goodness, more news on antibactirial liquid. I was watching a special on NBC about Obama's West Wing and the dispensers showed up on the desks of Obama's secretary and several cabinet members and they mentioned his "body guy" carries some for the president. We have become germaphobic. I can just see it now. Obama shaking hands with UK prime minister Gordon Brown and then asking for a antigerm blast from his presidential dispenser.
Do you have "song memories?"
I responded to a media query today about music memories from a journalist at Tunes News – http://tunesnews.com
The piece is going to be about songs and the memories that they evoke. The entire piece is revolving around the upcoming release of Song Journals – http://songjournals.com , which is dedicated people sharring their song memories. Do you have memories that come to you when you hear certain songs?
I am very interested in the concept of song journals. My journals from teenage years up untill till about five years ago were filled with the titles of songs. I would write in not just the titles but because I wanted to be a lyricist often the song lyrics. As an expert on nonverbal communication I am fascinated with the connection in the limbic brain of music to emotion and memory.
As a kid in sixties, I remember sitting in the way way back of the station wagon singing along with my two sisters t “See you in September” as my family drove to Florida one summer.
In the seventies I remember sitting together with my three best girlfriends in the front seat of a old 56 seven Chevy car dancing to “I shot the sheriff. “ on the way to a high school football game. In fact I was with my high school best friend Rose yesterday and we shared that mutual memory.
Also in the seventies I remember listening one Sunday afternoon to Casey Casem’s top 40 on the whole house stereo. I was dancing around my house pool to the rock hit “Smoke on the Water.” In junior high, I remember standing up against the wall at big school dance feeling so lonely and humiliated because no one asked me to dance to “Color my World.” For four years whenever I heard that song I longed to dance to it and finally I was able to in my senior year of high school and I now have a fantastic memory of dancing to it with my high school crush, a college boy, at a church dance!
I also remember singing John Denver’s “Almost heaven West Virginia” with members of my church youth group. We were on top of a roof repairing it for an Appalachian women on a church mission to West Virginia. I remember we thought it was so funny to be on a roof in West Virginia putting hot tar on the roof on a hot summer day singing that song.
Do you have song memories?
The piece is going to be about songs and the memories that they evoke. The entire piece is revolving around the upcoming release of Song Journals – http://songjournals.com , which is dedicated people sharring their song memories. Do you have memories that come to you when you hear certain songs?
I am very interested in the concept of song journals. My journals from teenage years up untill till about five years ago were filled with the titles of songs. I would write in not just the titles but because I wanted to be a lyricist often the song lyrics. As an expert on nonverbal communication I am fascinated with the connection in the limbic brain of music to emotion and memory.
As a kid in sixties, I remember sitting in the way way back of the station wagon singing along with my two sisters t “See you in September” as my family drove to Florida one summer.
In the seventies I remember sitting together with my three best girlfriends in the front seat of a old 56 seven Chevy car dancing to “I shot the sheriff. “ on the way to a high school football game. In fact I was with my high school best friend Rose yesterday and we shared that mutual memory.
Also in the seventies I remember listening one Sunday afternoon to Casey Casem’s top 40 on the whole house stereo. I was dancing around my house pool to the rock hit “Smoke on the Water.” In junior high, I remember standing up against the wall at big school dance feeling so lonely and humiliated because no one asked me to dance to “Color my World.” For four years whenever I heard that song I longed to dance to it and finally I was able to in my senior year of high school and I now have a fantastic memory of dancing to it with my high school crush, a college boy, at a church dance!
I also remember singing John Denver’s “Almost heaven West Virginia” with members of my church youth group. We were on top of a roof repairing it for an Appalachian women on a church mission to West Virginia. I remember we thought it was so funny to be on a roof in West Virginia putting hot tar on the roof on a hot summer day singing that song.
Do you have song memories?
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