Why do people let abuse and character assassination happen? Clooney, Damon and Afleck didn't speak out, Harvey W

Why do people see abuse and character assassination and let it happen. 

I wrote this awhile ago and I am just posting it. In this article Clooney says Weinstein, "... bragged about bedding stars. Clooney says that at the time,  “..I didn't believe Weinstein because to do so would believe the worst of ...actresses who were friends of mine." Read that again. Clooney was friends with and worked closely with a Harvey who was telling horrible lies about women who were friends of his, and Clooney did-- exactly NOTHING about it. He didn't stop Harvey from telling him the stories, he didn't call Harvey on it and say, "Hey I don't believe you!" He didn't say, I know these women, and I respect them and know they wouldn't be having affairs so I suggest you never say they are to anyone every again." Nor did he do something else that requires integrity, Clooney didn’t tell his women friends about Harvey’s lies so those women could choose how they wanted to protect themselves against Harvey’s character assignation of them. Because there is no doubt that having a huge producer brag to people that he bedded you doesn’t make it safe for you to NOT do so with the next powerful man in your career. Those women need Clooney to be a true friend to them.

People if someone is spreading lies about someone you care for be a stand up person. Iif someone is defaming anyone’s character with lies and deceit stand up!!!! It is oh so easy to not want to risk having a socially awkward conversation and call them on it, or lose membership in the group. But any group that contains and lying monster needs to rethink their membership! Its clear women where abused, its clear women and in some cases men where xd out of Harvey’s “Group” and possibly their careers. But any group member who doesn’t defend a victim is an enabler of the attacker. Here is why group members don’t speak out from another post I wrote.

Ever, wonder why no one spoke up about Weinstein during his years of abuse? For many years I spoke on sexual harassment and the group’s response to it. (In fact, the group’s response to abuse, affairs and romantic relationships was my first research paper in my doctoral program) People around the abuser may know about the abuse to the victim or victims and let it continue. 

Think about the people around Bill Cosby. There are many reasons they may need to believe the abuser is innocent, as believing the truth. That the abuser has abused and is in fact evil creates too much cognitive dissonance. They would have to admit they know and are working with someone evil. Many prefer to keep the mask on the monster and continue their lives as they are. 
They may not feel comfortable “tattling” or really mislabel calling an abuser and abuser wish is not tattling but defending a victim. 

Or they may find it just easier to look the other way. They may say its not my business after all it doesn’t affect me directly as, they aren’t being attacked.  They may think, “I need to be Switzerland and not get involved.”  This is an  easy choice, but not a very noble one. It required no bravery not action  Actually even choosing to say you are like Switzerland is admitting that their is a  problem and your are avoiding it. And oddly Switzerland was NOT nutral  that was their protective mask, while they took money and art and stolen possessions from the Nazis while looking the other way as thousands of people were sent to concentration camps. 

You may blame the victim(s) saying hey they should have not allowed themselves to be abused!! Again not a noble or empathetic choice and or as in this story, they are being fed goodies by the abuser. Sexual Predators like to spread the goodies out to their "Apaths"or "Enablers" In fact, they may spend years giving out goodies, so when if their mask falls, their minions look the other way and allow them to pick it up and put it right back on. so the goodies can keep on coming and the boat isn’t rock and their life can supposedly keep on going as it is. Though in this case, the enablers are exposed as well., and they have to back pedal and defend their own character.     

 Here is a good story on this.

https://lovefraud.com/the-psychopaths-enablers/
                                                                                                                                                        

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5008429/Matt-Damon-KNEW-Harvey-Weinsten-harassed-Gwyneth-Paltrow.html


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Patti Consulted in CLOSER Magazine John Stamos

John Stamos and Caitlin McHugh Could Totally Last, but There's Tension (EXCLUSIVE)

It's a sad day for single ladies around the world, as Closer Weekly reported earlier today that Fuller Housestar John Stamos, 54, is engaged to his girlfriend, Caitlin McHugh, 31, after nearly two years of dating. However, will their 23-year age gap ultimately get the best of them? We spoke with a bunch of relationship and body language experts, who have revealed whether or not they think they could last forever.

"Let's consider the facts: John Stamos is the antithesis of an old man. He's hot, handsome, and successful. And contrary to the Playboy image that's projected onto him by others, John's a 'relationship guy' at heart," says NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter.

"Caitlin and John have been dating for a year and a half. This is not a fly-by-night romance," she continued. "This is a long enough time period to see how their dispositions (and lifestyles) meld. They've gone through their initial honeymoon period, and have had time to find themselves confronted with disagreements as well as resolutions."

While their relationship has potential, body language expert Patti Wood, who is also an Allergan partner on the Eyepowerment Campaign, shares she believes there might be tension in their relationship. After observing the photo above, Patti shares, "The great thing about that photo is that he has the full front of his body at what I call the heart window. It's called the ventral front, that's the belly area, and the pelvis — all those areas he has touching her, which is incredibly intimate and shows that they have a sexual relationship."

However, after seeing a second photo, Patti continues with, "His [left] hand [is placed] in an unusual position. The tips of the fingers are tightly curled in and away from her — that's unusual and shows a lot of tension. It emphasizes or highlights that there's a little bit of tension about being fully connected. That other part of that is his legs are crossed away from her, and that's an indication that he wants to be seen as his own person and not as a unit with her."

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Donald Trump’s Tweets Reveal About Him

What Donald Trump’s Tweets Reveal About Him

45's need to attack and criticize anyone who threatens his persona of perfection is horrifying. He even attacks leaders who are dealing with traumatic events. Google “criticism and attacks Trump”, and you will see his insatiable need to take down others. Google “Trump and narcissism” and you'll see why he feels this need.

This is the time to act with integrity in your life. Treat people with kindness and respect. Be the person people can count on and seek comfort from. We can see bad behavior and rail against, but we also must create the world we want through our behaviors.

Article:

Excerpted with permission from “All I Ever Wanted to Know about Donald Trump I Learned From His Tweets” by John Gartner, PhD, and Rachel Montgomery. Copyright 2017, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc. Available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and IndieBound.

One of the most notable things about the 34,000 tweets that Rachel Montgomery culled through for this new book is their sheer quantity. It’s like looking at your phone in the morning, the night after a brief dinner date, and finding thirty-seven nasty texts from your date. The quantity alone warns that this person may not be mentally stable, and then the gratuitous nastiness confirms it. Donald Trump’s manic dark energy drives him to vaunt himself and denigrate his fellow human beings relentlessly: all day, all night, every day, and every night.

To make sense of his aberrant behavior, you need to understand, specifically, what is psychologically wrong with Donald Trump. His diagnosis is the Rosetta Stone to cracking the Trump Twitter code, revealing its underlying structure, and unfortunately, how much ­danger all the rest of us are in as a result. He is a malignant narcissist who is also on the bipolar spectrum. From a psychiatric perspective, the prognosis could not be more dire—for us.

Much has been written about Trump having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For example, Trump embodies the diagnostic criteria of believing himself to be “uniquely superior,” (“Only I can fix it”) to a degree that would be comical if it weren’t so frightening. He appears to literally believe that he knows more about everything than everybody, despite his lack of experience, study, intellectual curiosity, or even normal attention span. An amusing video montage made its way through social media, where through the miracle of editing, in the course of three minutes Trump brags about being the world’s greatest expert in twenty different subject areas, literally using the exact same sentence—just fill in the blank. “No one knows more about (fill in the blank) than me,” he repeats over and over, while it becomes more absurd, as his imagined portfolio of expertise expands with each improbable bombastic claim. When candidate Trump was asked from whom he sought foreign policy advice, he responded, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain.” Just how good a brain he has is up for debate, but the narcissistic fantasy that any brain is so good it doesn’t need a brain trust bigger than me, myself, and I, is scary and crazy. “I know more about ISIS than the generals, believe me,” he boasts. Trump has more ways to say, “I am the best” than anybody. Believe me.

Much has been written about Trump having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For example, Trump embodies the diagnostic criteria of believing himself to be “uniquely superior,” (“Only I can fix it”) to a degree that would be comical if it weren’t so frightening. He appears to literally believe that he knows more about everything than everybody, despite his lack of experience, study, intellectual curiosity, or even normal attention span. An amusing video montage made its way through social media, where through the miracle of editing, in the course of three minutes Trump brags about being the world’s greatest expert in twenty different subject areas, literally using the exact same sentence—just fill in the blank. “No one knows more about (fill in the blank) than me,” he repeats over and over, while it becomes more absurd, as his imagined portfolio of expertise expands with each improbable bombastic claim. When candidate Trump was asked from whom he sought foreign policy advice, he responded, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain.” Just how good a brain he has is up for debate, but the narcissistic fantasy that any brain is so good it doesn’t need a brain trust bigger than me, myself, and I, is scary and crazy. “I know more about ISIS than the generals, believe me,” he boasts. Trump has more ways to say, “I am the best” than anybody. Believe me.

But as critics have pointed out, merely saying a leader is narcissistic is hardly disqualifying. Most are. But malignant narcissism is to garden variety Narcissistic Personality Disorder what a malignant tumor is to a benign one. Both are bad, but only one will kill you.

“The quintessence of evil,” was how Erich Fromm described malignant narcissism, a term he introduced in 1964. Fromm, a refugee from Nazi Germany, developed the diagnosis to explain Adolf Hitler. While Fromm is most well-known as one of the founders of Humanistic Psychology—the basic premise of which is, ironically, that man’s basic nature is good—the Holocaust survivor had a lifelong obsession with the psychology of evil. Malignant narcissism was, according to Fromm, “the most severe pathology. The root of the most vicious destructiveness and inhumanity.” Erich Fromm saw evil up close and applied his genius to boil it down to its psychological essence. A malignant narcissist is a human monster. He may not be as bad as Hitler, but according to Fromm he is cut from the same cloth: “The Egyptian Pharaohs, the Roman Caesars, the Borgias, Hitler, Stalin, Trujillo—they all show certain similar features.”

My former teacher Otto Kernberg is the modern figure most associated with the study of malignant narcissism. He defined the syndrome as having four components: 1) Narcissistic Personality Disorder, 2) antisocial behavior, 3) paranoid traits, and 4) sadism. Kernberg told the New York Times that malignantly narcissistic leaders like Hitler or Stalin are “able to take control because their inordinate narcissism is expressed in grandiosity, a confidence in themselves and the assurance that they know what the world needs.’’5 At the same time, “they express their aggression in cruel and sadistic behavior against their enemies: whoever does not submit to them or love them.’’

As G. H. Pollock wrote, “the malignant narcissist is pathologically grandiose, lacking in conscience and behavioral regulation with characteristic demonstrations of joyful cruelty and sadism.”

When you combine these four ingredients—narcissism, antisocial traits, paranoia, and sadism—you have a leader who feels omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to total power, who rages at being persecuted by imaginary enemies, which includes anyone who disagrees with him, as well as vulnerable minority groups who represent no threat whatsoever. All who are not part of the in-group or those who do not kiss his ring must be destroyed. And destroying them in the most humiliating and painful way will be an exquisite pleasure. Once you understand the logic of malignant narcissism, all of Trump’s tweets make perfect sense.

Paranoia

In the same week, the New York Times and the Washington Post both ran front-page stories about Trump as a conspiracy theorist. Before the election, Rightwing Watch accumulated a list of fifty-eight conspiracies proclaimed by Trump. And of course, the list has grown since then. Many are truly bizarre. For example, not only is Barack Obama a Muslim born in Kenya, but according to Trump, Obama had a Hawaiian government bureaucrat murdered to cover up the truth about his birth certificate:

How amazing, the State Health Director who verified copies of Obama’s “birth certificate” died in plane crash today. All others lived

Dec 12, 2013 04:32:44 PM

Antonin Scalia was murdered: “They say they found a pillow on his face, (which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow.)”

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Later, fake news websites sponsored by the Russians laid this “murder” at Hillary Clinton’s feet. Fellow candidate Ted Cruz’s father even aided the Kennedy assassination—the mother of all conspiracy theories. “What was he doing with Lee Harvey Oswald shortly before the death? Before the shooting? It’s horrible.”

Yet, the world was shocked when Trump accused Barack Obama by tweet of illegally wiretapping Trump Tower. Why were we surprised when this tweeting about conspiracy theories has been going on for years, as the author’s research shows?

Antisocial Personality Disorder

Trump also meets criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder. Antisocials lie, exploit, and violate the rights of others, and have neither remorse nor empathy for those they harm.

Politifact estimated 76 percent of Trump’s statements were false or mostly false, and Politico estimated Trump told a lie every three minutes and fifteen seconds. So in his tweets, Trump freely and frequently lies. He doubles, triples, quadruples, and quintuples down on transparently disprovable falsehoods.

We have ample evidence of Trump’s pervasive pattern of exploiting and violating the rights of others. According to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, Trump University was a “straight up fraud…a fraud from beginning to end.” Dozens of lawsuits attest to his pattern and practice of not paying his contractors. Finally, there is Trump’s pattern of serial sexual assault, which he bragged about on tape, even before a dozen women came forward, who he then called liars.

Trump is allergic to apology and appears to feel no remorse of any kind. It is as if being Trump means never having to say you’re sorry. When Frank Luntz asked Trump if he had ever asked God for forgiveness, Trump said “I’m not sure I have…I don’t think so.” His unrepentance notwithstanding, he also boasted that he loves God and his church.

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Sadism

Because he is a sadist, the malignant narcissist will take a bully’s glee in persecuting, terrorizing, and even exterminating his “enemies” and scapegoats. When a protester was escorted out of a Trump rally, Trump famously said “I’d like to punch him in the face,” in a tone that suggested it would genuinely bring him great pleasure. He relished the thought of throwing another protester out in the cold without his coat. “I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks.” Narcissists often hurt others in the pursuit of their selfish interests. A noteworthy difference between the normal Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the malignant narcissist is sadism, or the gratuitous enjoyment of the pain of others. A narcissist will purposely hurt other people in pursuit of their own desires, but may regret and, in some circumstances, show remorse for doing so, while a malignant narcissist will damage others and enjoy doing so, showing little compassion or shame for the damage they cause. People with simple Narcissistic Personality Disorder often feel shame when being forced to confront the reality that they have hurt other people in pursuit of their selfish or self-centered goals. For malignant narcissists it’s a bonus. It’s part of the fun.

Trump loves to “punch down” people that he views as weaker than himself by demeaning and humiliating them. Not only are sizable portions of Trump’s 34,000 tweets dedicated to cyber-bullying, but sometimes, he will send the same nasty tweet six times across a day’s news cycle day to maximize his victim’s humiliation.

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Trump lives in a paranoid zero sum world divided into two types of people: Winners and Losers. Strong and Weak. Victors and Vanquished. Bullies and Victims. Predator and Prey. The guys who get to grab the pussies and those that get their pussies grabbed. All that matters is coming out on top.

Winning Takes Care of Everything

As the author points out in her illuminating chapter “They Are Laughing at Us!” the worst thing Trump can say is they are winning. They are taking advantage. They are laughing at us. We should strike back at those bastards. Turn the tables, make them pay, and laugh in their faces.

Lets fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice! The world is laughing at us.

Nov 6, 2012 8:30 PM

The United States better address China’s exchange rate before they steal our country and it is too late! China is laughing at us.

Feb 25, 2013 6:54 PM

“The Chinese laugh at how weak and pathetic our government is in combating intellectual property theft.” (cont) http://tl.gd/g70qiu

Mar 1, 2012 12:28 PM

Like the myth that the Inuit have one hundred words for snow, Trump has one hundred phrases to express his contempt (and that’s not a myth). The quantity and tone of these insults say more about the insulter than about the people he is publicly verbally abusing. Here is a sample of some of the phrases used throughout his tweets: low life!, overrated, 3rd rate, lightweight incompetent clown, major sleaze and buffoon, total dud!, mental basket case, true garbage.

Trump’s put-downs break into two basic categories: bad and weak. Losers are weak, and haters are bad. Indeed, haters and losers are his shorthand for anyone not on the Trump train:

Happy Thanksgiving to all--even the haters and losers!

Nov 27, 2013 2:22 PM

Happy Veterans Day to ALL, in particular to the haters and losers who have no idea how lucky they are!!!

Nov 11, 2013 7:59 AM

To EVERYONE, including all haters and losers, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Work hard, be smart and always remember, WINNING TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING!

Dec 31, 2014 4:15 PM

The narcissist in him imagines he is superior to everyone in every way, so he must constantly assert he is more powerful in every respect. During the campaign he effectively diminished his Republican rivals as weak, making him the winner of the primate alpha male competition in a simple contest of fitness, size, and strength.

Leightweight chocker Marco Rubio looks like a little boy on stage. Not presidential material!

Deleted after 1 hour at 11:17 AM on Feb 26

Low energy candidate @‌‌JebBush has wasted $80 million on his failed presidential campaign. Millions spent on me. He should go home and relax!

Jan 21, 2016 6:32 AM

He loves to call his critics stupid—essentially accusing them of mental weakness. As in:

Highly untalented Wash Post blogger, Jennifer Rubin, a real dummy, never writes fairly about me. Why does Wash Post have low IQ people?

Dec 1, 2015 12:46 PM

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How many ways can Trump call someone stupid? Let us count the ways: dumb as a rock, truly dumb as a rock, dummy dope, total dope!, very, very dumb!, dumbest of them all, lowest IQ on television, a spoiled brat without a properly functioning brain, gets dumber each & every year--& started from a very low base.

Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure,it’s not your fault

May 8, 2013 9:37 PM

If his critic is a woman, he will always find a weakness in her appearance:

There are many editorial writers that are good, some great, & some bad. But the least talented of all is frumpy Gail Collins of NYTimes.

Mar 17, 2014 2:03 PM

Frumpy and very dumb Gail Collins, an editorial writer at The New York Times, is so lucky to even have a job. Check her out - incompetent!

Mar 15, 2014 4:31 PM

Huffington Post is just upset that I said its purchase by AOL has been a disaster and that Arianna Huffington is ugly both inside and out!

Apr 20, 2014 4:57 PM

At his rallies, he said about one of the women who accused him of sexual assault, “Believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you,” implying she wasn’t attractive enough to assault.15 When asked about his rival Carly Fiorina, he said: “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!”

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Donald Trump's Malignant Narcissism is Toxic: Psychologist

Donald Trump's Malignant Narcissism is Toxic: Psychologist

"Maniacs display something called ‘flight of ideas.’ It's a formal thought disorder in which ideas tumble forth through a disordered chain of associations. One-word sparks another, which sparks another." 

I've analyzed 45’s body language, paralanguage and rhetoric in his speeches for the media.  I always study the transcripts. I also have “read” his tweets. They are crazy making. He thinks he's making sense but, he's not. He just goes on and on, ranting and not making sense, enjoying his own pontifications. It is amazing to me that people can read anything he has said and not know there is something seriously wrong with him. Just study any of his speeches. You won't be able to finish reading! He needs someone to tell him to take care of Puerto Rico and make a decent decision on healthcare! Where are the good guys and gals in our government! Who will stand up to him?

http://amp.usatoday.com/story/101243584/

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Normalizing, The Effects of Propinquity - Physical or Psychological Proximity

Normalizing Bad Behavior 

In this article Reshma Saujani  says collaborating with Ivanka Trump would mean normalizing the "..hate and bigotry" she believes the Trump administration represents, Saujani wrote ---

http://money.cnn.com/2017/09/28/technology/culture/girls-who-code-oped-white-house

She is correct. When you associate and or do business with someone who is amoral you contaminate yourself. You, by association, sanction his abhorrent behavior. You say, "He is normal." She is right. Separate yourself from people who don’t match your level of integrity.

There is a nonverbal behavior that we study, the effects of propinquity (“nearness.") It refers to the physical or psychological proximity between people. Propinquity can mean physical proximity, a kinship between people, or a similarity in nature between things ("like-attracts-like".)

In business and in life we can be with people who have different beliefs, but when someone’s actions are abhorrent choose to step away.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Gibberish is the White House's New Normal

Gibberish is the White House’s New Normal

I do statement analysis of speeches, apologies and interrogations for the law enforcement and the media. Analyzing Trump's speeches, interviews and texts is incredibly interesting, because he often spouts half finished sentences and run on nonsensical sentences and gobeldy gook. This is a technique of a liar.

http://billmoyers.com/story/gibberish-white-houses-new-normal/

"But the problem is not just that Trump lies, or that he lies about having lied. The problem is not just that he distracts — for example, changing the subject from his entanglements with Russians to the leakers who leak stories about his entanglements with Russians. The problem is that he insinuates more than he argues. He disdains not only evidence but logic. He asserts by indirection. This is bubble-think. It makes a sort of sense only if you’re trapped in the bubble with him."  "He spatters the air with unfinished chunks, many of which do not qualify as sentences, and which do not follow from previous chunks. He does not release words into a stream of consciousness but into a heap." "It is a peculiar sort of derangement. It is the derangement of a man who is used to getting what he wants, and arranging his mental universe so as to convince himself that what he has gotten is what he wanted. His operating theory is that he makes things so because he is powerful. His power is such that he is not subject to laws of ordinary grammar."

45's speech patterns tell us what is wrong with him. 27 psychiatrists stand up and contribute their diagnosis in the book, 

The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President Hardcover – October 3, 2017

They say he is a sociopath and malignant narcissist. Read their insights below:

https://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/diagnosing-donald-trump?mbid=nl_Daily+100717&CNDID=49221241&spMailingID=12091935&spUserID=MTg0OTkxNzg0Nzg3S0&spJobID=1260546544&spReportId=MTI2MDU0NjU0NAS2  

Take heart and find the people in your life that are good. Yes, there are motivated by selfishness in the world. But, there are people with integrity, acting with compassion all around you. Choose to be responsible and know your actions effect everyone you encounter. In your daily life choose integrity and kindness. Do your best to make those around you feel anchored and safe. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Why Is There Complicity In Abuse? - Why No One Spoke Up About Weinstein's Abuse

Wonder why no one spoke up about Weinstein during his years of abuse? For many years I spoke on sexual harassment and the groups response to it. (In fact, the groups response to abuse, affairs and romantic relationships was my first research paper in my doctoral program) People around the abuser may know about the abuse to the victim or victims and let it continue. Think about the people around Bill Cosby. There are many reasons they may need to believe the abuser is innocent, as believing the truth. That the abuser has abused and is in fact evil creates too much cognitive dissonance. They would have to admit they know and are working with someone evil. Many prefer to keep the mask on the monster and continue their lives as they are. They may not feel comfortable tattling and or it is easier to look the other way, blame the victims and or as in this story, they are being fed by the abuser. Sexual Predators like to spread the goodies out to their "Apaths"or "Enablers" In this case the very success of the journalist’s livelihood depended on being friendly with the abuser.

Here is a good story on this.

https://lovefraud.com/the-psychopaths-enablers/

 Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

     

The Human Stain – Why the Harvey Weinstein Story is Worse Than You Think

The Human Stain – Why the Harvey Weinstein Story is Worse Than You Think

When abuse occurs it’s hard for even good people to speak out. In this case, there was a culture of complicity at Weinstein’s places of business, with numerous people throughout the companies fully aware of his behavior but either abetting it or looking the other way. Some employees said that “they were enlisted in subterfuge to make the victims feel safe."

Link to Article

http://www.weeklystandard.com/the-human-stain-why-the-harvey-weinstein-story-is-worse-than-you-think/article/2009995#!

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Do You Get Out and Meet People to Date after 40?

I worked on a piece today for a magazine that asked me, ask an expert on first impressions, and networking, several questions about getting into the dating world after 40.  Here are my very rough notes that I sent them.

How do they approach coming back to dating after a long break? One step in entering into the mingling, and dating world is to think about it as an adventure, a fantastic trip to a new land! That can raise your energy and excitement and flip it from a “Job” to what it can be and that is fun! When you plan a trip, you think about where you most want to go, then kind of “scenery” and “activities” and new people you want to see and experience. Make a plan, set weekly and monthly goals and activities. Post your activities on your phone and ideally to make it real a wall calendar in your home. I suggest to clients they put little yellow sticker circles on activity days on their calendar and make sure they plan on a least one a week.

Number one, talk to strangers. Start conversations with interesting, safe people wherever you go. From your bank teller to the guy or gal behind you in line at the grocery store. It makes your life happier and as my mom always says, “Go out, You might meet somebody.” She met my dad at a dance she hadn’t wanted to go to because she was tired from a long day at work but her sister said, “Go, you might meet somebody.” She met my dad on a Wednesday and married him a WEEK later.

Ask yourself what you like to do, or if you have been a homebody for a while what you use to like to do. Do you enjoy movies? Find a meeting up group and go to movies or go onto your neighborhood Facebook page, (Try Nextdoor.com) and say, “Hey I am going to see “MOVIE” name at 4:00 on Sunday, who wants to join me.

If you like music search for small venues ( Search for “Listening Rooms” those are venues, where people don’t get on their cell phones or get rowdy they listen to the music and can talk before and after acts) where you can meet people and go. You can take a book, but sit at the bar and leave a empty seat next to you and if someone seems nice, guy or gal talk to them. Practice your meeting new people and small talk skills.

It's cliché, but find a class at your local college, in the continuing education department. I taught a course we called “Meeting of the Minds" at Emory continuing Ed for 14 years. It was a six week class where the group met at different coffee houses. A lot of people met, fell in love and got married taking that class.)

Again cliché, but volunteer. Google something you might like to do and then, volunteer. You can usher at plays and concerts, you can read at the local hospital, you can sort food at the local food bank, you can register people at a Saturday Marathon.

Look online for Meetup groups, They have them for EVERY interest, from photography and hiking to wine tasting and science lectures. Just go, go early so you can be the greater and have a task to do to make other people feel welcome.

Absolutely ask you friends for their help. Years ago I asked two guy friends if they knew anybody and they said, “Are you kidding we are gay, we don’t know anyone for you.” Weeks later they called, they were having dinner with my one friends uncle, who was single and describing what he wanted in a woman and it fit me to a tee and we set up a date. Keep saying what you are looking for. Your friends and family may forget you are looking. Remind them!!!

Eat out at restaurants you feel comfortable in that the kind of people you feel good around go to. Sit at the bar where you can make new friends. If that seems overwhelming, go sit at the bar and order take out and get a drink,(soda’s work if you don’t’ drink) so you sit there for a few minutes, then build up to sitting there for a full meal and talking to strangers around you.

I recommend that you NOT go to online dating sites That is a rather scary world for the over 40 newbie single person.. Even if you are an introvert and it seems so simple. Delay the urge. Get your sea legs and the connection of other single friends first to be grounded and supported. Getting out into the world with other SINGLE people who are experiencing some of the same feelings is helpful and healing even if you don’t immediately meet someone you want to date. You may test it later, but Delay it. If and when you do go into that world, know it’s very easy to create a persona or façade online. choose carefully, get on the phone as quickly with them as possible to hear how they really are and not merely anyone’s well-crafted tales. Ask yourself if you feel safe and comfortable with them on the phone. Are any warning bells going off. Ask them for photos of them with friends and or family. Look at those photos carefully to see how they are with other people.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

7 Signals That You Should Stay Together As a Couple

7 Signals That You Should Stay Together As a Couple

1.      You still sleep close together and touching in some way. One of the most important differences involved touching, with 94% of couples who spent the night in contact with one another were happy with their relationship, compared to just 68% of those that didn't touch.” with 86% of those who slept less than an inch apart from their partner being happy with their relationship, compared to only 66% of those who slept more than 30 inches apart.

2.      You still make each other laugh.

3.      You still go to them to kiss or in some way welcome them when they come home and or you kiss or embrace when you say goodbye.

4.      You still want to listen when they are sharing a bad day or rough time.

5.      You still want to fix them a snack or bring them tea or coffee, or want to do small actions of nurturing and kindness.

6.      You lean your head on their shoulder or he still kisses you on top of your head or that other special spot.

7.      You still go to bed at the same time and talk.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.