Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

10 Ways to Show Your Clients They're Important

Patti was featured in the FIC Perspective. It is the magazine of the Fraternal Insurance Counselor. Each issue is filled with sales ideas, motivational articles, Society news, and up-to-date information from NAFIC. Below is the full article followed by a link to the publication.
Sometimes we are unaware of how we look to others, or we don’t think what we are doing or not doing is noticed. But, our behavior is not invisible. What we do says volumes about us. What we don’t do can also lead to people thinking less than positive thoughts about us. Following are people’s perceptions toward behaviors. These are perceptions that could result in a less-than-stellar view and that could result in your clients taking actions based on their perceptions, even so far as to select someone else as

their financial advisor.

YOUR POSTURE, SIT

UP STRAIGHT.

Remember when your

mom would chastise you when

you made a rude facial expression,

saying, “Don’t make a face like that

or your face will freeze like that?”

Have you noticed how your body

language suddenly changes when

you get out of your sweatpants into

a suit and hard-soled shoes? Our

bodies form in the way we hold

and move them the most. We now

spend the majority of our waking

hours bent down, curled over our

devices, more than seven hours a

day on average. We forget we are

very visible and all that slumping

over in our muscle memory makes

it harder to sit up straight! Have

someone snap a photo of you

hunched over your computer or

tape you talking on the phone.

Now imagine your clients seeing

you sit like that with him or her in

a meeting. (Another incentive for

not constantly checking your phone

is research that shows that looking

down at your phone can put a strain

on your neck equivalent to the

weight of 60 pounds.)

GIVE YOUR FULL

ATTENTION TO YOUR

CLIENT, FROM THE

FEET UP.

Interacting face-to-face or on the

phone or via conference calls while

doing something else, like checking

your emails and texts, may seem

a good use of your time, but your

voice or body language might be

sending messages to those you work

with that you don’t really care. One

specific non-verbal behavior area to

focus on is your feet. Your feet are

most frequently controlled by the

limbic brain, so they reveal where

you really want to be. For example,

if you are in a meeting but really

want to be back at your desk getting

other work done, your feet may

point toward the door. You might

think that is a subtle cue that others

couldn’t possibly notice, but where

your feet point actually affects the

rest of your body’s alignment. To

be more present and train yourself

to be fully attentive, point your feet

and the rest of your body toward the

speaker. (There are gender-based

differences regarding how we like

to have close, high-self-disclosure

conversations but, generally, if

you’re giving attention to a speaker

at a meeting or your client when he

is speaking, point your feet toward

him or her.)

GET TO YOUR

APPOINTMENTS ON

TIME AND LEAVE

ENOUGH TIME

BETWEEN APPOINTMENTS SO

YOU CAN VISIT AND DEBRIEF.

Beginnings and endings are critical.

By spending time visiting with

people BEFORE the formal meeting

begins and not getting up and

leaving quickly or checking your

phone while there is still someone

with you (and you haven’t visited

and said good-bye), you are saying

non-verbally, “I am done with you

and now I have more important

things to do.” The time you spend

visiting and interacting face-to face

can be extremely valuable. It

helps you establish rapport and get

an emotional read of each person.

This helps you make connections

and alliances, and makes you look

better and helps you persuade

others to see your viewpoint. On

a very basic level, it puts credits in

the “relationship account” of each

person with whom you interact so

he or she knows you care.

TURN OFF THE

TECHNOLOGY.

Just a few years ago,

you looked like an

important, busy and hardworking

person if you brought your phone

with you everywhere and were

checking it constantly. But that

image has since changed. Now, you

just look like you’re rude, your time

and your needs are more important

than who you are with. Think

of your device as you would your

3-year-old child. When you meet

with a client, ask yourself, “Would I

have my 3-year-old with me during

this conversation?” If the answer

is no, put the device away or don’t

even bring it.

Challenge yourself to change your

tech impression in four important

ways:

a. Remember the person in

front of you is always more

important than anything on

your device. He or she is the

real, live person.

b. If you can, keep your technology

turned off and out of sight until

you need it. Don’t put it on the

desk or table between you and

the other person.

c. When you get to the meeting,

if you have a device that is

visible make it a ritual to pick

it up, set it on silent, and put

it out of your line of sight. I

would even recommend that

if you are meeting with one

to three people and you want

to let them know why you are

doing that and/or want them

to do the same, say out loud

something like, “I am putting

this away so I can focus on

you.” Or, “Let me turn this

off and put this away while

we talk.” Or, “I want to focus

on our conversation (or, this

important meeting).”

d. Don’t pull out the phone to

check your messages at the end

of the meeting if the people

with whom you are meeting

are still in the room. Say goodbye,

get out of their visual and

auditory field, and then check

your messages.

GIVE FACE-TO-FACE

TIME TO CREATE

TRUST.

Recent research by Gregory

Northcraft, a professor in executive

leadership at the University of

Illinois, shows when projects are

managed by way of detached, high tech

means rather than face-to-face,

people will have less confidence that

others will do what they say they’ll

do. He says if your communication

is mainly through email, those you

work with will trust you less. Face to-

face contact yields the most trust

and cooperation while e-mail nets

the least, with videoconference

interaction ranking somewhere in

between. Your clients need to be

face-to- face to read the thousands

of non-verbal cues that give them

a read of you and help them decide

the best way to interact with you.15 Volume 10 Issue 1 | 5

Unless you are dealing with a client

that has requested no face to face

meeting, work on getting more face

to face time.

BE VISIBLE;

SOCIALIZE, AND

LISTEN.

When you’re where your clients

might be, such as member events.

You need to say hello or good-bye

as you arrive or leave. You also need

to visit or socialize, speak up and

contribute in meetings, ask for time

to discuss projects face-to-face, go

to lunch with those working on the

project, and compliment others’

success or work effort. Ask people

questions about the projects, goals

and achievements. Be curious about

how they spend their free time and

what their loved ones are doing.

Again, face-to-face contact

builds trust.

CONSIDER THE

OTHER PERSON

BEFORE YOU FOCUS

ON YOURSELF.

EVERYBODY IS DIFFERENT.

Some clients want you to think

about them and be social before

you make a request; others want to

be quick and get down to business

immediately. Notice each client’s

unique needs. If they are warm

and linger in their conversations

start interactions with warm social

conversations. Whether in a phone

call, an email, or a text, ask about

the recipient or make a statement

about them before you talk about

yourself or make a request. Just

one or two sentences are fine; this

creates rapport and puts credits in

the relationship account. Those

extra salutations and sentences

show, non-verbally, that the person

you are sending a message to

matters and that you have thought

about them as an individual. It

also helps others recognize you,

gives you a personality, and makes

you stand out. Remember – you

don’t want to be invisible!

RESPOND TO

EMAILS.

If you don’t respond

in any way to

an email, people will make

assumptions as to why they have

not heard from you. You may

delay a difficult question or email

from someone because you’re

afraid of a conflict or you don’t

know how to answer a question

the client has posed. But NOT

responding is an action. When you

don’t exhibit reasonable behavior,

people will guess why and those

assumptions tend to be negative.

If you put off answering or don’t

respond, you could get yourself in

big trouble. At least say, “I will get

back soon.” Or, “I read your email

and I will be responding soon.”

Otherwise, people think you are

unprofessional or just don’t care.

Though I will say that you should

not have to respond to requests

made at 2 am on a Sunday.

THINK ABOUT

OTHERS WHEN YOU

GET DRESSED FOR

WORK.

This may seem so very obvious but

News flash! You don’t dress just

for you. How you dress shows your

respect – or lack of respect – for

others. It is actually discourteous to

dress inappropriately for meetings.

Other studies show that 75% of

Americans think a well-dressed

man is more successful than his

causal coworkers and more than

one-fifth of men think they would

make more money if they dressed

better than they do and women

are seen as more competent

and intelligent if they dress

professionally.

DON’T FORGET THE

HAIR AND FACE.

Keep your hair neat.

For men both on your

head and on your face. Women

who wear makeup rank higher in

competence and trustworthiness,

according to a study funded by

Procter & Gamble, Massachusetts

General Hospital, Harvard Medical

School, Boston University, and the

Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.

The article link http://www.nafic.org/assets/docs/perspective_jan2015.pdf

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Can Your Body Language Win You The Job?

I made several body language recommendations for this article on interviewing for a job. My comments are below highlighted in yellow.

Can Your Body Language Win You The Job?
Elizabeth Garone

About the author

Elizabeth is a freelance writer in California and a former Career Q&A columnist for the Wall Street Journal.

Related

Samuel Amegavisa is getting nervous. In his last year of human biology studies at the University of Cape Coast in Ghana, it’s time to start thinking about job interviews.

Everyone knows it’s important to dress smartly for an interview. Less obvious is the importance of how you carry yourself.

“My situation is quite simple. I have never been interviewed before,” wrote 23-year-old Amegavisa in an email to BBC Capital. He had a basic question — one most of us probably don’t think much about. “Is there any recommended sitting position before and during your interview?”

While everyone knows it’s important to dress smartly for an interview, less obvious — and less known— is the importance of how you carry yourself. What hidden cues do you give when you walk through the doorway, shake hands or sit?

Three body language experts share their insights on what moves to make, and avoid, in an interview.

Happy medium

The first contact between an interviewer and interviewee is almost always a handshake. First impressions often determine how the rest of the interview goes, so this can be one of the most important elements of getting it right, according to David Alssema, a body language expert and training facilitator with Paramount Training & Development in Perth, Australia.

“Rapport is built by similarities,” so shake hands the way the interviewer does, recommended Alssema in an email. “Matching the strength or greeting shows you want to be an equal. Overpowering a handshake can signal a dominant attitude towards the meeting.”

Zones of space

No matter our culture, we all have and are at least subconsciously aware of four zones of space around us. They are (from farthest to closest): Public, social, personal and intimate. It’s important to be keenly attuned to these during an interview, according to Nick Morgan, Boston-based speech coach and author of Power Cues: The Subtle Science of Leading Groups, Persuading Others, and Maximizing Your Personal Impact. “The only significant things that happen between people happen in personal and intimate space,” he wrote in an email. “Since intimate space is off limits [in an interview], you want to get into the personal space of the interviewer,” if you want the person to be inclined to decide in your favour.

Make your move

While the handshake brings us into the personal space that we want — it’s why we do it, according to Morgan — typical seating arrangements in an interview tend to move us away. “That makes it easier for the interviewer to pass on us — but harder for us to make an impression,” he said. “So look for ways to tactfully move into the personal space of the interviewer.” For example, you might move your chair slightly or sit on the same side of a round table.

Once you’re seated, consider other ways to close the distance. Lean forward, for example, just not too much. “Try to do this tactfully and subtly, not rapidly or awkwardly,” cautioned Morgan. It’s worth the effort.

“We increase trust and connection with people when we close the distance between us, even by small amounts,” he said.

Please click the arrow above to see how to improve confidence with certain postures.

Open for business

It’s very important to keep your body language “open,” according to Morgan. You’re likely to be nervous and you might find yourself unconsciously clutching your hands in front of you or folding your arms. “These feel safe and comfortable, but also distancing and disconnecting for the other party,” he said. In addition, “[folding your arms] shows that you are disinterested, and it also prevents you from leaning,” said Alssema.

The eyes have it

“Eye contact is important, and any less or any more than a reasonable amount may indicate other attitudes,” said Alssema. What’s just right? That might be hard to tell in some situations, but Alssema suggests mirroring the amount of time the interviewer gives you eye contact. If there is a panel of interviewers, it’s important to provide the right mix of time for each person. “Respond to each person individually with eye contact when answering questions,” he said. “Glancing around is a signal for boredom, so avoid it if possible.”

People often make the mistake of equating good eye contact with never looking away — but this would be a mistake, too, according to Atlanta, Georgia-based Patti Wood, a body language expert and author of SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma.

“It is normal to look away from time to time as you speak, because you’re accessing information in your brain,” she wrote in an email. Just don’t let yourself drift off when the interviewer is speaking. “After giving an answer, remember to make eye contact and listen to the interviewer. Eye contact sends the message that you are serious and engaged,” Wood said.

Don’t forget to breathe — deeply

The moment people get nervous, the more quickly they start breathing. That can wreak havoc in an interview.

“When you take quick shallow breaths, you reduce your ability to think clearly,” said Wood. “This may keep you from answering questions quickly and succinctly.”

Instead, try to breathe deeply from low down in your belly. “[It is] one key to feeling clearheaded, energised, and confident,” she said. “Practice breathing more slowly, using your diaphragm, belly, rib cage and lower back in the process.” Of course, this isn’t something you’ll want to do in your actual interview. “But try it whenever you get anxious and certainly before your interview,” she said.

Career Coach is a twice-monthly column on BBC Capital in which we consider the career turning points and questions many professionals face. We welcome questions from readers at careercoach@bbc.com.

To comment on this story or anything else you have seen on BBC Capital, head over to our Facebook page or message us on Twitter.

Body Language and Deception Read of Brian Williams Iraq War Story on David Letterman.

Body Language and Deception Read of Brian Williams’

Iraq War Story on David Letterman

Brian Williams Makes Mistakes in His Apology Statement

By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

What are the “tells” that Brian Williams’ lies in part of his Iraq War Story. I detail how to read his deception then I tell you what he did wrong in his apology statement. There is also a link below to the article I did for the IBT Pulse on the story. If you want to look at the video, as I analyze it, here is the link to the video of Brian Williams’ Iraq War Story on David Letterman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwtxVjNVDBU

First Williams says, “Two of the helicopters were hit including the one I was in.” This is very odd phrasing. He is stating what happened to his chopper last. If you were describing say, a car accident you would not say, “Two of the cars were in the accident, including the car I was in.” Typically, if you experienced a terrifying accident you would recall it in your limbic brain and the focus in the first part of the sentence would be on you. You would lead with what happened to you. If you are lying you are more likely to lead with the truth and hide the lie at the end of the sentence. I will say that this is a war story and sometimes war storytellers remove themselves from the first place in the story and Brian is a journalist and he is trained to remove himself from the story. Yet having stated those exceptions to sharing an incident like this, it is still really odd.

Now notice his body language as he speaks, “Two of the helicopters were hit including the one I was in.” His body stays very still, his outside hand is in a guarded wall position on the outside of his leg, his left leg is folded over his right away from Letterman and his left arm is out around the back of the chair and his hand is loosely gripping the chair arm. He is guarding himself a bit. Perhaps not unusual if you are going to tell a story of a scare event, but this guarding is juxtaposed with him having a very expanded upper chest. That is a braggart’s position. So he is showing a mixture of the braggart and guarded positions.
His body stays very still. With the caveats stated above, I know that some “warriors” want to remain distant and or cavalier about their story. It still seems odd that he is describing being hit without his body coming downwards or going backwards as he remembers the sensation of being hit. His head does come down on the word “hit” but the head is under more conscious control and that means he could purposefully, as a broadcaster, easily emphasize that word with his head.
What I would have liked to have seen is more subconscious body movement. I know time has passed since the event, and he was not injured, but typically I should see a hint of that movement as he “recalls” the incident. Instead he is planted. This does not mean he is lying. It is merely curious and interesting.
The vocal emphasis on hit actually matches Brian Williams’ natural vocal emphasis as he tells a news story. He typically, in his baseline of normal news storytelling, hits the verb or power word.

Body Language and Deception Analysis of Brain Williams’

Apology Statement Letterman

Apology Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33RSg9CBtUY

Williams certainly wanted to get through the apology as quickly as possible. Perhaps, because this time, he was hit by real “ground fire’ criticism from the public and the media. Time is a nonverbal communicator. Rushing through the apology shows his desire to distance himself from his guilt and get on with things rather than sincere remorse.
"I said I was in the aircraft that was hit… I was instead…” Newscasters often use the words, “rather” and “instead” when they have made a word or phrasing blunder in their news story. This was more than a misspoken word. This was a lie. If an actor had lied we would think, bad boy. This is however a news correspondent whose words we rely on for the truth of what is going on in the world.
He then goes on to give the “excuse” that the story was, “a bungled attempt to thank one special veteran…” I watched him tell the story on Letterman 6 times, and it was not a story of thanks to one special veteran. A content analysis of it instead categorizes it as a comic, “I had a bad night in Vegas” variety story. He does mention that one soldier was hit in the ear when he told the story on Letterman and he touches his ear after he says that showing he distances himself from that soldier and his injury and did not feel the pain that soldier had in that moment. Yes, he is a journalist and he is trained to distance himself, but if someone was being projected as the hero of the story it was him. Watch as he tells it how Letterman leans forward and goes, “Wow.”
As he says, “I hope they know they have my greatest respect and also now my apology” watch how his head goes down and his eyes close and his voice goes unusually soft and faint as he says the word, “apology.” I would like to say this is normal shamed behavior. But, I will say, it shows embarrassment. I would have liked to have seen him look in the camera and say, “I messed up and I am truly sorry.” He should have said, “What I did was to claim pain and hardship that was not mine to claim.” Instead his pride overrides what should have been true humbleness. Brian Williams rushes through the content with body language that does not show he is truly contrite.

The link to the ibtimes article I did http://www.ibtimes.com/pulse/did-brian-williams-lie-about-iraq-war-body-language-expert-weighs-his-helicopter-1808334

Body Language and Deception Analysis of Brian Williams Apology Statement. Letterman.

Body Language and Deception Analysis of Brain Williams’

Apology Statement Letterman

Apology Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33RSg9CBtUY

The link to the ibtimes article I did http://www.ibtimes.com/pulse/did-brian-williams-lie-about-iraq-war-body-language-expert-weighs-his-helicopter-1808334

Three Rules of Etiquette for Using Technology, Email and Cell Phone Etiquette

Three Rules of Etiquette for Using Technology,

Email and Cell Phones

In my book SNAP I have a chapter on Tech Impressions. Here are two excerpts from the book and one from my workshop of First Impressions.

Cell Phones and Texting Etiquette

When it comes to cell phones and texting, you have to think about the impression you are making on those around you, in your physical presence, not just those with whom you are communicating.

Guideline #1: In public places, keep your cell phone calls brief and at a low volume and your content censored at a G for general public rating.

Be polite because there is a strange nonverbal phenomenon that occurs when we are connected via phone or electronic device, we feel such an intimate connection to the person we are directly communicating with we give out nonverbal cues that we would normally reserve for one-on-one intimate space conversations. In addition we tune out to our true environmental sensors for our behavior. We no longer see or hear or acknowledge the people in our physical space so we don’t follow the rules of etiquette for public communication.

A college professor reported receiving the following email from a student before the term began. Mind you, this was a student he had never met. The email read: “What textbooks do u require for class?” That was the extent of it. There was no salutation, no name and not even a reference to which class the student was taking. Worst of all, was the use of “textspeak” to an English Professor.

Guideline #2: Your first email to someone should be formal as if you were writing a letter. Use the salutation “Dear.” You might write, “Dear Mr. Livingston:” or “Dear Alex Livingston:” (especially if you don’t know the person’s gender) and then skip a line and begin your message. When your message is complete, write “Sincerely, and then your name.” One you have established contact with a person through email, and then you may switch to a less formal tone. You should still use a greeting of some sort unless the email has turned into a back and forth conversation. Even then, I try to use the person’s name in the message. It creates a more personal touch.

Guideline #3: Put away your phone. You are being rude if you don’t turn off technology or put it away before talking or you focus on technology when people are with you in person. Jim carries his phone with him everywhere, it’s in his right hand where he can glance at it often and you see him walking down the halls on the phone. Your computer, pad or smart phones are just one place you should be working. Just a few years ago, employees looked important, busy and hardworking if they brought their phone with them everywhere and were checking it constantly. That image has changed. Now you just look like you’re rude, that your time and your needs are more important than the person or people you are with. Yes even you. Yes, I know you are an extremely busy person getting hundreds of texts and or emails you must respond to. Think of your device as your three year old child. Ask yourself when you are with a work contact, would I have my three year old with me during this conversation at work. If the answer is no, don’t bring the device or put it away. Challenge yourself to change your behavior in three important ways:

1. Remember the person in front of you is always more important than anything on your device. They are the real live person.

2. If you can don’t take your technology with you or keep it off and completely out of site. Don’t put it on the desk between you and the other person.

3. A new cell phone ritual when you get to the meeting if you have a device that is visible make it a ritual to pick it up set it not to make a noise and put it out of your line of site. I would even recommend, if you are meeting with one to three people and you want to let them know why you are doing that and or want them to do the same then you say out loud something like, “I am putting this away so I can focus on you.” Or “Let me turn this off and put this away while we talk.” Or “I want to focus on our conversation or this important meeting.”

4. Don’t pull out the phone to check your messages at the end of the meeting if the people you are meeting with are still in the room. Say goodbye, get out of their visual and auditory field then check your messages.

I also have some napkin rules because I have people ask me what the rules are every time I am at a banquet or formal event. It makes people uncomfortable if they don’t know the rules.
Think of the napkin being unfolded by the host like the curtain going up in a theater. The meal begins when the host unfolds his or her napkin. This is your signal to do the same. Place your napkin on your lap, completely unfolded. Typically, you want to put your napkin on your lap soon after sitting down at the table (but follow your host's lead).
If there is not a host just a group of friends, think of the napkin being unfolded and put across your lap as the signal of the meal and conversation beginning. So the putting your napkin on your lap is like pushing the play button on a YouTube video it starts the meal and the full flow of conversation. Just like you leave your sheets on your bed while you’re sleeping the napkin remains on your lap throughout the entire meal and if you get up from the table during the meal, place your napkin on your chair.

Morning Routines of Successful Women

I give workshops on leadership including a Women in Leadership Course at the Wharton School of Business and I recommend a few morning rituals to help you be successful and to balance your life

Here are six morning rituals of a successful person.

1. Post a positive photograph on your mirror and on your computer home page and phone that makes you happy and inspires you to your greatest goals. It can be a photo of you playing with your children to inspire you to have work/life balance, a photo of an audience applauding when you are working on a speech, a mock up book cover of the book you are working on to inspire you to write.

2. Another morning ritual to help you be successful is to clear your mind of clutter. When you first wake up in the morning, take five minutes to write down anything that is muddying up your head. Write in a stream of consciousness any thoughts or feelings that are clogging your brain. This is not a journal or a "to do" list. It's junk. Dump thoughts out on the page the way you dump out the trash. Now your mind is clear and you can accomplish much more in your day. Julia Cameron calls the pages, morning pages and describes the benefits in her book, “The Artists Way.”

3. Brush and learn. Buy an automatic toothbrush with a timer (most are two minutes) and while you are brushing your teeth, read poetry, motivating quotes and affirmations and other positive messages that you've taped to the bathroom mirror

4. Ask yourself in the morning - Are you doing what is most important or are you doing what is easy or urgent? To make sure follow these steps: Set a timer on your phone to go off every hour. When it goes off, ask yourself, "Am I doing what is most important?", "Am I doing something that is making me a better person?", "Am I doing something that is making money or is furthering my career?" Do this every day for a week and you will see a pattern of what you are spending most of your time on.

5. Read your e-mails in priority order. Our tendency is to read and respond to our e-mails from most recently sent down. You may waste time on something that is not urgent. Get into the habit of quickly scanning all your new e-mails for anything that may be urgent and important and respond to those first. Let others know that it helps to be clear about urgency and importance in the subject line of the e-mails they send you.

6. You can do anything for fifteen minutes. If you are procrastinating on a task set a timer/alarm on your phone for fifteen minutes. Do the task until the buzzer sounds. Typically starting an unpleasant or difficult task is the hardest part of the task. Once you start something, the momentum can keep you going. If it doesn't get you going, set the timer again tomorrow. So if you need to exercise, meditate, clean, work on a writing project, play with your kids, set an alarm and do it.

Positive Emotions Counter the Own-Race Bias

Do you have less racial bias when you are in a good mood? Are you more racially biased when you are in a bad mood? How do your emotions effect your prejudice?

There is a phenomenon called the 'own-race bias' in facial recognition. We find it easier to recognize the faces of people belonging to our own race than we do people belonging to others. This is the technical term for the "they all look the same to me" experience. But studies have shown that people in positive moods are less susceptible to the own-race bias, relative to neutral or negative moods.

In the research on positive emotions we find that positive emotions broaden your perceptions/thoughts/behaviors, while negative ones narrow them. The idea is that deep in our evolutionary past, our ancestors faced very specific threats, and our bodies have evolved to attend to these threats in specific ways, to the exclusion of other things in the environment.

For example, if there's a dangerous predator nearby, you don't want to be caught admiring the pretty daisies. So your whole body shifts perceptions and resources to prepare you to run or fight. But when things are going well, when there's no particular threat, it's better to broaden your perceptions and the potential thoughts and actions you can take, so that you can expand, build resources and make new allies.

Hence, positive emotions counter the physiological effects of negative ones, allow more divergent thinking, and help you to processes faces more globally, rather than focusing on particular features, as negative emotions would tend to lead you to do.

Martin Short - A Man of Great Energy! - The Body Language King!

This morning I watched an Interview with Martin Short on the Today Show. I just love how he is the man of a thousand looks!

What great energy verve. He is the body language king. I wish I could fly up to New York to see Martin Short in It’s Only a Play and then go see Helen Mirren in The Audience.

Goodness look at his face. I remember when Martin had a morning talk show. He was hysterical and also a great listener which made him a wonderful interviewer.
Perhaps some of that is his innate kindness and perhaps all those years of Improv training that require you to be in the moment and listen helped him.

Patti's Latest Novel Suggestion - Kate Atkinson's Human Croquet (1997)

Last night I started a novel by Kate Atkinson called Human Croquet (1997). It’s not an easy novel, but goodness it is good. There is one passage where a character who was adopted as a baby by an older couple is discussed that says, they were an old couple who only knew about gin and canasta so they taught him both. She describes the character’s little quirks of body language so very well. If you have not read her work start with behind the Scenes at the Museum and go from there.

Her novels are wonderful, but often very slow hard reads. The detective novels are the Jackson Brodie novels.

Novels

Behind the Scenes at the Museum (1995) – winner of the 1995 Whitbread Prize

Human Croquet (1997)
Emotionally Weird (2000)
Life After Life (2013) I didn’t really like this novel, but it was really interesting.
A God in Ruins (2014)

Novels Featuring Jackson Brodie (former police inspector, now private investigator):

Television adaptations

The four Jackson Brodie novels have been adapted by other writers for the BBC under the series titled Case Histories, featuring Jason Isaacs as Brodie.

Body Language of World Leaders, Spys and Terrorists

Below is a great article on the body language of world leaders, spys and terrorists called the body language of James Bond. They quoted three people in the my field that I respect, I just wish they had quoted me!

How to Say, “I Love You” With Your Greetings and Goodbyes

I am a professional speaker so I fly just about every week. After working out of town and flying hours in a cramped plane I arrive in Atlanta, a weary traveler. Then I have a long walk and train ride. Every week on this journey I am surrounded by a sea of sad and exhausted travelers, all wearing what I call “Friday Faces,” the tired look of someone who has worked and traveled all week and is just barely hanging on until the weekend. In fact, sometimes I look at the travelers around me and they look like they are soldiers who have been in battle and they are coming home from war.

When we reach the top of the escalator, something magical happens. There is a sea of loved ones, holding, “I love you” signs and carrying roses, ready to touch and hold us and transform our Friday Faces, to faces full of love. We are greeted with love and the greeting transforms us and bonds us with our loved ones.

In one study done at airports, 60% of people engaged in touching when greeting or saying goodbye to another person. And other studies show that we linger and give more touch as we say goodbye in any interaction.

I believe we should greet our loved ones every day as if they have come home from battle. We should hold them, touch them, kiss them and give them our love and undivided attention.

Greetings Home

Every evening when my father came through the door from work, he would give a high two note whistle to signal he was home and my mother, my teenage sisters and I would come running to greet him. It didn’t matter what we were doing. My mother’s cake batter could be stirred later, my sister’s records could be listened to later and my Malibu Barbie could wait to go out in the convertible with Ken. Daddy was our priority and we would run to him, sharing hugs and kisses with each other, with me being grabbed in his arms and thrown in the air. We would have a few minutes of love and laughter. I was fortunate that my parents were so demonstrative. Message: Greetings are an important ritual for family bonding and bonding in general. Always make a loving ritual of hellos and goodbyes.

No matter where you are in the house, drop whatever you’re doing, and greet your spouse with a kiss and or a hug hello when they come home. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, working, or cooking, this communicates that he or she is the most important thing to you. If you are with other family members, bring them with you to greet your sweetie. Get them excited. If you have small kids and they run to greet your sweetie, go with THEM.

Each time you greet with your time, your speed of reaction, your eye contact, your presence and your touch, you are saying nonverbally, “You come first.” A warm welcome actually decreases the chance of stress, conflict and arguing later on. This can reduce conflict in your home as well. In a research study where teachers and principals stood at the school doors or classroom and shook hands with students as they entered, school attendance was higher and bad behavior was lower. Don’t you think in your home if you started the night right by greeting your sweetie as they came in the rest of the night would go better?

Goodbyes

Goodbyes and goodbye hugs and kisses have a big impact too. These words and gestures say “I leave you with love.” With a touch goodbye, you anchor yourself to your mate. I recommend creating a “secret touch” I suggest that you agree on a non-verbal love signal shared just between the two of you. It can be a lingering look, a touch on the forearm, a cupped hand on the side of the face, a kiss to both cheeks, a touch of forehead to forehead, and that three second look or touch can mean, ‘I love you,’ ‘I want you right now’ or ‘You look great to me’,” or “I send you off with all my love.” There are other choices. Your secret love signal could be as simple as a sly smile, or your lips puckered up, or maybe a quick wrinkling up of the nose. It could be as simple as a tilt of the head to indicate you’d like to rest your head on his shoulder or allow her head to rest on yours as a gesture of warmth and respect. Words are not always needed. The secret love signal can recreate the love each time it is given.

Because I have been recommending making a ritual of goodbyes and hellos in your household, I have gotten many emails from attendees saying things like, “My spouse treats me so differently now that I get up and greet them at the door when they come home.” “I am amazed how much it seems to ease the stress of my husband when I go and greet him at the door.” “I have seen my sweeties face light up now when she comes home in a way it didn’t when I didn’t go to hug her when she came home.”

We have a favorite family recording of a greeting home. The coming home greeting was done by the local television station during the gulf war. My brother-in-law Sheldon is coming home from many months of danger in the Gulf. As he gets off the plane at first he looks lost and then, he sees his family and they see him. My sister and their children leap up and run full blast to him with their arms up and open. They are smiling and crying and it’s a love fest. My brother-in-law Sheldon bonds with his family, he is transformed.

So I say to you, Get up off the couch, come down from the office, put down your small tasks and rush to your sweetie. Go to the door to say hello every night when your loved ones come home.

This chapter was inspired by an interview I did for the Toronto Sun today. Here is the article. http://www.torontosun.com/life/2010/02/09/12807046.html

Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

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How to Say, “I Love You” With Your Greetings and Goodbyes

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