Gisela, a sixth grader at Mesa Grande Elementary School, decided for her science project to see whether she could tell if a person was lying based on their facial expressions. Here is the result: Part 1,Part 2 (Youtube videos).
As part of the experiment she asked people questions and observed their expressions to see if they were lying. The six questions she asked were:
Please describe the American flag.
Please describe an elephant.
Please describe a giraffe.
Please describe what you are wearing right now.
Please describe what type of weather we are having right now.
Please describe what your hands look like.
As part of the experiment Gisela and her brother Victor are filmed lying and telling the truth.
How to detect lies through body language
Here is a homework assignment for my Deception Detection class: read a novel by Aaron Elkins then use your class workbook and notes to figure out whether his forensic anthropologist protagonist could have figured out the clues he did from the evidence presented.
Real smiles vs. fake smiles
I am giving a deception detection workshop tonight. One of the techniques I will discuss is how to tell a real smile from a fake smile. Different parts of the brain are responsible for real and fake smiles. The unconscious part of the brain is responsible for a real smile, while the conscious part of the brain creates a fake smile.As well as making the mouth muscles move, the muscles that raise the cheeks in a smile also contract, making the eyes crease up. There are few key features which distinguish a real smile from a fake one. In a genuine smile the fold in the fleshy part of the eye between the eyebrow and eyelid moves downwards and the corners of the eyebrows dip slightly. Real smiles are all about the eyes. I did research on smiling as the national spokes person for The Natural Dentist. I will be blogging about this more tomorrow in the meantime here’s a great link from the BBC which provides a test to determine if you can determine a genuine smile from a fake one through recognizing micro expressions: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles
Being an Attractive Female Helps Your Speaking
In studies of female speakers, unattractiveness in the speaker caused a more negative reception of her views. Even when the unattractive speaker gave the more well reasoned, well constructed speech, the participants were more persuaded by the attractive female's poorly reasoned and ill-constructed speech.
College Program
This week I spoke at a convention in Phoenix, Arizona for the career counselors of the Top MBA programs in the country. The audience of more than 400 professionals was wonderful! As I was preparing I was concerned that I would be preaching to the choir about body language as MBA career counselors are constantly coaching their MBA students on the topic. But thankfully the program was a huge hit and they came up afterward and shared their surprise about so much that they'd learned: how important the handshake is and the importance of gender differences in body language and much more. You can learn more about my college programs on the College Programs portion of my website.
Signs a Guy Likes You
I remember when I was a little girl my friends and I would pick wild flowers in the field behind my house. I would hold a flower and think of a guy I liked and pick off petals saying, "He loves me. He loves me not." Now you don't have to pick the petals off a flower to tell if a guy likes you. You can watch his body language.
Animals like to show off and make themselves look good when they are attracted to the opposite sex. It's called preening. You may preen by touching or gently twisting your hair around your fingers when you are with a guy you like. Guys preen as well.
When a guy likes you he may:
A man may also signal he like you by:
Turning his toes towards you when he is talking with you. (Notice especially if the toes stay pointed towards you when you are talking.) We naturally tend to point our toes towards people who interest us -- It's like a compass pointing towards true north.
The rest of his body may show he is into you as well. He could be talking to someone else, but if he notices you and he is attracted to you, he may angle his feet, his lower torso and/or his heart towards you and may not even realize it.
Notice his eyes to see if he is into you. When he looks you in the eye, his pupils (the black circles in the middle of his eyeballs) will get bigger if he likes you. If he likes what he sees he wants to see it well so the pupils dilate to take you in. Pupil dilation happens automatically when you are attracted to someone. Since a guy cannot control it, it is a great 'tell'. However it can also occur when someone is drunk or drugged or in low lighting so don't automatically whoop and say, "He loves me!" when a man's eyes dilate.
Animals like to show off and make themselves look good when they are attracted to the opposite sex. It's called preening. You may preen by touching or gently twisting your hair around your fingers when you are with a guy you like. Guys preen as well.
When a guy likes you he may:
- Slick back his hair with his hand
- Smooth out his eyebrows.
- Straighten his shirt collar
- Smooth out the "invisible wrinkles in his pants
- Adjust his belt or pull up the waist of his pants
A man may also signal he like you by:
Turning his toes towards you when he is talking with you. (Notice especially if the toes stay pointed towards you when you are talking.) We naturally tend to point our toes towards people who interest us -- It's like a compass pointing towards true north.
The rest of his body may show he is into you as well. He could be talking to someone else, but if he notices you and he is attracted to you, he may angle his feet, his lower torso and/or his heart towards you and may not even realize it.
Notice his eyes to see if he is into you. When he looks you in the eye, his pupils (the black circles in the middle of his eyeballs) will get bigger if he likes you. If he likes what he sees he wants to see it well so the pupils dilate to take you in. Pupil dilation happens automatically when you are attracted to someone. Since a guy cannot control it, it is a great 'tell'. However it can also occur when someone is drunk or drugged or in low lighting so don't automatically whoop and say, "He loves me!" when a man's eyes dilate.
What Do His Eyes Say? Eye behavior, Attraction and Lying
True or false - The meaning of eye cues
Recently a national magazine sent me these eye cues and asked me if the meanings they had listed by them where accurate. They where looking for cues that women could use to read men. Here are my answers.
• True or False: He flashes his eyebrows = He’s attracted to you - A guy raises his eyebrows in a friendly greeting as a signal of "I come in friendship and you don’t need to be fearful of my approach." It’s very primal. If the eyes were squinted into a narrow focus it would signal that the he may be zeroing in for attack.(In other words perhaps purely a sexual conquest.) If the eyebrow flash stays a moment longer it typically signals, “I recognize you and I am approaching in friendship." Picture the little cartoon bubble above the guys head saying,"Oh I know you and I like you." If the eyebrow flash stays a moment longer and is combined with a real smile that goes all the way to the eyes it could signal attraction. He is saying, “I like what I see so I want my eyes to stay open longer to enjoy it.”
• His brows scrunch together and lift in the middle = He’s sad/disappointed
Actually that is not quite accurate. In intense sadness the eyes look down and the and the upper eyelids droop and most importantly only the inner corners of the upper eyebrows go up. So you see the eyebrows raised in the middle of the face above the nose.You can see deep furrows or set of furrows above the nose and you will also see two furrows going out and down from the outer corners of each of the eyes. The unique eye cue that only shows in deep sadness is the raised inner corners of the upper eyebrows. Paul Eckman, the father of facial expression research, shares in his book, Emotions Revealed, that a few actors like Woody Alan and Jim Carrey use that eyebrow cue quite often. I think it makes us feel sorry for them like little lost puppies. Make that Basset hound puppies.
• He closes his eyes for more than a second while speaking = He might be lying – It could mean that, but again you have to note what is happening as he shuts his eyes. We shut our eye when we don’t like what we are seeing. We may close them a bit longer than a normal blink when we hear something we don’t like or when we don’t like or believe what we are saying. (So if they guy closes his eyes in an unnaturally long blink as he says, “I will call you,” don’t wait by the phone. Know a guy may close his eyes a moment longer than normal throughout the entire conversation if he is tired or if he is with someone he doesn’t like or he doesn’t like where the conversation is going.
• His eyes shift down and to the right = He’s experiencing a deep emotion. It is not that simple though you can find some NLP books that say this is true. It is actually more complex than that. If the guy is right handed and he looks down and to the right he may be accessing emotions. Please don’t quote this as down to the right means he experiences deep emotions -- it is not accurate. And eye accessing happens so quickly most people won’t be able to catch it consciously. You could look for another eye cue to see if a man is attracted to you. When someone is looking down with both eyes it can be a signal of submission so if a guy is talking to you and he smiles and looks down with both eyes he may be silently saying, "You are so beautiful I would be dazzled and overwhelmed if I kept looking at you. I bow (with my eyes) to your loveliness." Note that looking down can also indicate that the person is feeling guilty so watch if his eyes go down as he says he is single and available!
Gestures and Body Language Men
Gestures and Gender based differences in body language
Men’s gestures are larger, more sweeping and forceful, such as pointing or using a closed fist. Men stroke their chins more, move their legs and feet more, and tap their feet more.
Exclusive to men: stretching hands and cracking knuckles, both feet on the floor with legs apart, legs stretched out, ankles crossed, knees spread apart when sitting
Exclusive to women: hand or hands in lap, tapping, hands or legs crossed at the knees, ankles crossed, knees slightly apart.
Men’s gestures are larger, more sweeping and forceful, such as pointing or using a closed fist. Men stroke their chins more, move their legs and feet more, and tap their feet more.
Exclusive to men: stretching hands and cracking knuckles, both feet on the floor with legs apart, legs stretched out, ankles crossed, knees spread apart when sitting
Exclusive to women: hand or hands in lap, tapping, hands or legs crossed at the knees, ankles crossed, knees slightly apart.
Eye Contact's Effect on Credibility and Trustworthiness.
"He didn't look me in the eye. I just couldn't trust him." What makes someone credible? According to the research, competence, trustworthiness and dynamism are the three main components that make up credibility. Competence is defined as the communicator's knowledge and expertise about the communication. Trustworthiness is a measure of the communicator's honesty and sincerity. Dynamism is a person's energy and confidence in communicating. Nonverbal communication is vital to competence, trustworthiness and dynamism because these qualities are rarely stated directly. For example, people rarely say, "I am competent" or "I am trustworthy."
THE IMPORTANCE OF EYE BEHAVIOR AND EYE CONTACT
The most noticeable nonverbal behavior that affects credibility is eye behavior and eye contact. Like the old saying, "Eyes are your window to the world," eyes can be the window to credibility. Studies on eye contact and its effect on communication and credibility find that maintaining a steady gaze while communicating is beneficial to credibility, and conversely, averting eye contact is detrimental to credibility. Eye contact studies have produced information about the effect of eye contact on the three components of credibility. In tests where these three components were isolated, eye behaviors had little effect on dynamism. The competence and trustworthiness categories, however, produced a significant link.
When volunteers were asked to rate the competence of communicators with low eye contact and with high eye contact, the competence ratings were significantly higher for the subjects who exhibited high eye contact with the audience. The same test produced the same results in measuring trustworthiness of those with low eye contact and high eye contact.
THE IMPORTANCE OF EYE BEHAVIOR AND EYE CONTACT
The most noticeable nonverbal behavior that affects credibility is eye behavior and eye contact. Like the old saying, "Eyes are your window to the world," eyes can be the window to credibility. Studies on eye contact and its effect on communication and credibility find that maintaining a steady gaze while communicating is beneficial to credibility, and conversely, averting eye contact is detrimental to credibility. Eye contact studies have produced information about the effect of eye contact on the three components of credibility. In tests where these three components were isolated, eye behaviors had little effect on dynamism. The competence and trustworthiness categories, however, produced a significant link.
When volunteers were asked to rate the competence of communicators with low eye contact and with high eye contact, the competence ratings were significantly higher for the subjects who exhibited high eye contact with the audience. The same test produced the same results in measuring trustworthiness of those with low eye contact and high eye contact.
We Hold Little Girls More Than Little Boys
Boy babies are put down sooner and not touched as much as girls... Mothers hold their girl babies longer than boys right after birth. They touch and caress girls more and give them more eye contact and smiles. Boy babies, even in their first baths after birth, are handled less gently and put in their own beds away from their mothers sooner. And we wonder why men and women are different. What have you noticed about touch differences between men and women?
Men and Women Act Differently Because They Don't Look That Different
Women and men learn to communicate in particular ways because those ways are associated with their gender and are nurtured and rewarded. Zoologists, biologists and anthropologists say that unlike certain animal species in which the males and females are easily distinguished, we look pretty much alike. The first question a stranger will ask someone holding a baby is, "Is it a boy or a girl?" AND LADIES, WE GET INSULTED THAT THEY CAN'T TELL, DON'T WE? So we learn behaviors in childhood that help us to be identified as masculine or feminine. What we learn may be different in Auburn, Alabama than in Bangkok, Thailand. AND, what you learn growing up may not fit the cultural needs or gender roles of today. What has your cultural heritage taught you about gender differences?
Women Make Eye Contact More Than Men and Listen More Than Men
In a conversation women look more at the other person than men do. A woman talking to another woman makes more eye contact than a man conversing with another guy. Women spend more time looking at their romantic partner than men do. Is it because they are more inclined towards building relationships? Eye contact differences may be related to listening. Women listen more in male-female pairs than men do and listeners look more than the speaker does. The higher the status of the person the more we listen to them. When we want approval we give more eye contact. When we are seeking more nonverbal information so we can know how to respond to the person in power, we make eye contact. Research shows that when a woman is looked at during an interaction with a male or female, she likes that person more. When men were told their partner looked more than usual, they had a less favorable evaluation of them.
fear of germs and use of antibacterial liquid
Another liquid sighting that absolutely blew my mind. I was at Home Depot yesterday. Guess what they where selling at the cash register? Antibacterial Liquid! Does it boggle your mind that dirty, dusty, sweaty men in paint covered t-shirts and caps driving trucks are feeling the fear of germs enough to use this liquid? Does that mean I won't be able to shake hands any more with my handy man?
Advice for Video Resume and Interviews and Body Language
I am a body language expert and media and job interview coach. As employers get more savvy about technology and more people are giving video interviews and asking for video resumes. I have been blogging about what to do to prepare for your video interview or resume. In my chapter on first impressions in my book Success Signals I share the research finding that the four major factors that affect first impressions are credibility, likability, attractiveness and power. You will notice that great job experience is not listed. My advice to those seeking a job through their video resume is to look as attractive as possible. Get your hair done and put on full make up if you are a woman and at least apply powder if you are a man. I know you might not do that in "real life" but a real job requires some work and a video make up artist can help you look fantastic. As you might guess the research show that the most attractive job candidate typically wins the job, and that attractiveness factor assessment is even more important when the selection is being made by going through a series of videos. Next, practice greeting with a natural "high energy" body language and vocal paralanguage. It will make you look powerful and confident. According to research on interviewing from the 60's to the present day most hiring decisions are made during the first 10 seconds of a face to face interview. You can't shake hands and establish normal rapport in a video "interview." And most research on video viewing indicates that you may have only a fraction of a second to gain a positive first impression. Smile confidently and speak with a slightly louder than normal voice to insure that you sound self assured. Search here for more blogs on the topic. attached is a blog I did on the topic.
Body Language for Building Your Relationship with Your Preteen
Practical Ideas for Sustaining Your Relationship With Your Preteen - Before He or She is Out The Door"
1. Eat dinner with your family face to face at a table at least three times a week. There is enormous amounts of research that it effects many things from a child's ability to read body language and feel comfortable and adept at human interactions, to it reducing teen dropouts and drug abuse because children are checked in with and nurtured on a daily basis for more than the typical fifteen minutes.
2. Put your preteen in the back seat of the car and talk to her. With the front of her body protected and hidden she more likely to self disclose, sharing things she would normally not share in everyday conversation. If she is in the car with her friends listen to the conversation. They will share things, and oddly they will know you are listening and sometimes share more!
3. Always make it a point to go to your child and interact with them as they leave the house, return to the house. go to bed and rise the morning. The rituals or greeting, goodbyes, good night and good morning, especially when their is touch, bond your relationship and make your child feel more secure and connected to you. With that connection they are more likely to feel safe sharing their concerns and fears when and if they have them. You are also more likely to notice if they stop or try to avoid one of the rituals and will know quickly that something may be amiss. Don't let them talk you out of the ritual, with the, "I am too old for that." excuse. Tell them you need the ritual, because you do. Face it, a teenager can be get temperamental and mean, having rituals that help you love on her a few times a day reminds you that she still is your, "baby."
4. If you spend time face to face with your child you know what their “normal” body language is, how they sit, what their energy level is, what their voice sounds like, what their facial expressions and emotional reactions are like. Understanding and knowing the “baseline” of your preteen helps alerts quickly to behaviors that stray from the norm. For example your normally energetic talker now won’t make eye contact at the dinner table. Some changes occur with approaching adolescence but some changes signal depression, being ostracized by peers, problems with web bullies and drug use.
5. Notice when your child's does something RIGHT and praise her and reward her immediately so she doesn't have to do something bad to get your attention. For more insights in dealing with your preteen you may wish to purchase my book, Success Signals at www.PattiWood.net
1. Eat dinner with your family face to face at a table at least three times a week. There is enormous amounts of research that it effects many things from a child's ability to read body language and feel comfortable and adept at human interactions, to it reducing teen dropouts and drug abuse because children are checked in with and nurtured on a daily basis for more than the typical fifteen minutes.
2. Put your preteen in the back seat of the car and talk to her. With the front of her body protected and hidden she more likely to self disclose, sharing things she would normally not share in everyday conversation. If she is in the car with her friends listen to the conversation. They will share things, and oddly they will know you are listening and sometimes share more!
3. Always make it a point to go to your child and interact with them as they leave the house, return to the house. go to bed and rise the morning. The rituals or greeting, goodbyes, good night and good morning, especially when their is touch, bond your relationship and make your child feel more secure and connected to you. With that connection they are more likely to feel safe sharing their concerns and fears when and if they have them. You are also more likely to notice if they stop or try to avoid one of the rituals and will know quickly that something may be amiss. Don't let them talk you out of the ritual, with the, "I am too old for that." excuse. Tell them you need the ritual, because you do. Face it, a teenager can be get temperamental and mean, having rituals that help you love on her a few times a day reminds you that she still is your, "baby."
4. If you spend time face to face with your child you know what their “normal” body language is, how they sit, what their energy level is, what their voice sounds like, what their facial expressions and emotional reactions are like. Understanding and knowing the “baseline” of your preteen helps alerts quickly to behaviors that stray from the norm. For example your normally energetic talker now won’t make eye contact at the dinner table. Some changes occur with approaching adolescence but some changes signal depression, being ostracized by peers, problems with web bullies and drug use.
5. Notice when your child's does something RIGHT and praise her and reward her immediately so she doesn't have to do something bad to get your attention. For more insights in dealing with your preteen you may wish to purchase my book, Success Signals at www.PattiWood.net
Men like to talk side to side, Woman perfer to talk face to face
There are unique aspects of matching and mirroring and being in sync with another person that help build rapport, but there is another nonverbal factor that concerns what I call body Windows. The central window is the window at the middle of your chest that I call the heart window. When men sit across a table a counter or desk facing another man and their heart windows are open and unprotected in can cause them to feel uncomfortable and awakens their primal fears of danger. Men feel that in that vulnerable position that must battle and in a business interaction that leads to disagreements, defensiveness, ego battles and verbal attacks. Because of this primal warring position even little boys will move their chairs and work to sit and stand side by side. In that position their heart is protected and they feel that the man beside them physically is also symbolically on their side. In fact, men feel so much safer that they will self disclose more and communicate more effectively in a side by side to side or catty corner position than from the more opposition causing male face to face position. Woman actually are wired to speak positioned face to face They are built to create and nurture relationships and from this position they can see all the body language and respond accordingly. Again, men prefer to have their hearts protected and be on the "same side" when they talk. For more information on this you can read the chapter on body windows in my book success signals www.PattiWood.net. Go to the products page to order
Methods of dealing with Conflict learned from the echidna
Would keeping cool under stress make you live longer? Well, if you were to model the behavior of the long-beaked echidna, one of the oldest, most passive and silliest-looking mammals on the planet, you might try a little “You live your life and I live mine” philosophy to increase your longevity.According to echidna researcher Dr. Peggy Rismiller of the University of Adleaide in a New York Times article on the ehidna www://www.nyt.com,echidnas are not only “the oldest surviving mammalian group, but individual monotremes can live 50 years or longer.”
So what specific conflict tools do they use? Well according to Take, 1952, when disturbed an echidna buries itself rapidly in the ground. Now that reminds me of men I have dated. Forget the guys going into the cave a la Grey's Mars vs. Venus to fight stress, just bury yourself in the ground when you're upset. In my workshops, I do teach that there are times to avoid conflict, but I wouldn’t recommend staying underground too long. Someone might forget you were mad and walk right over you.
Maybe we should learn to be level headed like the echidna. Though if 50 percent of our brain was the language rich, reasoning, rational thinking neocortex like the Echidna's instead of the measly 30 percent we have, it might be easier not to rant and rave under stress. Again being reasonable is always great, but I recommend making conflict management choices based on the situation rather than shouting out to the galaxy that we all need is to be more logical-- a sort of Star Trek's Spock-- under stress. Of course, there may be another reason the pacifistic echidna can deal well with conflict and live a long life. They are covered with spines. When I meet anyone spinney I know I avoid conflict with them. So let’s add one more conflict management choice to the mix. Sometimes it’s good to be sharp and aggressive. So what have we learned? Be like a long-beaked echidna and have more than one way of dealing with conflict. You can choose to:
1. Let it go and don't stress about it
2. Leave it or avoid it
3. Be logical and reasonable
4. Be aggressive
5. Be weird looking
For specific tools to deal effectively with conflict you may wish to check out my books, “The Conflict Cure” and “Sword Shields Daggers and Handshakes” on the products page of my website www.pattiwood.net or consider having me come in to speak to your group or talking to me about one-on-one coaching.
Music Memories
The article about song memories that I referred two posts ago just appeared here is the link. I am quoted in the second paragraph.
http://tunesnews.com/love-music-and-memories/
Since then my grad school roommate and I have reminisced about listening the Sade's song. "You give me the sweetest taboo." while we danced around the house one night before going out. It was a good memory as I spent almost every night for seven years of grad school studying at the house or library or at my night job heading a survey research team. Going out was a big treat and going out with my roommate who was and is so much fun was a special treat.
We also remembered being in the car with a guy freind and rocking out to a song about MTV. We sang the lyrics on the phone with each other yesterday and were transported back to the eighties. Ahh.....music memories.
http://tunesnews.com/love-music-and-memories/
Since then my grad school roommate and I have reminisced about listening the Sade's song. "You give me the sweetest taboo." while we danced around the house one night before going out. It was a good memory as I spent almost every night for seven years of grad school studying at the house or library or at my night job heading a survey research team. Going out was a big treat and going out with my roommate who was and is so much fun was a special treat.
We also remembered being in the car with a guy freind and rocking out to a song about MTV. We sang the lyrics on the phone with each other yesterday and were transported back to the eighties. Ahh.....music memories.
Fear of germs and use of antibacterial liquid
Oh my goodness, more news on antibactirial liquid. I was watching a special on NBC about Obama's West Wing and the dispensers showed up on the desks of Obama's secretary and several cabinet members and they mentioned his "body guy" carries some for the president. We have become germaphobic. I can just see it now. Obama shaking hands with UK prime minister Gordon Brown and then asking for a antigerm blast from his presidential dispenser.
Do you have "song memories?"
I responded to a media query today about music memories from a journalist at Tunes News – http://tunesnews.com
The piece is going to be about songs and the memories that they evoke. The entire piece is revolving around the upcoming release of Song Journals – http://songjournals.com , which is dedicated people sharring their song memories. Do you have memories that come to you when you hear certain songs?
I am very interested in the concept of song journals. My journals from teenage years up untill till about five years ago were filled with the titles of songs. I would write in not just the titles but because I wanted to be a lyricist often the song lyrics. As an expert on nonverbal communication I am fascinated with the connection in the limbic brain of music to emotion and memory.
As a kid in sixties, I remember sitting in the way way back of the station wagon singing along with my two sisters t “See you in September” as my family drove to Florida one summer.
In the seventies I remember sitting together with my three best girlfriends in the front seat of a old 56 seven Chevy car dancing to “I shot the sheriff. “ on the way to a high school football game. In fact I was with my high school best friend Rose yesterday and we shared that mutual memory.
Also in the seventies I remember listening one Sunday afternoon to Casey Casem’s top 40 on the whole house stereo. I was dancing around my house pool to the rock hit “Smoke on the Water.” In junior high, I remember standing up against the wall at big school dance feeling so lonely and humiliated because no one asked me to dance to “Color my World.” For four years whenever I heard that song I longed to dance to it and finally I was able to in my senior year of high school and I now have a fantastic memory of dancing to it with my high school crush, a college boy, at a church dance!
I also remember singing John Denver’s “Almost heaven West Virginia” with members of my church youth group. We were on top of a roof repairing it for an Appalachian women on a church mission to West Virginia. I remember we thought it was so funny to be on a roof in West Virginia putting hot tar on the roof on a hot summer day singing that song.
Do you have song memories?
The piece is going to be about songs and the memories that they evoke. The entire piece is revolving around the upcoming release of Song Journals – http://songjournals.com , which is dedicated people sharring their song memories. Do you have memories that come to you when you hear certain songs?
I am very interested in the concept of song journals. My journals from teenage years up untill till about five years ago were filled with the titles of songs. I would write in not just the titles but because I wanted to be a lyricist often the song lyrics. As an expert on nonverbal communication I am fascinated with the connection in the limbic brain of music to emotion and memory.
As a kid in sixties, I remember sitting in the way way back of the station wagon singing along with my two sisters t “See you in September” as my family drove to Florida one summer.
In the seventies I remember sitting together with my three best girlfriends in the front seat of a old 56 seven Chevy car dancing to “I shot the sheriff. “ on the way to a high school football game. In fact I was with my high school best friend Rose yesterday and we shared that mutual memory.
Also in the seventies I remember listening one Sunday afternoon to Casey Casem’s top 40 on the whole house stereo. I was dancing around my house pool to the rock hit “Smoke on the Water.” In junior high, I remember standing up against the wall at big school dance feeling so lonely and humiliated because no one asked me to dance to “Color my World.” For four years whenever I heard that song I longed to dance to it and finally I was able to in my senior year of high school and I now have a fantastic memory of dancing to it with my high school crush, a college boy, at a church dance!
I also remember singing John Denver’s “Almost heaven West Virginia” with members of my church youth group. We were on top of a roof repairing it for an Appalachian women on a church mission to West Virginia. I remember we thought it was so funny to be on a roof in West Virginia putting hot tar on the roof on a hot summer day singing that song.
Do you have song memories?
Fear of germs in the USA, anitbacterial liquid dispensers
I have a friend from Paris visiting me this weekend. Michael found out I wanted to start a body language discussion group and wanted me to start it today. So check out my Facebook group, Body Language Discussion Group. Since Michael arrived Friday, he has been fascinated by all the antibacterial liquid dispensers and signs about washing hands and other funny cleanliness issues in the States. We went to Wendy's today. I know, I know, I am taking him to all the hot spots in the U.S. (I need to explain that they don't have Wendy's in France and Michael worked at Wendy's in High School.) The Wendy's manager who was serving us said, "Thank you for washing your hands," to an employee returning from the restroom. Michael asked her about it and she said it is something they have to say so the customers know the employees wash their hands. He simply could not figure out why we are so germ conscious. I said it was marketing by the companies that make all the germ-fighting products. I shared with him my experiences with people’s fear of shaking hands that I have written about on my website and here on my blog. What do you think about our fear of germs in the U.S.? Do you think it is affecting our interactions? If you live in or travel to other countries what are the differences?
It is against the law to smile on your drivers license?
Is it against the
Law to Smile on Your Driver’s License?
According to USA Today four states
have adopted a 'no smiles' policy for driver's license photos. It turns out, if
someone smiles it is hard for photo recognition software to match their faces
with the photo records so they don't know whether someone is trying to
fraudulently get a driver's license. I find it fascinating that the government
can force people not to smile. If you have read my research and articles on
smiling on my website http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=2570 or the chapter on smiling in my
book, you know that you can use over eighty different facial muscles to smile
and that we typically see it as a spreading and upturning of the lips. It makes
sense that a smile would make a face on a driver's license hard to recognize. A
smile changes the face significantly enough that it can be detected and
recognized after three seconds from a great distance - 300 feet, or the length
of a football field. Sounds incredible, doesn’t it? Our ancestors needed to
smile.
Though they did not attend a lot of cocktail parties where they needed to smile and make small talk they did run into other cavemen they did not know. So they smiled as they approached a stranger to say, “I am harmless. Don’t pick up your spear and kill me.” In fact, it is the oldest form of expression to show a desire to cooperate. So even when the smile was a football field away, the caveman knew the approaching caveman (or woman) was safe and that he shouldn’t be afraid.
Some states say that smiling doesn't affect their photo recognition software, so it is still okay to smile in Pennsylvania though not in Illinois. If I had to spend winters in Chicago I wouldn't be smiling anyway. I realize that checking photos reduces fraud, but for some reason it does feel a little 1984 Big Brother is watching you scary to know that all those photos are checked. I think that in the future we will move to a system of multiple forms of photo ID and then to chips that store a video of us moving and talking for identification.
If you would like to read the entire news story, I've included it is below.
By Thomas Frank, USA TODAY
Stopping driver's license fraud is no laughing matter: Four states are ordering people to wipe the grins off their faces in their license photos.
"Neutral facial expressions" are required at departments of motor vehicles (DMVs) in Arkansas, Indiana, Nevada and Virginia. That means you can't smile, or smile very much. Other states may follow.
LICENSE FRAUD: States take steps to cut down fake IDs
The serious poses are urged by DMVs that have installed high-tech software that compares a new license photo with others that have already been shot. When a new photo seems to match an existing one, the software sends alarms that someone may be trying to assume another driver's identity.
But there's a wrinkle in the technology: a person's grin. Face-recognition software can fail to match two photos of the same person if facial expressions differ in each photo, says Carnegie Mellon University robotics professor Takeo Kanade.
FIND MORE STORIES IN: Carnegie Mellon University
Dull expressions "make the comparison process more accurate," says Karen Chappell, deputy commissioner of the Virginia DMV, whose no-smile policy took effect in March.
Elaine Mullen of Great Falls, Va., bristled at the policy while renewing her license until she heard the reasoning. "It's probably safer from a national-security point of view," she says.
Arkansas, Indiana and Nevada allow slight smiles. "You just can't grin really large," Arkansas driver services Chief Tonie Shields says.
A total of 31 states do computerized matching of driver's license photos and three others are considering it, says the American Association of Motor Vehicle Administrators. Most say their software matches faces regardless of expressions. "People can smile here in Pennsylvania," state Transportation Department spokesman Craig Yetter says.
In Illinois, photo matching has stopped 6,000 people from getting fraudulent licenses since the technology was launched in 1999, says Beth Langen, the state head of Drivers Services.
Contributing: Drew FitzGerald, Marisol Bello
What do your sunglasses say about your personality?
In the last five years I have been doing research on body language and personality type including research as a national spokesperson for several products. I studied touch and personality for Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, chewing and personality for Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum and smiling and personality for the Natural Dentist line of products. A writer for iVillage.com asked me to share my analysis of sunglass choice and DISC personality. Here is what your sunglass choice says about you followed by more information about that DISC personality type.
What Your Sunglasses Say about You
DISC personality
By Patti Wood MA, CSP, Body Language Expert and Professional Speaker
The Amiable or Get Along. This personality type is most likely to wear modest sunglasses. They don’t mind being a little trendy, but only if the trend has been around a very long time. (Yes, in other words, so that it is almost out of style and everybody has a pair.) They want to wear the sunglasses that everybody is wearing once everybody has them.
This type of person wants to be your friend. They respond to heavy use of the word "you" and the promise of an ongoing relationship. They like warmhearted friendly conversations and a relaxed pace. Ask about their weekend and their kids before you ask for work from them. In fact, you should build relationship credits with them every week so when you really need them you have relationship credits to draw on when you are in dire straits. Also know a warm hello and a sincere thank you are as necessary as food and water to the Amiable. Amiable think carefully before taking any action and they don’t like change so you really need to talk them through any new projects or changes in old routines to get them to buy in and follow through otherwise they will keep doing it the old way or what they may consider the way that has “always worked before.” They need to feel a sense of security before moving forward. The best way to get work from an Amiable is to become their friend. Make your body language warm, smile, and make your voice soft and relaxed.
The Expressive or Get Appreciated. Their goals include accentuating their personality. They will wear the "old is new again" bug eye glasses that Paris Hilton wears now and Elvis and Jackie Onassis wore. Expressives want their sunglasses to say that they are big, bold and outrageous. They are the most likely to choose sunglasses with brightly colored frames, are unusual with rhinestones and glitter and other assorted bling. They are also the most likely to have multiple pairs of sunglasses, a veritable sunglass wardrobe so they can dress for their mood and the occasion.
This type of person wants to be challenged; they enjoy learning about new, exciting things. So if you present them with a new project they may jump on it just because it is new. But because they love new stuff they are easily bored and may not follow through on work that requires details or lots of small print forms and multiple steps. If you need that kind of detailed work from them, you may have to check back with them or provide some sort of social interaction or pat-on-the-back feedback when they do. For example, when they turn in their monthly time sheets or travel vouchers on Fridays let them know that they will get to sit and have coffee with you. Or instead of emailing in work have them present it at the weekly meeting! Or whenever they email those kinds of detailed projects to you, you send them a cartoon or funny photo or a personal email. They burn hot and cold, so keep your face to face or over the phone delivery lively. They like bold statements, new directions, initiatives, bright ideas and enjoy a good sense of humor. Expressive types like to lead and influence others so if you give them tasks where they can get other people on board you will have a highly motivated worker. And if they are hip to your project they will be your rah rah cheerleader and supporter. They like to be noticed and appreciated--that is like food and water for them and feeds them deeply.
So now you know how to present your ideas, projects, and tasks to others. You can get more accomplished with a lot less stress. Make your body language energetic and open and your voice up beat and fast paced.
The Analytical or get it right. This type is smart, careful, and accurate. They want their sunglasses to work correctly and not be noticeable or wild. They are the most likely personality type to wear changeable glasses that darken automatically into sunglasses when worn in the sun. They love the practical sunglass clips that clip onto regular glasses and if they spend the money on prescription sunglasses they are the most likely to get Bi-focals - These sunglasses are meant to provide prescription magnifying assistance for those requiring a little extra help while reading. Since this type of person is the one that reads the fine print and the instructions, they want to make sure to have the correct prescription. They are practical about their sunglass purchase and will keep them for a long time. They have trouble making decisions about purchasing their sunglasses because they have so many details to consider. They welcome documentation, lengthy testimonial and statistical evidence that prove that the ones they are buying have the highest UVA protection. They will have a case for their sunglasses.
When you are talking to a Get it Right, you can explain until you are blue in the face, and they will still ask for more. They have great insights and opinions and don’t always get a chance to express them out loud so ask for them before you tell them “Do it this way,” and you will get more buy in. Whether you give them a task face to face or through email they will email you back with problems, mistakes, and why it won’t work. Be prepared and if possible make sure you deal with their criticisms face to face or your project will drag out and weigh you down with back and forth conversations and emails. Even when you think the “deal is done” they will want to come back with one more fix. Analyzers are cautious because they want to make sure it is done the right way and produces the perfect result. They typically think if you just give them more time or let them do it their way they can make it perfect. To avoid delays you may even give a deadline for criticism and say, “Get back to me by this date with problems and after that no matter what we will go forward. To make sure they are receptive, don’t interrupt them, they like their solitude and prefer to know you will be coming to talk to them rather than having you just drop by. Make your body language appropriate and reserved and your voice slow and low volume and allow long silent pauses for them to think before they speak.
The Bottom-liner or Get it Done. This personality will spend the most money on a single pair of couture sunglasses. They prefer top names like Gucci and they love to have the designer name on the glasses. If they have more than one very nice pair of sunglasses, the other pair or pairs will be needed for special activity. They will have mirrored or aviators for snow skiing. High impact for sports and a bike helmet with special UVR protection for motorcycling or racing. They will always purchase the top luxury brand. They may skimp on other things but not on something that others will see them in every day. If there is a Mercedes of eyeglass wear the Get it dones will have them. They rationalize that if you buy the best you will have them for years.
They will also want it. This type of person values brevity and makes quick decisions. They want you to tell them short and sweet what you do and what you want them to do. They like summaries and they want to be told their task. Forget the boring details, and for goodness sake don’t repeat yourself. Make your email requests to them in bullet points. They can juggle multiple tasks but like the feeling of getting a task done. You may want to break long term, detailed projects down into mini projects for them. They like to get things done and then move on. So don’t be wishy washy and give them something to do then change your mind about it. They fear a lack of control so they need to know they are in charge of their part of the project. They gain energy from being in charge and meeting challenges. Be forceful and commanding, know what you want say and stick to it. Make your body language confident and your eye contact direct and your voice strong and fast paced.
Take Care,
Patti
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Phone-404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com
Two of my History Channel Clips are now on my Youtube station
I would love for you to give them your rating.
Youtube- http://www.youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert
" Excellent as always." " You never fail to 'wow' the
audience and teach us something new."
UCB Pharma Inc.
What Your Sunglasses Say about You
DISC personality
By Patti Wood MA, CSP, Body Language Expert and Professional Speaker
The Amiable or Get Along. This personality type is most likely to wear modest sunglasses. They don’t mind being a little trendy, but only if the trend has been around a very long time. (Yes, in other words, so that it is almost out of style and everybody has a pair.) They want to wear the sunglasses that everybody is wearing once everybody has them.
This type of person wants to be your friend. They respond to heavy use of the word "you" and the promise of an ongoing relationship. They like warmhearted friendly conversations and a relaxed pace. Ask about their weekend and their kids before you ask for work from them. In fact, you should build relationship credits with them every week so when you really need them you have relationship credits to draw on when you are in dire straits. Also know a warm hello and a sincere thank you are as necessary as food and water to the Amiable. Amiable think carefully before taking any action and they don’t like change so you really need to talk them through any new projects or changes in old routines to get them to buy in and follow through otherwise they will keep doing it the old way or what they may consider the way that has “always worked before.” They need to feel a sense of security before moving forward. The best way to get work from an Amiable is to become their friend. Make your body language warm, smile, and make your voice soft and relaxed.
The Expressive or Get Appreciated. Their goals include accentuating their personality. They will wear the "old is new again" bug eye glasses that Paris Hilton wears now and Elvis and Jackie Onassis wore. Expressives want their sunglasses to say that they are big, bold and outrageous. They are the most likely to choose sunglasses with brightly colored frames, are unusual with rhinestones and glitter and other assorted bling. They are also the most likely to have multiple pairs of sunglasses, a veritable sunglass wardrobe so they can dress for their mood and the occasion.
This type of person wants to be challenged; they enjoy learning about new, exciting things. So if you present them with a new project they may jump on it just because it is new. But because they love new stuff they are easily bored and may not follow through on work that requires details or lots of small print forms and multiple steps. If you need that kind of detailed work from them, you may have to check back with them or provide some sort of social interaction or pat-on-the-back feedback when they do. For example, when they turn in their monthly time sheets or travel vouchers on Fridays let them know that they will get to sit and have coffee with you. Or instead of emailing in work have them present it at the weekly meeting! Or whenever they email those kinds of detailed projects to you, you send them a cartoon or funny photo or a personal email. They burn hot and cold, so keep your face to face or over the phone delivery lively. They like bold statements, new directions, initiatives, bright ideas and enjoy a good sense of humor. Expressive types like to lead and influence others so if you give them tasks where they can get other people on board you will have a highly motivated worker. And if they are hip to your project they will be your rah rah cheerleader and supporter. They like to be noticed and appreciated--that is like food and water for them and feeds them deeply.
So now you know how to present your ideas, projects, and tasks to others. You can get more accomplished with a lot less stress. Make your body language energetic and open and your voice up beat and fast paced.
The Analytical or get it right. This type is smart, careful, and accurate. They want their sunglasses to work correctly and not be noticeable or wild. They are the most likely personality type to wear changeable glasses that darken automatically into sunglasses when worn in the sun. They love the practical sunglass clips that clip onto regular glasses and if they spend the money on prescription sunglasses they are the most likely to get Bi-focals - These sunglasses are meant to provide prescription magnifying assistance for those requiring a little extra help while reading. Since this type of person is the one that reads the fine print and the instructions, they want to make sure to have the correct prescription. They are practical about their sunglass purchase and will keep them for a long time. They have trouble making decisions about purchasing their sunglasses because they have so many details to consider. They welcome documentation, lengthy testimonial and statistical evidence that prove that the ones they are buying have the highest UVA protection. They will have a case for their sunglasses.
When you are talking to a Get it Right, you can explain until you are blue in the face, and they will still ask for more. They have great insights and opinions and don’t always get a chance to express them out loud so ask for them before you tell them “Do it this way,” and you will get more buy in. Whether you give them a task face to face or through email they will email you back with problems, mistakes, and why it won’t work. Be prepared and if possible make sure you deal with their criticisms face to face or your project will drag out and weigh you down with back and forth conversations and emails. Even when you think the “deal is done” they will want to come back with one more fix. Analyzers are cautious because they want to make sure it is done the right way and produces the perfect result. They typically think if you just give them more time or let them do it their way they can make it perfect. To avoid delays you may even give a deadline for criticism and say, “Get back to me by this date with problems and after that no matter what we will go forward. To make sure they are receptive, don’t interrupt them, they like their solitude and prefer to know you will be coming to talk to them rather than having you just drop by. Make your body language appropriate and reserved and your voice slow and low volume and allow long silent pauses for them to think before they speak.
The Bottom-liner or Get it Done. This personality will spend the most money on a single pair of couture sunglasses. They prefer top names like Gucci and they love to have the designer name on the glasses. If they have more than one very nice pair of sunglasses, the other pair or pairs will be needed for special activity. They will have mirrored or aviators for snow skiing. High impact for sports and a bike helmet with special UVR protection for motorcycling or racing. They will always purchase the top luxury brand. They may skimp on other things but not on something that others will see them in every day. If there is a Mercedes of eyeglass wear the Get it dones will have them. They rationalize that if you buy the best you will have them for years.
They will also want it. This type of person values brevity and makes quick decisions. They want you to tell them short and sweet what you do and what you want them to do. They like summaries and they want to be told their task. Forget the boring details, and for goodness sake don’t repeat yourself. Make your email requests to them in bullet points. They can juggle multiple tasks but like the feeling of getting a task done. You may want to break long term, detailed projects down into mini projects for them. They like to get things done and then move on. So don’t be wishy washy and give them something to do then change your mind about it. They fear a lack of control so they need to know they are in charge of their part of the project. They gain energy from being in charge and meeting challenges. Be forceful and commanding, know what you want say and stick to it. Make your body language confident and your eye contact direct and your voice strong and fast paced.
Take Care,
Patti
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Phone-404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com
Two of my History Channel Clips are now on my Youtube station
I would love for you to give them your rating.
Youtube- http://www.youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert
" Excellent as always." " You never fail to 'wow' the
audience and teach us something new."
UCB Pharma Inc.
What is he saying with his body language? Is he into you?
Here are my rough notes and insights from my new book in response to questions sent to me for a story on Glamour.com I have listed the body language cues first and then the answers so you can take this as a "Is He Into You?" body language quiz:
1. He Licks His Lips
2. He Talks with His Hands
3. He Pushes Your Hair out of Your Eyes
4. He Rubs His Collarbone or Stomach
5. He Sways While Speaking
6. He Raises His Eyebrows
7. He Fidgets in His Chair
8. He Runs His Fingers through His Hair
9. He Sits or Stands with His Legs Splayed
10. He Strokes His Face
11. He Reaches Out His Hand
12. He Kisses You... On Your Forehead
1. He Licks His Lips: When we get nervous our saliva glands stop secreting and our mouths get dry. If someone licks his lips before he talks he could merely be nervous or he could be nervous because he is uncomfortable with what he is about to say. Perhaps he is embarrassed, perhaps he is lying. If he licks his lips after he speaks he is likely trying to erase what he just said because it is a lie. Licking the lips after you speak is a strong "tell" of deceit. I call this move the tongue eraser.
2. He Talks with His Hands: People from certain cultures--Italy, Turkey, South America-- tend to talk more with their hands. It is part of their culture. Extroverts talk with their hands to be more expressive. Using your hands helps you access more information in your brain, especially emotional information and emotion laden words.
3. He Pushes Your Hair out of Your Eyes: If the touch is gentle and doesn't linger too long it’s a movement that shows tenderness and caring. If he frowns or grimaces as he does it, it shows a need to have things correct and/or perfect. If he gives you long lingering eye contact and his hand strays on your face a beat longer than necessary, he wants you. (It is a sexual come-on move.)
4. He Rubs His Collarbone or Stomach: These moves send very different signals. Rubbing the collarbone at the front of his body signals insecurity. It is not a usual move for a man. Women touch theirs when they are stressed. A man rubbing the back of his neck, signals stress and if he shows other signs like pressing his lips together tightly or bringing his eyebrows together in a V over the nose he may be ready to fight.
5. He Sways While Speaking: The meaning depends on the sway. Most swaying motions are comforting motions. We might sway to music. The front to back is typically a comforting motion mimicking being rocked in the mother's womb. If the sway brings him up on his toes it indicates happiness.
6. He Raises His Eyebrows: This can mean so many different things--surprise, happiness, recognition, a positive greeting from afar, skepticism. So much of the meaning is in the timing and words being said.
7. He Fidgets in His Chair: This restless motion communicates a lack of comfort with himself, the topic, the situation or the speaker.
8. He Runs His Fingers through His Hair: If the motion starts from the front of his face and goes all the way back and is done with some forcefulness and/or a sigh it could mean a desire to erase negative feelings. If he dips his head forward and gently cups his hair and smiles it signals he wants to look good. If he does that last move as he approaches you or you approach him, he is a bit nervous about his appearance because he wants to look good for you. It may mean he likes you.
9. He Sits or Stands with His Legs Splayed: He feels powerful or wants to feel powerful. Sitting with the legs splayed shows Machismo. "I am the alpha male."
10. He Strokes His Face: This is another of those cues where it depends on the other cues and the situation to determine the meaning. Stroking the chin typically means, "I am thinking about this." He is critically considering and evaluating the prospects of the situation.
11. He Reaches Out His Hand: If he is reaching in your direction he likes you and is symbolically reaching out to touch you. Reaching out palm down shows interest and a desire to touch. Reaching out with the palm up is unusual on a first date and would say hold my hand. A man would only reach out palm up, making him vulnerable, if he knew the woman well and knew he would not be turned down.
12. He Kisses You... On Your Forehead: A great sign of tenderness.
This material is copyrighted. Please get permission from Patti Wood before using it.
1. He Licks His Lips
2. He Talks with His Hands
3. He Pushes Your Hair out of Your Eyes
4. He Rubs His Collarbone or Stomach
5. He Sways While Speaking
6. He Raises His Eyebrows
7. He Fidgets in His Chair
8. He Runs His Fingers through His Hair
9. He Sits or Stands with His Legs Splayed
10. He Strokes His Face
11. He Reaches Out His Hand
12. He Kisses You... On Your Forehead
1. He Licks His Lips: When we get nervous our saliva glands stop secreting and our mouths get dry. If someone licks his lips before he talks he could merely be nervous or he could be nervous because he is uncomfortable with what he is about to say. Perhaps he is embarrassed, perhaps he is lying. If he licks his lips after he speaks he is likely trying to erase what he just said because it is a lie. Licking the lips after you speak is a strong "tell" of deceit. I call this move the tongue eraser.
2. He Talks with His Hands: People from certain cultures--Italy, Turkey, South America-- tend to talk more with their hands. It is part of their culture. Extroverts talk with their hands to be more expressive. Using your hands helps you access more information in your brain, especially emotional information and emotion laden words.
3. He Pushes Your Hair out of Your Eyes: If the touch is gentle and doesn't linger too long it’s a movement that shows tenderness and caring. If he frowns or grimaces as he does it, it shows a need to have things correct and/or perfect. If he gives you long lingering eye contact and his hand strays on your face a beat longer than necessary, he wants you. (It is a sexual come-on move.)
4. He Rubs His Collarbone or Stomach: These moves send very different signals. Rubbing the collarbone at the front of his body signals insecurity. It is not a usual move for a man. Women touch theirs when they are stressed. A man rubbing the back of his neck, signals stress and if he shows other signs like pressing his lips together tightly or bringing his eyebrows together in a V over the nose he may be ready to fight.
5. He Sways While Speaking: The meaning depends on the sway. Most swaying motions are comforting motions. We might sway to music. The front to back is typically a comforting motion mimicking being rocked in the mother's womb. If the sway brings him up on his toes it indicates happiness.
6. He Raises His Eyebrows: This can mean so many different things--surprise, happiness, recognition, a positive greeting from afar, skepticism. So much of the meaning is in the timing and words being said.
7. He Fidgets in His Chair: This restless motion communicates a lack of comfort with himself, the topic, the situation or the speaker.
8. He Runs His Fingers through His Hair: If the motion starts from the front of his face and goes all the way back and is done with some forcefulness and/or a sigh it could mean a desire to erase negative feelings. If he dips his head forward and gently cups his hair and smiles it signals he wants to look good. If he does that last move as he approaches you or you approach him, he is a bit nervous about his appearance because he wants to look good for you. It may mean he likes you.
9. He Sits or Stands with His Legs Splayed: He feels powerful or wants to feel powerful. Sitting with the legs splayed shows Machismo. "I am the alpha male."
10. He Strokes His Face: This is another of those cues where it depends on the other cues and the situation to determine the meaning. Stroking the chin typically means, "I am thinking about this." He is critically considering and evaluating the prospects of the situation.
11. He Reaches Out His Hand: If he is reaching in your direction he likes you and is symbolically reaching out to touch you. Reaching out palm down shows interest and a desire to touch. Reaching out with the palm up is unusual on a first date and would say hold my hand. A man would only reach out palm up, making him vulnerable, if he knew the woman well and knew he would not be turned down.
12. He Kisses You... On Your Forehead: A great sign of tenderness.
This material is copyrighted. Please get permission from Patti Wood before using it.
How do you know if he loves you? Using body language to detect lying
How can reading body language and paralanguage alert you to whether or not he really loves you when he says he does? Remember that in nonverbal communication and deception detection, the timing is the “tell”. What does his body language look like just before he says, “I love you”? People feel and show what they are feeling before and as they are saying what they are feeling. The order of a honest person's message is feel, show, say. The primitive brain feels first without the words--just the pure emotion of love. Then the primitive brain, where emotions and body language are processed, shows with nonverbal cues that there is love present. Then the cognitive brain thinks of the words that say I love you. So just before he says I love you and/or as he says it, look for the cues. Is he making eye contact? Is his heart facing towards you? Does his face change with upward expressions before or as he says the words? Are his toes pointed towards your heart or towards the door? Listen to his voice. Does his tone and intonation reveal warmth and caring as he says the words. If all the nonverbal signs of love come before or during you are in luck. The man loves you. Or is the timing off? For example, he has a tight face with downward pulled muscles and clipped voice and he says "I love you," and then he smiles. If so, it is possible he might not be into you. Remember to look for the timing and duration of emotional gestures to be synchronous. If they are off the normal pace, delayed, stay longer than they would naturally, or stop suddenly, the man may be lying. OK guys, I know you may be reading this wondering, "Why did Patti make the guy the liar?" Simply because more women send me photos standing with their sweeties and ask me, “Is he in to me?” than men. A woman could give the same cues.
DISC Personality Style and Body Language
Getting What You Want from People.
How to Get Buy In, Follow Through and Enthusiastic Participation on Projects, Task and Goals.
By Patti Wood MA, CSP, Professional Speaker
Your boss walks into your cubical and says, “I need that project from you by 2:00,” turns around and walks out. How do you feel? Well if you’re a get it done kind of person, you might appreciate that he didn’t waste your time with niceties and was in and out. But if that is not your style you may get pretty mad. You’re really excited to tell your team you have a new project. It will require a lot of work and the deadline is almost impossible to meet without everyone putting in extra hours, but you're pumped. You go in smiling and read to rock. Speaking with an enthusiastic voice and lots of gestures and rah rah language you tell the team about the project. How do they respond? Well if they are fellow expressive types they might jump on the bandwagon with equal enthusiasm. However if they are get it right analyzers they are sitting there shaking their heads thinking of all the details that need to be taken care of, in other words all the mistakes that they will need to fix and how they will be spending every waking hour for the next three weeks. Different people need different delivery styles.
If you have an important idea to communicate to someone at work and you need other people's buy in, you have a task to assign to someone and you want to make sure they follow through, or you want to make sure you will get enthusiastic participation, what’s the best way to present your message? You need to consider the personality of the person you are going to talk to and form a message and delivery style that suits them. We often go in to persuade someone using the communication style that is comfortable for us. What we need to do is consider the personality type of the person we are speaking with! Below are the four basic personality types of the DISC personality inventory and their characteristics. Read what each one likes and prepare your message and delivery style to match your communication recipient's needs. Understand the underlying traits of the four main types, but know that most people are a combination.
The Amiable or Get Along. This type of person wants to be your friend. They respond to heavy use of the word "you" and the promise of an on-going relationship. They like warmhearted friendly conversations and a relaxed pace. Ask about their weekend and their kids before you ask for work from them. In fact, you should build relationship credits with them every week so when you really need them you have relationship credits to draw on. Also know a warm hello and a sincere thank you are as necessary as food and water to the Amiable. Amiable think carefully before taking any action and they don’t like change. You need to talk them through any new projects or changes in old routines to get them to buy in and follow through, otherwise they will keep doing it the old way or what they may consider the way that has “always worked before.” They need to feel a sense of security before moving forward. They best way to get work from an amiable is to become their friend. Make your body language warm, your voice soft and relaxed, and smile.
More on the other types this Sunday!
How to Get Buy In, Follow Through and Enthusiastic Participation on Projects, Task and Goals.
By Patti Wood MA, CSP, Professional Speaker
Your boss walks into your cubical and says, “I need that project from you by 2:00,” turns around and walks out. How do you feel? Well if you’re a get it done kind of person, you might appreciate that he didn’t waste your time with niceties and was in and out. But if that is not your style you may get pretty mad. You’re really excited to tell your team you have a new project. It will require a lot of work and the deadline is almost impossible to meet without everyone putting in extra hours, but you're pumped. You go in smiling and read to rock. Speaking with an enthusiastic voice and lots of gestures and rah rah language you tell the team about the project. How do they respond? Well if they are fellow expressive types they might jump on the bandwagon with equal enthusiasm. However if they are get it right analyzers they are sitting there shaking their heads thinking of all the details that need to be taken care of, in other words all the mistakes that they will need to fix and how they will be spending every waking hour for the next three weeks. Different people need different delivery styles.
If you have an important idea to communicate to someone at work and you need other people's buy in, you have a task to assign to someone and you want to make sure they follow through, or you want to make sure you will get enthusiastic participation, what’s the best way to present your message? You need to consider the personality of the person you are going to talk to and form a message and delivery style that suits them. We often go in to persuade someone using the communication style that is comfortable for us. What we need to do is consider the personality type of the person we are speaking with! Below are the four basic personality types of the DISC personality inventory and their characteristics. Read what each one likes and prepare your message and delivery style to match your communication recipient's needs. Understand the underlying traits of the four main types, but know that most people are a combination.
The Amiable or Get Along. This type of person wants to be your friend. They respond to heavy use of the word "you" and the promise of an on-going relationship. They like warmhearted friendly conversations and a relaxed pace. Ask about their weekend and their kids before you ask for work from them. In fact, you should build relationship credits with them every week so when you really need them you have relationship credits to draw on. Also know a warm hello and a sincere thank you are as necessary as food and water to the Amiable. Amiable think carefully before taking any action and they don’t like change. You need to talk them through any new projects or changes in old routines to get them to buy in and follow through, otherwise they will keep doing it the old way or what they may consider the way that has “always worked before.” They need to feel a sense of security before moving forward. They best way to get work from an amiable is to become their friend. Make your body language warm, your voice soft and relaxed, and smile.
More on the other types this Sunday!
What Can Your Voice Reveal About Your Personality?
What if you could go in for your first appointment with a doctor and know whether or not he or she had been sued for malpractice merely by listening to the tone of his or her voice? Would that seem magical? Well you can. Recent research that removed the meaning of the words from real surgeons' messages and played merely the tone of their voices to subjects found that the subjects where able to distinguish the doctors who had actually been sued for malpractice from the ones who had not. OK, the ones that had been sued may have sounded a bit like the grouch TV doctor House who seems to hate his patients, but the real discovery is that the difference in someone's tone of voice reveals so much about them. I was working with a client this week who was upset with a coworker for, "..making him wrong". I asked him to use my conflict management tool, the ERASER method (check out the full How To article on my website www.PattiWood.net under articles), to write a script to the coworker about his behavior. It turns out that the coworker said nothing in the word message about my client being wrong. My client felt he was being made wrong by the tone of voice his coworker was using. Here is a link to the research study on the doctors tone of voice revealing a history of malpractice. While you're there check out the site. It is one of my personal favorites. http://www.medscape.com/medline/abstract/12110787
The Effect of Attractiveness on Job Success
I have been reading a ton of research on how nonverbal communication effects or is effected by technologically based interactions. This is for a client that will video tape my presentation this afternoon. I have a link to a great study. http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/167/the_effects_of_physical_attractiveness_on_jobrelated_outcomes/index.html
The effects of physical attractiveness on job-related outcomes is particularly interesting. I talk about the effect of attractiveness quite a bit. This article has a great review of the literature. I am interested in the research showing that, "What is beautiful is good."
"Substantial empirical evidence and three meta-analyses have firmly established the existence and validity of a "what-is- beautiful-is-good stereotype" (e.g., Dion, Berscheid, & Walster, 1972; Eagly et al, 1991; Feingold, 1992; Jackson et al., 1995). For example, meta-analyses by Eagly et al. (1991) and Feingold (1992) showed that attractiveness has (a) a strong effect on perceptions of social competence, social skills, and sexual warmth, (b) a moderate effect on perceptions of intellectual competence, potency, adjustment, dominance, and general mental health, and (c) a weak effect on perceptions of integrity and concern for others. In addition, sex-of-target differences were observed for the perceptions of sexual warmth and intellectual competence. More specifically, the effects of attractiveness on perceptions of sexual warmth were stronger for women than for men (Feingold, 1992). However, the effects of attractiveness on perceptions of intellectual competence were stronger for men than for women (Jackson et al., 1995).
Furthermore, more recent meta-analyses (Langlois et al., 2000) have shown that (a) following actual interaction with others, perceivers judge attractive individuals more positively (e.g., in terms of interpersonal competence, occupational competence, social appeal, adjustment) and treat them more favorably (e.g., visual/ social attention, positive interaction, reward, help/cooperation, acceptance) than less attractive individuals, and (b) attractive individuals experience more positive outcomes in life (e.g., occupational success, popularity, dating experience, sexual experience, physical health) than less attractive individuals."
http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/16753/the_effects_of_physical_attractiveness_on_jobrelated_outcomes/index.html
The effects of physical attractiveness on job-related outcomes
Posted on: Friday, 11 July 2003, 06:00 CDT
Discussion
Attractiveness can have a nontrivial, positive impact on individuals' job-related outcomes, even when job- relevant information about them is available to decision makers.
In spite of this study's failure to find a moderating effect of individuating information on the relationship between attractiveness and various job-related outcomes, we believe that this type of information can reduce the degree of reliance that decision makers place on attractiveness. Moreover, we suspect that our failure to find a moderating effect may have been attributable to two factors. First, our study may not have had enough statistical power to detect the effect. Second, the rather crude way in which the individuating information variable was operationalized in our study may have led to the failure to find such an effect.
Between- Versus Within-Subjects Designs
Our meta-analysis showed that the effect of attractiveness may be especially pronounced in research calling for evaluators to sequentially observe and evaluate several individuals who differ in terms of attractiveness (e.g., as is true of research using within- subjects designs). Under such conditions, differences in attractiveness among targets are likely to be more salient than when only one target is observed and evaluated (e.g., as is true of research using between-subjects designs). The same results are consistent with those of studies by Eagly et al. (1991) and Olian et al. (1988). However, similar to a note of caution advanced by Olian et al. (1988), we recognize that this study's findings may not generalize to actual employment situations. The reason for this is that the studies considered by our meta-analysis involved research in which participants made judgments about hypothetical, as opposed to actual, job applicants or incumbents. Nevertheless, it deserves noting that the strategy followed in research using within-subjects designs more closely reflects what occurs in "real world" selection contexts than that followed in research using between-subjects designs (e.g., Olian et al., 1988). That is, organizational decision makers typically evaluate two or more job applicants or job incumbents within a relatively short time interval. Thus, we believe that the closer in time two or more applicants or incumbents are evaluated by raters (e.g., personnel interviewers), the greater will be the bias in ratings attributable to differences in attractiveness among them.
Time Period of Attractiveness Research
As noted above, our meta-analysis showed differences in the magnitude of the attractiveness effect as a function of period during which studies were published: The strength of the same bias during the 1995-1999 period was smaller than the strength of the bias for the 1975-1979 and 1980-1984 periods (p < .01). These results suggest that the strength of attractiveness bias has decreased in recent years. However, at this point in time, the reasons for this decrease are not known.
The effects of physical attractiveness on job-related outcomes is particularly interesting. I talk about the effect of attractiveness quite a bit. This article has a great review of the literature. I am interested in the research showing that, "What is beautiful is good."
"Substantial empirical evidence and three meta-analyses have firmly established the existence and validity of a "what-is- beautiful-is-good stereotype" (e.g., Dion, Berscheid, & Walster, 1972; Eagly et al, 1991; Feingold, 1992; Jackson et al., 1995). For example, meta-analyses by Eagly et al. (1991) and Feingold (1992) showed that attractiveness has (a) a strong effect on perceptions of social competence, social skills, and sexual warmth, (b) a moderate effect on perceptions of intellectual competence, potency, adjustment, dominance, and general mental health, and (c) a weak effect on perceptions of integrity and concern for others. In addition, sex-of-target differences were observed for the perceptions of sexual warmth and intellectual competence. More specifically, the effects of attractiveness on perceptions of sexual warmth were stronger for women than for men (Feingold, 1992). However, the effects of attractiveness on perceptions of intellectual competence were stronger for men than for women (Jackson et al., 1995).
Furthermore, more recent meta-analyses (Langlois et al., 2000) have shown that (a) following actual interaction with others, perceivers judge attractive individuals more positively (e.g., in terms of interpersonal competence, occupational competence, social appeal, adjustment) and treat them more favorably (e.g., visual/ social attention, positive interaction, reward, help/cooperation, acceptance) than less attractive individuals, and (b) attractive individuals experience more positive outcomes in life (e.g., occupational success, popularity, dating experience, sexual experience, physical health) than less attractive individuals."
http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/16753/the_effects_of_physical_attractiveness_on_jobrelated_outcomes/index.html
The effects of physical attractiveness on job-related outcomes
Posted on: Friday, 11 July 2003, 06:00 CDT
Discussion
Attractiveness can have a nontrivial, positive impact on individuals' job-related outcomes, even when job- relevant information about them is available to decision makers.
In spite of this study's failure to find a moderating effect of individuating information on the relationship between attractiveness and various job-related outcomes, we believe that this type of information can reduce the degree of reliance that decision makers place on attractiveness. Moreover, we suspect that our failure to find a moderating effect may have been attributable to two factors. First, our study may not have had enough statistical power to detect the effect. Second, the rather crude way in which the individuating information variable was operationalized in our study may have led to the failure to find such an effect.
Between- Versus Within-Subjects Designs
Our meta-analysis showed that the effect of attractiveness may be especially pronounced in research calling for evaluators to sequentially observe and evaluate several individuals who differ in terms of attractiveness (e.g., as is true of research using within- subjects designs). Under such conditions, differences in attractiveness among targets are likely to be more salient than when only one target is observed and evaluated (e.g., as is true of research using between-subjects designs). The same results are consistent with those of studies by Eagly et al. (1991) and Olian et al. (1988). However, similar to a note of caution advanced by Olian et al. (1988), we recognize that this study's findings may not generalize to actual employment situations. The reason for this is that the studies considered by our meta-analysis involved research in which participants made judgments about hypothetical, as opposed to actual, job applicants or incumbents. Nevertheless, it deserves noting that the strategy followed in research using within-subjects designs more closely reflects what occurs in "real world" selection contexts than that followed in research using between-subjects designs (e.g., Olian et al., 1988). That is, organizational decision makers typically evaluate two or more job applicants or job incumbents within a relatively short time interval. Thus, we believe that the closer in time two or more applicants or incumbents are evaluated by raters (e.g., personnel interviewers), the greater will be the bias in ratings attributable to differences in attractiveness among them.
Time Period of Attractiveness Research
As noted above, our meta-analysis showed differences in the magnitude of the attractiveness effect as a function of period during which studies were published: The strength of the same bias during the 1995-1999 period was smaller than the strength of the bias for the 1975-1979 and 1980-1984 periods (p < .01). These results suggest that the strength of attractiveness bias has decreased in recent years. However, at this point in time, the reasons for this decrease are not known.
Making Facial Expressions, Do Some of Us Have an Advantage?
The other day I went to an estate sale. A few minutes after entering the house I asked the woman running the sale the price of a Christmas ornament and she smiled and said, "You walked into the house with the biggest smile I have ever seen then you actually smiled more as you started looking at things. You brought all this positive energy into the house. Can you come back tomorrow?" I know it sounds weird, but I have had these wierd kinds of comment made all my life. I seem to have a big ole' Bozo the clown smile. I mean it is really big. If you are not old enough to remember Bozo, picture the Joker in Bat Man only happy and not quite as much lipstick. Well maybe more lipstick in my case, but a more flattering color. I have always wondered about my unusually large and expressive smile. My mother swears I came out of the womb smiling. I certainly had the smile as a child. I remember there where ads for the secrets for building big arm muscles in the back of comic books when I was a kid. Aimed at scrawny boys, the ads promised you could build the muscles of a brawny body builder if you only sent them some money. What if only certain people had lots of muscles to build and others, the scrawnies, had fewer muscles in the first place? Perhaps we would not have a level playing field no matter how we worked on building the few muscles we had.
Well, as far as the muscles that control facial expressions, this lack of level playing field has been proven. New research by Dr Bridget Waller a scientist at the University of Portsmouth has found that not everyone has all the muscles that can control our facial expression. Some of us have more and some of us have less--in some cases as little as 60% of the muscles needed. Think of how having more or fewer facial expression forming muscles in your face could affect your ability to interact less or more effectively with others; to bond less or more with people.
In her study published in the American Psychological Association journal, Dr. Wallers discusses the first systematic study on cadavers to discover the variations of musculature structure in the face as they control facial expressions. It appears that the face is the only part of the body to have this unique set of differences. I have read the study and I am stunned. It seems that these variations in allotment of muscles cause some people to have a unique facial signature--in my case, a bozo like smile. People without certain muscles can compensate for their lack using other muscles, but it may involve extra effort. What if the phenomena of personality type differences such as introversion and extroversion was affected by having more or less of the facial muscles required to make facial expressions? I know research says that task-orientated individuals especially those in the "Get it Right" DISC personality type of my "techie" audiences can't understand while the "touchy feelies" in the "Get Along" "Get Appreciated" categories smile so much or show so much emotion. In the same vein the "touchie feelies" can't understand why the "techies" don't show any noticeable positive emotions. To which the techies reply, "I am not going to give a fake smile." Could it seem forced and fake to them because it takes more effort? Hummm, that could be interesting research. What do you think? Oh, one more interesting tid bit. The only other part of the body where they have seen differences in muscles between people: the forearm. I always knew Popeye wasn't really eating all the spinach.
Here is a link to the study. And below that some of the findings.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/02/090211161852.htm
Dr Waller is from the Centre for the Study of Emotion in the Department of Psychology. She collaborated with anatomists at the University of Pittsburgh and Duquesne University in the USA.
They found that all humans have a core set of five facial muscles which they believe control our ability to produce a set of standard expressions which convey anger, happiness, surprise, fear, sadness and disgust. But there are up to nineteen muscles which may be present in the face and many people do not possess all of them. for example, The Risorius muscle, which experts believe controls our ability to create an expression of extreme fear, is found in only two thirds of the population.
Dr Waller said: “Everyone communicates using a set of common signals and so we would expect to find that the muscles do not vary among individuals. The results are surprising - in some individuals we found only 60 per cent of the available muscles.”
She said that everyone is able to produce the same basic facial expressions and movements but we also have individual variations.
“Some less common facial expressions may be unique to certain people,” she said. “The ability to produce subtly different variants of facial expressions may allow us to develop individual ‘signatures’ that are specific to certain individuals.”
She said that there are significant implications for the importance of facial expression in society.
“Facial expression serves an essential function in society and may be a form of social bonding,” Dr Waller said. “It allows us to synchronise our behaviour and understand each other better.”
Dr Waller has completed studies which examined facial expressions in apes. She said that primates who live within social groups have a more elaborate communication repertoire including more complex facial expressions.
“There is a theory that language evolved to help us bond us together in social groups and we may be able to apply the same theory to facial expressions,” she said.
The face is the only part of the human anatomy which has been found to display such a massive variation in muscle structure. In the only other example of muscular differences, the forearm has a muscle which approximately fifteen per cent of the population don’t have.
Dr Anne Burrows from Duquesne University was one of the anatomists on the study. She said: “The problems with quantifying facial musculature is that they're not like other muscles. They're fairly flat, difficult to separate from surrounding connective tissue and they all attach to one another. They are very unlike muscles of the limbs, for example.
“The variation we see in the face is absolutely unique,” said Dr Waller.
Dr Waller said that actors need not worry because people will compensate for a lack of one muscle by using another to develop a similar expression. And people can learn to develop a facial expression by practising in front of a mirror.
“As humans we are able to change the level of control we have over our facial expressions,” said Dr Waller. “There is a great deal of asymmetry in the face and the left side is generally more expressive than the right. But someone who is unable to raise one eyebrow without raising the other could in fact learn to raise just one.”
The implication for those actors who have had botox speaks for itself.
________________________________________
Adapted from materials provided by University of Portsmouth, via AlphaGalileo
History Channel Special, "The Secrets of Body Language"
I am so excited today. I am working on a project concerning face to face interaction and video conferencing. Do you do video conferences? Can you think of ways to make video conferencing more like face to face interaction? What technical innovations do you think would help video conferencing?
Also an update. I have some of the History Channel clips from the secrets of body language on my YouTube station. I would love for you to watch them and give them a rating.
http://www.youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert
These clips and others will be up on my website soon.
Also an update. I have some of the History Channel clips from the secrets of body language on my YouTube station. I would love for you to watch them and give them a rating.
http://www.youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert
These clips and others will be up on my website soon.
More on Video vs Face to Face meetings
I am blogging today about face to face communication and wanted to include part of an article from my book,"The Conflict Cure" about GENTLER listening. Make sure you see the Youtube video in my earlier post.
G-ive facial feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener, but when you do you can give a blank, open mouthed look that resembles the face of kid after five hours of cartoons you’re not winning friends and influencing people. Drool is not very appealing. You have to work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and you have to work your face to have toned empathetic skills. Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to their message. They may show they are concerned or understand by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy frown and lower your eyes. If they are mad close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope. Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs and you will actually feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively
G-ive facial feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener, but when you do you can give a blank, open mouthed look that resembles the face of kid after five hours of cartoons you’re not winning friends and influencing people. Drool is not very appealing. You have to work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and you have to work your face to have toned empathetic skills. Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to their message. They may show they are concerned or understand by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy frown and lower your eyes. If they are mad close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope. Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs and you will actually feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively
Body Language and Video Conferancing
I was asked today to consult with a company that does video conferencing and I sent a shout out to some colleagues that do them often. My friend Michael who lives in Paris sent me this short funny video that emphasizes the importance of handshakes.
FIRST WATCH THIS VIDEO!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO5sD8Y69nU
Here is a recent article I wrote for my newsletter on the value of face to face communication.
Texting vs Face to Face Interaction
Since I opened my first bank account at the age of eleven, I have loved to go into my bank and make my deposits and withdrawals. I love the face-to-face interaction, I still do not use bank machines, I want a chance to share a smile not just my bank account number. For over 20 years, I knew all the cashiers’ at my bank by name and they knew mine. When I came in we would visit for a minute would ask me how my last trip was, and I would ask about their day and their family. Now that my bank has been bought and sold, a few times I know only know one teller by name and she always smiles and I smile back and we laugh about the fact that the two of us are always in a good mood. It makes my day.
I am a body language expert. Human interaction feeds us. It is sustenance. The smile, the eye contact of recognition, the light touch of hands across the counter, insures us we are seen, are known, that we exists. Each face-to-face interaction makes our lives rich. It also feeds the brain. If you have been reading my blogs or getting my newsletter, you know that I love neuroscience and often talk about the brain body connection. Recently I found a great article on the research on face-to-face interaction of Dr. Thomas Lewis at Headrush@typeface.com
Dr. Lewis discovered that the immediate response and clear facial feedback in interaction is crucial. In his still-face effect experiments he showed that if mothers maintain a still face and don’t show an immediate facial feedback response to their babies that the infants become immediately distressed. Even a small delay in the response in the feedback/interaction/responsiveness distressed the babies. The article went on to share that Dr. Lewis said that even as adults, we have the same neurochemistry. We need immediate facial feedback. So how does this affect our texting, twittering, face book world? Well the article went on to say that, “….no matter how much we practice communicating through text, the brain still finds it stressful… “It’s a problem because we do not get that immediate facial feedback. Of course, shy people find texting less stressful. (That would be introverts on the Myers Briggs personality inventory or Get it Rights and Get Alongs on the DiSC link here to my articles on that) Dr. Lewis said that in the brains of shy people a stranger’s face triggers a fear or anxiety response in the amygdale. As you have experienced reading 355 emails each day a strangers, text doesn’t cause fear. Maybe frustrations when you reach email 200 but not fear. Of course, you can always video chat where you get all those wonderful nonverbal cues, the facial expression and the voice/paralanguage, but he cautions it still can cause feedback/interaction AND you don’t get real time responsiveness. So what does that mean? Well something, you know I will always recommend. Get out of the care go into the bank and say Hi. It is a great way to feed your brain and not a bad way to feed your life.
FIRST WATCH THIS VIDEO!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aO5sD8Y69nU
Here is a recent article I wrote for my newsletter on the value of face to face communication.
Texting vs Face to Face Interaction
Since I opened my first bank account at the age of eleven, I have loved to go into my bank and make my deposits and withdrawals. I love the face-to-face interaction, I still do not use bank machines, I want a chance to share a smile not just my bank account number. For over 20 years, I knew all the cashiers’ at my bank by name and they knew mine. When I came in we would visit for a minute would ask me how my last trip was, and I would ask about their day and their family. Now that my bank has been bought and sold, a few times I know only know one teller by name and she always smiles and I smile back and we laugh about the fact that the two of us are always in a good mood. It makes my day.
I am a body language expert. Human interaction feeds us. It is sustenance. The smile, the eye contact of recognition, the light touch of hands across the counter, insures us we are seen, are known, that we exists. Each face-to-face interaction makes our lives rich. It also feeds the brain. If you have been reading my blogs or getting my newsletter, you know that I love neuroscience and often talk about the brain body connection. Recently I found a great article on the research on face-to-face interaction of Dr. Thomas Lewis at Headrush@typeface.com
Dr. Lewis discovered that the immediate response and clear facial feedback in interaction is crucial. In his still-face effect experiments he showed that if mothers maintain a still face and don’t show an immediate facial feedback response to their babies that the infants become immediately distressed. Even a small delay in the response in the feedback/interaction/responsiveness distressed the babies. The article went on to share that Dr. Lewis said that even as adults, we have the same neurochemistry. We need immediate facial feedback. So how does this affect our texting, twittering, face book world? Well the article went on to say that, “….no matter how much we practice communicating through text, the brain still finds it stressful… “It’s a problem because we do not get that immediate facial feedback. Of course, shy people find texting less stressful. (That would be introverts on the Myers Briggs personality inventory or Get it Rights and Get Alongs on the DiSC link here to my articles on that) Dr. Lewis said that in the brains of shy people a stranger’s face triggers a fear or anxiety response in the amygdale. As you have experienced reading 355 emails each day a strangers, text doesn’t cause fear. Maybe frustrations when you reach email 200 but not fear. Of course, you can always video chat where you get all those wonderful nonverbal cues, the facial expression and the voice/paralanguage, but he cautions it still can cause feedback/interaction AND you don’t get real time responsiveness. So what does that mean? Well something, you know I will always recommend. Get out of the care go into the bank and say Hi. It is a great way to feed your brain and not a bad way to feed your life.
Body Language and Feeling Shy
I was working with a client this afternoon that is extremely shy. She is working on becoming more confident. She was surprised to learn that I use to have extreme social anxiety around strangers. Today I shared with her body language tools to appear and feel calmer. I will be sharing some of those tools at the end of the day. In the meantime here are some great questions from an article on Selfgrowth.com Scroll down and answer the questions and let me know what you feel about your own fear. Links to the author of the article are below. www.PattiWood.net
"We will never be happy to feel fear -- it is fear after all. But fear is one of many signals that can help us on our path, when we do not allow it to manage our path. Where is fear managing your life today? Here are some questions to help you shine light on your fears. With each new awareness comes new power."
"* What fear reoccurs frequently in your life?
* How is this fear holding you back in your life right now? (The more specific you are, the more helpful it will be.)
* If you don't let this fear stop you this time, how will you benefit?
* Will you manage your life today, or will fear? (Hint: Choose you!)"
About the Author:
Arleen Hannich, MA, is a Spiritual Facilitator. She offers Divine Presence, Inspirational Messages from Spirit, and the Oneness Blessing to help individuals lead more authentic, joyful lives. For more information, visit her website at http://www.arleenhannich.com or contact her at AHannich@Bellsouth.net
Check out the Experts page for Arleen Hannich, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Self Realization.
"We will never be happy to feel fear -- it is fear after all. But fear is one of many signals that can help us on our path, when we do not allow it to manage our path. Where is fear managing your life today? Here are some questions to help you shine light on your fears. With each new awareness comes new power."
"* What fear reoccurs frequently in your life?
* How is this fear holding you back in your life right now? (The more specific you are, the more helpful it will be.)
* If you don't let this fear stop you this time, how will you benefit?
* Will you manage your life today, or will fear? (Hint: Choose you!)"
About the Author:
Arleen Hannich, MA, is a Spiritual Facilitator. She offers Divine Presence, Inspirational Messages from Spirit, and the Oneness Blessing to help individuals lead more authentic, joyful lives. For more information, visit her website at http://www.arleenhannich.com or contact her at AHannich@Bellsouth.net
Check out the Experts page for Arleen Hannich, the SelfGrowth.com Official Guide to Self Realization.
Meaning of the hands hidden under the legs
I just finished a coaching session with one of my body language coaching clients and he asked me about a particular gesture cluster. He sat with his legs crossed and put out both of his hands with the palms down and then wrapped the top of one hand under inside his leg on the right and the top of his other hand inside his leg on the left. I said, "If a woman suddenly went to that position I would read it as her feeling uncomfortable sexually. Perhaps a man is coming on to strong or is teasing with her sexually or she feels sexually threatened by the situation. It would be unusual for a man to do it, but if a man did it would indicate his "manhood" was threaten. He would be indicating that he feels threatened an vulnerable at a deep level. A similar gesture is made when someone stands with their hands in front of their private parts in what is commonly referred to as the fig leaf posture.
G2 summit
A few weekes ago the BBC sent me photos of the G2 summit I will be reading them at a later date.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7978171.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/business/2009/g20/7978258.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7977867
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7978171.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_depth/business/2009/g20/7978258.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7977867
Good Monday Morning
I was speaking in Chicago over the weekend. I will be checkin in latter with my blog.
Body Langauge Advice Tips for Looking Younger
Best Body Language Tips For Looking Younger
Tips for men and women so you can look younger
1. Think "lift" and "up". Move upwards. Lift your head and shoulders upwards. Gesture upwards. Smile so the corners of your mouth go up. Look in the mirror at your normal face when it is a rest and see if your eyes or corners of your mouth go down and see what happens when you lift them up. If you wear anything shirt with a collar make sure they are crisp and seem to lift up creating a lift around your face. If a shirt collar is old or not pressed it will lay to flat and give a down impression to your face and even your shoulder line. Make sure your shirt arms fall crisp and tight at the shoulders. Choose not to wear any shirt or sweater style with off the shoulder arm holes as they only look good on teenagers and bring the visual silhouette down. Making you look stoop shouldered and dowdy.
2. If you need to wear glasses get your glasses tightened regularly. Glasses that come down on your nose, even a little bit make you look much older. Keep your glasses tightened and high on your face. Again think up.
3. When you walk into a room, be it for a social gathering, interview or a meeting hold your shoulders back and head up and sit up.
4. Make sure you make eye contact right away smile and put out your hand for a hand shake with extra energy. (I have done several years of research on handshakes. Link to my handshake article on my website)
5. As you share your ideas and information make sure your voice shows your energy and enthusiasm and hold the strength and volume of your voice all the way to the end of a sentence. As we age our vocal chords show their wear and our voices change and tend to sound rougher and we tend to lose volume at the end or sentences forcing people to not feel with are speaking with conviction and sometimes even saying, “excuse me I didn’t hear you.”
6. Get your hearing and eyesight checked professionally. Do it now.
7. For men and woman make sure everything you wear is crisply pressed, no wrinkles no "wear" on your shoes or belts. You have to make sure your clothes and accessories don’t symbolically say you are old, used or tired.
8. Make sure you are fashion current in colors style and jewelry including, if you wear one, your watch. Now even wearing a watch can age you as many younger people just use their cell phone instead of wearing what they perceive as an old antique device we call a watch.If you’re not sure what’s current in professional clothing read a style magazine and go to a high end store like Nordstrom’s you don't have to purchase it there simply look to see what is current in style then go buy the brand item at TJMAX, or Marshalls or DSW Shoes.
9. It seems basic, but be careful how you sit in a chair. Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of their seats, arching their backs, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. So as woman, too look more confident and powerful, don’t perch the entire time.. Sit back in the chair and use lots of space and put you arms on the arm rest. Men don’t slouch the whole time; you may look lazy rather than vital and energetic. Sit forward slowly as you share certain information about which you are confident.
For Women
1. If you can avoid using one, don’t carry a purse. It not only sends a strong female signal it gives you one more thing to worry about and fuss over. When woman sit down they usually have over 16 separate movements. Men have three and look much more together and organized. If you must carry something carry a folder or hip briefcase.
2. Make up for Woman. Make sure you do wear make-up, but make it light. I love Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. If you wear eye shadow take your finger and lay it on the outside of eye and sweep any shadow up and out. If you wear eyeliner make sure it goes up slightly and the corner of your eye. When you put on blush make sure to use it sparingly and make it go up around your eyes never down. I suggest a cream blush as the new makeup style is dewy not dry and powdered. Be very careful of lipstick I draw around the edge with a very soft Estee Lauder lipstick pencil press my lips together and blend very well so it covers my entire lip and then I put on a light clear pink gloss. If I need all day coverage for my lipstick I use Max Factor Color Stay in a rose shade and put gloss on throughout the day. Don’t wear eyeliner on your bottom lip and don’t use mascara there it pulls the eye down and makes it look tired and older.
3. Wear the best underwear and support garments that you can afford. Nordstrom's has a wonderfully educated staff. I love Yummy Tummy (may be branded as Yummy Life) Camisoles. They are extremely comfortable and get you down at least one if not two sizes. They are so easy to wear you forget you have them on. Spanx work too, and thank goodness they are improving their garments comfort.
4. I know beige and gray and cream are rich looking colors, but they can wash you out and age you. Put nice flattering color around your face hot pink, pink peach, salmon, cobalt blue whatever makes your skin glow and you makes you feel good.
Tips for men and women so you can look younger
1. Think "lift" and "up". Move upwards. Lift your head and shoulders upwards. Gesture upwards. Smile so the corners of your mouth go up. Look in the mirror at your normal face when it is a rest and see if your eyes or corners of your mouth go down and see what happens when you lift them up. If you wear anything shirt with a collar make sure they are crisp and seem to lift up creating a lift around your face. If a shirt collar is old or not pressed it will lay to flat and give a down impression to your face and even your shoulder line. Make sure your shirt arms fall crisp and tight at the shoulders. Choose not to wear any shirt or sweater style with off the shoulder arm holes as they only look good on teenagers and bring the visual silhouette down. Making you look stoop shouldered and dowdy.
2. If you need to wear glasses get your glasses tightened regularly. Glasses that come down on your nose, even a little bit make you look much older. Keep your glasses tightened and high on your face. Again think up.
3. When you walk into a room, be it for a social gathering, interview or a meeting hold your shoulders back and head up and sit up.
4. Make sure you make eye contact right away smile and put out your hand for a hand shake with extra energy. (I have done several years of research on handshakes. Link to my handshake article on my website)
5. As you share your ideas and information make sure your voice shows your energy and enthusiasm and hold the strength and volume of your voice all the way to the end of a sentence. As we age our vocal chords show their wear and our voices change and tend to sound rougher and we tend to lose volume at the end or sentences forcing people to not feel with are speaking with conviction and sometimes even saying, “excuse me I didn’t hear you.”
6. Get your hearing and eyesight checked professionally. Do it now.
7. For men and woman make sure everything you wear is crisply pressed, no wrinkles no "wear" on your shoes or belts. You have to make sure your clothes and accessories don’t symbolically say you are old, used or tired.
8. Make sure you are fashion current in colors style and jewelry including, if you wear one, your watch. Now even wearing a watch can age you as many younger people just use their cell phone instead of wearing what they perceive as an old antique device we call a watch.If you’re not sure what’s current in professional clothing read a style magazine and go to a high end store like Nordstrom’s you don't have to purchase it there simply look to see what is current in style then go buy the brand item at TJMAX, or Marshalls or DSW Shoes.
9. It seems basic, but be careful how you sit in a chair. Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of their seats, arching their backs, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. So as woman, too look more confident and powerful, don’t perch the entire time.. Sit back in the chair and use lots of space and put you arms on the arm rest. Men don’t slouch the whole time; you may look lazy rather than vital and energetic. Sit forward slowly as you share certain information about which you are confident.
For Women
1. If you can avoid using one, don’t carry a purse. It not only sends a strong female signal it gives you one more thing to worry about and fuss over. When woman sit down they usually have over 16 separate movements. Men have three and look much more together and organized. If you must carry something carry a folder or hip briefcase.
2. Make up for Woman. Make sure you do wear make-up, but make it light. I love Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer. If you wear eye shadow take your finger and lay it on the outside of eye and sweep any shadow up and out. If you wear eyeliner make sure it goes up slightly and the corner of your eye. When you put on blush make sure to use it sparingly and make it go up around your eyes never down. I suggest a cream blush as the new makeup style is dewy not dry and powdered. Be very careful of lipstick I draw around the edge with a very soft Estee Lauder lipstick pencil press my lips together and blend very well so it covers my entire lip and then I put on a light clear pink gloss. If I need all day coverage for my lipstick I use Max Factor Color Stay in a rose shade and put gloss on throughout the day. Don’t wear eyeliner on your bottom lip and don’t use mascara there it pulls the eye down and makes it look tired and older.
3. Wear the best underwear and support garments that you can afford. Nordstrom's has a wonderfully educated staff. I love Yummy Tummy (may be branded as Yummy Life) Camisoles. They are extremely comfortable and get you down at least one if not two sizes. They are so easy to wear you forget you have them on. Spanx work too, and thank goodness they are improving their garments comfort.
4. I know beige and gray and cream are rich looking colors, but they can wash you out and age you. Put nice flattering color around your face hot pink, pink peach, salmon, cobalt blue whatever makes your skin glow and you makes you feel good.
Who is most accurate at detecting lies?
In a previous post I shared with you that to increase your ability to detect deceit you needed to be accurate in detecting honesty. Another way to increase your lie detection ability is to receive adequate feedback on your reads. So who gets the most feedback? One of the groups who gets the most feedback about their reads are prisoners. They must read their fellow inmates communications accurately in order to survive and thrive. Research comparing
prisoners, police detectives, patrol police officers, prison guards, customs officers, and college students showed that prisoners where the most accurate at detecting deceit. Previous studies, mainly conducted with college students as subjects, showed that people have some incorrect beliefs about behavioral clues to deception. In this research study it was hypothesized that prisoners would have the best notion about clues of deception, due to the fact that they receive the most adequate feedback about successful deception strategies. The results supported this hypothesis.
prisoners, police detectives, patrol police officers, prison guards, customs officers, and college students showed that prisoners where the most accurate at detecting deceit. Previous studies, mainly conducted with college students as subjects, showed that people have some incorrect beliefs about behavioral clues to deception. In this research study it was hypothesized that prisoners would have the best notion about clues of deception, due to the fact that they receive the most adequate feedback about successful deception strategies. The results supported this hypothesis.
Detecting Deception is More Than Lies
Those of you that follow my blog know that I have been researching nonverbal cues of deception and training people on deception detection for many years. You may not know that my programs are actually teach people to distinguish truth tellers from someone who is lying. I also teach people how to build their personal credibility. Why do I train people to detect honesty in a deception detection course? Because the research deception detection indicates that you can train people to detect deception but unless you also train them to detect the truth they will end up with a deception bias . That bias acts in conjunction with other errors in detecting deception such as suspecting people of lying when they are merely nervous or reading normally introverted people as liars to increase the simply introverted that increase false deception detection judgments. Though some research shows the a deception bias increases ones ability to detect deception I believe that a balanced approach creates a higher degree of accuracy
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