Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Your Facial Expressions Show You are Sleepy, Does Sleep Deprivation Effect Your Relationships? Do People Treat You Differently If You Are Sleepy

Research Study Reveals the Face of Sleep Deprivation - The Body Language of Sleep Loss

Below is research on the facial expression of sleep deprived tired people. The most interesting thing about it is that they look sadder. Yes, on some level you know that. But for me it is extremely interesting. Think about it. I am familiar with research that we avoid and in other ways treat people who look sad differently. How do you interact with someone who is sad or who just looks and feels sad because they are sleepy. Are you more empathetic to someone who look sad/tired? Are you gentler or do you avoid people at work who look sad? What about leadership, credibly, sales and persuasion? Do you take the advice of someone who looks tired? Do you buy from a tired sales guy? Do you follow the protocol for your health from your sleep deprived Doctor? Do kids ignore the commands of their tired parents?

I would love to do a study on this. Here is the study I read on the facial expression of the sleep deprived.

Results show that the faces of sleep-deprived individuals were perceived as having more hanging eyelids, redder eyes, more swollen eyes and darker circles under the eyes. Sleep deprivation also was associated with paler skin, more wrinkles or fine lines, and more droopy corners of the mouth. People also looked sadder when sleep-deprived than after normal sleep, and sadness was related to looking fatigued. Here is what I find interesting, The James-Lange Theory argues that the pattern our body language for emotions goes as follows: stimulus - bodily reaction - emotion. Which means how your hold your body effects how your feel. If sleepiness causes sad facial expressions you can't help but feel sad. By the way this goes against the conventional view that emotions cause bodily reactions

Link to the research or full research study below. http://www.sciencedaily.com/news/top/environment/

Date - August 30, 2013

Source - American Academy of Sleep Medicine

Summary

A new study finds that sleep deprivation affects facial features such as the eyes, mouth and skin, and these features function as cues of sleep loss to other people.

Tired eyes.

Credit: © Sylvie Bouchard / Fotolia

[Click to enlarge image]

Credit: © Sylvie Bouchard / Fotolia

A new study finds that sleep deprivation affects facial features such as the eyes, mouth and skin, and these features function as cues of sleep loss to other people.

"Since faces contain a lot of information on which humans base their interactions with each other, how fatigued a person appears may affect how others behave toward them," said Tina Sundelin, MSc, lead author and doctoral student in the department of psychology at Stockholm University in Stockholm, Sweden. "This is relevant not only for private social interactions, but also official ones such as with health care professionals and in public safety."

The study, which appears in the September issue of the journal Sleep, was conducted at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden. Ten subjects were photographed on two separate occasions: after eight hours of normal sleep and after 31 hours of sleep deprivation. The photographs were taken in the laboratory at 2:30 p.m. on both occasions. Forty participants rated the 20 facial photographs with respect to 10 facial cues, fatigue and sadness.

According to the authors, face perception involves a specialized neuronal network and is one of the most developed visual perceptual skills in humans. Facial appearance can affect judgments of attributes such as trustworthiness, aggressiveness and competence.

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by American Academy of Sleep Medicine. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. Tina Sundelin, Mats Lekander, Göran Kecklund, Eus J. W. Van Someren, Andreas Olsson, John Axelsson. Cues of Fatigue: Effects of Sleep Deprivation on Facial Appearance. SLEEP, 2013; DOI: 10.5665/sleep.2964

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American Academy of Sleep Medicine. "Study reveals the face of sleep deprivation." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 30 August 2013. .

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

People With MS Can Have Trouble Reading Emotion From Body Language Posture Cues and It Can Make Them Seem Cold and Unfeeling

I have a friend Cathy whose sister Beth has MS. Cathy struggles with her relationship her sister. No matter what Cathy does to help Beth, her sister seems selfish and lacks empathy. It is all about Beth and her needs. A new research study on MS and the lack of the ability to read nonverbal cues of emotion may explain all or at least some of her problems with her sister. People with MS may not read body language posture cues of emotions well.

I can see if you can’t read you would have trouble mirroring and empathizing. Here is the link to the article. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/11/141110083515.htm and below is the actual article.

Recognizing emotions, and what happens when this is interrupted

November 10, 2014

Sissa Medialab

Recognizing the emotions other people feel is crucial for establishing proper interpersonal relations. To do so, we look at (amongst other things) facial expressions and body posture. Unfortunately, in some neurological disorders this ability is heavily impaired. This happens, for example, in multiple sclerosis where scientific evidence shows that people affected by the disease often have trouble recognizing expressions that communicate emotions. A new study now demonstrates that the same difficulty may also be encountered with emotions conveyed by posture.

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A new study now demonstrates that the same difficulty may also be encountered with emotions conveyed by posture. In addition, the study shows that this difficulty recognizing other people's emotions is unrelated to difficulties identifying one own's emotions, a disorder known as alexithymia, which may be present in patients with multiple sclerosis.

"The finding on posture is new, and even though this symptom is less pronounced than the inability to read facial expressions, it is nonetheless important" explains Marilena Aiello, a SISSA researcher. "Studies on the identification of expressions in neurological disorders such as multiple sclerosis are important. In this type of disease the relationship between patients and carers is crucial to guarantee the patient the best quality of life. It's thus vital to identify the factors that may influence and improve this relationship."

In addition to Aiello, the other SISSA researchers who participated in the study, published in the Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, are Cinzia Cecchetto (first author) and Raffaella Rumiati, a SISSA neuroscientist who coordinated the research project.

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by Sissa Medialab. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. Cinzia Cecchetto, Marilena Aiello, Delia D’Amico, Daniela Cutuli, Daniela Cargnelutti, Roberto Eleopra, Raffaella Ida Rumiati. Facial and Bodily Emotion Recognition in Multiple Sclerosis: The Role of Alexithymia and Other Characteristics of the Disease. Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, 2014; 1 DOI: 10.1017/S1355617714000939

Body Language Read of Blake and Ryan - Easy Does It!

Ryan Reynolds, 38, and Blake Lively, 27, sexed it up for the cameras at the Met Gala in May. As he palms his wife's rear, "Ryan has that proud look on his face, like, "Look at this babe I've got an my arm!". There is a boyishness there, says Patti. But Ryan's red-carpet approach was entirely different with a now-pregnant Blake at the Angel Ball in NYC. "Ryan's fingers are tenderly curled around her back. It is as though he doesn't want to hurt her as he draws her in!"

Patti gives the couple in May a 3 on the Life and Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti gives the couple in October a 5 on the Life and Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Body Language Read of Kim and Kanye - Ships in the Night!

Kim Kardashian, 34, stole the spotlight from Kanye West, 37, during a September appearance in London. "She looks as though she could be there all by herself," observes Patti. "It's odd that Kanye's almost hidden behind her." Things improved at a recent gala - sort of. "They're looking at each other and having fun, but there is still no tenderness and connection here. It look so fake!"

Patti gives this couple in September a 1 on the Life & Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti gives this couple in November a 3 on the Life & Style True Love Rating Scale.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Tips For Self Promotion for Women How to Brag Successfully So You Don't Look Like a Show Off.

Nine Tips for Self-Promotion for Women

How to Brag Successfully so You Don't Look Like a Show Off

Here are nine tips for the best way to brag in a politically correct manner and how to

successfully and gracefully self-promote.

1. Be fearless and speak well of what you have done.
Yes, there is a gender-based difference in how men who self-promote are perceived and how women who say their accomplishments are perceived. It can change, but the research still shows that in traditional gender stereotypes men are admired for their work, physical and monetary accomplishments and women for their relationships, nurturing, social accomplishments But, that perception can ONLY change if women are courageous and speak well of their accomplishments without fear.  A good rule of thumb when sharing your success is to see how, when and what men are sharing about theirs and by balancing what you share about yourself with admiration and others. By seeing what others do that you respect, and admire and complimenting them directly and speaking well of them to others even when they aren't there.

2. Choose to do things that are worthy of self-promotion.
Be courageous, take risks. By this, I don't mean take on more tasks and be a workaholic, I mean be thoughtful in your choices. Spend your time wisely and with integrity. Volunteer for important projects. Help other team members. Work on committees, (You can choose to be on committees with important people.) Speak up at meetings with great ideas. Take the lead position on projects, suggest and spearhead innovations.

3. Learn to tell a short self-promotional story.
“Last week the most fantastic thing happened... “I had the best week this week……”, “I feel so great about something that happened this week...” and then tell about one specific success. Don’t preface it with how tired you are. Don’t list all you did, or how busy your week was. Tell one very brief story. A hero’s journey is interesting. A recap of your to-do list or rundown of all the things on your outlook calendar is boring. If you have not read, "The Power of Myth" find it or at least read about it so you know what a hero's journey looks and sounds like. Make sure you include brag bites―pieces of relevant facts, such as clients that you’re working with, how long you’ve been in the industry, or a project you’ve recently completed.

4. Be very careful of your tone and nonverbal delivery.
Look at how men get excited and make the telling of their hero’s journey into a fun journey for the listener. Don’t be haughty and don’t hog too much time. Think how men share a sports success story, “I hit a home run, I caught the ball, I made a hole in one." People actually ENJOY listening because they feel the pleasure, excitement of the adventure and challenge along with the storyteller. But remember, women have a narrower band of acceptable delivery options so you can't be over the top and again you must tell a shorter story than a man.

5. Send a thoughtful email to a specific person about your accomplishments.
Men will email what they have done to accomplish their projects and you can do it too. If you see a good example of someone stating an accomplishment in an email you receive the model it. Don't send a group email listing your checked off to-dos. If you are not sure how it sounds read it out loud or try it out on someone who can be brutally honest with you about how it sounds.

6. Make your work visible by spending time with people.
Talk to people who can recommend you. Take influential people out for coffee or lunch, stop by people’s offices and ask what they are up to. Spend productive time-sharing and visiting in the break room.

7. Compliment and "brag on" other women.
When you focus on others accomplishments and notice what is worthy of praise your energy is focused in the right place and you learn what matters. One simple way to give praise is with an introduction. For example, when you introduce your female friends, coworkers and business friends to someone new share their name and an accomplishment. "Jim, this is Sara Beckman, she just headed up the committee for our new quarter sales meeting and it was fantastic." "Tom, this is Morgan Tyler, she just spearheaded the new marketing project." "Karl, this is Veronica Mann, she works with our top client Prudential."

8. Ask other women to brag for you.
If you have established healthy, reciprocal, working relationships with other women it is perfectly acceptable to ask them to help you by giving a brag boost. You can even ask someone to share something specific to someone specific. But if you do this, I advise that you always reciprocate. Be the person that says and shares positive things about others.

9. Be a good listener.
We like people who listen to us and often imbue them with good behaviors. If you want people to listen to you share your successes, be the best listener for them. It will not only make you more discriminating about what and how you self-promote but more importantly it is just gracious behavior.

For other ways to look good at work you can check out other articles.
Five Ways to Give a Great First Impression
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=11491
Nonverbal Cues of a Good Listener
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=2323
How Do We Know Someone is Credible within Seconds of Meeting Them?
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=10452

On a personal note:
When I was in my late thirties, I was at a party with my fiancé at the time and someone asked me what I did for a living. I said, "I am a body language expert and professional speaker."
Later my fiancé chastised me for saying I was a body language expert. I remember going through a cascade of different emotions and revelations at that moment.

First I felt shame at the thought that I could have been inappropriate and a braggart. But then I realized that was not what I should feel. I should feel proud of being an expert. Then a stronger emotion took over and I was angry at my fiancé for not seeing me for all I was. Then I felt disappointment in myself as I realized that he might not even know all that I had accomplished. I had never told him.
But, I did manage to do with him, something I had not done well until that moment, brag. I said, “I have several degrees in nonverbal communication, I taught body language at two universities. My body language class at Florida State averaged 150 students each semester and was voted one of the most popular college courses in the country. I have been researching and consulting on the topic for many years. I have written a book on body language. And I have been speaking on the topic to the top companies around the world for many years. I am an expert!”

I may have been inappropriate and given too much of a laundry list, but by god, I bragged. It was a seminal moment. A watershed if you will, where I consciously took pride in what I have done and what I do.

Do People Make You Tired? Introversion and the People Battery Drain Connection

Does being around people make you tired? You may like being with them, but you feel like all that talking and socializing drains your batteries. Depending on your personality people time can energize you or make you want to go home and not talk with anybody. I just read this blog post from an introvert. I get it, According to the Myers Briggs Personality Assessment I am an Introvert. Yes, that is a big surprise, a professional speaker and body language expert who is introverted. But many performers are introverts. We love performing! Its enormous fun. It just means for me that after I speak and socialize with my audience I need to take time that night or the next to recharge my batteries. I do that by reading a book on the plane home! I love training on both the DISC Personality training and Myers Briggs Personality. It gives great insights for teambuilding, sales, customer service and dealing with difficult people. Here is link to another introvert's blog post.

http://rwcg.wordpress.com/2008/01/27/people-make-me-tired/

Read a Real Book Before Bed to Get Better Sleep

Ever since I was a little girl I have read just before I go to sleep. The books have changed over the years but I still love to read a real paper book every night. But now I have developed a new habit that could be effecting my sleep.
If I watch TV in the evening prior to going up to bed, while I watch a movie I look up on my cell phone or Surface computer the director or the actors or the screen writer and that quickly devolves into me no longer watching a terrific movie, to looking up every interview of said, director, actor and screenwriter. Suddenly, I look up at it is 12:00 midnight and I have been staring at a blue light screen for hours. We know we shouldn't look at TV screens and computer screens or cell phone screens before we go to bed, but we do. It is interrupting our melatonin production thus the quantity and quality of our sleep and dreams. Here is the research.

Online survey reveals new epidemic of sleeplessness.

Date - April 3, 2014

Source - University of Hertfordshire

Summary

Nearly six in ten (59%) people in Britain are sleep deprived, new research shows. 78% of people are exposed to disruptive blue light from computers and smartphones before going to bed, and only 10% of people strongly agree that they have pleasant dreams. A new article outlines some steps people can take to improve their sleeping experience.

New online research, conducted to coincide with the publication of Professor Richard Wiseman's latest book Night School, suggests that nearly six in ten (59%) of adults in Britain -- over 28 million people -- are now sleep deprived and getting seven hours or less sleep each night. This is a significant increase on the 2013 figure of thirty-nine per cent taken from a previous study.

Richard Wiseman, professor in the Public Understanding of Psychology at the University of Hertfordshire, commented: "This is a huge rise, and the results are extremely worrying because getting less than seven hours sleep a night is below the recommended guidelines, and is associated with a range of problems, including an increased risk of weight gain, heart attacks, diabetes and cancer."

To assess one potential cause of the sleeplessness epidemic, respondents were also asked whether they used a computer, smartphone or tablet in the two hours before going to bed.

"The blue light from these devices suppress the production of the sleep-inducing hormone melatonin, and so it's important to avoid them before bedtime," commented Wiseman.

Seventy-eight per cent (78%) of respondents indicated that they use such devices during this period. Among 18-24 year olds this figure increases to a remarkable ninety-one per cent (91%).

"The 2013 survey revealed that around 57% of people in the UK were using these devices, so we are seeing a significant rise in the amount of blue light before bedtime," said Wiseman.

The survey also suggested that the vast majority of people's dreams are far from sweet, with just ten per cent (10%) of respondents strongly agreeing with the statement 'I would describe my dreams as pleasant'.

Professor Wiseman noted: "The dream data revealed considerable variation across the UK, with those in London and the Southwest agreeing the most, and those in the Northwest and Midlands agreeing the least."

Ten science-based tips have been compiled by Professor Wiseman to help the country get a better night's sleep.

10 science-based tips to a better night's sleep:

1) Banish the blues: Avoid using computers, smartphones or tablets in the two hours before you head to bed. The blue light stimulates your brain and prevents you feel sleepy.

2) The list: Make a list of all of the things that you have to do the next day or that are playing on your mind. This helps prevent you lying in bed thinking about these issues.

3) Tire your brain: If you are struggling to sleep, make your brain tired by thinking of an animal for each letter of the alphabet ('A' is for 'Ant', 'B' is for 'Bear').

4) Move your bed: You have evolved to feel safe when you can spot danger early and have time to run away, and so will feel most relaxed when your bed faces the door and is furthest from it.

5) Reach for a banana: Eat a banana before you head to bed. They're rich in carbohydrates, and these help relax your body and brain.

6) Reverse psychology: Actively trying to stay awake actually makes you feel tired, so try keeping your eyes open and focus on not falling asleep.

7) Wear socks: If you have bad circulation, your feet will get cold and cause sleeplessness. To avoid the problem, wear a pair of warm socks to bed.

8) Avoid the lure of the nightcap: Although a small amount of alcohol puts you to sleep quicker, it also gives you a more disturbed night and disrupts dreaming.

9) The power of association: Ensure that the same piece of soporific music is quietly playing each time you fall asleep. Over time you'll come to associate the music with sleep, and so listening to it will help you to nod off.

10) Do a jigsaw: If you lie awake for more than twenty minutes, get up and do something non-stimulating for a few minutes, such as working on a jigsaw.

UK Dream Data

The percentage of people in each region strongly agreeing to the statement 'In general, I would describe my dreams as pleasant' was as follows: London 13% South West 13% Scotland 12% Yorkshire and the Humber 12% North East 11% South East 10% East of England 10% Wales 9% North West 7% West Midlands 7% East Midlands 6%

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by University of Hertfordshire. Note: Materials may be edited for content and leng

Why You Should Bragg and Tips for Self Promotion

My friend Sue and I have known each other since grad school and have always supported each other’s success. She is a wonderful and talented author and beloved English professor and I am a body language expert and professional speaker. Sue arranged for me to speak to the student body of her university.

On the day of my speech, we went over my intro and I showed her how to turn on my 40-secound intro video with snippets of newscasters and TV show hosts introducing me on their show. We got the room early and I put little bios and business cards on all the seats in the auditorium. As professors and students came in I introduced myself, “Hello my name is Patti I am your speaker today.” I gave my speech and then spent another half hour with students gathered around me asking questions.

All these were things that I did for every speech, but my friend said, “Patti, watching you do those things changed everything I thought about my career.” "At first, I thought, “Goodness, Patti is going over the top with all this bragging about herself in the intros and then I noticed how people responded to you even before you started speaking." "I have watched 100’s of speakers in that same Venue but they were treating you with a feeling of honor and respect that I have never seen. I had thought originally the video and intro was too much, but I could see them get excited and lean forward in their seats during the intro." "During your speech, you gave brief specific examples of how you used your body language expertise to solve a client’s problems used it to analyze the president for the Today Show or CNN. Each example illustrated a learning point, and gave you an increased level of credibility with the audience." "But here is the funny thing Patti is I have had the opportunity my entire career to promoting myself the way you did and I have never done it because I thought I was bragging!

I told her she was a remarkable author and speaker and should own it and start self-promoting because men do so all the time! If the word bragging calls it self-confidence, call it, self-promotion. I shared that for years I wanted to be a successful speaker but, I never bragged and was too shy too fearful of being seen as cocky. I worked hard, but I not in the big leagues. I looked around and realized that the male speakers would talk about their success all the time. I noticed when I spoke the men would actually stand around before and after meetings and brag about the terrific job they did on a project, the great deal that they just made or the golf game or their new car. For men, it is a way of showing their colleagues what they can do so that their peers feel confident in recommending them for projects promotions and jobs. It is an effective way to communicate. Sue quickly started using the same self-promotion techniques. Doing this, and her hard work, led her to earn a tenured position and the raise she had long wanted and deserved.
Tips for Self Promotion

1. Yes, there is a gender-based difference in how men who self-promote are perceived and how women who say the same kind of things about themselves are perceived. But, that perception can ONLY change if women are courageous and speak well of their accomplishments without fear.

2. Learn to tell a great short self-promotional story. “Last week the most fantastic thing happened... “I had the best week this week……”, “I feel so great about something that happened this week..” and then tell about one specific success. Don’t preface it with how tired you are. Don’t list all you did, or how busy your week was. Tell one very brief story. A hero's journey is interesting. A recap of your to-do list or passage from your outlook calendar is boring. If you have not read, "The Power of Myth" find it or at least read about it so you know what a hero's journey looks and sounds like.

3. Be very careful of your tone and nonverbal delivery. Look at how men get excited and make the telling of their hero's journey into a fun journey for the listener. Don’t be haughty, don’t hog too much time. Think how men share a sports success, “I hit a home run, I caught the ball, I made a hole in one" story and people actually ENJOY listening because they feel the pleasure and excitement the adventure and challenge along with the storyteller.

4. Men will email what they have done to accomplish their projects. If you see a good example of someone stating and accomplishment in an email you receive and model it.

5. Do things that are visible to others. Get on committees with important people. Speak up at meetings. Talk to people who can recommend you. Take influential people out for coffee or lunch, stop by people’s offices and ask what they are up to.

6. Get another woman to brag for you. Tell other women what you have done and ask her to brag for you. Reciprocate. Be the person that says shares positive stories about others.
7. When you introduce your female friends and coworkers and business friends to someone new introduce them along with an accomplishment. "Jim this is Sara Beckman, she just headed up the committee for our new quarter sales meeting and it was fantastic."

Robert Wagner Talks about Natalie Wood's Accident is He Deceptive> Body Language/Stress Test

I have heard him talk about this incident before. He always talks about it with decorum. I watched the whole interview. He does not vary in any suspicious way from his baseline behavior when he is asked about the event. He does not evade the questions concerning the incident.

In this interview he does talk about it gently as an “accident” and he truly feels it was. His eyebrows go up and he is truly expressive at one point.

He does not seem overly rehearsed. He seems to me to behave as a gentleman who has dealt with his grief and has had to answer probing questions about this event for years. It has been many many years since what we call in deception detection the “event.”

It is appropriate that he is not overly emotionally about it so that should not be misinterpreted as any indication that he is in any way guilty.

Below is the link to the interview.

http://www.charlierose.com/watch/60357530

Body Language Tips for Making New Friends at Your First Job from a Body Langauge Expert Patti Wood MA, CSP

Nonverbal and Verbal Secrets to Making New Friends

At Your First Job after College

By Patti Wood MA, CSP

Many tips are excerpts from her SNAP! Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

Be open: You have the rare opportunity for a fresh start at your impression. Smile as you walk down the halls at work, check out at the grocery store or sit down in a meeting, Take the initiative to make eye contact, say hello and introduce yourself. Keep your body language open.

Keep your body language “up”: Up body language means walking, standing, and sitting with your upper body relaxed upward. Instead of hunching over, keep your shoulders back, your head up (not bent over your electronic device), and open your hands and move them upward when you gesture.

Gesture: Moving your hands occasionally while you speak actually helps you think and speak more clearly. The location of your hands also affects other nonverbal behavior. When you are conversing with someone standing up, if you place your hands and arms at your sides your energy goes down, your voice lowers and can become more monotone, and you show fewer facial expressions. If you’re nervous, bring your hands to the level of your waist, and you will become calm and centered. If you gesture occasionally with your hands at the level of your upper chest or above, your voice automatically goes up, increases in volume, and has more variations; you actually become animated.

Start new habits: If you always texted your friends in school to see what they were doing, now you can initiate face-to-face interactions. Visit people in their offices/cubicals, catch people in the break room and invite them to do something with you. You be the one who says, “Hey you want to go get a coffee, hang together tonight, or meet after work? Don’t turn on your TV when you get home. or spend hours watching Hulu or Netflix Put yourself out there to meet as many people as possible in the next few weeks.

Know a rebuff is seldom about you: If not every single person says hi back or takes you up on your offers for plans remember college is stressful. Most freshmen feel a bit insecure at times and, if they seem distant, don’t take it personally. Most body language rebuffs such as lack of eye contact and scowls are motivated by what is going on inside the person and not really about you.

Be helpful and considerate: Having a new job and being in a new living situation can be stressful at first, even if you click as friends. Ask new people about their interests be interested in their lives first.

Help people form a positive impression of you: Your boss and your fellow team mates will respond to you and perhaps judge you by how you act in your classes. If you’re late all the time to meeting, they notice. They also notice if you come prepared, slink to the back to sit, pay attention, ask thoughtful questions, or spend a lot of time texting. In school slack behavior might have been cool; in a new job it will get you ostracized. Each work culture has a different set of “rules of engagement,” so be aware of the size, structure, and preferences for behavior. It is easier to set a positive impression at the beginning than try to erase a bad one.

Go early rather than late: Research shows that arriving early actually reduces your nervousness in new situations. It’s easier to get acclimated. Get to work a bit early, especially the first few months, so you have time to visit and make small talk. Get to meetings early as well. You can stand or sit near the door when you arrive and greet people as they come in. More anxiety reducing tips are in the book.

Ask to help: Find out who is running the meeting or office social event and at those networking events, office parties you can ask for an anxiety-distracting task like taking coats from new arrivals or offering them drinks or food. Nervousness comes out of your body in many ways. One way is through your hands. When your hands are confidently occupied with useful tasks, that confidence message goes to your brain and affects your entire body. It also gives you an easy, repeatable script, questions such as “Would you like me to take your coat?” or “What can I get you to drink?” These types of questions open up the conversation.

Look for an “open” person: Search for people who are already speaking in a small cluster or someone who is standing or sitting with their feet apart a few inches, rather than crossed, pressed together, or in a “cowboy” defensive stance (for guys that is fourteen inches apart). Research shows that someone who is gesturing with open palms and smiling and occasionally moving their heads is more open to approach. If you are super shy, look for someone who looks happy and confident and do what they are doing.

Trust your radar: Steer clear of people who are negative or give off bad vibes. Look for people who have the top two first impression factors from SNAP. That usually means people who are warm, likeable, and make you feel comfortable. Go first and initiate conversation: I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Patti, you are insane. I hate to talk to people and you want me to initiate? I’d rather stick a fork in my eye.” Put down the fork. Research shows that when you initiate and move forward, you appear more confident and other people immediately feel more at ease. In addition, when they feel at ease, the comfort transfers back to you. A quick tip for when you feel anxious: take one small step forward; motion tricks your limbic brain into feeling more confident.

Introduce yourself: You can breakthrough any awkward silence that occurs when strangers meet by simply sharing your name as in, “Hello my name is Patti Wood.” Giving your name to someone is a form of self-disclosure that shows you’re willing to be open and be vulnerable. It gives the impression that you are nice. Purse snatchers don’t typically say, “Hey, my name is Max Brewer and I’ll be taking your wallet today.” Breaking through the silence by sharing your name may be a pretty basic suggestion, but it works. We are sometimes afraid to break the silence because we fear we will be met with silence or rejection. If you don’t get an immediate response after sharing your name with someone, ask, “And your name is..?”

Introduce people to each other: This gives you something practical to do. Making introductions is appreciated by others, and it takes the pressure off you. As you stand and move to bring people together, you are creating a visual connection between yourself and other people in the room that makes you look powerful and popular. They see you move toward people and act as a connection, and they think, “Boy, she [or he] knows everyone.”

Ask a question, then simply relax and listen: So much anxiety comes from not knowing what to do or how to do it well. One of the smartest things you can do to meet people is to make a positive statement like “Great T-shirt” or asking a gentle question such as “Did you see the concert on the student green last night?” or, “What did you think about class today?” This completely takes the talking pressure off you. You don’t have to be super funny or super hip to be a good listener. It’s amazing how cool people will think you are because everybody loves someone who really listens to them. More conversation starting questions are in my book.

Nod your head: I love teaching men this simple body language cue. Men generally only nod their heads when they agree, while women nod to show they are listening. So guys, if you’re interested, nod as you listen. Women love it and nodding your head actually releases “feel good” chemicals into your blood stream.

About the Author Patti Wood is an internationally recognized nonverbal communication and human behavior expert. She has conducted years of research in the field of human behavior. The media seek her insights on celebrities, politicians and people in the news. Please check out her website for great information and tips on nonverbal communication.

Patti Wood is the Author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

Body Language read of Jen & Justin

I love how she is has her pelvis angled towards him while tilting her head deeply to the side and her arm around his shoulder with her hand on her hip.The pelvis shows she is happy sexually, the deep tilt with her head almost on his shoulder shows tenderness and caring, the arm up and on his shoulder shows ownership and her hand on her hip shows her power. The cluster shows this really fascinating combination of he is what I want and who I care for but I don’t want to give up my power. I have read this photo before and I liked then.

He is excited like a little boy, he is bringing down his shoulders and the rest of his body slightly to take her shoulder and he has this impish smile that says, "Look at me with her isn't it great."

I would give it a high score for HER as I have read her for many years and she doesn't get mushy and this is a mushy shot. So I give it a 4.

He looks tired and tense and his eyebrows and downwards eyelids show sadness. The odd thing about this photo is how tense and forced and stiff their facial expressions are. It looks like they just ate sour milk, so there is some suppressed sourness. I like how he is more relaxed into the duel arm pose than he was in the other photo. And her shoulder is relaxed into his. This photo could be misleading as the arm and shoulder placement is good but the faces disagree and could reflect how they feel towards the photographer. They are both trying to hold it together, but they are troubled by something. I would give this a 2.

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money.

In these straitened times, however, it seems all you have to do is carry it in the right way.

A body language expert has analysed how women hold their handbags, and suggests there are ten distinctive styles which reveal volumes about their personalities.

For example, while a woman who holds her handbag tightly under her arm in the ‘Armpit Vice’ may merely think she is freeing up her arms, the look also suggests awkwardness, according to American author Patti Wood.

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Younger women, she says, tend to go for ‘The Hands-Free’ look, wearing a bag draped across their body from one shoulder.

But, Miss Wood warns: ‘The girl who wears a hands-free bag willingly covers up her silhouette and outfit. It’s useful but it also shows you’re slightly dorky.’

Meanwhile ‘street-smart’ women are likely to adopt the protective ‘Thumb-to-Pit’ style, keeping their thumb firmly hooked around the bag’s handle in a look often sported by Sarah Jessica Parker’s character Carrie in Sex And The City.

Few mere mortals, however, are likely to find themselves in the final category – the ‘I’ve Got A Bag Bitch’ look.

Usually reserved for royalty and, occasionally, Victoria Beckham, it involves not carrying a handbag at all, because you have an assistant – or boyfriend – to carry it for you.

‘When people feel the need to look fabulous all the time, they can’t be encumbered with anything,’ Miss Wood said.

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