Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

How Do You Build Body Confidence And Self-Esteem In Your Children?

How do you help your children feel good about their body image, their weight and their overall attractiveness? How do you build body confidence and self-esteem?

I am a body language expert and have done research in body language, body image and self-esteem.

One of my favorite tips to model good self-esteem is by the way you interact with a mirror. Every time you look in the mirror smile and say something positive out loud. Do this in front of your children and encourage them to do so as well. We typically tense up and make ugly faces and say negative things in the mirror or spend time looking in the mirror making ourselves look better on the surface through grooming.

So look into the mirror and say, “you are great” or “you have tremendous energy” or “you are brave.” This a new and healthy way of reflecting your beauty.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Bullying Body Language 11 Bullying Body Language Cues That Red Flag Someone As A Bully Before They Even Open Their Mouth

Bullying Body Language

11 Bullying Body Language Cues That Red Flag Someone As A Bully

Before They Even Open Their Mouth

We talk about bulling statements, but what are the nonverbal cues that they may be “bullying.” Overall you see tightening of muscles, forward movement, and expansive movement or sounds.

Here are specific cues of bulling and aggression:

Let’s start with the top of the body and move down to the feet.

1. The Head Jut -The head juts forward. It is one of the “I can take you, I dare you to go against me moves.” The chin moves first and may go upward in defiance and then the head goes forward. There may be one jut or a repeated boxing ring head dance motions.

2. The Head Butt- The chin goes down, the top of the head moves forward like a football player head butt move. It may be a single motion but it may be repeated in a taunting way.

3. Teeth Barring- Barring the teeth lifting the upper lip and pushing the teeth forward so that the upper and lower teeth show. This is attack body language. It’s a signal that the person could bite you and that he has the big bad wolf teeth to do so.

Tension in the mouth and jaw and overall tightening of the lips clenching of the teeth typically signal tension. That tension can be motivated by fear or anger.

4. Mouth Fist- Holding the mouth tightly shut and pulling the lips tightly back and downwards and the head going forward and a glare in the eyes, make the mouth fist fearful to others. I call this a mouth fist because when somebody uses it, they typically want to bring their hand into a fist and propel it forward and they may use it in combination with fisted hands. If the person is feeling fear rather than intending to be fearsome you will see quivering or downward gazing or tearful eyes afraid. The lips are actually protecting the teeth in this mouth cue.

5. Chest Bump or Chest Pump- In this bump, there is a springing your chest out, up and forward to pretend or fully ram another person’s chest. In the Chest pump the person’s chest seems to pump up with air like a Rooster and is held up and out and forward.

Moving the arms and hands away from the body may be a signal of the desire to fight or threaten.

6. Weapon Gestures- Clinched fists are obvious weapons, but there are also symbolic weapon gestures such as Pointing, Jabbing, and Stabbing, Slicing the hand through the air in sword like motions, striking out and or forward in stop or pushing motions.

7. Object Aggression- Holding and motioning with an object, throwing an object, or hitting or kicking an object. If you see these cues, I recommend you leave the area as soon as you safely can.

8. Cowboy Stance- Bringing the legs apart further than 14 to 16 inches apart combined with hands on the hips gives a “John Wayne cowboy stance” showing ready to fight pose. This human Silhouette is read by the brain as danger and this expanded feet and sharp angled elbows out motion is threatening.

Enlarging the stance or taking up more space are also signs of aggression.

9. Space Invasion - Stepping or walking forward or even sideways pacing movements are all ways of taking up and invading space.

10. Prey Circling – Circling the person you are speaking to or coming up in their space. Real threat of attack occurs when inside their intimate zone of space which is getting closer than 12 inches from them.

11. Vocal Intimidation – Raising the volume of the voice, lowering the voice, speeding up or slowing down, punching certain words or growling, yelling and making your voice significantly louder than the other person or people that you are with. Some people do this simply to command attention or get a turn to talk but to do it over and over again is a bullying paralanguage behavior.

Are the Presidential Candidates Bullies?

Are the Presidential Candidates Bullies?

Patti Wood MA, CSP

Body Language Expert

Are the Presidential Candidates Bullies? Do you see verbal and body language bulling in the presidential debates and the race? Bullying is defined as making threats, rumors or attacking someone physically or verbally. If we laugh, clap and repeat with humor when someone is making bulling remarks I think we are condoning bullying.

The candidates have bullied each other and in this article I will list specific things that they do. Listen to and watch the candidates and imagine a child on the playground saying those things to your five year old. How would you feel? How would you feel if someone said those things about you? Watch the debates with your children and have them count and point out the attacks and jabs. Stop the recording and talk about what you have seen and ask them their feeling and state yours!

Donald Trump - We see him punctuating almost every sentence with a strong gesture. His attacking, bulling gestures include, finger points that look like stabbing, chops that look like axing and arm sweeps that look like sword moves. In debates he slices, dices and chops the other candidates to pieces. His weapon like gestures, combined with his growls, scowls and grimaces and loud yelling make him a fearsome bully. This combined with big head and jaw and height and dare I say it, big hands unfortunately make him look like the biggest bully on the playground and unfortunately make him look like the most powerful candidate. He looks like, at least to our primate limbic brains, the aggressive alpha male candidate. A little extra bulling power comes from his normally low, growly voice. In the analysis of the Debates from the past hundred years the candidate with the lowest voice won. Lower tones in the voice are formed by a larger larynx. Trump is the lion roaring and that sound is scarier and wins over a “nice” candidate. If he’s on the screen, and we’re looking at several other people too, his bulling, his loudness, his gestures, and his expressions all draw our attention straight to him. We can’t take our eyes off a fight, and we look at the person we perceive as winning the fight with more frequency. We don’t look as long at the victim. Our brains make us look to where we see the most threat to us!

Verbally, Trump has called Cruz, a “loser” and “liar.” He has made cruel remarks about the physical appearance of Carly Fiona such as, “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” He has called a female news correspondent a “bimbo.” He has made ugly attacking remarks about Hillary Clinton, Mexicans and Muslims. In one debate after Hillary was late coming back from a bathroom break he bullied her saying "I thought she gave up," Trump said at the rally. "Where did she go? Where did Hillary go? They had to start the debate without her. Phase II. “I know where she went. It's disgusting. I don't want to talk about it."

Ted Cruz - Though he is a bully he is not the biggest bully on the playground. Overall his gestures are slightly lower and are more darting and short lived making him appear less forceful and confident than he could be. For example, notice the breadth and length of Trump’s gestures. I am not endorsing Trump, rather you need to know that our primitive limbic brains see the candidate with the most powerful, larger, bigger and long lasting body language cues. So even when Cruz bullies with a statement like, “Let’s say I am a maniac and everyone else on this stage is stupid fat and ugly.” He looks like the sly mean bully not the “in your face” bully how Trump can appear.

Bernie Sanders. He has not always been a bully, He previously has had a warm, genuine smile that is the most likable, believable smile of all the candidates. He also, in the past, shows great integrity in his messaging, that his word message tracks and agrees with his body language and vocal cues. In his Super Tuesday speech he was much more negative in his verbal and nonverbal messaging than I have seen him in his other speeches. He made several sour pursed lip expressions and a few downward turned and tight lipped angry looks and looks of disgust. This was a profound contrast for his iconic warm, smiling and likeable image. He also yelled a lot. Bullying is contagious and he caught it. When Hillary Clinton rudely interrupted and talked over Sanders in the Democratic debate Sanders yelled, “Excuse me I am talking” while swinging his arm up then striking down and out as if he wanted to bring his hand down on her shoulder to throttle her. His gestures are now often large, forceful and attacking. They often go forward to the screen so he is bulling not just the other candidate, but anyone who is for that candidate.

Hillary Clinton - In one debate she said, “Enough is enough if you have something to say to me say it to me directly, I think it is time to end the artful smear you and your campaign have been carrying out in recent weeks and talk about the issues.” Her request to stop being bullied was seen as bulling and got booed by the audience.

Her gestures are smaller though she does chop and strike out at Bernie and as she talks about Trump. I have talked about how her voice is often weak and raspy and shows great vocal strain. I think the effort to keep her voice in a lower more powerful register and speak loudly is straining it. Unfortunately, that strain sounds to a potential voter like a lack of strength, and perhaps a lack of character. I rather like the anger she is showing in current speeches and television appearances. She needs to be angry to fight and look powerful against Trump’s overriding anger. Look at my blogs on anger to note how we read anger as power. Yep, I am saying that she ramp up her anger, but she should not be a bully.

Gender Differences in Anger - Unfortunately, we perceive women’s anger differently than we do a man’s. Research shows that if a man is perceived as emotional he is considered more credible for getting angry. But when the woman was perceived as emotional, participants became surer of their own opinion, even if they considered the woman credible. As the researchers in one study put it: “When a woman expresses anger, this does not just make her seem less credible, but seems to make assessing her credibility irrelevant.” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/people-reward-angry-men-but-punish-angry-women-study-suggests_us_561fb57be4b050c6c4a47743)

In research on emotions men show less emotions except for anger. Research across 37 cultures shows that men and women more accurately display gender-stereotypic expressions– men more accurately express anger, contempt and happiness, while women more accurately express fear and happiness.

How do men and women feel when they get angry, researchers have found that men felt less effective and less instrumental when forced to hold their anger in, whereas women didn't feel nearly as constricted when they didn't express their anger directly. They also found a correlation between expressing one's anger outwardly and being assertive in men, but not in women

Do Angry Politicians Get More Attention?

Do Angry Politicians Get More Attention?

Are you wondering why there is so much anger, bulling and ugly behavior in this presidential race? Research explains why Trump’s anger is working.

Angry Men Get Noticed.

Do Angry Men Get Noticed?
Science Daily (June 7, 2006) — By comparing how quickly human facial expressions of different types are detected in a crowd of neutral faces, researchers have demonstrated that male angry faces are a priority for visual processing -- particularly for male observers. The findings are reported by Mark Williams of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Jason Mattingley of the University of Melbourne, Australia, and appear in the June 6th issue of Current Biology.

In evolutionary terms, it makes sense that our attention is attracted by threat in the environment. It has long been hypothesized that facial expressions that signal potential threat, such as anger, may capture attention and therefore "stand out" in a crowd. In fact, there are specific brain regions that are dedicated to processing threatening facial expressions. Given the many differences between males and females, with males being larger and more physically aggressive than females, one might also suspect differences in the way in which a threat is detected from individuals of different genders.

In the new work, Williams and Mattingley show that angry male faces are found more rapidly than angry female faces by both men and women. In addition, men find angry faces of both genders faster than women, whereas women find socially relevant expressions (for example, happy or sad) more rapidly. The work suggests that although males are biased toward detecting threatening faces, and females are more attuned to socially relevant expressions, both sexes prioritize the detection of angry male faces; in short, angry men get noticed. The advantage for detecting angry male faces is consistent with the notion that human perceptual processes have been shaped by evolutionary pressures arising from the social environment.

Reference: Mark A. Williams of Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, Massachusetts and University of Melbourne in Parkville, Victoria, Australia; Jason B. Mattingley of Massachusetts Institute of Technology in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Williams et al.: "Correspondence: Do angry men get noticed?" Publishing in Current Biology 16, R402-404, June 6, 2006. www.current-biology.com

A Body Language Expert Explains Why Donald Trump's Facial Expressions Resonate With Audiences

A body language expert explains why Donald Trump's facial expressions resonate with audiences

Thursday

Mar. 24, 2016 at 1:52 pm

By Katherine Noel/Business Insider

Close your eyes and conjure up an image of Donald Trump. What’s the first mental picture you get?

Is he grinning from ear to ear? Or maybe shouting, his brows furrowed in anger, both arms raised in the air?

The many faces of Donald Trump have been on constant display over the last several months, plastered on newspaper covers and television screens across the world as he shouts, laughs, and fist pumps his way toward the GOP nomination.

Trump’s unbridled emotion is a key factor in his popularity among voters, according to body language expert and author Patti Wood. Wood says that Trump is better at expressing emotion — and specifically, a broad range of emotion — than any other candidate in the race.

“Trump has what we call emotional contagion,” Wood says, “meaning he has very strong, very clearly communicated emotions, and because of his charisma, those emotions transfer to the voter. So, we can’t stop watching him. If he’s on the screen, and we’re looking at several other people too, his loudness, his gestures, and his expressions all draw our attention straight to him.”

According to Wood, it’s a leader’s ability to show and communicate a broad range of emotions that translates into perceived power and charisma. Whether he’s on the national debate stage or at a small-town campaign appearance, Trump doesn’t shy away from big reactions.

“When we think of him, in our mind we have an image of him smiling, and then we have an image of him sneering,” Woods says. “It’s that vast scope of emotion, that broad band between those two extremes and his hold on it that makes him look powerful.”

Emotional expression is key to public speaking, Wood says, because it makes a speaker appear more human, relatable, and trustworthy. And the more expressive the better. She says Trump’s “electric smile” — corners of the mouth upturned, raised eyebrows, and wide eyes — provides “instant charisma.”

Because many people think effective leadership means being cool and collected, they try to repress their feelings. But experts say it’s usually better to let your passion shine through.

“We hide emotions in an attempt to stay in control, look strong, and keep things at arm’s length, but in reality, doing so diminishes our control and weakens our capacity to lead,” leadership consultant Doug Sundheim writes in the Harvard Business Review. “Genuine emotion stands in stark contrast. It’s a real person sharing a real feeling.”

“When we hear it, we’re riveted — for one because it’s rare, but also because it’s real,” he adds. “Sometimes it’s uncomfortable and a little messy. But that’s what makes it powerful.”

6 Secrets to Negotiating a Raise Like a Boss

6 Secrets to Negotiating a Raise Like a Boss

April 11, 2016 9:00 am by Marissa Miller

Whether you’re negotiating the terms of your contract before accepting the job or asking for a raise that reflects your value as an employee, asking for more money is a skill you’ll rely on time and again throughout your entire career. Having “The Talk” can be complicated, not to mention intimidating. But because the gender pay gap is far too wide, with women making a national average of 79 cents for every man’s dollar, championing your self-worth has never been more important.

“This is a very complicated issue, but what we do know is that the pay gap starts as soon as a woman throws her graduation cap in the air,” says Deepti Gudipati, VP of Member Leadership Programs at the American Association of University Women (AAUW), a leading organization promoting equity and education for women and girls. “The AAUW’s research shows that just one year out of college, women working full time already earn less than their male colleagues earn—even when they have the same major and work in the same field.”

The Equal Pay Act hasn’t been updated since 1963, so it’s up to us to institute change. Until Congress takes actionable steps toward equality, celebrate Equal Pay Day tomorrow by using these tips from the pros.

1. Choose Syntax Wisely
“Our research suggests you should pronounce the ‘give’ in negotiations rather than the ‘take.’ In salary negotiations, this means what the other party gains from you,” says Roman Trötschel, a researcher and professor in the department of social and organizational psychology at the University of Lüneburg.

First, gauge the other party’s underlying interests: What does your boss or the recruiter want, and why? “Most employees only talk about the money without emphasizing what they are willing to give. This leads to a huge power imbalance,” he says. It’s crucial to have an arsenal of evidence-backed defenses at the ready when asking for more money. Make mental notes (or better yet, a fact sheet documenting all the targets you’ve exceeded or projects you’ve initiated). Here are some safe phrases to put your boss’s mind at ease:

Through my work, the company gained x, y, and z in the last years.

If you agree, we both could win . . .

I’m offering to take on the following tasks in the future . . .

And be decisive. A recent study by Trötschel published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that saying something declarative to the effect of “I charge $50 per hour for my services” is more effective than asking, “Will you accept $50 an hour?”

2. Pose Powerfully
Sure, it’s easy to relegate yourself to the confines of email when discussing touchy topics like money, but schedule an IRL meeting with your boss and you’ll reap major financial rewards. Not only does that suggest you’re serious about making a case for yourself, but it will give you the opportunity to power pose.

A recent Harvard Business School study found that those who adopted expansive, high-power poses, as opposed to contracted ones like hand clasping, performed better during high-stakes professional settings. The study also found that nailing these nonverbal poses reduces stress and anxiety, giving you the confidence to fake it until you make it (the money that is).

3. Perfect Your Voice
It’s all in the delivery. Don’t deviate radically from your natural intonation, since that could come off as insincere, but if you have a bad case of vocal fry (a common speech trait in women where definitive statements come off as questions), now’s the time to keep it in check.

To complicate matters a bit more, a study published in NeuroImage, a Journal of Brain Function, found that your boss, regardless of their gender, may interpret a high-pitched female voice differently than a male’s, activating certain regions in the brain that may process information in a gender-discriminatory way. The (somewhat) good news? “You can train [your voice] to be lower,” says Patti Wood, president of Communication Dynamics, body language expert, and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma. She suggests deep relaxation using in-and-out breathing counting on the count of three to relax the vocal cords. Use caution when pepping yourself up on coffee or iced beverages, since they can shrink your vocal cords, registering your voice higher.

4. Dress the Part
If a picture can speak a thousand words, perhaps your outfit can speak a thousand bucks. Before that meeting with your boss, think critically about what you want your appearance to convey. Of course, don’t show up completely unrecognizable, but go the extra mile to iron out any creases in your blouse.

“More than anything, you have to feel your very best in whatever you’re wearing. It has to be your favorite, whether a skirt or a jacket,” says Wood. “Whatever you wear needs to have a power or comfort to it. Do what feels best for you.” Employ power colors like red and black that tend to make people feel protected and strong. Finally, Wood recommends sticking to flats since they’ll help you maintain balance both mentally and physically.

5. Visualize Success
In moments of stress, our brains tend to shut down, which does little in the way of putting your best negotiating skills forward. Instead of letting your mind travel to dark places of failure, condition it to do just the opposite.

“Actually visualize and script out your success. Think of that as an obstacle course that you’re winning,” Wood says. This way, your brain is already familiar with feelings of success, so you’ll be more confident. She says she’s seen it work wonders for clients.

6. Stay True to Your Feminine Side
Women often have a strong kind, nurturing side, and those traits often don’t fit within the traditional schema of “power.” But there’s a silver lining. “One thing you want to use in negotiation is your ability to read people,” says Wood. “We’re adept at that: being able to understand people. You can read people to know how far to push or how soft you need to be. See it as a strength.”

Patti is one of the experts in this pod cast series: "Spot The Frogs - Find Your Prince, How to Date Differently & Create the Love You Crave"

When it comes to dating, do you ever feel like you're stuck in a vicious cycle? You attract the"wrong" guy. You flirt with, date, tolerate, and eventually break up with him, only to find yourself attracted to another "wrong" guy.

They're frogs ... and all you want is a prince! In fact, you've considered giving up on dating all together. (I mean really ... do the good guys even exist?)

Before you give up, I want to invite you to join me for a complimentary online interview series my friend Teagin Maddox has created, "Spot the Frogs, Find the Prince: How to Date Differently and Create the Love You Crave." It's scheduled for April 11th - May 2nd.

Skip the reading and sign up, right here:

Finally Find Mr. Right (http://datedifferently.com/patti)

<<< Join Us At No Cost, April 11th - May 2nd

When you go to the link above and enroll in this complimentary event, you'll hear from Teagin, an Empowerment Coach, Post Break Up Specialist and the Founder of Date Differently, as she provides proof that you can overcome a bad track record with dating, and find real love with a great guy. (According to Teagin, yes, they DO exist!)

You'll also hear from dating coaches, matchmakers, healers, doctors, energy workers, and other experts-including Yours Truly! We're sharing our best advice, information, tips and strategies for spotting your not-so-fantastic dating-related patterns and, more importantly, changing them so you can turn your love life around.

You should know:

This isn't your mother's dating advice! It's specifically for people who have experienced their share of dating disasters ... because we know ordinary dating advice just isn't going to cut it.

Here's a taste of what you'll learn when you join us:

The real reason you keep ending up with the "wrong" men (and what you can do about it).
How to deal with one major factor that has a clear (and usually negative) impact on your current dating situation, so you can put it to rest for good.
What's really going on when you get bored, fast, with "good" guys?
How to change your energy so you stop attracting frogs and start attracting princes.
Subtle body language cues that speak volumes about a potential suitor-what to look out for so you don't get drawn in to the wrong guys.
And SO much more.

You'll leave the event empowered and inspired, and armed with what you need to identify why you're attracted to (and attracting) the wrong guys, how to spot subtle bad guy behaviors, and what to look for in a good guy ... so you can grab-and hang onto-the prince you want and deserve!

Plus, as an added "bonus," when you implement what we're teaching, you'll likely begin to experience positive results in other areas of your life, too.

Here's that link again where you can join us

April 11th - May 2nd at no cost, for "Spot the Frogs, Find the Prince: How to Date Differently and Create the Love You Crave":

Spot The Wrong Guys & Shut Them Down (http://datedifferently.com/patti)

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I'm familiar with Teagin's story, and her work, and I highly recommend her. She's walked this journey, herself, and is passionate about helping other women overcome destructive dating patterns. Everything she teaches is based on real-life principles that work.

I hope to "see" you there!

To finding your prince,

Patti

P.S. If your dating patterns are destructive to your life in any way, that's really all you need to know to begin making changes. Let us help you get to - and fix! - the root cause of those patterns, so you can create a new pattern of enjoying healthy, loving, fulfilling relationships. Get expert advice, here:

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Patti On Inside Edition With Insights On Donald Trump's Body Language When Asked About The Punishment For Women Who Have Abortions

Inside Edition Link to the interview with Donald Trump:

http://www.insideedition.com/headlines/15586-after-uproar-donald-trump-dials-back-remark-about-punishment-for-women-who-have-abortions

Patti's Rough Note Insights on Donald Trump's Body Language:

The most interesting nonverbal aspect of Trumps interview is how he says, "They should be punished." If you look at that statement it is mighty, but his nonverbal delivery was soft and he retreated or froze in place each time he said, it. It is obvious that is not what he believes but, he was couriered into saying it and boy does it make a great headline!

Trump is sitting with his legs spread in what would normally be a power pose, but there is a mismatch to that power pose as he is sitting slightly stooped.

Trump typically has up gestures that are a very forceful weapon and weapon like. He typically holds his hands away from his body but, in this interview he is more still and frozen in fear as he is being questioned about abortion and he keeps his hands over his pelvis in the fig leaf protective position. Being still and protected very unusual for him. He really didn't want to answer it.

Though at the beginning on the clip as the women is questioning him, he is slightly less stressed, but when he is later questioned by the interviewer, he looks flummoxed. He is looking off a lot to his right to come up with answers. Typically he looks at anyone who questions aggressively starring at them with his head forward so again, this in unusual for him and shows his high stress level.

He gives an eye shutter showing his stress as he responds to the question about punishing women who have abortions, “...it’s a problem we have to decide on." Also notice that though the answer is evasive he is still shuttering.

Trump moves from a protective fig leaf hand position over his pelvis to a downward steeple. This shows he is trying to get the power back that he has lost stumbling through the abortion punishment questions. As he repeats the evasive answer, "It's a problem we have to deal with" and talks about, "… some form of punishment."

Trump returns to his natural baseline of aggressive gesturing only when he tries to question the interviewer about his catholic faith. Trump gets so much power when attacking!

But near the end of the interview he is cornered. Notice how he pushes out air in stress as he says "it's yet to be determined.” Trump also averts eye contact.

Should You Power Pose To Get A Date?

Should you Power Pose to get a date? New research on power poses in photos for dating sites says power poses in your online dating photo can make you attractive. Here is the link to the article.

http://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/03/is-manspreading-sexy/475728/

I have been doing back to back media interviews on power poses and dating, Here are my body language expert insights:

There are “poses” that make you powerful and “poses” that make you look attractive to the opposite sex. In general, the “POWER” poses that Amy Cuddy talks about are actually male power poses that make men feel larger and more powerful, full of testosterone and looking like the ideal Alpha mate to with the genetic make up to make great babies.

Generally, men who take up more space, in such poses as hands on hips and chest puffed out looked powerful, but that may work for them in the attraction and flirting phase of courtship. It may however be over the top cocky for a man to go full on power posing with standing or sitting with his legs spread far out and his elbows out and hands on his hips on a first date!

Women, of course, want to be powerful, but women who take on power poses and take up more space in the flirting stage are harder for an everyday guy to approach.

What does work for men and women is to have upper body OPEN WINDOW body language. You Keep your WINDOWS by opening and or showing your eyes, neck, heart, and palms of the hands, toes. What also works for posing is what I call ‘up’ body language. It’s beautifully symbolic – you go up when you’re feeling up. Your gestures move up, your head comes up, your shoulders come up and back, your step is upwards. Your body language goes downward when you're sad, depressed or lack confidence so when you are flirting and dating focus on bringing your body language up.

Here are a few more tips on approachable signals for women who wish to lure a man:

Don't take up too much space - Taking up a lot of space communicates that you are powerful and superior. Okay, we want to show that we are strong women, but remember we are trying to get a man to come over and talk to us. You have to show you have room for someone else in your life.

Stand slightly pigeon-toed - Men usually stand with the toes 6 to 10 inches apart. Toes pointed inward or outward actually show your status in the hierarchy. Toes outward say “I'm mighty.” Toes pointed inward say “I'm approachable.” Standing with your feet far apart with the toes out makes you look strong and actually signals that you could attack. Obviously, you don’t want to look like you’re about to attack. Women usually stand with their feet 4 to 6 inches apart. To be very approachable stand with your feet no further apart than six inches and point your toes slightly inward. But don’t put them in so far that you look like a dork.

Shrug - When turtles sense danger, they tuck their heads all the way in to retreat. We pull our shoulders up towards our ears to protect our heads when we are startled. We shrug to show, "Hey it’s not my fault," to say, "I don't know," or to say, "Whatever you want." The shrug tells others that you are submissive. I have seen some women who are masters of the shoulder shrug. They make it look like a sensual feline move. Right now slowly roll your shoulders up and throw in a subtle head toss.

Head tilt - The head tilt is not a uniquely feminine move, but it’s certainly done more by women perhaps because it is a signal that the head tilter is listening intently. A head tilt symbolically shows the baring of the neck to a superior. It mimics a head movement done by wolves to the leader of the pack that says “I’m exposing my most vulnerable spot to you to show you I know you can rip me to pieces. So let’s not fight about it.” Men tend to talk in what is called "boasting” fashion in the gender difference research when they are flirting. They will talk a lot about what they have done and what they can do. In those initial conversations (or monologues) tilt your head to show you are listening. And by the way, boasting behavior is not an indication of whether a man will listen to you. So don’t think, hey, if he doesn't listen now, forget about him. If he’s not listening now, it’s only an indication that he wants your approval.

Unfold your arms - This opens up your body windows. When I am introduced as an expert on body language, people almost always respond by folding their arms in front of their bodies. Body language is symbolic. It often physically represents what we are feeling internally, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to read. Although there are over 60 different interpretations of arm crossing, arms usually form a protective wall around us. It’s pretty obvious that to get a man to approach you, you have to let down the wall. You don't have to stand with your arms stiffly at your sides the minute you walk into a party. Some people feel more comfortable with a relaxed arm cross when they first get in any group setting. Even if you do keep your arms crossed at first, eventually you need to open up. You can have a beverage in your hand, and holding it will give you some security if you need that to uncross or if you’re sitting at a coffeehouse, you can put your hands out in front of you on the table as you read a paper.

Debunking The Myth of a Mythical Gender Pay Gap

Many years ago, when I started my speaking business I had a standard fee for a one hour program. I had been working as a speaker and trainer for several years traveling around the country and teaching part time at Florida State and working on my Doctorate. My programs were consistently given the highest ratings possible and when I was on a program with other speakers, I was consistently rated as the best speaker. I mentored a few men who wanted to become speakers and began to realize the disparity of pay between men and women. The men I mentored shared with me that when they were hired to give speeches to clients that I had referred them to the clients immediately offered them more money than they paid me. The men did not ask for or negotiate an increase my clients simply offered them more money. In all these cases the men were younger than me, did not have as much education as I did, and did not have the expertise or ANY experience as a speaker or trainer. They were quite simply male. That was years ago, so things are different now right?

Recently, some people are arguing that there is not a true disparity in pay that the pay disparity between men and women is a myth. Here is an article that will hopefully make you see that gender bias is unfortunately alive and kicking.

Here is the quote I want to start with

"Bryce Covert pointed out in The Nation, men performing what have traditionally been seen as “women’s jobs” make more than women do, just as women make less than men for doing traditional “men’s work.”

This article was published in Moyers and Company

April 8, 2014

by Joshua Holland

While me Americans lament the fact that in 2014 women still earn around 20 percent less than men, others perform intellectual gymnastics to deny that a gender pay gap exists, or to blame women themselves — and the “choices” they make — for its persistence.

Today, Mark Perry and Andrew Biggs, two scholars at the American Enterprise Institute, got the assignment for The Wall Street Journal. After acknowledging that, yes, women working full-time earn about one-fifth less than what men take home, they write, “but every ‘full-time’ worker… is not the same.”

Men were almost twice as likely as women to work more than 40 hours a week, and women almost twice as likely to work only 35 to 39 hours per week. Once that is taken into consideration, the pay gap begins to shrink. Women who worked a 40-hour week earned 88% of male earnings.

Then there is the issue of marriage and children. The BLS (US Bureau of Labor) reports that single women who have never married earned 96% of men’s earnings in 2012.

The supposed pay gap appears when marriage and children enter the picture. Child care takes mothers out of the labor market, so when they return they have less work experience than similarly-aged males.

Let us first note that explaining why a phenomenon exists is not the same as demonstrating that it doesn’t exist. It’s not a “supposed pay gap” just because women pay an economic price for having kids.

Its here that the AEI fellows readily acknowledge a huge factor in the gender-gap: the biological reality is that women give birth, and the social reality is that women still bear a disproportionate share of the burden of caring for sick kids or elderly parents. When they take time off to do those things, they lose seniority and often end up looking for a new job after a period of time outside the labor force — neither of which is good for your paycheck.

In 2001, Karen Kornbluh estimated that women’s earnings drop by 7.5 percent with a first child and 8 percent with a second. It also explains why the wage-gap starts out small when men and women first hit the labor market and then grows significantly when they start having families.

So our economy punishes women for the biological reality that they bear children. The AEI guys are apparently fine with that — and want you to believe that it somehow renders the pay gap a “myth” — but it’s important to understand that it doesn’t need to be this way. The US is one of only three countries — along with Liberia and Papua New Guinea — that doesn’t require employers to offer maternity (or paternity) leave. When American women have a baby, their jobs often aren’t waiting for them to return; in most other developed countries, they are. This is a big reason why only four high-income countries in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development have larger gender pay gaps than the US.

Perry and Biggs go on to argue that women are paid less because they choose to pursue degrees that result in lower earnings and work in fields that pay less than those dominated by men.

There are two problems with that. First, as Bryce Covert pointed out in The Nation, men performing what have traditionally been seen as “women’s jobs” make more than women do, just as women make less than men for doing traditional “men’s work.”

Among the BLS’s thirteen industry categories, women make less than men in every single one. What this means is that even in “women’s fields,” men are going to rake in more. In fact, men have been entering traditionally female-dominated sectors during the recovery period, and as The New York Times noted, they’re meeting with great success—“men earn more than women even in female-dominated jobs.” Women can enter engineering all they want, but their pay still won’t catch up to men’s.

There’s also a chicken-and-egg issue here: do jobs seen as “women’s work” pay less because they’re inherently less valuable to society, or do they pay less because they’re dominated by women?

The gender pay gap is very real, and there are complex reasons for its stubborn persistence. But even accounting for all the differences in childrearing, career choices and education doesn’t explain away the entire difference in earnings. While it’s no longer socially acceptable, old-fashioned, Mad Men-style sexism is still around, and it still hits women in the wallet. Perry and Biggs use a paper — one often cited by conservatives — by two of their AEI colleagues to dismiss this reality, writing that when all other factors are accounted for, “labor market discrimination is unlikely to account for more than 5% [of the gap] but may not be present at all.”

That finding, however, is an outlier. As Pamela Coukos, a senior program advisor at the Department of Labor, wrote in 2012, “studies consistently conclude that discrimination is the best explanation of the remaining difference in pay.”

Economists generally attribute about 40% of the pay gap to discrimination – making about 60% explained by differences between workers or their jobs. However, even the “explained” differences between men and women might be more complicated. For example: If high school girls are discouraged from taking the math and science classes that lead to high-paying STEM jobs, shouldn’t we in some way count that as a lost equal earnings opportunity? As one commentator put it recently, “I don’t think that simply saying we have 9 cents of discrimination and then 14 cents of life choices is very satisfying.” In other words, no matter how you slice the data, pay discrimination is a real and persistent problem that continues to shortchange American women and their families.

Unfortunately, the “fact-checking” organizations, as they so often do, are seizing on statements that women earn less “for the same work” to conclude that the gender pay-gap is an “exaggeration.” Of the claim, made by Obama in a campaign ad, FactCheck.org states flatly that it’s “not true.” (They also say that he “implied” that “discrimination by employers is responsible for the difference,” but there’s nothing in the ad implying anything of the sort — they just inferred it.)

Their fact-check is “mostly false” — women working the exact same jobs are paid less than their male counterparts every day, for various and often complicated reasons, and those claiming it’s all a myth offer nothing to dispute that reality.

Joshua Holland was a senior digital producer for BillMoyers.com and now writes for The Nation. He’s the author of The Fifteen Biggest Lies About the Economy (and Everything Else the Right
Doesn’t Want You to Know about Taxes, Jobs and Corporate America) (Wiley: 2010), and host of Politics and Reality Radio. Follow him on Twitter.