The power of the pause

Have you evey noticed the power of the the pause. You are listening to someone and instead of finishing the sentance they pause. The is so much power in that pause. You are expextent. You feel tension and you want it to be released, but it can't be released untill the speaker finishes the sentance.

You can use the power of the pause in public speaking. If you want the audiance to really listen to a particular word, an important statistic, a action step you want them to take, pause before the inportant word or words.

Pausing also works really well in humor. We actually laugh to release tension. Thats why we laugh at dirty jokes, even when we do not think they are funny. So how do you use pausing to be funny? Your telling a funny story and the listener or listeners are waiting to hear the punch line and you pause before you say it. This increases the tension and the laughter that follows is louder.

Body language at parties

I was interviewed on the BBC last week and asked about body language at parties.
Here are some tips.


1. Stand near the food, thats where people hang out. I suggest that to meet guys stand near the buffaloe wings and meatballs and to meet women stand near the chocolate desserts.

2. Stand were there will be a flow of people so you can keep meeting new people and extracate yourself from someone you wish to stop talking with. If you stand near the entrance so you can greet people as they come in works well.

3. You know the arm cross thing? Use to make you feel secure if you are nervous entering a party, but stop hugging yourself once you plant yourself somewere. Instead hold a drink or plate as a security blanket.

4. Listening makes you much more interesting than talking. Have several provactive questions ready to ask people. Such as, "What's the best thing that has happened to you in the last year?" and who is the most interesting person you have every met? What's the most surprising thing your have heard or read about recently?

5. Make sure your heart is aimed towards the person you are talking to and not toward the exit.

6. Don't sit down unless you are talking with someone and the conversation is VERY interesting. Sitting lowers your energy level, makes you less likely to be approached and can take away the vocal variation in your voice. Lean on a wall or rest your arms on the bar if you have to, but stand up.

This photo shows a nonverbal behavior I call photo neck. When you are a little to far from the people you are being photgraphed with you will extend your next and pull your head toward the person you want to be seen as connected to. In this photo my sister is in the center and I am on your left. Notice how I am streching my neck so much I look like a long neck turtle. My sister's best freind is on your right. Her photo neck is much more relaxed. Check out your photo albulms and see how many people are exibiting this behavior. Remeber the more effort the in the person to extend the more they want to connected.

Atlanta skyline at night

I wanted to show off my city to my blog visitors. Isn't it beautiful.

How does airport security choose who to search?

People have been asking me about how security personal at the airport picks the people to screen more thoroughly. While there is standard screening rules, such as screening everyone who changes their flight times. I have been flying just about every week for the last 20 years and I have not observed nonverbal assessment screening rules being used.

I have noticed that screeners tend to pick what I call high complaints. That is people who appear nonverbally they will not give the screener a hard time. In fact when I mentioned to a friend who was a fireman at the Atlanta airport that I get asked to do the extra search all the time he was said he talked with screeners every day and they all say they choose high compliants. It makes sense. Why choose the big grumpily or scary guy to check when you can choose a short smiling blonde women. I mention this screening practice in my speeches and my audiences are filled with women who say they fit the compliant profile and are always given the extra screening. It may be a coincidence, but a scary one.