Shake hands and come out fighting.
I speak around the country to court reporters. They are the people, predominately women, who record every word, said in the courtroom or in a deposition. They have a lot of stories about the lawyers they work with. Many of them talk about a particular handshake ritual they see occur at the beginning and end of a trial or deposition.
Lawyers who have known each other for years will come in and shake hands with each other. Then those same lawyers will spend the entire day or trial saying horrible, derogatory things about one another, shake their fists, frown and nod negatively, and roll their eyes, and express other disrespectful gestures and sounds when the other lawyer is talking. They will in effect go to battle with each other, smile and shake hands again and say, "Let's go out for a drink." They are buddies again.
The court reporters were flabbergasted. How can guys do that? How can you shake hands and be friends again with someone who treated you so abominably? This is actually part of Gamesmanship.
The game rules say, "Shake hands with your opponent, and come out fighting." And when the game is over, the game is really over, so leave your bad feelings on the playing field and shake hands again.
This ritual is repeated by men over and over on the sports playing field as they grow up so that in adulthood it is second nature to them to shake hands and come out fighting.
Read some interesting stuff here.
Another Saturday in the office
I am surfing the web today for fun sights and blogs. Any tips?
Some favorite links are: The Writer's Almanac for provoking thought, Clark Howard for money-saving tips, the Internet Movie Database for movie stuff,
Some favorite links are: The Writer's Almanac for provoking thought, Clark Howard for money-saving tips, the Internet Movie Database for movie stuff,
A signal its over. Why is he patting me on the back?
I am sometimes quoted in the Dream Girls dating newsletter. This months newsletter says that January is national breakup month. Seems men are likely to wait till after the holidays to breakup. Hummm, years ago my former fiancé broke up with me on New Years Eve, I guess he didn’t get the newsletter. The two major reasons for Jan. breakups. New Year's resolutions and a desire to break up before that commitment causing Valentines day.
I did a peace for Cosmo on the signs it’s over and Dream Girls mentioned a cue that’s a big signal of male displeasure, a little pat on the back. Women tend to give a man a pat on the back, when a man they are not attracted to gives them hug. They pat to say to the man, “I am not accepting this hug as a sexual contact.” Or, it could send a stronger message, “Down boy.” Men as well as women, use the pat as a signal there is a lack of sexual interest signal. That does not mean that every pat says, “Let’s call the whole thing off.” But is does sometimes mean you are being admonished subconsciously or treated as a child. Note that the bigger the pat the less intimacy communicated.
I did a peace for Cosmo on the signs it’s over and Dream Girls mentioned a cue that’s a big signal of male displeasure, a little pat on the back. Women tend to give a man a pat on the back, when a man they are not attracted to gives them hug. They pat to say to the man, “I am not accepting this hug as a sexual contact.” Or, it could send a stronger message, “Down boy.” Men as well as women, use the pat as a signal there is a lack of sexual interest signal. That does not mean that every pat says, “Let’s call the whole thing off.” But is does sometimes mean you are being admonished subconsciously or treated as a child. Note that the bigger the pat the less intimacy communicated.
Photos reads from the Golden Globes, and Brad Pitt
Monday I read photo of Reese and Ryan Witherspoon at the Golden Globes for these weeks US Weekly. . In the first photo Ryan is leaping up out of his chair and signaling like a circus ringmaster for the attention to go to his wife. This is an unusual thing for a husband to do. Usually the husbands lean over and kiss their award winning wives. The jumping up photos shows Ryan’s great joy, and perhaps his great alcohol consumption. Another photo showed him holding her from behind and kissing her passionately on the ear while she hold her head down and her arms across her body trying to keep her dress and makeup from being messed up before she gets the award. She is smiling, but you can tell she wants to wrestle out of his arms and go get her trophy. The full set of photos showed a husband very happy and unusually exuberant open discovering his wife’s win. I loved them. Hurrah for the Golden Globes for creating a place for the actors to come and have fun and be spontaneous.
My favorite Golden Globe moment was when the actress Merkerson won a best actress award and came up and said, “I 53… I am having a hot flash.” Love it that a women in a performance arena said her real age!!!
I read photos of Brad and Angelina today for Life and Style Magazine. He is so much more relaxed with her since they announced they are pregnant. He looks happy. I say that even though I am enough of a square that I wish he had gotten divorced before he had started a new relationship. Seems like such an obvious thing to me.
My favorite Golden Globe moment was when the actress Merkerson won a best actress award and came up and said, “I 53… I am having a hot flash.” Love it that a women in a performance arena said her real age!!!
I read photos of Brad and Angelina today for Life and Style Magazine. He is so much more relaxed with her since they announced they are pregnant. He looks happy. I say that even though I am enough of a square that I wish he had gotten divorced before he had started a new relationship. Seems like such an obvious thing to me.
A Voice Fit for a Dog, paralanguage
A Voice Fit for a Dog
I was having dinner over at my next door neighbor’s house when their cat named “Women” crawled up and my lap. I began to talk to her in a very high sweet voice. My neighbors started laughing and Roger said, “Oh, my gosh!”, “That is your BO BO voice!” “What are you talking about?” I replied indignantly. Roger answered, “We go to bed at 9:00 at night and we can here you at the kitchen door when you come home late greeting your Dog Bo as you unlock your door” He said, “Your voice goes up really high and lilts like your talking to a baby and you say, “Hello Bo Bo, Hello my sweet baby ”
My neighbors laughed and Roger continued using a funny high pitched imitation of my apparently already funny voice, “Hello BO BO.” He repeated. I was so embarrassed. I thought greeting my dog was a private ritual and hadn’t realized how hysterical my voice would sound to someone else.
You have the power to change your voice to sound sweet or mean angry or condescending just a lift here a change in timbre there and you can send a message of love or hate.
I like my BO BO voice. It’s filled with all the love and tenderness in my heart for the little four legged creature who always greets me with a waggely tail and a lick.
So now when my neighbors tease me, imitating my BO Bo voice, which they love to do, I smile knowing they are teasing me about all the love in my voice that’s wafts through their bedroom window late at night.
Paralanguage, the science of your vocal variations is part of nonverbal communication and like your body language it communicates so much of your true feeling. The words, "I love you." can mean a hundred different things depending on the way you say them.
Notice your voice today. Ask yourself what messages it is sending.
I was having dinner over at my next door neighbor’s house when their cat named “Women” crawled up and my lap. I began to talk to her in a very high sweet voice. My neighbors started laughing and Roger said, “Oh, my gosh!”, “That is your BO BO voice!” “What are you talking about?” I replied indignantly. Roger answered, “We go to bed at 9:00 at night and we can here you at the kitchen door when you come home late greeting your Dog Bo as you unlock your door” He said, “Your voice goes up really high and lilts like your talking to a baby and you say, “Hello Bo Bo, Hello my sweet baby ”
My neighbors laughed and Roger continued using a funny high pitched imitation of my apparently already funny voice, “Hello BO BO.” He repeated. I was so embarrassed. I thought greeting my dog was a private ritual and hadn’t realized how hysterical my voice would sound to someone else.
You have the power to change your voice to sound sweet or mean angry or condescending just a lift here a change in timbre there and you can send a message of love or hate.
I like my BO BO voice. It’s filled with all the love and tenderness in my heart for the little four legged creature who always greets me with a waggely tail and a lick.
So now when my neighbors tease me, imitating my BO Bo voice, which they love to do, I smile knowing they are teasing me about all the love in my voice that’s wafts through their bedroom window late at night.
Paralanguage, the science of your vocal variations is part of nonverbal communication and like your body language it communicates so much of your true feeling. The words, "I love you." can mean a hundred different things depending on the way you say them.
Notice your voice today. Ask yourself what messages it is sending.
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