If your a manager a team leader or just a cowoker who needs to get work from other people visit peoples work spaces when just to make a connection.
Take note of how people respond when you step into their workspaces. Do they smile, make eye contact and turn towards you or keep their hands on the computer keyboard, without turning towards you? Do they seem to cringe and stiffen their posture when you enter.
Busy body language is fine to get once in awhile from your employees, but if it is habitual take note. They are sending you a message. You may be interrupting them when they are in flow, you may be checking up on them too much, or only visiting them when you need somthing or have bad news. Employees and coworkers will get tense when they feel they can’t predict your behavior, or if they assoicate your "visit's" with negatives.
Ask yourself if you’re only face-to-face time when you’re giving negative information or instruction, it might be time to try something different.
Visit with good news or bring in bagels once a week, hang out in the conference room and talk about nothing in particular. If you’re managing people in the fiel or only see people in meeting make it point on your first call to them or first meeting to take extra time for visiting and small talk before you go into the typical work,
“…This is what I need from you.” mode. If you don’t know what small talk is appropriate ask for positive such as, “What’s the best thing you did over the weekend?”, or “What’s your favorite thing on TV lately?”
Small talk is a totally different speed of communication and creates different vocal pacing, facial expressions and body movements, and that easy pacing helps build relationships.”
I know that some people hate anyone comming into talk to them for any reason and think visiting is a waste of time. Disntinguish between those who do and those who do not need "relationship credits" to do their best work.
Ellen Talks About Body Language on Her Show-My Addtional Comments
Yesterday a producer from the Ellen's Talk show called me about possibility of being a guest on the show. What fun that would be! I would love to play with Ellen on the air.
Ellen did a monologue yesterday about body language were she talked about some fun things she had seen on the Discovery Channel. One of the things she talked about was the eyebrow flash. We briefly flash our eyebrows upward when we come towards someone, usually at about 7 to fourteen feet, to show we are friendly and not going to attack. If someone does an eyebrow flash to us as we are walking down the sidewalk towards us it usually means they aren’t going to bring out their Uzi when we get closer? In slightly raising your eyebrows as you glance at someone you are signaling that you are safe and approachable. So it is a nice flirting cue. It says, I see you, if you come over here I will talk to you and probably won’t bite.
Ellen also talked about playing with your hair. That can be a flirting cue for a women to use to attract a man. The secret it is to be light and playful, flipping your hair back once, maybe twice while showing the palm of your hand. Men are hunters and our eyes are designed to go towards movement so the hair flipping draws their eyes towards you. If your hair is shiny and bouncy, the movement of the hair can also show that your hair is health. Healthy hair is primal mating signal. It shows that you have good hair genes and are likely to create healthy babies with great hair. Finally showing the palm of the hand signals that you are vulnerable, that is not holding a weapon, and open and to approach. Make sure you do not twist and tug at your hair or touch it repeatedly which can signal fear or nervousness and can simply make you look desperate.
Standing with your legs apart is a good cue for guys as a broad stance of 10 t 12 inches makes your silhouette look larger and more powerful. Making you look like you could protect the women and have good strong genes for baby making. It is not the best way for a woman who wants to be approached to stand as it creates a male silhouette. I hate that, because standing with your legs closer together in say the 4 to 6 inches apart that is a stereotypical female stance does not make you feel or look powerful. Unfortunately, power is not always appealing to a guy. Hummm, I know this but I just keep giving off the power cues lately.
Ellen did a monologue yesterday about body language were she talked about some fun things she had seen on the Discovery Channel. One of the things she talked about was the eyebrow flash. We briefly flash our eyebrows upward when we come towards someone, usually at about 7 to fourteen feet, to show we are friendly and not going to attack. If someone does an eyebrow flash to us as we are walking down the sidewalk towards us it usually means they aren’t going to bring out their Uzi when we get closer? In slightly raising your eyebrows as you glance at someone you are signaling that you are safe and approachable. So it is a nice flirting cue. It says, I see you, if you come over here I will talk to you and probably won’t bite.
Ellen also talked about playing with your hair. That can be a flirting cue for a women to use to attract a man. The secret it is to be light and playful, flipping your hair back once, maybe twice while showing the palm of your hand. Men are hunters and our eyes are designed to go towards movement so the hair flipping draws their eyes towards you. If your hair is shiny and bouncy, the movement of the hair can also show that your hair is health. Healthy hair is primal mating signal. It shows that you have good hair genes and are likely to create healthy babies with great hair. Finally showing the palm of the hand signals that you are vulnerable, that is not holding a weapon, and open and to approach. Make sure you do not twist and tug at your hair or touch it repeatedly which can signal fear or nervousness and can simply make you look desperate.
Standing with your legs apart is a good cue for guys as a broad stance of 10 t 12 inches makes your silhouette look larger and more powerful. Making you look like you could protect the women and have good strong genes for baby making. It is not the best way for a woman who wants to be approached to stand as it creates a male silhouette. I hate that, because standing with your legs closer together in say the 4 to 6 inches apart that is a stereotypical female stance does not make you feel or look powerful. Unfortunately, power is not always appealing to a guy. Hummm, I know this but I just keep giving off the power cues lately.
E-Mails Internationally
My friend Mike who works for an company based in Paris commented on the e-mail blog. He said that one of the issues of e-mail in an international company is the time differeance. You send off your e-mail thinking your going to get a reply in a certain amount of time, or thinking everyone will get the news from a group e-mail at the same time and things go amiss.
We talked about the problems of communicating internationally in the three day interpersonal skills workshop I am leading this week. One of the other issues that came up was the lack of small talk. If your doing everything by e-mail, and your feeling constantly rushed and overwhelmed your tendancey is not even to do a normal salutation, just a, "...I need this now."
I suggest you consider time problems and,in at least in your Monday e-mails, spend a few lines asking people how their weekend was, what good things have been going on in their lives ect. You can small talk via e-mail and we need the cushion of interpersonal communication to smooth out the rough spots in our work-a-day lives.
We talked about the problems of communicating internationally in the three day interpersonal skills workshop I am leading this week. One of the other issues that came up was the lack of small talk. If your doing everything by e-mail, and your feeling constantly rushed and overwhelmed your tendancey is not even to do a normal salutation, just a, "...I need this now."
I suggest you consider time problems and,in at least in your Monday e-mails, spend a few lines asking people how their weekend was, what good things have been going on in their lives ect. You can small talk via e-mail and we need the cushion of interpersonal communication to smooth out the rough spots in our work-a-day lives.
E-mail is a Form of Non-verbal Communication
Sometimes we forget that the way we send e-mail is a form of nonverbal communication. For example, if you take a long time to respond to someone’s e-mail your delay is way of sending a message about the importance of the person. I know I am guilty of taking a long time to return e-mails to friends when I am on the road speaking. Somehow, I rationalize that my friends will love me even though I take forever to respond to them. Isn't funny how we treat those who love us the most?
We also need to be aware that E-mails were not designed to send emotional messages. The internet was designed to send information, not emotions. It is so tempting at work to blast off a message via e-mail, without dealing with that messy human contact. But, if you’re in your office and you have a message laced with intense feeling to send to someone, go talk to them!! If over 80 percent of the meaning of the message is sent through nonverbal communication your simple e-mail that has no nonverbal communication will often be misinterpreted.
Finally, we sometimes blast off an email so we can say to ourselves, "That's taken care of." In truth, it may not be. Because you do not see the person get your message, understand it and respond to emotionally you really do not know if it taken care of. Follow up, at least occasionally with a phone call, a stop in the hallway or an office visit to make sure the receiver, really, "got" the message.
We also need to be aware that E-mails were not designed to send emotional messages. The internet was designed to send information, not emotions. It is so tempting at work to blast off a message via e-mail, without dealing with that messy human contact. But, if you’re in your office and you have a message laced with intense feeling to send to someone, go talk to them!! If over 80 percent of the meaning of the message is sent through nonverbal communication your simple e-mail that has no nonverbal communication will often be misinterpreted.
Finally, we sometimes blast off an email so we can say to ourselves, "That's taken care of." In truth, it may not be. Because you do not see the person get your message, understand it and respond to emotionally you really do not know if it taken care of. Follow up, at least occasionally with a phone call, a stop in the hallway or an office visit to make sure the receiver, really, "got" the message.
Making eye-contact when a loved one walks in the room
Last night I was watching Oprah. A guest spoke about changing his nonverbal behavior after hearing the author Toni' Morrisons ask, “What does your child see on your face when you he or she walks into the room on an Oprah episode. Steve, the guest on yesterday’s show is a father. He was inspired to change his nonverbal behavior. He made the conscious decision to put on a happy face every time his children walk into a room. "I thought, 'Wow, I could actually be hurting their feelings and not even [know] it,'" he says. "Aha! Your kids actually see the expressions on your face." He says. "I want them to see how proud [I am] that they're there—how much [I] love them."
There are two things that are important about this practice. One is that you make significant eye—contact with your loved one so that they feel, “seen” the other is that your face shows the joy you feel in seeing them enter the room. Let me talk about ‘Seeing” them in today’s blog. When I was sixteen I was, as I am now a voracious reader. I read a book by philosopher Eric Fromme on love called the “The Art of Loving." These many many years later I still remember how Fromme defined love as feeling seen. I remember thinking it would be that the person who loves you looks at you in way they makes you feel human and divine at the same time. That you wouldn’t feel invisible. As I grew up I realized that we often feel invisible in are love relationships with family or sweeties. So today, make real eye-contact with the people you love. See them for the wondrous people that they are.
There are two things that are important about this practice. One is that you make significant eye—contact with your loved one so that they feel, “seen” the other is that your face shows the joy you feel in seeing them enter the room. Let me talk about ‘Seeing” them in today’s blog. When I was sixteen I was, as I am now a voracious reader. I read a book by philosopher Eric Fromme on love called the “The Art of Loving." These many many years later I still remember how Fromme defined love as feeling seen. I remember thinking it would be that the person who loves you looks at you in way they makes you feel human and divine at the same time. That you wouldn’t feel invisible. As I grew up I realized that we often feel invisible in are love relationships with family or sweeties. So today, make real eye-contact with the people you love. See them for the wondrous people that they are.
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