People in my audiances have asked me for many years why we yawn when someone else yawns. I tell them that is yawn contangion is due do to isopraxism, the pull towards the same enegry that occurs in nature. Isopraxisism explains why birds fly together in formation, fish swim together in schools and why we do the wave at football games. We pull towards the same energy to save energy. In human relationships we tend to match people we like and feel comfortable beting around. For years the research on yawning said that matching was not the cause of mutual yawning, but I disagreed.
Now recent research supports the matching hypothesis. Though the original yawner may yawn because they are tired and or lack oxyegen, the matcher, yawns back out of kindness. Steven Platek, a reserch professor bio medical science at Drexel University in Philadelphia did resarch empthy. He found highly emphathetic people could not help but match someone's yawn. You may notice this in Gorillas and great apes at the zoo as well. (Not quite a case of monkey see monkey do, more like gorilla see gorilla do.)
So next time someone matches your yawn, you will know they are a nice empathetic person. You might want to fake a yawn today, just to see if how much people care!
Reading Celebs on the Red Carpet
Red Carpet Photo Analysis
Many of you know that I read photo for the media. Here is a recent photo analysis that I did for a client. To get the photo email me or sign up for the free newsletter.
While I do not know who these people on the red carpet are, it’s a very interesting photo. Several body gestures show the attractive man’s confidence. Dare I say, debonair! He's almost cocky for being at this Red Carpet event.
His stance is wide with his toes pointed out. His hand on his hip with elbow jutted far out and are significantly high which makes his right shoulder come up and his right hip jut out. The hip, elbow and shoulder gesture cluster and create a slightly sexual come hither posture. He also has a big smile on his face with cheeks significantly pulled back and up. Also, he has taken the time to take his sunglasses off and that would have covered his eyes and face and made him less recognizable. All of these gestures cluster to create a “Look at me aren’t I hot” pose.
Now look at his left leg and foot. The leg is stretched out in front farther than would be comfortably normal and the leg and foot effectively block or protect the woman with him. The slender attractive woman is standing slightly behind him in what I call an overlap position. She is leaning slightly in to him in the overlap, while his weight is away from her on his back right foot. This overlap shows she wishes to be seen as a part of him, while his focus is on being seen by the cameras as in charge and “singular”.
Her shoulders are down her right hand is behind him and perhaps she is holding on to him, this combined with her position behind him and her body orientation specifically, the body turned to him, feet close to his and pointed towards him show her desire to have him protect her. Her fear or anxiety is also emphasized by the arm and hand gesture cluster. She has her left arm and her shawl protectively over the front of her body and her hand hidden. In addition, the lowered eyelids, squinted eyes as well as the stiffness and tightness around the mouth show anxiety. Perhaps, aided by too much glare from the sun or the hundreds of flashing cameras at red carpet events.
Many of you know that I read photo for the media. Here is a recent photo analysis that I did for a client. To get the photo email me or sign up for the free newsletter.
While I do not know who these people on the red carpet are, it’s a very interesting photo. Several body gestures show the attractive man’s confidence. Dare I say, debonair! He's almost cocky for being at this Red Carpet event.
His stance is wide with his toes pointed out. His hand on his hip with elbow jutted far out and are significantly high which makes his right shoulder come up and his right hip jut out. The hip, elbow and shoulder gesture cluster and create a slightly sexual come hither posture. He also has a big smile on his face with cheeks significantly pulled back and up. Also, he has taken the time to take his sunglasses off and that would have covered his eyes and face and made him less recognizable. All of these gestures cluster to create a “Look at me aren’t I hot” pose.
Now look at his left leg and foot. The leg is stretched out in front farther than would be comfortably normal and the leg and foot effectively block or protect the woman with him. The slender attractive woman is standing slightly behind him in what I call an overlap position. She is leaning slightly in to him in the overlap, while his weight is away from her on his back right foot. This overlap shows she wishes to be seen as a part of him, while his focus is on being seen by the cameras as in charge and “singular”.
Her shoulders are down her right hand is behind him and perhaps she is holding on to him, this combined with her position behind him and her body orientation specifically, the body turned to him, feet close to his and pointed towards him show her desire to have him protect her. Her fear or anxiety is also emphasized by the arm and hand gesture cluster. She has her left arm and her shawl protectively over the front of her body and her hand hidden. In addition, the lowered eyelids, squinted eyes as well as the stiffness and tightness around the mouth show anxiety. Perhaps, aided by too much glare from the sun or the hundreds of flashing cameras at red carpet events.
Visiting People in their Cubical Space
If your a manager a team leader or just a cowoker who needs to get work from other people visit peoples work spaces when just to make a connection.
Take note of how people respond when you step into their workspaces. Do they smile, make eye contact and turn towards you or keep their hands on the computer keyboard, without turning towards you? Do they seem to cringe and stiffen their posture when you enter.
Busy body language is fine to get once in awhile from your employees, but if it is habitual take note. They are sending you a message. You may be interrupting them when they are in flow, you may be checking up on them too much, or only visiting them when you need somthing or have bad news. Employees and coworkers will get tense when they feel they can’t predict your behavior, or if they assoicate your "visit's" with negatives.
Ask yourself if you’re only face-to-face time when you’re giving negative information or instruction, it might be time to try something different.
Visit with good news or bring in bagels once a week, hang out in the conference room and talk about nothing in particular. If you’re managing people in the fiel or only see people in meeting make it point on your first call to them or first meeting to take extra time for visiting and small talk before you go into the typical work,
“…This is what I need from you.” mode. If you don’t know what small talk is appropriate ask for positive such as, “What’s the best thing you did over the weekend?”, or “What’s your favorite thing on TV lately?”
Small talk is a totally different speed of communication and creates different vocal pacing, facial expressions and body movements, and that easy pacing helps build relationships.”
I know that some people hate anyone comming into talk to them for any reason and think visiting is a waste of time. Disntinguish between those who do and those who do not need "relationship credits" to do their best work.
Take note of how people respond when you step into their workspaces. Do they smile, make eye contact and turn towards you or keep their hands on the computer keyboard, without turning towards you? Do they seem to cringe and stiffen their posture when you enter.
Busy body language is fine to get once in awhile from your employees, but if it is habitual take note. They are sending you a message. You may be interrupting them when they are in flow, you may be checking up on them too much, or only visiting them when you need somthing or have bad news. Employees and coworkers will get tense when they feel they can’t predict your behavior, or if they assoicate your "visit's" with negatives.
Ask yourself if you’re only face-to-face time when you’re giving negative information or instruction, it might be time to try something different.
Visit with good news or bring in bagels once a week, hang out in the conference room and talk about nothing in particular. If you’re managing people in the fiel or only see people in meeting make it point on your first call to them or first meeting to take extra time for visiting and small talk before you go into the typical work,
“…This is what I need from you.” mode. If you don’t know what small talk is appropriate ask for positive such as, “What’s the best thing you did over the weekend?”, or “What’s your favorite thing on TV lately?”
Small talk is a totally different speed of communication and creates different vocal pacing, facial expressions and body movements, and that easy pacing helps build relationships.”
I know that some people hate anyone comming into talk to them for any reason and think visiting is a waste of time. Disntinguish between those who do and those who do not need "relationship credits" to do their best work.
Ellen Talks About Body Language on Her Show-My Addtional Comments
Yesterday a producer from the Ellen's Talk show called me about possibility of being a guest on the show. What fun that would be! I would love to play with Ellen on the air.
Ellen did a monologue yesterday about body language were she talked about some fun things she had seen on the Discovery Channel. One of the things she talked about was the eyebrow flash. We briefly flash our eyebrows upward when we come towards someone, usually at about 7 to fourteen feet, to show we are friendly and not going to attack. If someone does an eyebrow flash to us as we are walking down the sidewalk towards us it usually means they aren’t going to bring out their Uzi when we get closer? In slightly raising your eyebrows as you glance at someone you are signaling that you are safe and approachable. So it is a nice flirting cue. It says, I see you, if you come over here I will talk to you and probably won’t bite.
Ellen also talked about playing with your hair. That can be a flirting cue for a women to use to attract a man. The secret it is to be light and playful, flipping your hair back once, maybe twice while showing the palm of your hand. Men are hunters and our eyes are designed to go towards movement so the hair flipping draws their eyes towards you. If your hair is shiny and bouncy, the movement of the hair can also show that your hair is health. Healthy hair is primal mating signal. It shows that you have good hair genes and are likely to create healthy babies with great hair. Finally showing the palm of the hand signals that you are vulnerable, that is not holding a weapon, and open and to approach. Make sure you do not twist and tug at your hair or touch it repeatedly which can signal fear or nervousness and can simply make you look desperate.
Standing with your legs apart is a good cue for guys as a broad stance of 10 t 12 inches makes your silhouette look larger and more powerful. Making you look like you could protect the women and have good strong genes for baby making. It is not the best way for a woman who wants to be approached to stand as it creates a male silhouette. I hate that, because standing with your legs closer together in say the 4 to 6 inches apart that is a stereotypical female stance does not make you feel or look powerful. Unfortunately, power is not always appealing to a guy. Hummm, I know this but I just keep giving off the power cues lately.
Ellen did a monologue yesterday about body language were she talked about some fun things she had seen on the Discovery Channel. One of the things she talked about was the eyebrow flash. We briefly flash our eyebrows upward when we come towards someone, usually at about 7 to fourteen feet, to show we are friendly and not going to attack. If someone does an eyebrow flash to us as we are walking down the sidewalk towards us it usually means they aren’t going to bring out their Uzi when we get closer? In slightly raising your eyebrows as you glance at someone you are signaling that you are safe and approachable. So it is a nice flirting cue. It says, I see you, if you come over here I will talk to you and probably won’t bite.
Ellen also talked about playing with your hair. That can be a flirting cue for a women to use to attract a man. The secret it is to be light and playful, flipping your hair back once, maybe twice while showing the palm of your hand. Men are hunters and our eyes are designed to go towards movement so the hair flipping draws their eyes towards you. If your hair is shiny and bouncy, the movement of the hair can also show that your hair is health. Healthy hair is primal mating signal. It shows that you have good hair genes and are likely to create healthy babies with great hair. Finally showing the palm of the hand signals that you are vulnerable, that is not holding a weapon, and open and to approach. Make sure you do not twist and tug at your hair or touch it repeatedly which can signal fear or nervousness and can simply make you look desperate.
Standing with your legs apart is a good cue for guys as a broad stance of 10 t 12 inches makes your silhouette look larger and more powerful. Making you look like you could protect the women and have good strong genes for baby making. It is not the best way for a woman who wants to be approached to stand as it creates a male silhouette. I hate that, because standing with your legs closer together in say the 4 to 6 inches apart that is a stereotypical female stance does not make you feel or look powerful. Unfortunately, power is not always appealing to a guy. Hummm, I know this but I just keep giving off the power cues lately.
E-Mails Internationally
My friend Mike who works for an company based in Paris commented on the e-mail blog. He said that one of the issues of e-mail in an international company is the time differeance. You send off your e-mail thinking your going to get a reply in a certain amount of time, or thinking everyone will get the news from a group e-mail at the same time and things go amiss.
We talked about the problems of communicating internationally in the three day interpersonal skills workshop I am leading this week. One of the other issues that came up was the lack of small talk. If your doing everything by e-mail, and your feeling constantly rushed and overwhelmed your tendancey is not even to do a normal salutation, just a, "...I need this now."
I suggest you consider time problems and,in at least in your Monday e-mails, spend a few lines asking people how their weekend was, what good things have been going on in their lives ect. You can small talk via e-mail and we need the cushion of interpersonal communication to smooth out the rough spots in our work-a-day lives.
We talked about the problems of communicating internationally in the three day interpersonal skills workshop I am leading this week. One of the other issues that came up was the lack of small talk. If your doing everything by e-mail, and your feeling constantly rushed and overwhelmed your tendancey is not even to do a normal salutation, just a, "...I need this now."
I suggest you consider time problems and,in at least in your Monday e-mails, spend a few lines asking people how their weekend was, what good things have been going on in their lives ect. You can small talk via e-mail and we need the cushion of interpersonal communication to smooth out the rough spots in our work-a-day lives.
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