Today a friend and I went to two workshops on old costume jewelry at an antique shop. We played with the rhinestone pins and put on bracelets covered in little flowers and tried on glass pearl necklaces from Japan. It was a wonderful day.
In the afternoon we sat on an white settee in the antique shop sipping lemonade and eating chocolate cookies. I held up an extraordinary teal and emerald green rhinestone pin from the 40's with rhinestone dangles up to my chest and said, "I want to try on the life that goes with this jewelry." Then I laughed and said, "Well maybe not, because that life for women in the 40's ment they alwasy had to wear girdles, hose, high heels, hats and gloves and I am sitting here in jeans and comfortable shoes and I am really happy!" So tonight I went out with my jeans and comfortable shoes and big old Sapphire rhinestone pin stuck on my shirt. It was a good night.
Think of women in the 40's and all the feeling they had to hide, all that pretense. For years I thought about how pretty they looked. But they had to have almost all their body windows closed. Some of you have heard me talk about body windows. A theory I create when I was teaching body language at Florida State. There are windows on you body that you open and close depending on how you feel, who you are with and what your talking about. You close your body windows when you are not feeling confident or powerful. Women had to wear hats and cover their head window, hold their stomachs in with tight girdles closing their heart window, cross their legs daintely when they sat down closing their knew window, walk around in high heels and thus very painful feet making the foot window painful, and cover what I call the honesty window at the palms of their hands with gloves. Thease things effectively closed their body windows and even put them in physical pain. Clothing really does effect how you feel. Men had to be closed to. All in all I perfer our open lives now. Yes, thinking about it, I perfer the truth of blue jeans.
Handshakes and self disclosure/ Police officer and suspects
Some of you know I use to teach at a law enforcement training center and that I am particularly interested in what body language can make people open up. In grad school I wrote a paper on body language to increase self disclosure and I have been researching that process ever since.
Recently I have been corresponding with a police officer about some of his experiences Here is one of his stories that I thought was interesting.
"After hearing your handshake lesson and reading the article in your book, I started shaking every one's hand I was introduced to. I meet people all day long, but I used to shake hands only about 1/2 the time. I notice now that when you offer it first, usually there's a brief smile on the other end of it- almost like they do not expect a cop to be friendly- it works!"
"Now, when I shake a suspects hand, we have already made inroads into the rapport-building phase of interviewing him. I of course want a confession- or at least an admission from a bad guy to help me make my case...I clearly remember at least 3 times when I was on domestic calls and would not shake a guy's hand. The call would be all but over and we were literally leaving the scene. Me not shaking the dude's hand at the close of "business" would make him mad all over again. Hey it's a tactical consideration, but I wonder if I could have shaken more hands now."
I would love to know what you think. Do you think shaking hands can make people self disclose more? Do you have a story to share?
Recently I have been corresponding with a police officer about some of his experiences Here is one of his stories that I thought was interesting.
"After hearing your handshake lesson and reading the article in your book, I started shaking every one's hand I was introduced to. I meet people all day long, but I used to shake hands only about 1/2 the time. I notice now that when you offer it first, usually there's a brief smile on the other end of it- almost like they do not expect a cop to be friendly- it works!"
"Now, when I shake a suspects hand, we have already made inroads into the rapport-building phase of interviewing him. I of course want a confession- or at least an admission from a bad guy to help me make my case...I clearly remember at least 3 times when I was on domestic calls and would not shake a guy's hand. The call would be all but over and we were literally leaving the scene. Me not shaking the dude's hand at the close of "business" would make him mad all over again. Hey it's a tactical consideration, but I wonder if I could have shaken more hands now."
I would love to know what you think. Do you think shaking hands can make people self disclose more? Do you have a story to share?
The 10 and 5 rule of body language and greeting behavior
How can body language change a business.
For years in my programs I have talked about greeting behavior and it's impact on first impressions.
In the Atlanta paper Sunday there was an article on customer service that mentioned a business that applies one of my greeting principals.
The Georgia World Congress Center, the fourth largest convention center in the country is working to improve it's customer service with specific directives. One of those directives they call the "10 and 5 foot rule." Workers are trained to make eye contact with a customer at 10 feel and acknowledge the person at 5 feet. How does this help. Well typically when we are walking and meet someone we make eye contact at 15 feet and do an eyebrow flash to show we are not going to harm them then if we are going to interact we stop at about 4 feet to greet (that's handshake distance) and shake hands. I suggest in customer service situations and sales situations that you actually smile and make eye contact and reach out your hand earlier at about 5 feet to let the other person know you want to stop to interact. In sales situations it always increases your chances of getting a good handshake in situations where prospects may try to avoid that contact. So the Congress Center knows that that the greeting can make strangers in their huge monilith building feell safer in the space by giving a extra freindly greeting. Yep, they have that body language thing down.
For years in my programs I have talked about greeting behavior and it's impact on first impressions.
In the Atlanta paper Sunday there was an article on customer service that mentioned a business that applies one of my greeting principals.
The Georgia World Congress Center, the fourth largest convention center in the country is working to improve it's customer service with specific directives. One of those directives they call the "10 and 5 foot rule." Workers are trained to make eye contact with a customer at 10 feel and acknowledge the person at 5 feet. How does this help. Well typically when we are walking and meet someone we make eye contact at 15 feet and do an eyebrow flash to show we are not going to harm them then if we are going to interact we stop at about 4 feet to greet (that's handshake distance) and shake hands. I suggest in customer service situations and sales situations that you actually smile and make eye contact and reach out your hand earlier at about 5 feet to let the other person know you want to stop to interact. In sales situations it always increases your chances of getting a good handshake in situations where prospects may try to avoid that contact. So the Congress Center knows that that the greeting can make strangers in their huge monilith building feell safer in the space by giving a extra freindly greeting. Yep, they have that body language thing down.
How other peoples energy affects you nonverbally
Your Top Five
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
How other peoples energy affects you nonverbally
Your Top Five
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
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