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You’re at your holiday office party standing near the punch bowl, your boss leans towards you to say hello then crinkles his nose and steps back abruptly ending the conversation. What did you do? You’re dressed in your best clothes, heck you took a shower and put on your cologne and you’re smiling even though you have heard Santa baby played four times tonight. You might think you’re doing everything right that you’re oh so sweet but if your breath is sour it will send a primal message for others to retreat that overrides anything we say. We are often unaware of are own nonverbal communication. If you have Bad breath it may be invisible to you but, its effect isn’t. It can make people lean away, step back, freeze or hold their body stiffly, bring the corners of their mouth down or simply not want to be with you. And they may not only back off that one time. Here is scarier information. Since our sense of smell is our strongest link to memory people may remember you not as that clever guy who talked about movie or but as the guy with the bad breath
In other countries doctors smell the breath of their patients to for signs of their ailment. At a primal level bad breath, communicates that you are “sick.” And people respond by withdrawing.
My brother in law is an Endodontist. That is the doctor that does root canals. He taught his children to floss well with the admonition that it not only would save their teeth from decay, but that it would also be help prevent bad breath.
It’s funny, but I always floss when I get ready for date. Why wear lipstick to make your lips kissable if someone is not going to want to get close enough to kiss you? There are long lists of things to do to prevent bad breath from eating lots of fruits and veggies to brushing the backside of your teeth and the top of your tongue. There are lots of remedies if you think you have bad breath, from eating parsley to gargling. Make sure if you have bad breath that it is not a sign of illness. I’ve been the National spokes person for the Natural Dentist a line of dental care products and done enormous research on smiling and the effect of dental health and how people respond to others. Don’t forget the silent message of good breath.
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Harvey Milk, Sean Penn, body language
If your just reading my blog for the first time please know that you can find entry's here on just about every aspect of body language. If you sign up for my newsletter on my website. www.Pattiwood.net you will get my monthly articles and news of my TV appearance's as well.
Last night my friends, Ellen, Judith and I went to see the new Sean Penn movie about Harvey Milk. It was so well done and so moving that the audience clapped at the end. It was a difficult movie to watch at times. I love movies and movies that make us socially conscious are so rare. This movie might not align with your feelings about the rights of gays, but I challenge you even if you choose not to see the movie to at least examine Harvey rights human rights work. Since this is a body language blog I could also recommend the movie for the extraordinary Oscar worthy performance of Sean Penn. Again the movie may be difficult to watch, but it can move you to think.
Personally, this movie caused me to reflect on my friend Roy and how much his life changed when he was fully “out.” How much joy and freedom he felt at being all Roy all the time. He was so happy being fully himself. People like Harvey Milk made that freedom possible, loving Roy so much I am so grateful for that. I am crying as I write this, because the movie made me feel for all those people living in secret. How horrible to live a half life, how hard to hide a part of yourself whenever you are in public. Those of us that don’t have to do that have no idea how hard that must be for gay people. To have to “act” and be aware of you body language and what you say at work, at a store, at a restaurant.
I remember back in the eighties being in Piedmont Park with a group of friends, all gay men. I was walking with my friend John. At that time he had been with his partner 6 years. (John is still with him over 20 years later as a matter of fact.) John noticed a straight couple holding hands and he whispered to me sadly, “I would love to be able to walk in this park holding hands with my love.” I have a photo from that day. It’s me and a group of some of the guys standing in a fountain with our arms around each other smiling. We made a joke of the movie, ‘Three Coins in a fountain” and called the photo “a blonde and five queers in a fountain.” Except for John, all the men in the photo died of AIDS, including my best friend Roy.
Roy was 29 when he died.
The movie also made me recall what happened with the ignorance and prejudice against gays in the fight against AIDs. There were so many needless delays in the fight against the disease. How horrific that foolish belief that it was only affecting Gay people, how insane notion that it was a punishment for them, that they deserved it. It allowed people to ignore it. It gave them permission to think it wouldn’t effect them so they didn’t have to take action. We forget we are all equal that we are all connected to each other. We must remember we are on a very small planet.
There is scene in the movie where someone tells Milk. “I know what you are against, but what are you for?” So I ask you, my dear readers “What are you for?”
As the movie ended I wept for the loss of Harvey Milk. I wondered if Harvey Milk, who was so passionate about Gay rights, so passionate about human rights had lived would he have helped the US government take action, to give money to fight AIDS more quickly? Most people don’t know that the government original plan was to corral all the people with AIDs into camps. Yes, camps. Perhaps they felt that they could get away with it because no one would stop the government from taking gay people out their homes and hospitals to isolate them.
The movie reminds us that one person can make a difference. It made me see that loss of one person who can make a difference and does not have the opportunity to keep working is tragic. Watch the movie and let me know what you thought of it.
And while you’re at it watch the old black and white classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It reminds all of us that we make a difference through are actions every day. If you watch that movie make sure you notice the body language in the telephone scene with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. It is one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.
Last night my friends, Ellen, Judith and I went to see the new Sean Penn movie about Harvey Milk. It was so well done and so moving that the audience clapped at the end. It was a difficult movie to watch at times. I love movies and movies that make us socially conscious are so rare. This movie might not align with your feelings about the rights of gays, but I challenge you even if you choose not to see the movie to at least examine Harvey rights human rights work. Since this is a body language blog I could also recommend the movie for the extraordinary Oscar worthy performance of Sean Penn. Again the movie may be difficult to watch, but it can move you to think.
Personally, this movie caused me to reflect on my friend Roy and how much his life changed when he was fully “out.” How much joy and freedom he felt at being all Roy all the time. He was so happy being fully himself. People like Harvey Milk made that freedom possible, loving Roy so much I am so grateful for that. I am crying as I write this, because the movie made me feel for all those people living in secret. How horrible to live a half life, how hard to hide a part of yourself whenever you are in public. Those of us that don’t have to do that have no idea how hard that must be for gay people. To have to “act” and be aware of you body language and what you say at work, at a store, at a restaurant.
I remember back in the eighties being in Piedmont Park with a group of friends, all gay men. I was walking with my friend John. At that time he had been with his partner 6 years. (John is still with him over 20 years later as a matter of fact.) John noticed a straight couple holding hands and he whispered to me sadly, “I would love to be able to walk in this park holding hands with my love.” I have a photo from that day. It’s me and a group of some of the guys standing in a fountain with our arms around each other smiling. We made a joke of the movie, ‘Three Coins in a fountain” and called the photo “a blonde and five queers in a fountain.” Except for John, all the men in the photo died of AIDS, including my best friend Roy.
Roy was 29 when he died.
The movie also made me recall what happened with the ignorance and prejudice against gays in the fight against AIDs. There were so many needless delays in the fight against the disease. How horrific that foolish belief that it was only affecting Gay people, how insane notion that it was a punishment for them, that they deserved it. It allowed people to ignore it. It gave them permission to think it wouldn’t effect them so they didn’t have to take action. We forget we are all equal that we are all connected to each other. We must remember we are on a very small planet.
There is scene in the movie where someone tells Milk. “I know what you are against, but what are you for?” So I ask you, my dear readers “What are you for?”
As the movie ended I wept for the loss of Harvey Milk. I wondered if Harvey Milk, who was so passionate about Gay rights, so passionate about human rights had lived would he have helped the US government take action, to give money to fight AIDS more quickly? Most people don’t know that the government original plan was to corral all the people with AIDs into camps. Yes, camps. Perhaps they felt that they could get away with it because no one would stop the government from taking gay people out their homes and hospitals to isolate them.
The movie reminds us that one person can make a difference. It made me see that loss of one person who can make a difference and does not have the opportunity to keep working is tragic. Watch the movie and let me know what you thought of it.
And while you’re at it watch the old black and white classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It reminds all of us that we make a difference through are actions every day. If you watch that movie make sure you notice the body language in the telephone scene with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. It is one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.
12 body language tricks for great first impressions for women working internationally.
I was asked today by a journalist for my for 10 body language “tricks” for good first impressions for business woman for an issue of Harper’s Bazaar Dubai. This has been one of my favorite research areas for many years and certainly one of my audience's favorites so here are my top 12.
- Make palm to palm contact. The single most important part of the international business handshake is making palm to palm contact.
- The palm of the hand shows you’re willing to be honest and that you come to business meeting “unarmed”
- Start early. Men are not always sure whether to shake hands and how to shake hands or greet women, especially in a mixed culture setting so let your body language show what you want. At fifteen feet flash up your eyebrows to show you see them.
- Then smile to show you’re friendly. The smile is the single most important nonverbal cue to show friendliness. It is actually able to be recognized from 300 feet away and a true wide smile is one of the few cues that have the same meaning in all cultures.
- Put out your hand at 6 to four feet away from the person you want to greet so they know you want to shake hands. If you prefer not to approach with your hands at your side and your left side slightly in front of you as you meet.
- People can form a first impression in less than a fortieth of a second and may be deciding what they think about you before you begin to speak so if you know you are about to greet someone important make sure you posture is “up” make sure your head is up and above your shoulders. If you are seated rise to greet others so that your are on an equal plane. (Unless you are eating. You shouldn't’t go up to shake hands with someone who is eating, nor should you have to shake hands when someone approaches you when you are eating. )
Make sure your posture is “open” that is, and your arms are not held or folded in front of your heart. That communicates that you may be afraid or lack confidence.
Animate your voice. Make sure it has the appropriate energy to show you are pleased and happy to meet someone.
Men prefer to talk face to face standing and side to side or catty corner sitting. Choose to stand or sit to make a man comfortable and he is more likely to have a favorable impression of you.
Remove your bracelets from your right hand if you choose to shake hands in a business setting as they send a first impression, “I am a woman” rather than, “I am a smart impressive person.”
A first impression is formed very quickly, but there is also a "recency effect". People remember the LAST thing you say or do. It is especially critical in an initial interaction. Make sure you end the conversation with appropriate eye contact. Think about the other person, make a real connection with them, smile softly and make sure that if you leave with a closing statement such as, “It was a pleasure meeting you.” That your voice is expressive and sincere. Think and feel the statement as your say it rather that say it automatically.
We often are thinking of ourselves, how we look, in an initial interaction. The big secret is to focus on the other person. Make it your job and your pleasure to make them feel comfortable and you will definitely make a great first impression!
Written by Patti Wood MA, CSP.
Watch Bush's body language as he misquotes during his speeches
Watch Bush's body language as he makes various mistakes in several presidential speeches. In the first two he tries to search for the right phrase by moving his hands. This is actually and effective tool for retrieving files in your brain. But unfortunately it doesn't work for him so he smiles his little boy smile. In many of the other clips he doesn't even seem to notice his mistake! Watch talented new anchors. If they make a mistake they quickly say a transition word such as, "rather" then correct themselves and keep going without a pause. Funny. If I had been hired as his speech/media coach I would have taught him that bridging technique in a our first coaching session. Enjoy and laugh out loud!
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