Openness,
Approachability, Body Language and Attraction
Here are some questions I recently answered as part of an
article for Health magazine
1.
We
talked about how women have a smaller stance and that it can make people think
you're a doormat.
That
is not a doormat stance just a regular stance. It simply means when women stand
with their feet less than five inches apart that they look a little less
powerful and are physically just easier to push over because their stance is
typically not as broad.
2.
How
would you recommend standing if you want to command respect, say with a
co-worker or with a teen?
Knowing
there is a fine line between respect and aggression I would say 6 to 8 inches
apart to give information and commands For example, should you stand up
straight or plant your feet a certain width apart.
3.
If you
notice that you cross your arms as a way of keeping people out, is there
another way you can hold your arms or hands that's more approachable, like
behind your back or something like that?
First
there are over 60 different ways of crossing your arms and reasons for all of
them. If you would like to look and feel approachable you want your hands to be
viewable. Think cave man brain, we want to make sure the person we approach is
not armed. Also you ideally want to show the palms of your hands, gesture with
open hand and keep the center of your body where your heart lies open or
unblocked. If your nervous you can rest an arm at your side and touch your
fingers together to give yourself an security anchor or briefly put on hand in
your pocket.
4.
What
if you notice that you cross your arms to hold in emotions or thoughts, is
there anything you can do with your body to help fix that? Sometimes you close
your arms down, just like a computer shuts down when it is on overload. You
fold your arms because you don’t want to take in and or give out more
information and you need to shut down to process it. When you’re ready you can
open your arms to accept more information. One tip if you are bored at a
meeting is to rest your full arms on the table reaching out toward the speaker
in a symbolic reach and give them your eye contact and smile. Research
indicates that audience’s energy and attention can improve the speaker’s
animation.
5.
You
said the body often lifts up when someone is happy. If you're depressed and you
notice that your body is going downward, can sitting up straight or lifting
your head actually lift your mood (the same way that smiling when you’re sad
can make you feel better)? Any time you change your body language and
paralanguage you are potentially changing the chemicals that are being sent
into your body. Lifting up your head, bringing your shoulders back, sitting up
and smiling can change your mood in less than a fraction of a second. I have
quite a bit of research on that and I am especially intrigued with the research
on smiling.
6.
We
talked about several signs that show physical attraction. These are opening or approach me signals rather
than pure attraction signals such as opening your palms or heart window to
someone.
7.
Is
there some other type of body language that might show openness to someone like
a new friend or a potential business partner? Turning your feet towards then.
Woman sometimes when they are attracted tilt their head and play with their
hair, while showing the palm. Guys sometimes increase their stance and puff up
their chest.
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