I will be on,"Live with Regis and Kelly" talking about what couples sleep positions say about their relationship. They saw a piece I was quoted on in Nest Magazine. The body language cues of couples sleep positions are fun to read. I have articles here and on my website about the body language of sleep positions.
What does your couple sleep position say about your relationship?
The Body Language Patti Wood reveals what she will share on Live with Regis and Kelly on Wednesday July 9, 2009
How do sleep positions offer a view into what is going on in the relationship? The majority of body language comes from the more primitive part of the brain called the limbic brain rather than the more rational “Let me think how I want to look” cognitive brain. So body language reveals our true feelings. In sleep, we are our most honest, vulnerable selves and our sleep positions may therefore reveal secrets we do not show with our mates during the daytime. Heck, you might even prefer your sweetie when he/she is alseep!
I love understanding sleep positions, because we are at our most vulnerable in sleep and our bodies are the most honest. Women, you can fake a lot with a man but you can’t fake your sleep position. That means how your body moves and joins with your partner in sleep can offer insights into your trust and connection for each other.
When looking at sleep positions you always want to take into consideration health issues like snoring and menopause. Thease issues, unrealted to your relationships may not only make you want to move away from your partner in bed, they might make you want to hit him with a pillow and leave the room! It’s also important to realize there are no right ways or wrong ways to sleep with your sweetie. You are not being graded on your sleep positions. You don’t have to say, "Hey Honey, I watched Patti on Regis and Kelly today, let’s work on an A Plus tonight.” Unless you are on a reality television show, we are not watching you sleep, there is no panel of judeges deciding wietehr you good enought to make it to next week's show. But tonight just to be sure, check for cameras.
About half of men and women sleep in the fetal position. The fetal position is sleeping on your side with head and shoulders curled in and knees pulled up. This position shows your innocence and trust. Symbolically curled positions in sleep mean, “I want to trust others and feel safe.” Bodies stretched out in sleep mean “I want to take charge and experience adventure.” Hands touching mean I want to connect; even hands wrapped around a pillow can indicate a cuddly nature. If hands and/or hands and arms are held or pressed tightly straight down at the sides in the soldier postion mean, "not tonight, honey".
In the Traditional Spoons Position, couples sleep side-by-side each curled up with each other in the fetal position. One partner is fully cupped around the back of the body of the other. Everything touches. Well, maybe not everything, but a lot of the front of one partner and lot of the back of the other. (Smile) Traditional spooning is the most common position adopted by couples during the first few years of their relationship or marriage. If the spooning is comfortable, is received with no tension in the limbs and seems balanced, it shows both a strong sexuality and feeling of security in the relationship. One partner is saying with their body, “I can turn my back on you and know I am safe—you have my back.” The other is saying, “I want to surround you and take you in.” This Spoon position has been shown to increase intimacy in couples and reduce the stress of both partners. So everybody try spooning tonight!
In spooning, if the man is around the woman it shows that he is comfortable being the protector in the relationship. If he is curled around the T.V. remote, it means something totally different. If the woman is around the man with the man facing the edge of the bed it can mean she depends on him. That’s not a bad thing, but if he tries to get out of the bed and you’re still holding on as he crosses the room perhaps you’re a little too dependent. (Smile)
Loose Spoons occur when there is a little gap between the bodies. Loose spoons tend to come later in the relationship after a few years—typically 5 to 6. If the couple is still close they may touch hands, feet, or knees to stay connected. (Note my comments on what feet touching means below)
The Royal Hug- In this position one partner, typically the man, is lying on his back facing up. The woman head is cradled in the man chest or shoulder. Symbolically the person on his back in sleep is facing life. A face up position indicates confidence and self-assurance. If the man’s arms are wrapped around the woman, it shows a wonderful protectiveness. If the man has his hands on top of his head like a crown and/or his elbows are out to the side like a royal cape, he is showing his confidence and that he wants to be in charge, the king of the castle. He is enthusiastic and perhaps likes to tell his partner what to do. (The on-the-back cape and crown position is an expansive position and these people are often workaholics and entrepreneurs.
If the woman is facing her partner in a fetal position she is showing she depends on him and lets him be in charge. This is a common position for women to take when their husbands are much older. (I know you are thinking of several celebrity couples right now.) If she rests her head on his chest but stretches out her body she is showing that she depends on him but she wants to make decisions herself as well.
If you (as a woman) sleep on your back with your partner, you’re showing your power and strength in the relationship.
V hug occurs when couples are on their sides, faced away from each other so only their rear ends touch. The facing away shows trust and the ability and desire to be independent but the Tushy Touch shows that they want to stay sexually connected. They are already a confident couple, they just need space. This is a sleep position that can form when a couple has small children that cling to them during the day so in sleep they want to touch their partner intimately but don’t want to hang on or have someone hang on them.
The Honeymoon Hug occurs when couples just cannot get enough of each other they want to face each other, seemingly gaze into each others’ eyes, even in sleep. Honeymoon huggers face each other and touch all or some of the front of their bodies. That means they may touch each other with their feet, their legs, their knees, torso and chests. One partner may even cradle the other partner’s face in their hands. This is a common position after couples first begin to make love. In addition, is also seen frequently in couples who are not married. Single guys, this doesn’t mean you can say, “Hey Hon, we can’t get married or we will stop Honeymoon hugging.” Here is a gentle warning for you: If your partner hasn’t been facing you as they go to sleep and suddenly they start facing you, it may indicate their desire to connect, and be more intimate or comforted.
The Leg or Feet Hug- This is a position where just the legs or feet of the couple touch. This position may be assumed after years of marriage when the couple wants space but still wants to connect. Alternatively, it’s a position couples take after a fight when they would normally have slept closer but since they’re angry they don’t go to the old position. Instead they signal “I will still love each you in the morning” by touching the feet or legs. The feet are the most honest portion of the body, under the least conscious control; they are the body part farthest from the brain. I love that your mind is mad but your body says, “I still love you and I won’t kick you out of the bed.”
Sleeping on your stomach temporarily typically shows you are anxious or feel things are out of control and need to protect the vulnerable front of your body. So notice if you or your partner suddenly starts sleeping on the stomach. Be aware that a partner who suddenly starts to turn away from their mate to sleep on their stomach can also be communicating a lack of sexual trust in their partner.
The research on solitary sleep positions shows that someone who always sleeps on his stomach but with his arms bent and hands up around the head in a crown position is showing he is persistent, goal oriented, compulsive and stubborn.
The Cliffhanger positions it when both partners are on opposite sides of the bed facing away from one another with no physical contact. This could be because each person is climbing mountains all day and just needs a good night’s sleep or because something like snoring or menopausal night sweats make being close feel like you are in an inferno. Know that Cliff hanging shows independence. It says, “I want adventure.” If your partner suddenly goes from close sleep to a cliffhanger, you might want to talk about it. If your position changes from a hug-like sleep to the cliff hanger it can indicate a desire to be more independent or separate, or a desire to buy a king size bed. (Smile)
Pretzel -There are couples that are so interconnected with one another that in sleep they wrap themselves around each other completely with legs and arms that seem almost melded into one entity. My sister and brother-in-law have always slept like a pretzel. They married a week after they graduated from college and have been together 40 years, so pretzels can work wonders.
Always notice changes in sleep positions. If a partner is close for years and suddenly separates and there is not a physical reason, you can reach out a hand or foot across the bed and see if they respond in kind. Or you might want to bring it up in conversation. “I loved it when you slept with your arms around me and I noticed you haven’t been doing that. What can we do to feel closer?” I recommend cuddling or holding hands before you go to sleep. Hands are what we use to give and take in life. Holding hands shows deep caring. I have friends that as couples go to bed and hold hands and then they say, “sleep now” and roll away to get to a good night’s sleep
Unless there is a health issue, sleep patterns can be a passive aggressive way of communicating to your spouse. Your sleep position can say, "I cannot depend on you", "I don’t trust you", "I want to leave space to be unfaithful to you" or "I don't feel that close to you."
Separate Rooms-What does it mean when couples don't sleep in the same room? Again, unless there is a physical reason it shows the need to be separate. I advise couples to go to bed together in one room at the same time and cuddle. If there are physical issues I recommend that they go to bed together for a little bit, cuddle and then go to separate rooms. Try to share the same bed a few mornings too. Time spent side-by-side in an intimate space with one another is important. That situation creates a perfect place for self-disclosure and bonding that couples don’t want to miss. Men are more likely to self disclose when positioned side-by-side with someone. When men sit face-to-face across a table they can be defensive or closed but get them lying side-by-side with you and men open up, and if you’re lucky, pearls come out. Women choose the booth at the restaurant and want to talk over the dinner table. They want to face a man to speak with him and watch his body language. Men want the front of their bodies—the part that I call the heart window—protected so they can feel safe to share their intimate thoughts and feelings. Think about when women drive and turn to speak to their passengers. Men who are driving always look forward. Remember, men open up when you are side-by-side with them, so to get a man to share go on a long car trip , or if you are married to him, go to bed. I love all the movie scenes when couples have these incredible intimate self-disclosures as couples when they get into bed. They may be with each other all day and suddenly the truth comes out as soon as heads hit the pillow.
Research indicates longevity of the marriage is enhanced when couples fall asleep and wake up at the same time. The studies also show that couples who go to sleep together and get up at the same time are content in their relationship, while thirty percent of those with dissimilar sleep times complained of an unhappy union.
There are so many things you can learn reading body language. Every life and every relationship has ups and downs. Now that you know what your sleep positions as a couple mean, you can gain insight and communicate more effectively through those ups and downs. So when you go to bed tonight, sweet dreams!
Should You Spank Your Children?
Should you spank your kids? There is an interesting article on MSNBC (http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Spanking.aspx?cp-searchtext=Spanking>1=36010) with a photo of Kate of John and Kate Plus Eight spanking her child. I know that the limbic brain, which fires us up for flight or flight is engaged quickly while the higher cognitive brain takes longer. This explains why parents go to a physical response before a logical, cognitive response to bad behavior and why it works. Kids who are engaged in a "bad" or "dangerous"physical activity may not be able to get a logical verbal request, "Stop that!" or "Stop that our you will get a spanking." The spanking shocks the child. It is disturbing that the parent's hand that shows love and connection and the palm of the hand that non verbally communicates honesty may be used as a punishment. You hope your children always associate touch with love. My best friend never spanked her child unless her daughter was about to, or was doing something that physically endangered her such as crossing the street without looking. And she raised a wonderful loving daughter. I am not sure spanking is a good method for all children or that all parents can control their anger enough to make sure it is not their first means of punishment or that it is not given without a warning. My parents where of the 'spank now, admonish later' variety. I certainly never cross the street without looking as an adult, but my other punished behavior of talking back or "smart mouthing" has managed to survive in what my friends and clients think is wit. Thank goodness my father had and my mother has a great sense of humor! What do you think?
What Should You Do While You are Being Introduced to Speak? Body Language Tools for Public Speaking
Typically, I recommend that when you are being introduced to an audience you stand or sit facing the person who is introducing you and follow my GENTLER body language tips for good listening. (Find article on my website www.PattiWood.net) Last week I did something I have never done before. I stood backstage while I was being introduced. It felt very odd, but because the seats where so far from the stage, there was not a choice. It could have made me very nervous, creating far too much pressure on my first impression with the audience. I was so glad that before the introduction I had taken the time to introduce myself to individual audience members. I went to the beginning of the line for the banquet food tables and introduced myself to about 90 people out of the 400 or more people attending my luncheon keynote at the convention. So when I was standing backstage I knew I had already bonded with the audience. We already had a connection. Greeting and shaking hands with the audience before you speak is so important in creating a strong connection and reducing your anxiety. It is a tool that I teach in all my public speaking programs and describe in my book Easy Speaking. Here is some input about what to do while you are being introduced from other professional speakers found at http://www.speakernetnews.com/post/introwait.html
What to Do When Being Introduced — Sharon Ferrier (sharon@persuasivepresentations.com.au)
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8/2/2007
Following are the responses I received to my question “When I get introduced to an audience I never know what to do — do I remain incognito until the final ‘Please welcome....”? Do I stand up and smile at the audience trying not to look self conscious? Should it be different depending on the group size?”
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— Robert Skoglund
I always start greeting people as soon as I arrive at a meeting. Greet as many as possible at supper the night before, work the tradeshow. I stand at the door before the banquet/show and shake each hand as they go in and thank them for coming. Someone at NSA must have told me to do this. I’m often sitting on the edge of the stage when I’m introduced. I was told by someone at NSA that as the speaker, I’m the host of the event and people appreciate being personally greeted and thanked by the host.
Who am I to hide out back like a superstar and then roar in on a motorcycle upon being introduced?
After my shows I run to the exit and shake every hand that leaves and thank them for coming.
I wash my hands as soon as I can. We're talking about 300 chances to catch every disease known to man.
Find out from the meeting planner what is expected. I did a stage show last week. Have been to that theater half a dozen times in as many years. But I was wandering about on the stage at 8 and the fellow who was going to introduce me got upset because he couldn’t handle anything different from what he’d always done. He always entered from the back door and strode purposefully down the aisle to the stage where he introduced the acts. Because I was wandering around on the stage chatting with people in the front row he ran around outside and came on stage from the back, very angry, and said that he wanted to make his grand entrance from the back but couldn't until I got off the stage.
My fault. It had never in 25 years had happened to me before but now I know I should have asked the introducer what he had planned.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Claude Stein
Stand simple and straight ... and receive the eyes that will be on you while being introduced.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Marilyn Snyder
While I’m being introduced, there is a PowerPoint show running on the screen. I’m clicking the remote in time with the introduction as I’m standing in the back of the room (I make a grand entrance). Instead of being focused on the introducer, who may not be a very good speaker, the audience is watching the PowerPoint show. What’s in it? Pictures of me, the NSA and ASTD logos as s/he mentions my board activities, a picture of Tommy Trojan (USC grad), pictures of my products when they are listed, always a chuckle built in, my company logo, and pictures of people who are members of that audience/group/association who are also my clients. It’s a great time to establish a relationship with the audience.
The last slide/s in the PowerPoint introduction are what I call Splash Slides(c) — very wow slides that are animated to set the audience up that they’re going to enjoy a great speaker. It may show, one after the other, three words that describe me. Or my topic may be revealed on the screen. Or my picture. Or all of the above. And now it doesn’t matter where you are, because the audience isn’t looking at you and you aren’t standing there self-consciously wondering what to do next. As your last click reveals the Splash Slides(c), and the audience is clapping, you walk to the platform and begin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Jim Brown
I like to have fun so sometimes I’ll sit in the back next to a participant with my mike on and say something during the introduction, just to play with everybody. To me playing is important. Sometimes they’ll say do you know your mike is on. It’s fun to watch the reaction of the introducer too. They tend to be serious even though I have written the introduction.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Linda Thompson
I try to have everything set up before people enter the room. As they are coming in I try to meet as many as possible. That way we have already established a relationship before I begin speaking. If it’s a large audience, I stand off to the side and toward the back of the room as my introduction is being made. If it’s a small group and I’ve met most of the audience, I will stand off to the side of the person introducing me, looking directly at him/her as they are speaking. They have my full, undivided attention until they say my name, at which time I come forward, shake their hand and thank them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Glenn Brandon Burke
What works best for me is to tell the person introducing me how I would like it handled.
Also, most planners have asked me how I want them to handle it? The setting determines how I want to do it.
Usually, most people doing your intro., and for lack of a better word, suck! They do not have the proper energy, enthusiasm, excitement to do you justice. When that happens to me, I reintroduce myself the way I like it. Remember, you’re the STAR! They want you! They want you to be awesome! Take control and have fun!
I have a gig next week and though they asked how I want to be introduced, I have come up with something new (also depends on the setting/client, etc.) I experimented with a couple of weeks back and it worked beautifully. It is a 6min 20sec comedy video sketch. When it ends, I come out from the wings (or wherever I am) and make a fun reference to the video and introduce myself my way! This way I already have the audience laughing and feeling great!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Hightshoe
My background is that I was a police officer — one of the first women in America to ride a beat car, then became a detective investigating felony sex crimes. I learned the importance of letting the jury stare at me when I was testifying, and have carried that experience forward into my speaking career.
The American Bar Association did a study indicating that people decide if you are believable and if they like you in the first 90 seconds. I always stand at the front of the room or on the stage but off to the side of the introducer. I look both at the introducer and at the audience, but am careful not to notice anyone staring. So my audience gets to stare at me without feeling rude and they can make up their minds about how they feel about me.
Then, when my program begins, they’re ready to participate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Janie Jasin
I stand at an angle and smile and act quite steady and kind-looking. At one place in the intro the person reading it says, “Jasin has been speaking for 31 years and been in front of three million people.” At this point I droop my shoulders and give a worn out exhausted look. They all laugh. It was an indication to me that they were looking at me and I best be looking good for the whole intro.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Lininger
While I have a general preference, there may be times that I would deviate.
I believe it is professional to be near the front of the room/stage, and as the introduction is beginning I stand up and off to the side corner. (Not too close to the introducer, avoiding an awkwardness if the intro goes on long or the introducer goes off on a tangent ... like housekeeping.) This allows me to look at the introducer and/or the audience and smile confidently to either one as certain remarks are made. The audience sees me and has a chance to warm up to me before I utter a word.
I am also positioned nearby so when it is time to take center stage, I am not wasting anyone’s time. I don’t need a grand entrance by parading down the aisle from the back of the room.
The exception would be if a humorous dramatic grand entrance is called for ... such as if I am wearing a clown nose.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Ray Mulvihill
Most of us feel self-conscious when we are standing in front of an audience while someone extols our virtues. That’s why most of us keep in the background until such time as the introduction is complete. When a person is speaking, they are “front and centre.” They are “in control” and eyes are usually focused on the speaker. I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to be standing beside someone when they are (or should be) the focus of attention.
Also, the moment people see you, they are getting a first impression. Do you really want their first impression to include your awkwardness while waiting to take over?
It’s very important to think through what you will do as soon as the introducer is finished because if you force an audience to clap too long, they feel awkward ... or they stop clapping and you feel awkward. So, plan how you can be front and centre while people are still clapping.
Tactics might include
staying in the wings until “the moment” and then moving crisply to stage center.
In a small room, be at the back — behind people — until “the moment.”
In an assembly, locate yourself on a chair that gives fast and easy access to “front and centre.”
So, the two tactics I’d recommend for a best first impression are:
be out of sight (or insignificant) until “the moment”
move quickly to “front and centre” ready to present your best self with the greatest degree of panache.
What to Do When Being Introduced — Sharon Ferrier (sharon@persuasivepresentations.com.au)
Page Sponsors
How to sponsor this page
8/2/2007
Following are the responses I received to my question “When I get introduced to an audience I never know what to do — do I remain incognito until the final ‘Please welcome....”? Do I stand up and smile at the audience trying not to look self conscious? Should it be different depending on the group size?”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Robert Skoglund
I always start greeting people as soon as I arrive at a meeting. Greet as many as possible at supper the night before, work the tradeshow. I stand at the door before the banquet/show and shake each hand as they go in and thank them for coming. Someone at NSA must have told me to do this. I’m often sitting on the edge of the stage when I’m introduced. I was told by someone at NSA that as the speaker, I’m the host of the event and people appreciate being personally greeted and thanked by the host.
Who am I to hide out back like a superstar and then roar in on a motorcycle upon being introduced?
After my shows I run to the exit and shake every hand that leaves and thank them for coming.
I wash my hands as soon as I can. We're talking about 300 chances to catch every disease known to man.
Find out from the meeting planner what is expected. I did a stage show last week. Have been to that theater half a dozen times in as many years. But I was wandering about on the stage at 8 and the fellow who was going to introduce me got upset because he couldn’t handle anything different from what he’d always done. He always entered from the back door and strode purposefully down the aisle to the stage where he introduced the acts. Because I was wandering around on the stage chatting with people in the front row he ran around outside and came on stage from the back, very angry, and said that he wanted to make his grand entrance from the back but couldn't until I got off the stage.
My fault. It had never in 25 years had happened to me before but now I know I should have asked the introducer what he had planned.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Claude Stein
Stand simple and straight ... and receive the eyes that will be on you while being introduced.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Marilyn Snyder
While I’m being introduced, there is a PowerPoint show running on the screen. I’m clicking the remote in time with the introduction as I’m standing in the back of the room (I make a grand entrance). Instead of being focused on the introducer, who may not be a very good speaker, the audience is watching the PowerPoint show. What’s in it? Pictures of me, the NSA and ASTD logos as s/he mentions my board activities, a picture of Tommy Trojan (USC grad), pictures of my products when they are listed, always a chuckle built in, my company logo, and pictures of people who are members of that audience/group/association who are also my clients. It’s a great time to establish a relationship with the audience.
The last slide/s in the PowerPoint introduction are what I call Splash Slides(c) — very wow slides that are animated to set the audience up that they’re going to enjoy a great speaker. It may show, one after the other, three words that describe me. Or my topic may be revealed on the screen. Or my picture. Or all of the above. And now it doesn’t matter where you are, because the audience isn’t looking at you and you aren’t standing there self-consciously wondering what to do next. As your last click reveals the Splash Slides(c), and the audience is clapping, you walk to the platform and begin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Jim Brown
I like to have fun so sometimes I’ll sit in the back next to a participant with my mike on and say something during the introduction, just to play with everybody. To me playing is important. Sometimes they’ll say do you know your mike is on. It’s fun to watch the reaction of the introducer too. They tend to be serious even though I have written the introduction.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Linda Thompson
I try to have everything set up before people enter the room. As they are coming in I try to meet as many as possible. That way we have already established a relationship before I begin speaking. If it’s a large audience, I stand off to the side and toward the back of the room as my introduction is being made. If it’s a small group and I’ve met most of the audience, I will stand off to the side of the person introducing me, looking directly at him/her as they are speaking. They have my full, undivided attention until they say my name, at which time I come forward, shake their hand and thank them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Glenn Brandon Burke
What works best for me is to tell the person introducing me how I would like it handled.
Also, most planners have asked me how I want them to handle it? The setting determines how I want to do it.
Usually, most people doing your intro., and for lack of a better word, suck! They do not have the proper energy, enthusiasm, excitement to do you justice. When that happens to me, I reintroduce myself the way I like it. Remember, you’re the STAR! They want you! They want you to be awesome! Take control and have fun!
I have a gig next week and though they asked how I want to be introduced, I have come up with something new (also depends on the setting/client, etc.) I experimented with a couple of weeks back and it worked beautifully. It is a 6min 20sec comedy video sketch. When it ends, I come out from the wings (or wherever I am) and make a fun reference to the video and introduce myself my way! This way I already have the audience laughing and feeling great!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Hightshoe
My background is that I was a police officer — one of the first women in America to ride a beat car, then became a detective investigating felony sex crimes. I learned the importance of letting the jury stare at me when I was testifying, and have carried that experience forward into my speaking career.
The American Bar Association did a study indicating that people decide if you are believable and if they like you in the first 90 seconds. I always stand at the front of the room or on the stage but off to the side of the introducer. I look both at the introducer and at the audience, but am careful not to notice anyone staring. So my audience gets to stare at me without feeling rude and they can make up their minds about how they feel about me.
Then, when my program begins, they’re ready to participate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Janie Jasin
I stand at an angle and smile and act quite steady and kind-looking. At one place in the intro the person reading it says, “Jasin has been speaking for 31 years and been in front of three million people.” At this point I droop my shoulders and give a worn out exhausted look. They all laugh. It was an indication to me that they were looking at me and I best be looking good for the whole intro.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Lininger
While I have a general preference, there may be times that I would deviate.
I believe it is professional to be near the front of the room/stage, and as the introduction is beginning I stand up and off to the side corner. (Not too close to the introducer, avoiding an awkwardness if the intro goes on long or the introducer goes off on a tangent ... like housekeeping.) This allows me to look at the introducer and/or the audience and smile confidently to either one as certain remarks are made. The audience sees me and has a chance to warm up to me before I utter a word.
I am also positioned nearby so when it is time to take center stage, I am not wasting anyone’s time. I don’t need a grand entrance by parading down the aisle from the back of the room.
The exception would be if a humorous dramatic grand entrance is called for ... such as if I am wearing a clown nose.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Ray Mulvihill
Most of us feel self-conscious when we are standing in front of an audience while someone extols our virtues. That’s why most of us keep in the background until such time as the introduction is complete. When a person is speaking, they are “front and centre.” They are “in control” and eyes are usually focused on the speaker. I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to be standing beside someone when they are (or should be) the focus of attention.
Also, the moment people see you, they are getting a first impression. Do you really want their first impression to include your awkwardness while waiting to take over?
It’s very important to think through what you will do as soon as the introducer is finished because if you force an audience to clap too long, they feel awkward ... or they stop clapping and you feel awkward. So, plan how you can be front and centre while people are still clapping.
Tactics might include
staying in the wings until “the moment” and then moving crisply to stage center.
In a small room, be at the back — behind people — until “the moment.”
In an assembly, locate yourself on a chair that gives fast and easy access to “front and centre.”
So, the two tactics I’d recommend for a best first impression are:
be out of sight (or insignificant) until “the moment”
move quickly to “front and centre” ready to present your best self with the greatest degree of panache.
Attractiveness: If you are pretty, what do we think about how you manage?
An attractive boss is more liked and perceived more positively than an unattractive boss... More research that indicates the "attractive advantage." I was reading the results of an MSNBC online survey, 61,647 people or workers that found that "Good-looking bosses were found to be more competent, collaborative and better delegators than their less attractive counterparts." Yes, another example of the halo effect. When we see one outstanding positive characterisics in someone we assign them other positive qualities. I discuss this in the chapter on first impressions in my book Success Signals. The ELLE/MSNBC survey also found that most women believe they are judged in the workplace on the basis of their looks. Not a big surprise, nor is it a surprise that men thought their competence mattered more than their looks. Other research on attractiveness shows that over time the 'halo' can get tarnished and people may see the real behaviors, but it takes quite a long time for people to stop attributing positive characteristics to someone who is attractive and some people can't do it at all. It actually creates dissonance in the brain. The survey found that, "About 58 percent of female bosses who were rated as attractive got high marks for competence, compared with 41 percent of 'average-looking' female bosses and only 23 percent of unattractive supervisors. Among people with male bosses, 61 percent who rated their supervisors as good-looking also found them competent, compared with 41 percent for the average types and 25 percent for those rated unattractive."
Many of you know that I have been researching first impressions for many years. The power of first impressions is very strong. So women get out your blow dryers and makeup and guys buy some new pants and tuck in your shirts. We are watching.
Many of you know that I have been researching first impressions for many years. The power of first impressions is very strong. So women get out your blow dryers and makeup and guys buy some new pants and tuck in your shirts. We are watching.
Series: Famous statements about lies #8
"Life is a system of half-truths and lies, of opportunistic, convenient evasion."
-Langston Hughes
(http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1611/sins22lies0index.html)
For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.
-Langston Hughes
(http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1611/sins22lies0index.html)
For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.
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