Reading body language in your co-workers so you can tell what they really think about you.
What Your Colleagues Really Think of You
Wondering about your workplace relationships? How to tell what your colleagues really think of you
Jennifer Barrett; Additional reporting by Alex Kish
You don't have to wait for someone to get tipsy at the holiday party to find out how you're viewed at work. "We get nonverbal messages from the people around us every day—often, we're just not paying enough attention," says Sherron Bienvenu, Ph. D., a communications professor emerita at Emory University's Goizueta Business School and author of Business Communications. Following is a crash course in ferreting out whether your workplace colleagues think you're smart, likable, or neither!
Your Coworkers Like You If...
They initiate conversations
Coffee klatches have gone the way of cigarette breaks—they're all but extinct. Nowadays most people communicate by e-mail, IM, or phone. "So if your colleagues are chatting you up in the hallway, they're taking time to break routine to speak to you," says Patti Wood, an Atlanta-based body language expert. If they avert their eyes or sneak glances at their watches during a conversation, they may not be so into you.
They offer feedback
During a one-on-one, does your coworker nod thoughtfully and lean into your conversation? Do the corners of her eyes crinkle when she smiles in response to funny comments you make? "The more animated a person's face, the more emotionally invested they are in the conversation," says Tonya Reiman, a New York City-based body language expert and the author of The Power of Body Language.
They're smooth talkers
"People deviate from their normal speech patterns when they're nervous or uncomfortable," says Maryann Karinch, a body language expert based outside Denver and a coauthor of How to Spot a Liar. Someone who normally speaks at a leisurely pace might become a speed talker, while a person who usually talks quickly might pause for long moments. If they enjoy your company, you won't notice a change in their vocal stride.
WORK RELATIONSHIPS: DECODE YOUR COWORKERS
What Your Colleagues Really Think of You
Wondering about your workplace relationships? How to tell what your colleagues really think of you
Jennifer Barrett; Additional reporting by Alex Kish
Your Coworkers Respect You If...
They keep quiet
Asking for your opinion—that's a no-brainer. But letting you take control of a conversation is a less obvious way to show how much they care about what you have to say. "You can see the degree to which other people respect you by observing how often they look to you for a reaction or a cue," says psychologist Ann Demarais, Ph. D., a coauthor of First Impressions: What You Don't Know About How Others See You. "And when a problem arises, they turn to face you."
They make room for you
"When you sit down at a meeting, see if your neighbors move their stuff closer to themselves and out of your way, or push their chair back a bit to give you more room," Demarais says. "That shows respect."
They copy you
What they say about imitation and flattery is true: "Subconsciously, we try to mirror people we like and respect," Reiman says. So if you notice your coworker mimicking your movements—for example, picking up her pen or cupping her chin with her hand when you do—she probably admires you.
What Your Colleagues Really Think of You
Wondering about your workplace relationships? How to tell what your colleagues really think of you
Jennifer Barrett; Additional reporting by Alex Kish
A Coworker Has A Crush On You If...
He goes the extra mile
He spends an hour trying to fix your frozen computer, gives up his chair at a crowded conference room table, or offers to pick you up a latte during his afternoon coffee run. Maybe he's just an incredibly nice guy—but more likely, he's into you.
He drops your name
Saying things like "Hi, Jane," or "How are you doing, Jane?" may seem like common courtesy, but it's actually an intimate gesture. Consider it the verbal equivalent of a touch on the arm—a way to get more personal.
He's a stand-up guy
In the civilized world as in the wild, strong, physically imposing alpha males have the best shot at mating. So men instinctively want to make themselves seem bigger and badder around women they're interested in, Reiman says. If he suddenly stops slouching and puffs out his chest when he's around you (the old "I'm just stretching my arms" routine), take note— he may have a crush.
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Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
Top Ten Favorite Books
I am a voracious reader. I devour at least one novel a week. In fact, since junior high I have averaged about two books a week. If you are going to have an addiction, a "Jones" for books is not a bad one. As a body language expert, I am often taken with the talent of certain authors to detail a facial expression, gesture or tone of voice. In my friend John and I's Evening and Emory Class called the Meeting of the Minds we would ask the students to bring their favorite book on the fourth week of class. We often ended up trading Top Ten favorite book lists. My list changes a bit from year to year. The Secret Garden has been on my list since grade school. My affinity for Science fiction is no longer apparent from this list. I have taken off two books that where on the list I had in High School, "Stranger in a Strange Land" and Arthur C Clark's "Childhoods End." Though it is Junior Fiction Phillip Pullman's "The Golden Compass" was not on the list till 1998 when I found it on the search for something like the Harry Potter books. I took that wonderful book off the list this year to put on a book that still haunts me, "The Post Birthday World." While I really enjoyed, "Julie, Julia" and "Eat Pray Love", last year they did not make the list this year. In fact, I am back to old favorites. Here is the current list.
Patti's Top Ten Novels
Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy
About a Boy by Nick Hornsby
Angels Ashes by Frank McCourt
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins
The Post Birthday World by Lionel Shriver
The Secret Garden by Francis Hodgson Burnett
The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley
Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Nyasaland
The Complete Works of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
In Junior High and High School I loved science fiction of all kinds, I read every Agatha Christie novel (I think there are over 87 novels) and everything I could find about King Aurthur and the Knights of the Round Table. In grad school I found the female perspective of the Aurthur legend, "The Mists of Avalon." I can still remember reading the 1,400 page novel over a spring break. Most of the reading was done while I sat in a beach chair at my mom's house in SawGrass Florida. I faced toward the ocean for seven days, but didn't get any sun on my chin, because my face was down inside the novel. The Book description on Amazon says, "Even readers who don't normally enjoy Arthurian legends will love this version, a retelling from the point of view of the women behind the throne. Morgaine (more commonly known as Morgan Le Fay) and Gwenhwyfar (a Welsh spelling of Guinevere) struggle for power, using Arthur as a way to score points and promote their respective worldviews. The Mists of Avalon's Camelot politics and intrigue take place at a time when Christianity is taking over the island-nation of Britain; Christianity vs. Faery, and God vs. Goddess are dominant themes."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
Patti's Top Ten Novels
Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy
About a Boy by Nick Hornsby
Angels Ashes by Frank McCourt
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins
The Post Birthday World by Lionel Shriver
The Secret Garden by Francis Hodgson Burnett
The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley
Ahab's Wife by Sena Jeter Nyasaland
The Complete Works of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
In Junior High and High School I loved science fiction of all kinds, I read every Agatha Christie novel (I think there are over 87 novels) and everything I could find about King Aurthur and the Knights of the Round Table. In grad school I found the female perspective of the Aurthur legend, "The Mists of Avalon." I can still remember reading the 1,400 page novel over a spring break. Most of the reading was done while I sat in a beach chair at my mom's house in SawGrass Florida. I faced toward the ocean for seven days, but didn't get any sun on my chin, because my face was down inside the novel. The Book description on Amazon says, "Even readers who don't normally enjoy Arthurian legends will love this version, a retelling from the point of view of the women behind the throne. Morgaine (more commonly known as Morgan Le Fay) and Gwenhwyfar (a Welsh spelling of Guinevere) struggle for power, using Arthur as a way to score points and promote their respective worldviews. The Mists of Avalon's Camelot politics and intrigue take place at a time when Christianity is taking over the island-nation of Britain; Christianity vs. Faery, and God vs. Goddess are dominant themes."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
Speaking, risk.
I called my sister the night before a Live TV interview and shared with her that I was scared out of my ever loving mind. I feared being humiliated in front of a national TV audience and having it forever live on YouTube. She said, "Then why do it?" "Why put yourself through that?" "That doesn't make sense?" I said, "I do it because if I don't do it, I won't know if I can, and that would be excruciating." "If I do do it I will know I can do even more." "I have done this a million times, but if I don't keep working harder, I will not grow."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
Not a Timid Soul
After I finish speaking I often have audience members come up and ask how they can speak with out fear. I share with them, that I have many tools that I use that I can teach them to reduce destructive fear, use constructive fear and ride the wave of excitement to enjoy speaking. The fear is there when you care, it inspired you to work hard, to do your very best, and then risk to go beyond the hardest thing you have ever done, go beyond what you think is your very best. To take a step and even dare to leap into the void and believe that you can fly. Here is a quote to inspire you and to continually inspire me.
Roosevelt on Sweat and Timid Souls
One of my absolute favorite quotes.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
~ Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)
American statesman (26th US president: 1901-09)
from "Man in the Arena" Speech given April 23, 1910
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
Roosevelt on Sweat and Timid Souls
One of my absolute favorite quotes.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
~ Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)
American statesman (26th US president: 1901-09)
from "Man in the Arena" Speech given April 23, 1910
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
Photo-retouching against the law? Attractiveness
In the UK Photo shopping could become illegal. Conservative parliamentarian Valérie Boyer, asks, When writers take a news item or real event and considerably embellish it, they are required to alert readers by calling the work fiction, a novel or a story based on dramatized facts. Why should it be any different for photographs?”
She proposes, "...doctored photos meant for public distribution to carry the warning “Photograph retouched to modify the physical appearance of a person.” and that anyone violating the rule could be fined about $55,000. For more info and the really scary before and after Ralph Lauren Adds link http://ethicalstyle.com/tag/photo-retouching/
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
She proposes, "...doctored photos meant for public distribution to carry the warning “Photograph retouched to modify the physical appearance of a person.” and that anyone violating the rule could be fined about $55,000. For more info and the really scary before and after Ralph Lauren Adds link http://ethicalstyle.com/tag/photo-retouching/
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
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