Five Mistakes People Make When It Comes To Their Love Lives

1.  Falling in LUST at first sight.  The notion of Lust at first sight seems obvious after the relationship is over, but can seem like true love each time you fall into it. The problem is, you are so physically attracted that it blinds you to what the person’s true personality, or even an accurate read of the two critical first impression factors credibly and likability. Hormones are powerful. 
2.  DANGER at first sight.  DANGER at first site is very interesting as it is a misread of our physiological responses to danger. When we see someone dangerous the limbic responds in a Freeze, Flight, Fall or Faint Response. We might misread the heart racing, breathless physical state and think this is so intense this must be love, when it may really be the central nervous system's response to someone very scary. So don’t date that guy or gal run for the hills. Look for Danger signals. From overly aggressive forward motions,  unappreciated touch to ignoring your "discomfort" cues to seeing if someone has "closed heart window" and or "closed palm window". There are so many danger at first sight cues. 
3. Ideal projection- Falling for the” idea” of a person rather than the real person. Everybody does it to some extent and in a long term relationship research shows a little bit of idealizing helps you believe the best about your partner. But it can be dangerous if you are truly blind to a person faults, . You need to see what is there rather than what is being faked. There are so many cues given off in the first fifteen minutes of a conversation that are tell you truth, and give you insight into the real person. Oddly one simple cue, how much time they spend gently gazing is incredibly revealing, that is, not staring, but a look, smile, look away, look again. sequence of cues.
4. Frozen with fear -Keeping you from getting in the fame. Being afraid to go out and meet people and date, because you are concerned about choosing incorrectly, not being accepted, or getting terribly hurt. Or if you are dating or in a relationship, frozen with fear so you don’t talk to your partner, fix problems or get out if the relationship is toxic. There are so many people frozen in bad relationships. Frozen might be a great animated film, but it is not how you want to spend your life. There are too many people frozen and in need of warmth in their lives. 
5. Faking it – It was fun to pretend as a kid, not so fun as a grown up. Beware of pretending you love someone. Pretending you are happy. Pretending you are someone you are not. First of all that is a heck of a lot of work and a lots of heartache for all involved. 

I write more extensively on these issues on this blog as these are problems I have researched and written about since I taught body language at Florida State. You can find more on the blog by typing in the key mistake! 

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Stress and Finding Balance Tip

1.    Count to ten. When you're upset, count to ten. When you're mad or angry, you are operating from the emotional limbic brain (what we use to call the right hemisphere of the brain.) Numbers are in the brain’s neocortex. (left hemisphere). Counting gets your brain to switch to the your more logical brain this automatically gets you to feel calmer. 

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at wwsnapw.firstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Deception Detection - What To Do After You Find Out

I do deception detection training for law enforcement, corporate clients, hospitals and casinos. Recently I was asked to share with a media source what to do when you have found out there has been a lie or cover-up. So here are ten things to do when you have discovered an employee lying, cheating or stealing.  

You really need to get a read on the person before you have a discussion or attempt to uncover deception. Sometimes it is just a small lie or bad behavior by an overall good person, but if the problem is serious or a criminal or the person is unstable you may have to deal with some uncomfortable or even dangerous behavior.  Someone who has been living with the fear of being “found out” may be in a heightened state of stress for a long time.  Think of what you would do to prepare to come upon a soldier in a war zone.  The person may be very afraid and ready to attack or defend. Proceed and deal with that person cautiously.

  

1.       Have evidence. Having visual hard evidence, specific facts in a list form on paper, videotapes, things that they can see and or touch is helpful.

2.       Know exactly what you’re going to say.  Write it down, prepare and practice.

3.       If you want to get them to talk or tell you why, you may want to use the phrase, “I know what you did, and I know you want to tell me everything.” “I know you did this, and you will feel so much better if you tell me everything.”

4.       Have your plan of what you will do and what they need to do and be prepared to take action and follow through immediately.

5.       Some people will crumble right away and apologize. Be prepared to act with compassion and forgiveness for someone who made a mistake and is not a bad person or compulsive liar.

6.       If a liar thinks they have an out or delay, they can be very persuasive and manipulative.  Be prepared, they may use tears and anger to try to get you to change your plans.  

7.        If someone is a compulsive liar be prepared, they will continue to deny any evidence you give them of their deceit.

8.       Be prepared to repeat your statements of evidence. Repeat your plan and what they need to do. Also be prepared to say,”I hear what you’re saying, but I need to do… and you must do …” or even, “No matter what you say, this is what needs to happen.”

9.       When they are gone and you are done, plan to do something with someone you trust and care about to ground you and remind you that most people are good and kind. Don’t berate yourself for being deceived, it happens.

10.   Protect yourself from cynicism. Look for kind, caring and honest people.   The most recent research says that people who expect people to be good and have people in their life that have integrity can more accurately detect deceit. 

Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Fight in elevator footage and body language reading of Solange, Beyoncé and Jay Z

The body language read below of the elevator fight will appear in the New York Daily News.

Link to the New York Daily News article

Solange, Jay Z, Beyoncé fight in the elevator video is in the New York Daily News. The video is at the link below.

BY PATTI WOOD

After reviewing the shocking Standard Hotel elevator footage, I’m certain of two things:

Solange Knowles’ anger has been building up for some time – and Jay Z and Beyonce are used to her outbursts.

There are many indications that she had a long-standing source of anger.

Let's start with her weapon moves, Solange pointed and jabbed her finger at him over 12 times.

And she kept after him even after being held in the arms of the body guard, she didn’t just have one problem with him. She had a list. She had lots that she wanted to tell him.

It’s very interesting that Solange does most of the beginning of  attack with her feet.  That’s her primal wiring. The feet are the most honest portion of the body. 

Her kicks are violent and they don’t abate quickly. Again this shows that her anger has been building up for a while.

Jay Z and Beyonce barely moved there body language stayed straight up down forward with aggression of backward in retreat. That’s telling.

They were oddly both standing straight up and down, while Solange had multiple clusters of attack moves including body, feet, chest, arms and hands and head and chin thrusts,

They didn’t feel the need to become aggressive or defensive because they had seen this behavior before.

Beyonce faced toward her sister but does not show any overt correction behavior to stop her.  Jay Z’s posture movements and facial expression suggests he was not afraid of her. He was protecting himself, but only slightly.

For example when kicked he held her foot but doesn’t; counter attack. This tells me they’re used to her venting and venting, and then stopping

The most fascinating part of the nonverbal read is that Solange's outburst turned on when she got into the elevator and turned off as she calmly walked out behind them.

Patti Wood is an Atlanta-based body language expert and author of the book, “Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions and Body Language.”

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/gossip/la-et-mg-solange-knowles-jay-z-beyonce-fight-elevator-surveillance-video-20140512-story.html

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Insights from Patti Wood, Body Language Expert

What qualifies you to be a one on one coach and help people improve their body language for dating, flirting and relationships?

Being a personal coach is incredible. There is so much to teach. When I work with clients that are trying to improve their ability to date it’s so much fun to do the work. I share that I feel that the greatest gift you can give someone is to understand them. Reading Nonverbal Communication increases your understanding. In a healthy loving relationship you want to present your best most authentic self. You want to be seen to your heart.  I speak to audiences and work one on one with coaching clients on their nonverbal skills. I have a passion for teaching and coaching others in nonverbal skills. I love to see people light up, lean forward, learn and transform.

My BA Master’s Degree and Doctoral course work are in Interpersonal Communication with an emphasis in Nonverbal Communication. I know the science and the latest research, and how to apply and teach the latest concepts and techniques in a way that is informative and fun. I can quote to science and make a client laugh in the next breath. When I taught body language at Florida State University my students LOVED to come to class because they knew they would laugh and have fun. My corporate audiences feel that energy. I work one on one with clients to improve their image, flirting, dating and relationship skills. I have clients who are college students, young, older and divorced, from just starting out to owners of several companies, from clients working two jobs to get by to billionaires. I love this work. I am also the first body language expert to read celebrity couples' body language for magazines. I did weekly reads of couples reading their current relationship and predicting their success. I did this for four years for US Weekly, two years for OK! Magazine and I'm in my second year for reads for Life & Style.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.