Advice on Dealing with a Deceptive Boss, How to Talk To Your Boss When You are Upset

If you decide to confront your boss, click the link below before you do to get advice from Patti.
A friend of mine took time off to spend with her new baby. She had gotten permission from her boss and they had an agreement she would work from home and her job was secure. The first day back she was revived and emailed that her job as it was titled had been given to someone else and she was to work under him. She felt she needed to talk to her boss. If you are having a very difficult time with your boss and think they may be withholding information or lying to you and you know you need to talk to them be prepared.  Here are my recommendations plus an example of how to have a very direct conversation with a boss using my ERASER method for courageous conversations from one of my books. This will show you how to tell your boss you are upset with him or her.
If you decide to confront your boss, “have a plan for what you’ll do and what your boss needs to do,” says Patti Wood, body language expert, and speaker at Communication Dynamics Inc., in Atlanta. “Be prepared to go take action and follow through immediately.” However, she cautions that an unstable boss may make you uncomfortable or even present danger. In the latter case, she suggests finding a different method in a safe environment. If you are going to have a politically dangerous conversation you may wish to pull in a third party.
“A compulsive liar,” she says, “will continue to deny any evidence of deceit you (present). Be prepared to repeat your statements of evidence. Repeat your plan and … what (the person) must do.”
Don’t let tears or anger dissuade you from your course of action, Wood adds
http://www.reviewjournal.com/workwise/don-t-let-deceptive-boss-drag-you-down-get-help-you-need

                                The E.R.A.S.E.R. Method by Patti Wood from her book.

Write out your script as if you were saying it out loud to the person. Practice how you will say it in an even tone and ideally role play it out with someone and work through how you will handle anything they will say. This is a VERY strong message so make sure you can deal with the consequences. In this case that may mean looking for a new job. 

Exact        With exact terms, state the person’s behavior as it exists now.  Answer the following questions in your statement.  When did it happen? Where did it happen? Who was involved? How often has it happened? Don’t use generalizations such as always, never, every time.  Don’t guess at why they do what they do.

Example:  We talked  Three times before I took maternity leave about my job is secure and you agreed that it would be. I just received an email from you that you have given my job to Frank. (Be prepared to give specific dates that you conversed. If there is an email trail send it to your personal email outside of the corporate email system and print it out and bring it with you.)

Result       What is the concrete result of that behavior? What happens because they do or don’t do something?

Example:  Because you made an agreement to keep my job secure I worked at home with the knowledge and dedication that my job was secure. Now you have broken our agreement and want to reduce me to a position with far less pay into a subordinate position and action affects my career with the company. 

Aware       Make the person aware of the emotion(s) the behavior arouses in you.  How do you feel in response to their current behavior?

Example:  I feel deeply and upset and more than a little surprised.

Switch       Give them a behavior to switch to.  What would you like them to do instead of their current behavior? Make sure it’s one small concrete replacement behavior.

Example:  I’d like to know why you would do this without communicating with me and the steps you can take to restore my position.  

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

The South Beach Guide to Selfies and Step and Repeat Posing

Patti shares a tip when taking a "selfie."  Check the link below before you take that next selfie.

The South Beach Guide to Selfies and Step and Repeat Posing

March 13, 2014 | by betsy f. perry | Talk of the Town

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Everyone has an angle. And sometimes when the spotlight’s on, we’ll do anything to find it.

It seems everyone in Miami has an angle and works it whenever a camera is within range, which these days is pretty much 24/7. Whether it’s chin up or down, legs crossed, cheeks sucked in, or lips in a trout pout, in this Instagram world, a good picture is apparently worth a thousand words and just as many hours of rehearsal time in front of a mirror.

Though some label us narcissists, and there’s definitely some truth to this, socialites, reality television stars, and social media samurais have become role models—hopefully you weren’t thinking Sheryl Sandberg or Hillary Clinton—for Miami’s next gen eager to learn how best to look picture perfect for its close-up. But while we’ve studied Kim K’s online tutorial for taking the perfect selfie and tried “squinching” our eyes to ooze confidence—which actually can make you look angry or constipated—is there more we can do when the red carpet comes calling?

After years of endless A-list late nights, the omnipresent Seth Browarnik, founder of Miami’s celebrity photography agency World Red Eye, has seen it all from behind the lens. “Don’t try to be a Kim K, because we make fun of that kind of person. We want the girl with an aura who is jumping up and down exuding energy and not making a duck face.”

But Real Housewife of Miami Marysol Patton claims she does mimic celebrities because “social media has made everyone more self-conscious, so I’ve been learning as I go along and I observe what other people do,” and she suggests, “Cross your legs, start with the body sideways, turn your shoulders more toward the camera, and toss your head back.” Anyway, who better to learn from than someone who does it for a living? By the way, there’s nothing on the planet more important than this, so please take note.

But while remembering to flip your hair, put one hand on your hip with the arm away from the body to avoid bat wings, and your elbow pointed downward to look seductive and skinny (of course, the fellas can flash the sideways peace sign), body language expert Patti Wood, author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma, says, “Since we’re giving out a thousand cues in a photo, it’s important to think happy thoughts, and if your emotions are true, there’s a higher chance of the photo coming across.”

Would I be happier if my eyes were bigger and spaced farther apart, my upper lip fuller, and my hair like Secretariat’s mane? Of course, but that’s for when I come back as Angelina or Gisele. But after too many pictures I quickly delete, it seems I look best when not focused on myself or worrying about how others view me. And that’s the issue; we’ve become victims of a selfie-centric social media world where the only relationship that counts is the one with an iPhone or a camera lens, or Instagram following! What really should matter is your relationship with close friends and family…. like in Kim Kardashian’s case, all 12 million of them.

Article link below:
http://oceandrive.com/the-latest/talk-of-the-town/postings/the-south-beach-guide-to-selfies-and-step-and-repeat-posing

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

How to Take a Great Selfie Photo - Eleven Body Language Tips for Creating Great Selfie Photos

How to Take a Great Selfie Photo - Ten Body Language Tips for Creating Great Selfie Photos

Tips to Take a Great Selfie

From Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Make sure you look at tips one and eight as they are key!

1.      Tip One - Don’t hold your breath, instead take deep breaths filling up your stomach, not your upper chest with air. Breathe again relaxing your shoulders and then let the breath fill you up and lift up your body. Don’t worry you will be moving as the photo is taken. Just keep snapping letting your deep full breaths lift you to create wonderful "up" body language. 

2.      Tip Two - If you are standing and want to look “extra” skinny across the waist and hips stand like female celebs do on the red carpet. Place one foot pivoted out to the right and the other foot in front of it with toes pointed slightly to the left.

3.      Tip Three - To look skinny you can turn so one shoulder is towards the camera and the other is away from it. This works for women and for men. You have heard that TV adds ten pounds to anyone filmed. When a photo of you is taken head on, it makes you look heavier than you are. It’s because the plane of the body in the photo matches the plane of the camera’s eye not because you ate too much chocolate. Remember when one shoulder is closer to the camera then the other it makes you look slimmer.

4.      Tip Four - For women only. If you’re standing and you want to take attention away from your hips and look slimmer, stand with only one side of your body towards the camera with your feet and the rest of your body turned away. Then turn and look at the camera over your shoulder.

5.      Tip Five- To look slimmer and powerful.

For women:  To give yourself an hourglass figure do the Mae West, “Come up to my place.” Hand on your hip stance.  Stand catty corner from the camera so your right foot is towards the camera at 12:00 on a clock and your left foot is to the side at nine o’clock slightly behind the right. Shift your weight over your back left leg. Stretch your body up to elongate your torso and place your hand just above your hip. This pose doesn't work for everyone so check yourself out in the mirror first. 

For men:  Expand your body by lifting up your chest and holding your shoulders back. Practice in a mirror first so you can make sure you look natural and relaxed and don't forget the breathing in tip #one to make it natural. 

6.      Tip Six- Stretch your neck up and point your chin just a little bit up. This gets rid of a double chin. Careful not to point it too high up or you will look like a stuck up snob.

7.      Tip Seven – A variation from the above. Turn your head so that only ¾’s of your face is towards the camera and then lift up and elongate your neck then slightly tilt your head to the side. This keeps any sagging skin at the neck, chin and face smoothed out. Think of it as a temporary face-lift. Now if you could only stay that way all the time and not look like a goose!

8.      Tip Eight – Smile naturally. Talk while you are being photographed. Don’t freeze. Freezing into cheese pose makes the muscles in your face tighten rather than relax. Keep snapping. Talk about things that make you happy, your kids, or your sweetie. The magic words that will help your face go into a full big smile are words that end with your mouth open such as ee and aa sounds so you can say a string of words like money, cherry, cheese, hay, day, lay, say.  

9.      Tip Nine -Another trick for smiling is to place the tip of your tongue behind your upper front teeth and smile. Or turn on a comedy show and start laughing. Everybody looks beautiful when laughing.

10.  Tip Ten - Show the best side of your face. This is different for each individual. The right side of your face is controlled by the left hemisphere and is less emotional. That may mean it has less wrinkles or it may make you look more severe.  Your left side of your face is controlled by the right emotional hemisphere which tends to make that side of your face more animated and expressive. Check out your face in the mirror to find your “best side.”

11.  Tip Eleven – Sometimes you can break all the rules, lean in, look down and say “hello” 

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

What You Communicate Without Saying a Word

Patti was interviewed by The Job Scholar on what you communicate without saying a word. Patti says to maintain eye contact without giving the "Death Stare."

What You Communicate Without Saying a Word

 Mar 13, 2014  Brienne Driscoll  Acing the Interview, Interview Pet Peeves, The Interview, The Outside Voice  0

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Our experts say a well prepared candidate will not only say the right thing in an interview, but will also communicate through their body language that they are the right fit for the position.

Body Language Matters

Bill Balderaz, president of marketing firm Fathom, says that what a candidate’s body language communicates can be even more influential than the spoken word. “I pay much more attention to body language than I do to the words someone says. Do they project empathy, confidence, and knowledge?” Balderaz says he looks for signs that the candidate is engaged in the interview, such as head nodding and leaning into the conversation. “I think of myself as a prospect, is this the body language that will make me want to work with a person, and a company?” Balderaz says that taking notes is another sign that the candidate is engaged in the conversation, but warns against taking notes so rigorously that the candidate is no longer actively taking part in the conversation.

Sit Up Straight

Jonathan Simon, vice president of talent acquisition and human resources for Forman Automotive, Inc., says that a candidate’s posture enables him to envision the type of employee they will become. “A person sitting too relaxed in their chair is a turnoff for me. It shows a bit of cockiness and is unprofessional,” Simon says. Simon explains that while he is looking for a candidate that exudes confidence while remaining relaxed, slouching or slumping in a chair takes it too far.

According to Patrick Lynch, president of executive and career coaching firm The Frontier Group, a candidate who doesn’t slouch or lean back, but instead leans forward into the conversation, demonstrates that they are interested in the interview and have a good energy level. However, Lynch cautions candidates from leaning too far forward. “People all have their own comfort zone or personal space. Leaning too far forward makes some interviewers uncomfortable,” Lynch warns.

Maintain Eye Contact – Without Giving the “Death Stare”

Body language expert, Patti Wood, says that in a typical conversation eye contact is usually made 60% of the time, and it is expected that a candidate look away here and there. “It is normal to look away from time to time as you speak, because you’re accessing information from your brain. Actually, the listener should be the one making the most eye contact. So when your interviewer is talking, lock in. Keeping the eye connection tells the interviewer you are paying attention and are interested in the job. After giving an answer, remember to make eye contact with the interviewer, don’t ‘click off’ when you are not ‘on’,” Woods recommends.

Kiah Jones, strategic planning officer at recruiting firm Windsor Resources, agrees that eye contact is essential, citing it as one of the ways an interviewer can determine if a candidate is excited about a position, and if they would be a good fit. “An attentive candidate with strong listening skills that involves eye contact can be revealing. These candidates are present, engaged, and interested. If a candidate doesn’t convey excitement for a role in an interview, they will most likely not have any passion or creativity if they are hired,” Jones says.

Keep Arms Uncrossed

“The worst thing a candidate can do is sit with their arms crossed. This gives the appearance of ‘holding back’, and reflects negative energy ranging from nervousness to combativeness,” warns Jones. Instead, Jones recommends that candidates carry themselves with relaxed (but not stooped) shoulders, demonstrating that they are both poised and comfortable. Again, Jones stresses that if a candidate gives off a defensive or low energy during the interview, this sends the message that the candidate will become a low energy and defensive employee if hired.

Understand You’re Being Watched

Our experts have established how a candidate needs to present themselves once in the interview room, but Mario Almonte, managing partner of Herman & Almonte PR, says that body language outside of the interview room matters, too. “The interviewing process begins the moment you enter the reception area. The receptionist and anyone else in the office are assessing you. If they see you fidgeting, acting strangely, or otherwise not acting like a professional, they’re going to tell HR later,” Almonte warns. Almonte says that while waiting to be interviewed, candidates should sit calmly and their body movements should show confidence and professionalism. “The bottom line is that you should consider yourself under 24/7 surveillance the moment you enter the office for a job interview. Assume that people are watching your every movement and that they will report any suspicious looking characters to management,” Almote cautions.

All of our experts agree that the unspoken communication of body language plays an important role in their selection process, so remember, they’re watching you.

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Article Link Below:

http://thejobscholar.com/communicate-without-saying-word/

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

5 Ways to be More Outgoing!

5 Ways to Be More Outgoing. Tips for Introverts for Networking and Parties. 

Your invited to banquet, a networking event or party for work. What is your first thought? If your answer is, "That will be tiring and possible uncomfortable." You are not alone. I am an introvert. Recently I was invited to a banquet before a speaking event and my first thought was "I can have a good time, but it may be hard." The newest research shows that outgoing people are happier. As an introvert myself I think that may be others measure happiness. Introverts enjoy being by ourselves! It makes us happy. And we find it fun, but it can be draining to socialize, especially with people we don't know. I research and speak on first impressions to find and perfect ways to make it easier to meet greet and socialize with others.  If you want use great first impression body language and make effortless small talk for easy meeting and greeting here are tips for introverts or anyone who wants easy ways to make socializing easier.

5 Ways to Be More Outgoing

Research shows that outgoing people tend to be happier. Try these simple tips for breaking out of your shell, or honing your social skills.

By Amanda Tust

| August 22nd, 2013

| 1 Comment

When was the last time you gabbed away at a party or asked an acquaintance to lunch? If it’s been a while, it may be time to start putting more effort into happy hour.

A June 2013 study published in the Journal of Research in Personality found that being extroverted in your youth can make you happier as you age. UK researchers asked more than 2,500 people personality questions when they were 16 and 26, then assessed their wellbeing and life satisfaction more than three decades later when they were 60-somethings. The results showed that those who were outgoing during their teens and 20s were happier with where their lives had taken them over the ensuing 40 or 50 years.

QUIZ: Are You an Introvert or an Extrovert Personality Type?

While much of personality may be hard-wired, there’s always some nudge room in how you act around others. “Personality is partly genetically determined and it tends to be pretty stable from early adulthood onwards, but some research shows that people who are satisfied with their relationships and their work tend to become a bit more extroverted with time,” says study author Catharine Gale, Ph.D., an epidemiologist at South Hampton General Hospital in England. Here are some ways to build better friendships and invest in a happier future.

Nail a First Impression
A quick body language trick you can use when approaching someone you are about to meet for the first time is to briefly flash your eyebrows upward when you’re about 15 feet away. “It helps you feel more open and receptive and tells the other person that you’re friendly,” says Patti Wood, author of "Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma." This quick facial move is especially helpful for introverts who tend to freeze in place. (Practice your open-and-friendly look in the mirror first so you don’t slip into deer-in-the-headlights territory). Next, when you’re within about six feet, extend your arm firmly with your palm open to shake hands. “Hesitation about offering a hand can make it awkward,” says Wood. Sticking it right out there for a good, firm shake preempts the stress response and helps eliminate some of the anxiety.

MORE: Learn About Someone in 20 Seconds or Less

Make a Friend
One thing true extroverts are great at is taking the initiative to talk to people and make new friends. If that doesn’t come naturally to you, set a goal to engage one person every week. “A new friend will give you the opportunity to learn more about yourself and grow,” Wood says. Maybe she’ll introduce you to a great book, or more: “Countless studies have shown that friendships and social support have a beneficial impact on health. They make good times better and tough times easier to manage,” says Christie Hartman, Ph.D., a Denver-based behavioral scientist. “We’re all social animals—even introverts.” Go in with a game plan: Open with meet-and-greet questions like “where are you from?” and “what do you do?” They may seem lame, but they actually serve an important purpose. “You’re searching for a commonality,” Wood says. It’s how you establish whether the person is like you. Things as simple as finding out where someone grew up and mentioning that your brother now lives there can create an instantaneous bond of shared experience. Bring up sports, movies, music or the latest Housewives drama. Even talking about the weather can work. If there’s something that perks the other person up, dig deeper. Try to get him or her talking for more than a minute. “It used to be much more natural for people to share stories, but we now have much shorter interactions that are more like e-mails or texts,” Wood says. “We need to put in the time for deeper and longer conversations.”

 Balance the Conversational Scales

Whether you’re the silent type or a chatty Cathy, take this little test: After you finish a conversation with a friend, ask yourself whose voice you heard most during the conversation. If the other person didn’t share very much, you probably talked too much and listened too little, says Wood. If someone mentions something they did over the weekend, say “Oh wow, did you have a good time?” or “Had you ever done that before?” Try to ask a question each time before you make a comment. If you do this, the person will feel more understood and the relationship will grow stronger. Find yourself on the quiet end of the spectrum? Pipe up. Contribute more by raising your voice a little louder than usual and replying with “Yes, and” followed by your thoughts on the topic or a similar experience you had. “It works because you aren’t negating what the other person said. You are saying ‘yes’ and adding to it,” Wood says. “Extroverts don’t see this as an interruption, but as adding to the conversation. You need to jump in like a rabbit.”

MORE: Busting Extrovert/Introvert Stereotypes

Chat at Work
No, we’re not talking about instant messaging. Find the spot at work where people tend to congregate and jump into the water-cooler chitchat, recommends Wood. Set a goal that you’ll go to the break room, bench or wherever it may be on Tuesdays for five minutes. (Shooting for Tuesday rather than Monday will keep you from agonizing over the weekend.) Start small and each Tuesday do something to be more social and friendly with your co-workers. If there’s someone that you’ve found some common ground with, ask them if they want to grab lunch with you.

End on a High Note
When you do go to lunch with a co-worker or new friend, try to skew the conversation toward positive stories as much as possible. “If you spend 15 minutes talking about your car breaking down, there will be a negative association with you,” Wood says. Instead, talk about a fabulous meal you enjoyed at a new restaurant in town, or your favorite yoga studio. It will make you seem more likeable while your friendship is still in a budding phase. “Fledgling relationships can’t handle negativity,” says Hartman. While there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of griping (bad moods happen to good people, after all), make an effort to always switch it to a positive topic toward the end of the meal. It can be as simple as, “It was great talking to you, let’s do this again.” Remember, like the sweet finish of dessert, the last thing you say will linger in the memory of the other person.

Article link below:

http://www.youbeauty.com/mind/be-more-outgoing

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.