Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Body Language Tips for Making New Friends at Your First Job from a Body Langauge Expert Patti Wood MA, CSP

Nonverbal and Verbal Secrets to Making New Friends

At Your First Job after College

By Patti Wood MA, CSP

Many tips are excerpts from her SNAP! Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

Be open: You have the rare opportunity for a fresh start at your impression. Smile as you walk down the halls at work, check out at the grocery store or sit down in a meeting, Take the initiative to make eye contact, say hello and introduce yourself. Keep your body language open.

Keep your body language “up”: Up body language means walking, standing, and sitting with your upper body relaxed upward. Instead of hunching over, keep your shoulders back, your head up (not bent over your electronic device), and open your hands and move them upward when you gesture.

Gesture: Moving your hands occasionally while you speak actually helps you think and speak more clearly. The location of your hands also affects other nonverbal behavior. When you are conversing with someone standing up, if you place your hands and arms at your sides your energy goes down, your voice lowers and can become more monotone, and you show fewer facial expressions. If you’re nervous, bring your hands to the level of your waist, and you will become calm and centered. If you gesture occasionally with your hands at the level of your upper chest or above, your voice automatically goes up, increases in volume, and has more variations; you actually become animated.

Start new habits: If you always texted your friends in school to see what they were doing, now you can initiate face-to-face interactions. Visit people in their offices/cubicals, catch people in the break room and invite them to do something with you. You be the one who says, “Hey you want to go get a coffee, hang together tonight, or meet after work? Don’t turn on your TV when you get home. or spend hours watching Hulu or Netflix Put yourself out there to meet as many people as possible in the next few weeks.

Know a rebuff is seldom about you: If not every single person says hi back or takes you up on your offers for plans remember college is stressful. Most freshmen feel a bit insecure at times and, if they seem distant, don’t take it personally. Most body language rebuffs such as lack of eye contact and scowls are motivated by what is going on inside the person and not really about you.

Be helpful and considerate: Having a new job and being in a new living situation can be stressful at first, even if you click as friends. Ask new people about their interests be interested in their lives first.

Help people form a positive impression of you: Your boss and your fellow team mates will respond to you and perhaps judge you by how you act in your classes. If you’re late all the time to meeting, they notice. They also notice if you come prepared, slink to the back to sit, pay attention, ask thoughtful questions, or spend a lot of time texting. In school slack behavior might have been cool; in a new job it will get you ostracized. Each work culture has a different set of “rules of engagement,” so be aware of the size, structure, and preferences for behavior. It is easier to set a positive impression at the beginning than try to erase a bad one.

Go early rather than late: Research shows that arriving early actually reduces your nervousness in new situations. It’s easier to get acclimated. Get to work a bit early, especially the first few months, so you have time to visit and make small talk. Get to meetings early as well. You can stand or sit near the door when you arrive and greet people as they come in. More anxiety reducing tips are in the book.

Ask to help: Find out who is running the meeting or office social event and at those networking events, office parties you can ask for an anxiety-distracting task like taking coats from new arrivals or offering them drinks or food. Nervousness comes out of your body in many ways. One way is through your hands. When your hands are confidently occupied with useful tasks, that confidence message goes to your brain and affects your entire body. It also gives you an easy, repeatable script, questions such as “Would you like me to take your coat?” or “What can I get you to drink?” These types of questions open up the conversation.

Look for an “open” person: Search for people who are already speaking in a small cluster or someone who is standing or sitting with their feet apart a few inches, rather than crossed, pressed together, or in a “cowboy” defensive stance (for guys that is fourteen inches apart). Research shows that someone who is gesturing with open palms and smiling and occasionally moving their heads is more open to approach. If you are super shy, look for someone who looks happy and confident and do what they are doing.

Trust your radar: Steer clear of people who are negative or give off bad vibes. Look for people who have the top two first impression factors from SNAP. That usually means people who are warm, likeable, and make you feel comfortable. Go first and initiate conversation: I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Patti, you are insane. I hate to talk to people and you want me to initiate? I’d rather stick a fork in my eye.” Put down the fork. Research shows that when you initiate and move forward, you appear more confident and other people immediately feel more at ease. In addition, when they feel at ease, the comfort transfers back to you. A quick tip for when you feel anxious: take one small step forward; motion tricks your limbic brain into feeling more confident.

Introduce yourself: You can breakthrough any awkward silence that occurs when strangers meet by simply sharing your name as in, “Hello my name is Patti Wood.” Giving your name to someone is a form of self-disclosure that shows you’re willing to be open and be vulnerable. It gives the impression that you are nice. Purse snatchers don’t typically say, “Hey, my name is Max Brewer and I’ll be taking your wallet today.” Breaking through the silence by sharing your name may be a pretty basic suggestion, but it works. We are sometimes afraid to break the silence because we fear we will be met with silence or rejection. If you don’t get an immediate response after sharing your name with someone, ask, “And your name is..?”

Introduce people to each other: This gives you something practical to do. Making introductions is appreciated by others, and it takes the pressure off you. As you stand and move to bring people together, you are creating a visual connection between yourself and other people in the room that makes you look powerful and popular. They see you move toward people and act as a connection, and they think, “Boy, she [or he] knows everyone.”

Ask a question, then simply relax and listen: So much anxiety comes from not knowing what to do or how to do it well. One of the smartest things you can do to meet people is to make a positive statement like “Great T-shirt” or asking a gentle question such as “Did you see the concert on the student green last night?” or, “What did you think about class today?” This completely takes the talking pressure off you. You don’t have to be super funny or super hip to be a good listener. It’s amazing how cool people will think you are because everybody loves someone who really listens to them. More conversation starting questions are in my book.

Nod your head: I love teaching men this simple body language cue. Men generally only nod their heads when they agree, while women nod to show they are listening. So guys, if you’re interested, nod as you listen. Women love it and nodding your head actually releases “feel good” chemicals into your blood stream.

About the Author Patti Wood is an internationally recognized nonverbal communication and human behavior expert. She has conducted years of research in the field of human behavior. The media seek her insights on celebrities, politicians and people in the news. Please check out her website for great information and tips on nonverbal communication.

Patti Wood is the Author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Body Language read of Jen & Justin

I love how she is has her pelvis angled towards him while tilting her head deeply to the side and her arm around his shoulder with her hand on her hip.The pelvis shows she is happy sexually, the deep tilt with her head almost on his shoulder shows tenderness and caring, the arm up and on his shoulder shows ownership and her hand on her hip shows her power. The cluster shows this really fascinating combination of he is what I want and who I care for but I don’t want to give up my power. I have read this photo before and I liked then.

He is excited like a little boy, he is bringing down his shoulders and the rest of his body slightly to take her shoulder and he has this impish smile that says, "Look at me with her isn't it great."

I would give it a high score for HER as I have read her for many years and she doesn't get mushy and this is a mushy shot. So I give it a 4.

He looks tired and tense and his eyebrows and downwards eyelids show sadness. The odd thing about this photo is how tense and forced and stiff their facial expressions are. It looks like they just ate sour milk, so there is some suppressed sourness. I like how he is more relaxed into the duel arm pose than he was in the other photo. And her shoulder is relaxed into his. This photo could be misleading as the arm and shoulder placement is good but the faces disagree and could reflect how they feel towards the photographer. They are both trying to hold it together, but they are troubled by something. I would give this a 2.

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money.

In these straitened times, however, it seems all you have to do is carry it in the right way.

A body language expert has analysed how women hold their handbags, and suggests there are ten distinctive styles which reveal volumes about their personalities.

For example, while a woman who holds her handbag tightly under her arm in the ‘Armpit Vice’ may merely think she is freeing up her arms, the look also suggests awkwardness, according to American author Patti Wood.

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Younger women, she says, tend to go for ‘The Hands-Free’ look, wearing a bag draped across their body from one shoulder.

But, Miss Wood warns: ‘The girl who wears a hands-free bag willingly covers up her silhouette and outfit. It’s useful but it also shows you’re slightly dorky.’

Meanwhile ‘street-smart’ women are likely to adopt the protective ‘Thumb-to-Pit’ style, keeping their thumb firmly hooked around the bag’s handle in a look often sported by Sarah Jessica Parker’s character Carrie in Sex And The City.

Few mere mortals, however, are likely to find themselves in the final category – the ‘I’ve Got A Bag Bitch’ look.

Usually reserved for royalty and, occasionally, Victoria Beckham, it involves not carrying a handbag at all, because you have an assistant – or boyfriend – to carry it for you.

‘When people feel the need to look fabulous all the time, they can’t be encumbered with anything,’ Miss Wood said.

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What Does Alpha mean? Can anyone have Alpha Male Power? 10 Ways to Look and Feel More Alpha Power

What Does Alpha mean? Can anyone have Alpha Male Power?

10 Ways to Look and Feel More Alpha.

The First letter of the Greek Alphabet Alpha in language is used to define someone’s position in social hierarchy. A specific example is "alpha males" or pack leaders. Pack Leaders say what they want and get what they want and they guide the team. Here what you need to look like and sound like to have Alpha Power.

We all understand the idea of power in first impressions, because we've all experienced it. You walk up to somebody and shake hands and both of you notice who has the more powerful handshake. Alpha power in a handshake is based on factors such as who initiates first, who clasps hardest, uses the other hand to grip and or whose hand is on top etc. When we first meet someone we notice other power or alpha gaining behaviors such as who makes the initial eye contact and who is staring intently rather than breaking eye contact first. From the first impression, we’re deciding who is going to have more power, who will be Alpha.

You may be thinking this jousting for power is only possible for men or only maintained by the “Alpha male.” But you don’t have to be male or strong to be powerful. The power first impression will tell you who is going to run things or whether you’re going to work as equals. But being “Alpha” is only part of power. When you are powerful and confident, anyone can change their nonverbal communication to feel and look more in command. If you do things like hold yourself up and out, take up more space, and hold your body windows open you can begin to feel Alpha.

I would be remiss if I did not admit that some things that generate a power impression are permanently set. Tall people are automatically given more power. Height and bulk get people more power and research shows that people with lower, deeper voices also are more apt to have power. If you don’t have these physical attributes, you have to work on it.

I’m a short (5’2”), blond woman. Early in life and career, I wasn’t seen as a credible information source even though I was an expert. I was the short blond girl. I wasn’t given attention, so I learned very early to do certain things. I made my body “bigger” by making my gestures large and sweeping outward, and making my voice lower and louder and many other subtle cues. I learned very quickly that this helped people recognize that I was “alpha” in the situation. So they booked me as a speaker and consultant.

In the same way, I teach people who are already really tall or big how to soften their appearance. Sometimes the power can be so overwhelming that people back down, back away or don’t even interact. So we also have ways to soften the edge of intimidating power.

Alpha Power is Determined by:

1. Who initiates contact or touches the other person first.

2. Who gives a dominant greeting - Alpha power in a handshake is based on factors such as who initiates first, who clasps hardest, who uses the other hand to grip (The higher on the other persons arm the non- shaking hand goes the more power the Alpha power seeker gets. So if you take the extra hand and grip the shoulder of the other person you will gain power. You may look like a jerk, but you will gain power.) and or whose hand is on top and other factors.

3. Who gives prolonged unblinking eye contact. Not creepy leering. Strong confident eye contact.

4. Who speaks first. That is in normal interactions. In interactions like a sales person calling on a top level manager, the sales calls some powerful person MAKES the lower status person speak first or may show his or her power by waiting to speak.

5. Who speaks the loudest – There are exceptions to this rule. Think Marlon Brando in the Godfather or Apocalypse.

6. Who speaks the most. Again pausing after someone makes a request of you can give you some power, and good listeners can be incredibly powerful but in most interactions the higher status is assigned to the person who talks the most.

7. Who interrupts the most – I hate that that is true, but that’s what the research says.

8. Who invades the other person’s space and takes up the most space. invading and taking up the most space.

9. Who takes the prominent seat –Look at my blog on the power seat or get my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma to get more information on the power seat.

10. Who is comfortable breaking rules -Break the rules and establish your own rules. Breaking rules like turn taking, or nonverbal rules like who talks first.

If you have read the Ten Ways to Be Alpha you may also realize that if your not very careful they could become the ten ways to look like a jerk.

Imagine a stranger going over the top with these behaviors. He gets up you your face and sticks out his hand, grips your hand savagely and doesn't let go, yells,"Hi ya," does not let go stares and talks loudly without letting your speak, takes your seat and doesn't let you are anyone one else have a turn speaking at the meeting.

Now imagine you use the alpha cues instead to initiate a warm greeting, listen, but speak up as well as you have some small talk.
Choose a good seat. Take up space at your seat. Make your ideas an opinions known and comment on others ideas enthusiastically. Linger at the end and visit some more and shake everyone's hand and or let them know what was great about them and or the meeting.

8 Quick Ways to Feel More Energetic Without Drugs or Caffeine. How to Use Your Body Language to Feel More Energetic.

8 Quick Ways to Feel More Energetic Without Drugs or Caffeine.

How to Use Your Body Language to Feel More Energetic.

How you hold your body can actually change how you feel, in less than 1/40 of a second. If you hold and move your body the way you want to feel, your bodies' chemistry can change in a fraction of a second. Your posture and movement create a message that acts like a doctor’s prescription. The message is sent through your neural synapses to the brains pharmacy. The brain notes the posture and movements and creates chemicals that match and sends them out into your blood stream so you begin to feel chemically the way your body language is held or moves. If you drag around head down feeling tired you will get the chemicals that make you feel more tired. You think your body language reflects your fatigue and lack of energy but you can change your energy by how you hold and move your body. I have been writing about the biochemistry aspects for over 30 years. (In her Ted Talk, Amy Cuddly speaks about Power Poses using research about this phenomenon.)

Keep your body language “up.” Up energetic body language is beautifully symbolic–you go up when you’re feeling up. In addition up body language brings your posture up in a way that allows more deep full lung capacity breathing which gives you more oxygenated blood, thus more energy. Though the steps may seem wacky, if you are feeling sluggish and just want to lay down and take a nap, these methods can charge you up very quickly.

Eight Quick Ways to Use Your Body Language to Feel More Energetic

Take five deep full breaths. Breathe in on a count of three, hold for three seconds and let your breath out slowly on the count of three. Make sure your lungs fill up fully.
Stand up and lift your chest up and out.
Stand up against a wall and see if you can get your shoulders back against the wall. Pull the shoulders back so even the tops of the shoulders touch the wall. Now step away from the wall and see if you can stand and walk with your shoulders back. This posture enlarges the chest allowing the lungs to fill up with air giving your body more oxygen.
Bring your hands up and gesture high in the air. The location of your hands also affects other nonverbal behavior. Put your hands at your sides and your energy goes down, your voice lowers and can become more monotone, and you tend to move less and show fewer facial expressions. Bring your hands to the level of your waist, and you become calm and centered. Bring your hands up high to the level of your upper chest or above, and your voice goes up; you become animated.
You can have fun for a second and pretend you’re a conductor leading an orchestra. Coincidentally, researches show conductors tend to live longer and they believe one of the reasons is their high gesturing that increases their oxygen. You can pretend like you have just won an Olympic competition and bring both hands up above your head and hold them there for three seconds, lower them then raise them again. You can dance to Pink’s song, “Raise Your Glass”, “YMCA” or Taylor Swifts, “Shake it Off.” All contain up gestures! (I just love the up shake it off body language at the end of Taylor Swifts Shake it Off video! The link to it is here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM
With a lot of energy and at a very loud volume read a paragraph from something, even these instructions. Overdo it have fun. Sing the lyrics to the songs in step 5.
Make up facial expressions. First bring your eye brows and forehead muscles up and down and up again in a look of surprise. Now smile and open your mouth so your cheeks and the corners of your lips come up.
Have you ever noticed how children skip and move up when they are happy and filled with energy? They are moving with up body language. See if you can walk across a room with the same upward energy. You don’t have to skip just move so that your energy is up.

Try any of these postures and movements anytime to recharge your batteries and feel UP with energy. Your gestures move up, your head comes up, your chest goes up and your shoulders come back and up, your step is upwards.

I am a researcher, and writer on nonverbal communication and hold degrees with an emphasis in nonverbal communication.

Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

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Body Language Tips for Making New Friends at Your First Job from a Body Langauge Expert Patti Wood MA, CSP

Body Language read of Jen & Justin

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money

What Does Alpha mean? Can anyone have Alpha Male Power? 10 Ways to Look and Feel More Alpha Power

8 Quick Ways to Feel More Energetic Without Drugs or Caffeine. How to Use Your Body Language to Feel More Energetic.

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