Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Why You Should Bragg and Tips for Self Promotion

My friend Sue and I have known each other since grad school and have always supported each other’s success. She is a wonderful and talented author and beloved English professor and I am a body language expert and professional speaker. Sue arranged for me to speak to the student body of her university.

On the day of my speech, we went over my intro and I showed her how to turn on my 40-secound intro video with snippets of newscasters and TV show hosts introducing me on their show. We got the room early and I put little bios and business cards on all the seats in the auditorium. As professors and students came in I introduced myself, “Hello my name is Patti I am your speaker today.” I gave my speech and then spent another half hour with students gathered around me asking questions.

All these were things that I did for every speech, but my friend said, “Patti, watching you do those things changed everything I thought about my career.” "At first, I thought, “Goodness, Patti is going over the top with all this bragging about herself in the intros and then I noticed how people responded to you even before you started speaking." "I have watched 100’s of speakers in that same Venue but they were treating you with a feeling of honor and respect that I have never seen. I had thought originally the video and intro was too much, but I could see them get excited and lean forward in their seats during the intro." "During your speech, you gave brief specific examples of how you used your body language expertise to solve a client’s problems used it to analyze the president for the Today Show or CNN. Each example illustrated a learning point, and gave you an increased level of credibility with the audience." "But here is the funny thing Patti is I have had the opportunity my entire career to promoting myself the way you did and I have never done it because I thought I was bragging!

I told her she was a remarkable author and speaker and should own it and start self-promoting because men do so all the time! If the word bragging calls it self-confidence, call it, self-promotion. I shared that for years I wanted to be a successful speaker but, I never bragged and was too shy too fearful of being seen as cocky. I worked hard, but I not in the big leagues. I looked around and realized that the male speakers would talk about their success all the time. I noticed when I spoke the men would actually stand around before and after meetings and brag about the terrific job they did on a project, the great deal that they just made or the golf game or their new car. For men, it is a way of showing their colleagues what they can do so that their peers feel confident in recommending them for projects promotions and jobs. It is an effective way to communicate. Sue quickly started using the same self-promotion techniques. Doing this, and her hard work, led her to earn a tenured position and the raise she had long wanted and deserved.
Tips for Self Promotion

1. Yes, there is a gender-based difference in how men who self-promote are perceived and how women who say the same kind of things about themselves are perceived. But, that perception can ONLY change if women are courageous and speak well of their accomplishments without fear.

2. Learn to tell a great short self-promotional story. “Last week the most fantastic thing happened... “I had the best week this week……”, “I feel so great about something that happened this week..” and then tell about one specific success. Don’t preface it with how tired you are. Don’t list all you did, or how busy your week was. Tell one very brief story. A hero's journey is interesting. A recap of your to-do list or passage from your outlook calendar is boring. If you have not read, "The Power of Myth" find it or at least read about it so you know what a hero's journey looks and sounds like.

3. Be very careful of your tone and nonverbal delivery. Look at how men get excited and make the telling of their hero's journey into a fun journey for the listener. Don’t be haughty, don’t hog too much time. Think how men share a sports success, “I hit a home run, I caught the ball, I made a hole in one" story and people actually ENJOY listening because they feel the pleasure and excitement the adventure and challenge along with the storyteller.

4. Men will email what they have done to accomplish their projects. If you see a good example of someone stating and accomplishment in an email you receive and model it.

5. Do things that are visible to others. Get on committees with important people. Speak up at meetings. Talk to people who can recommend you. Take influential people out for coffee or lunch, stop by people’s offices and ask what they are up to.

6. Get another woman to brag for you. Tell other women what you have done and ask her to brag for you. Reciprocate. Be the person that says shares positive stories about others.
7. When you introduce your female friends and coworkers and business friends to someone new introduce them along with an accomplishment. "Jim this is Sara Beckman, she just headed up the committee for our new quarter sales meeting and it was fantastic."

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Robert Wagner Talks about Natalie Wood's Accident is He Deceptive> Body Language/Stress Test

I have heard him talk about this incident before. He always talks about it with decorum. I watched the whole interview. He does not vary in any suspicious way from his baseline behavior when he is asked about the event. He does not evade the questions concerning the incident.

In this interview he does talk about it gently as an “accident” and he truly feels it was. His eyebrows go up and he is truly expressive at one point.

He does not seem overly rehearsed. He seems to me to behave as a gentleman who has dealt with his grief and has had to answer probing questions about this event for years. It has been many many years since what we call in deception detection the “event.”

It is appropriate that he is not overly emotionally about it so that should not be misinterpreted as any indication that he is in any way guilty.

Below is the link to the interview.

http://www.charlierose.com/watch/60357530

Body Language Tips for Making New Friends at Your First Job from a Body Langauge Expert Patti Wood MA, CSP

Nonverbal and Verbal Secrets to Making New Friends

At Your First Job after College

By Patti Wood MA, CSP

Many tips are excerpts from her SNAP! Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

Be open: You have the rare opportunity for a fresh start at your impression. Smile as you walk down the halls at work, check out at the grocery store or sit down in a meeting, Take the initiative to make eye contact, say hello and introduce yourself. Keep your body language open.

Keep your body language “up”: Up body language means walking, standing, and sitting with your upper body relaxed upward. Instead of hunching over, keep your shoulders back, your head up (not bent over your electronic device), and open your hands and move them upward when you gesture.

Gesture: Moving your hands occasionally while you speak actually helps you think and speak more clearly. The location of your hands also affects other nonverbal behavior. When you are conversing with someone standing up, if you place your hands and arms at your sides your energy goes down, your voice lowers and can become more monotone, and you show fewer facial expressions. If you’re nervous, bring your hands to the level of your waist, and you will become calm and centered. If you gesture occasionally with your hands at the level of your upper chest or above, your voice automatically goes up, increases in volume, and has more variations; you actually become animated.

Start new habits: If you always texted your friends in school to see what they were doing, now you can initiate face-to-face interactions. Visit people in their offices/cubicals, catch people in the break room and invite them to do something with you. You be the one who says, “Hey you want to go get a coffee, hang together tonight, or meet after work? Don’t turn on your TV when you get home. or spend hours watching Hulu or Netflix Put yourself out there to meet as many people as possible in the next few weeks.

Know a rebuff is seldom about you: If not every single person says hi back or takes you up on your offers for plans remember college is stressful. Most freshmen feel a bit insecure at times and, if they seem distant, don’t take it personally. Most body language rebuffs such as lack of eye contact and scowls are motivated by what is going on inside the person and not really about you.

Be helpful and considerate: Having a new job and being in a new living situation can be stressful at first, even if you click as friends. Ask new people about their interests be interested in their lives first.

Help people form a positive impression of you: Your boss and your fellow team mates will respond to you and perhaps judge you by how you act in your classes. If you’re late all the time to meeting, they notice. They also notice if you come prepared, slink to the back to sit, pay attention, ask thoughtful questions, or spend a lot of time texting. In school slack behavior might have been cool; in a new job it will get you ostracized. Each work culture has a different set of “rules of engagement,” so be aware of the size, structure, and preferences for behavior. It is easier to set a positive impression at the beginning than try to erase a bad one.

Go early rather than late: Research shows that arriving early actually reduces your nervousness in new situations. It’s easier to get acclimated. Get to work a bit early, especially the first few months, so you have time to visit and make small talk. Get to meetings early as well. You can stand or sit near the door when you arrive and greet people as they come in. More anxiety reducing tips are in the book.

Ask to help: Find out who is running the meeting or office social event and at those networking events, office parties you can ask for an anxiety-distracting task like taking coats from new arrivals or offering them drinks or food. Nervousness comes out of your body in many ways. One way is through your hands. When your hands are confidently occupied with useful tasks, that confidence message goes to your brain and affects your entire body. It also gives you an easy, repeatable script, questions such as “Would you like me to take your coat?” or “What can I get you to drink?” These types of questions open up the conversation.

Look for an “open” person: Search for people who are already speaking in a small cluster or someone who is standing or sitting with their feet apart a few inches, rather than crossed, pressed together, or in a “cowboy” defensive stance (for guys that is fourteen inches apart). Research shows that someone who is gesturing with open palms and smiling and occasionally moving their heads is more open to approach. If you are super shy, look for someone who looks happy and confident and do what they are doing.

Trust your radar: Steer clear of people who are negative or give off bad vibes. Look for people who have the top two first impression factors from SNAP. That usually means people who are warm, likeable, and make you feel comfortable. Go first and initiate conversation: I know, I know, you’re thinking, “Patti, you are insane. I hate to talk to people and you want me to initiate? I’d rather stick a fork in my eye.” Put down the fork. Research shows that when you initiate and move forward, you appear more confident and other people immediately feel more at ease. In addition, when they feel at ease, the comfort transfers back to you. A quick tip for when you feel anxious: take one small step forward; motion tricks your limbic brain into feeling more confident.

Introduce yourself: You can breakthrough any awkward silence that occurs when strangers meet by simply sharing your name as in, “Hello my name is Patti Wood.” Giving your name to someone is a form of self-disclosure that shows you’re willing to be open and be vulnerable. It gives the impression that you are nice. Purse snatchers don’t typically say, “Hey, my name is Max Brewer and I’ll be taking your wallet today.” Breaking through the silence by sharing your name may be a pretty basic suggestion, but it works. We are sometimes afraid to break the silence because we fear we will be met with silence or rejection. If you don’t get an immediate response after sharing your name with someone, ask, “And your name is..?”

Introduce people to each other: This gives you something practical to do. Making introductions is appreciated by others, and it takes the pressure off you. As you stand and move to bring people together, you are creating a visual connection between yourself and other people in the room that makes you look powerful and popular. They see you move toward people and act as a connection, and they think, “Boy, she [or he] knows everyone.”

Ask a question, then simply relax and listen: So much anxiety comes from not knowing what to do or how to do it well. One of the smartest things you can do to meet people is to make a positive statement like “Great T-shirt” or asking a gentle question such as “Did you see the concert on the student green last night?” or, “What did you think about class today?” This completely takes the talking pressure off you. You don’t have to be super funny or super hip to be a good listener. It’s amazing how cool people will think you are because everybody loves someone who really listens to them. More conversation starting questions are in my book.

Nod your head: I love teaching men this simple body language cue. Men generally only nod their heads when they agree, while women nod to show they are listening. So guys, if you’re interested, nod as you listen. Women love it and nodding your head actually releases “feel good” chemicals into your blood stream.

About the Author Patti Wood is an internationally recognized nonverbal communication and human behavior expert. She has conducted years of research in the field of human behavior. The media seek her insights on celebrities, politicians and people in the news. Please check out her website for great information and tips on nonverbal communication.

Patti Wood is the Author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

Body Language read of Jen & Justin

I love how she is has her pelvis angled towards him while tilting her head deeply to the side and her arm around his shoulder with her hand on her hip.The pelvis shows she is happy sexually, the deep tilt with her head almost on his shoulder shows tenderness and caring, the arm up and on his shoulder shows ownership and her hand on her hip shows her power. The cluster shows this really fascinating combination of he is what I want and who I care for but I don’t want to give up my power. I have read this photo before and I liked then.

He is excited like a little boy, he is bringing down his shoulders and the rest of his body slightly to take her shoulder and he has this impish smile that says, "Look at me with her isn't it great."

I would give it a high score for HER as I have read her for many years and she doesn't get mushy and this is a mushy shot. So I give it a 4.

He looks tired and tense and his eyebrows and downwards eyelids show sadness. The odd thing about this photo is how tense and forced and stiff their facial expressions are. It looks like they just ate sour milk, so there is some suppressed sourness. I like how he is more relaxed into the duel arm pose than he was in the other photo. And her shoulder is relaxed into his. This photo could be misleading as the arm and shoulder placement is good but the faces disagree and could reflect how they feel towards the photographer. They are both trying to hold it together, but they are troubled by something. I would give this a 2.

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money.

In these straitened times, however, it seems all you have to do is carry it in the right way.

A body language expert has analysed how women hold their handbags, and suggests there are ten distinctive styles which reveal volumes about their personalities.

For example, while a woman who holds her handbag tightly under her arm in the ‘Armpit Vice’ may merely think she is freeing up her arms, the look also suggests awkwardness, according to American author Patti Wood.

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Younger women, she says, tend to go for ‘The Hands-Free’ look, wearing a bag draped across their body from one shoulder.

But, Miss Wood warns: ‘The girl who wears a hands-free bag willingly covers up her silhouette and outfit. It’s useful but it also shows you’re slightly dorky.’

Meanwhile ‘street-smart’ women are likely to adopt the protective ‘Thumb-to-Pit’ style, keeping their thumb firmly hooked around the bag’s handle in a look often sported by Sarah Jessica Parker’s character Carrie in Sex And The City.

Few mere mortals, however, are likely to find themselves in the final category – the ‘I’ve Got A Bag Bitch’ look.

Usually reserved for royalty and, occasionally, Victoria Beckham, it involves not carrying a handbag at all, because you have an assistant – or boyfriend – to carry it for you.

‘When people feel the need to look fabulous all the time, they can’t be encumbered with anything,’ Miss Wood said.

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Why You Should Bragg and Tips for Self Promotion

Robert Wagner Talks about Natalie Wood's Accident is He Deceptive> Body Language/Stress Test

Body Language Tips for Making New Friends at Your First Job from a Body Langauge Expert Patti Wood MA, CSP

Body Language read of Jen & Justin

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money

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