Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Ways to be a Better, Nicer Person

Ways to Be a Better Nicer Person

By Patti Wood Author of Snap Making the Most of First Impressions Body language and Charisma

There is no greater gift to give to someone than your interest. Here are Great Tips to Be a Better Person.

Give a Compliment
Why it works. If a compliment is gently given and very specific it makes a person feel seen. They light up and open up to you, the person that has made them feel so good. Ideally find something very specific to compliment. Otherwise, the person may feel that you have a general compliment ready to give to any person you see coming down the street. You can say something about their appearance, “I like the leather on your shoes, or I like the design on your shirt, or “I like the way your smile lights up the room." Be specific for example instead of just saying, "Susan that was an excellent meal” after that say, “That was so good, I could eat the rest of the pot with a spoon." or “That brownie dessert you made was melt in your mouth tell your momma good,” “I loved how you made it so pretty on the plate, you’re a real artist.”

Ask a Question

You can start with a simple, “Hello my name is ….and what do you do for fun?” Then listen, resisting the urge to jump in and talk about yourself. The information they share about themselves and their problem can help you determine how you can best serve them and thus help you craft what you will say in your elevator conversation.

Lean in Close and Flirt with the World

My mom never meets a stranger. I remember when my mom and I would go into Walgreen’s soda fountain for a BLT after a day of shopping. My mom would sit down with a big smile, and the waitress would walk up and my mom would turn to her and lean in close as if she had known that waitress all her life and start talking. But most of all she would start listening. She would look that waitress in the eye, nod her head and keep saying say "uh-huh," and by the end of the meal she would leave the place knowing the waitress’s name and the names of her children. She did this everywhere she went and she still does it. She flirts with the world, and everybody loves it.

Ask more questions and listen some more

This back and forth flow gives you rapport with the other person. Years ago I strained my voice singing in a community theater production of Godspell. It hurt to talk so I began asking questions as I met people instead of spouting off what I did. I am a communication consultant so I asked questions like, “What’s going on in your organization? “How’s the communication in your company?” “What are you doing to deal with your communication issues?” It’s amazing what I learned and how much business I got from people I barely said a word to. Because I listened to their problems, they believed (and rightly so) I could solve their problems. You might be memorable to a stranger because of what they said about themselves in your presence. Be memorable for what you don’t say.

Turn off technology or Don’t Answer It or get off of it when people are present

We have become so accustomed to answering the phone and looking at our computers, leaving our hands on the keyboards when someone comes into our offices to talk and leaving our cell phones in our hands and talking on them in public that we forget how rude all those things are. When you are standing in the checkout line, talk to the cashier and the people in line. Be present. If you are out with someone, try turning off your cell phone and say out loud, “Let me turn this off while we talk.” It’s amazing what a difference it will make in the impression you give because so few people take the time to be that polite. I suggest that when you are going into an important meeting, especially one where you will be presenting, you remove any visible technology. Hide your cell phone and PDA, rather than wearing them on your waist. When you have them in view, you’re saying nonverbally that someone else is more important and could interrupt you at any time.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

What is the Impact of the Use of Technology and the Use of Social Media on Young People in or Entering the Job Market? How are Their Lives Improved or, Alternatively, Damaged By Social Media?

What is the impact of the use of technology and use of social media on young people in or entering the job market? How are their lives improved or, alternatively, damaged by social media?

1. The good news is that social media helps young people more tech savvy. If given a challenge of learning new software or app they are comfortable. They can also make quick “shallow” decisions getting through and responding to emails and texts and amazingly fast rates. They can also find information quickly. They are more likely to

love new information, new technology and new technical challenges. They are comfortable looking at a how to video and completely a task. But they can be bored

with routine and they can think that knowing facts and information about topic means they are competent and even an expert on the topic. They can be quick to judge others who do now have the technology savvy or speed.

2. Social media can pervert what you think is appropriate to share and not share with others. The odd anonymity and the one way communication makes you focus on yourself.

3. If you use social media a lot a work you may think you can do everything through email or text so you don’t give face-to-face time to create trust. Recent research by Gregory Northcraft, a professor in executive leadership at the University of Illinois, shows when projects are managed by way of detached, high-tech means rather than face-to-face, people will have less confidence that others will do what they say they’ll do. He says if your communication is mainly through email, coworkers will trust you less. Face-to-face contact yields the most trust and cooperation while e-mail nets the least, with videoconference interaction ranking somewhere in between. Your boss and coworkers need to be face-to- face to read the thousands of non-verbal cues that give them a read of you and help them decide the best way to interact with you.

4. If you don’t socialize face to face, spend time with team members or your boss you work may be invisible to others. Remember you not only need the trust that face to face time creates as mentioned above you need it for people to see you work, what you have accomplish and what you can accomplish.

5. You are "Uber" brief and direct and focus on your needs first instead of considering the other person before you focus on yourself.

6. If young people overuse technology they don’t have the “band with” in their brains to handle stress. And since they are laying down neural pathways to the ego centers of the brain by being on technology they are not laying down strong broader neural pathways to the social centers of the brain this makes them uncomfortable communicating face to face and have trouble forming good working relationships and handling stress in the workplace. (The science of that is outlined below.)

Why Technology is Stressing Us Out? Technology and the Brain

I was speaking at a private school recently and the teacher updated me on some of the latest research on the brain being done at Emory University. It is very interesting so stick with it.

The pruning of (reduction) neural pathways in the brain when we are young is based on how we use our brain. The brain prunes pathways we don’t use and keeps the neural pathways we use the most.
The ones laid down when we are highly focused on activities like reading a book or having a deep conversation are deeper and have more capacity like wide superhighways. They can handle more information overload when we are under stress like a highway can handle more cars in commute time than a surface road.
The neural pathways laid down for the quick shallow decisions we make when we are on technology such as, “I want this email I don’t want this one.” “I want this website in my Google search I don’t want that one.” are shallow and thin pathways that actually break apart under stress because of their low capacity, like a bridge could collapse if too many cars and trucks are on it at the same time. This is kind neural pathways that young people are forming the most.
If we don’t have focused attention and deep social bonds and therefore only have the shallow, narrow, neural pathways formed with our use of technology we have trouble handling stress. We may feel overwhelmed and helpless and unable to make a decision. We may have panic attacks, freeze in place, get sick or call our mommies for help. Any one that uses technology a lot can form more shallow narrow pathways and therefore have less ability to think and function under stress.

Tips on How to Run Effective Meetings from Patti Wood, Consultant, Trainer, Body Language Expert

I consult, write and do training on how to run effective meetings.

Here are a few of my tips.

1. State the purpose of the call. In one sentence say what you expect from the meeting. “Today we will….” If you wish you can follow that with the three main agenda items and outcomes you expect. If you are having a conference call make sure you really need it. If you are just sharing information or reading slides just send it in an email. Meetings should only be set if you need feedback, ideas and questions.

2. Send an Agenda and Questions before the meeting – Some employees love to prepare ahead of time so if you send people and agenda that highlight specifically, what you’re looking for such as. “I will go around and ask each of you to tell me what you need for the next step in the JK4 authorization change.” Those who like to prepare will have their notes ready. Some employee will act like they never saw any pre meeting announcement. They wait till they get to the meeting when they hear other people talk, they want to interact to get their creative juices flowing so don’t get mad at them.

3. Spend a few minutes on “Small Talk” at the beginning of the meeting - Small talk actually saves you time. Surprising research says that the rapport gained in less than two minutes of effective small talk lets everyone get an emotional read of the meeting members. That makes it easier for people to share and creates more buy in of the content of the meeting. We forget that there are so many things we do in a face to face conversation, to establish report nonverbally and verbally. Surprisingly, research shows that if you cut out a little visiting conference call meeting last longer. Try something old and something new. So ask about the weather, people’s families, what people did last weekend and if you want to mix it up ask people to briefly say the best thing that has happened in their lives since the last call. If there is a positive news story ask if people heard about it. Think of it of small talk as an agenda item. Label and call t Rapport Building Time or Team Time. Tell the time. “Team Building time is important. It helps us work more effectively on the call and appreciate each person who is on the team.”

4. Include Everyone - People need to feel accepted and part of the group. Make sure you do something so that everyone says something before the end of the meeting or you acknowledge them verbally in some way for something they did outside the meeting. For example of Sam rarely speaks in the meeting say, “Sam thank your for the extra time you put in to serve are Client last Friday.” Even if you said it to Sam at the time, you are acknowledging him in front of the group. Some employees may feel a bit uncomfortable for a minute, but you need to let the group know participation in the meeting is important and that good actions are noticed and acknowledged.

5. Conduct an “end of meeting check in” and ask

a. “Is there anything that you are going to feel or need to go forward?”

b. “Let’s go around and check in.”

c. “Let’s go around so I can hear from each person what their next action item is on this.”

Watching an Awkward Movie with Your Parents or Family Members The Body Language of Awkward Family Movies

Watching an Awkward Movie with Your Parents or Family Members The Body Language of Awkward Family Movies

What's the most awkward movie you've seen with your parents/siblings, etc.?

Have you ever watched a movie that had perhaps violence or sexy content with your parents or anyone else and it made you or them uncomfortable? How did they handle it? How did you handle it?

I saw two movies with my mom in the last few years that were squirm worthy. She is in her 90’s and enjoys a great comedy and good drama. She had a really hard time with the condom scene in, “Knocked Up” and was squirming. I am so use to watching movies with sexual humor that I forgot I was going to be watching the movie with my mom.

My mom had such a hard time talking about sex that when I went off to grad school after my father died, having never had the “talk” my mom, who was so naïve, had to screw up her courage to blurt out her first comment recognizing that I might have premarital sex by saying, “Make sure you wear a condominium.” Yes, you read that right. I am a female and I was told to wear a several story building. Of course I was naive as well, the last nonalcoholic virgin to graduate from Florida State, so I had never even gone to the condominiums aisle of the drug store. Smile.

But I forgot I was with my mom again and we are watching another movie with the family and she was squirming, tapping her hand on the sofa arm, averting her gaze from the screen and huffing so much in the first part that I realized there is no way my mom can watch “The Kids are Alright” we had to change the channel. Ah well.

Another family dilemma is watching a movie or drama on TV with my brother-in-law.

I have known my brother-in-law since I was 4 years old. He and my sister were friends in their teens, and they dated other people in High School.

Recently we were watching the fabulous film, “The Best Offer” and realized I was uncomfortable watching the love scenes with my sister and brother-in-law on the Barco lounges next to me! I had curled up into a little ball on the sofa and was making faces. I was really uncomfortable. I think I was also creeped out by the old guy, young girl together.

By the way, I am always tense watching the TV show, “The Masters of Sex.”

What does it Mean When a Dog Tilts its Head? Dog Body Language and a Doggy Head Tilt

What does it Mean When a Dog Tilts its Head?

Dog Body Language and a Doggy Head Tilt

As a body language expert and the former spokesperson for PupPeroni Dog Treats I have studied human and dog body language for many years.

A head tilt in a dog can be a sign of submission. A dog’s head can be held even and high to show power and confidence. Even and balanced to show neutrality. When the dog’s head tilt is extreme, that is when the neck is exposed and the head is down really far, it is a signal to dogs or people they perceive as Alpha that, “You are more powerful and I bare my neck to show you that you could bite me and take me down in a fight.”

It can also be a signal of submission, “I don’t understand what you want, Pet Parent.” This signal is tied to their desire to understand what you, their pet parent, desire. When compared with other animals, a dog’s ability to "read” humans is highly accurate. Dogs try very hard to figure out what we want and please us. Dogs pick up information from the subtlest hand gestures and even understand the meaning of a human glance and other facial expressions and vocal variations. Researchers believe that over centuries there’s been direct selection for dogs with the ability to read social cues in humans, highlighting its importance. They are actually more accurate at reading human body language than chimpanzees.

FYI

A dog shows his confidence and openness to interact by standing with his:

1. Head high, Ears up
2. Mouth open
3. Posture relaxed, loose legs stance, weight flat on his paws