Here are stress cues and tips on how to prevent stress from Patti Wood, Body Language Expert, Coach and Author of "SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma."
What are the
top tell-tale signs that someone is nervous?
When someone is
stressed. Their automatic nervous system will cause them to sweat more,
particularly in the palms of the hands (which perspire solely in response to
stress, breathing becomes uneven, the throat and lips become dry and swallowing
may increase in frequency. But let’s say you’re watching someone giving a
speech, interviewing for a job or being questioned during a performance
appraisal.
Research on
accurate lie detection's says most of believe someone is lying if their
voice shakes, or they cannot make eye contact, they blink frequently,
maybe they cover their face with their hand, or moisten their lips. But, each
of these actions are actually signs of nervousness.
They may give
stress cues, (also called comfort cues or pacifying gestures.)
·
Rubbing Motions—These motions are complicated. Rubbing may be a means of self-assurance.
For example, we may gently rub a gold chain around our neck just before an
interview, symbolically making it shine.
·
Nose, Eye and Ear Rubbing—Often
signify disbelief or disagreement if done by the listener or: “Boy, that
doesn’t smell right to me, that doesn’t look right to me, that doesn’t sound
right to me.” Or deception if done by a speaker. Note: The nerve ending
in those location fire when we are stressed making them itch so it makes sense
you touch the face when you’re anxious.
·
Holding Motions—Holding are own
hand, placing are arms around our shoulders or stomach. When we were little and we were anxious or
scared, our moms or dads held on to us, and the holding motion assured us that
everything would be okay. As adults, when we are anxious or afraid we repeat
these motions to reassure ourselves that everything is going to be all right.
·
Comfort cues and or Preening Motions—We use self-comfort touching your wrist. They
may touch the neck and their limbic brain may fear attack, and respond with a
primal response desire to cover their carotid artery and or windpipe (women
touch the center and the base of the neck and may even place their entire palm
over their neck or heart to protect it), the pulling up your pants or adjusting
belt. These motions to prepare ourselves for a stressful interaction like
a speech a job interview. In preparation to flirt you may also touch your hair,
rub out the wrinkles on your pants, adjust belt or watch, tuck in your shirt,
and women may touch their collars and or jewelry. These self-touch motions
offer comfort to us.
The neck a
classic position where a predator attacks, either going for the jugular artery
at the side or crushing or ripping out the windpipe. When people feel threatened they will thus
naturally act to protect the neck, pulling the chin down to protect the throat
and possibly also raising the shoulders to protect the sides of the neck. When a person is uncomfortable with what they
are saying or where they are saying it, then their neck muscles may tense,
affecting their voice through constriction of the windpipe or tensing of the
vocal chords. This can cause their voice to go higher or sound strained and may
cause discomfort in the neck and the hand thus acts to sooth this irritation.
If they are confused and stressed they will
shift in their seats or shuffle their feet.
Their brows may furrow and they may rub
their eyes or face typically downward,
as if they could clear their head. They may
touch their temple or forehead
symbolically pushing the ‘on’ button for
their brain. Their eyes may blink or
stretch open, as if they hope they could
see more clearly. Also look for cues that
look asymmetrical.
We have “windows”
all over our bodies: at the top of our head, our eyes, our mouth, our throat,
our upper chest or heart, the palms of our hands, our knees, at the toes and
the soles of our feet. We may close one or more of those windows when we are
stressed, by crossing our arms, turning away, buttoning up a jacket, hiding our
hands
We open and close
our heart window in four ways: through the clothing we wear, the way we
position our heart window toward or away from someone, the use of physical
barriers such as books and counters, and finally, through our arm and shoulder
What are the
body language tricks that hide nervousness well? Or the most effective body
language trick to hide nervousness?
Try
to keep your hands at your sides most of the time. It’s ok to cross your arms
briefly, just don’t freeze in a closed position.
The
belly window is the area between the bottom of the ribs and the top of the
hips. This area is particularly vulnerable to attack. It is the area that often
receives punching and stabbing in a fight. As anyone who watches action movies,
police dramas, CSI or frankly any television can attest, if the gut is
pierced, internal bleeding can cause a slow death. Holding hands across
the belly can thus be a defensive act when we fear any form of physical or
emotional attack.
·
When
you’re stressed, you often feel cold, and crossing your arms can make you
feel warmer. The science tells us that the area under the limbic brain engages different
systems in you to prepare for the freeze, fight, flight or faint survival
response. The blood is channeled away from the skin towards the large muscles
of the limbs (as well as the vital organs so are heart keeps beating and are
lungs take in air). Without the blood
to warm the surface of the skin, we feel cooler. So
guess what? We often cross our arms to get warm. If that is a typical
problem for you wear a T-shirt under your clothes. (This goes for women as well
as men)
·
Rehearse success:
Visualize your success before the interview, rather than imagining all the things
you might do wrong. Most people when faced with a difficult situation like a
job interview or a speech imagine themselves failing; you create a movie where
they don’t make a good impression. Instead, rehearse your success and create a
positive script. Prepare by first practicing “live” with someone. Then
visualize your successful movie closing your eyes and visualizing yourself in the
interview... Imagine how you will shake hands well and sit with confidence, be warm
and friendly, listen attentively and answer with confidence all the questions you’re
asked. Play the movie of you giving a successful interview in your head over and
over so that when you are under stress, you can easily go to the positive, successful
responses you have rehearsed.
·
Merge:
Think of a time on the job, or in your personal life, when you experienced a success,
take a success from any part of your life where you have had an emotionally satisfying
experience where you have felt confident, fully alive and positive. Notice how
you feel, tell yourself that story, feel those emotions and merge those
positive emotions with the new story of your job interview success. (We create and
experience stories in the emotional right hemisphere of our brain. When we recall
and retell these stories, we re-experience the feelings that accompany them. By
using the merging technique, you can bring positive emotions and success into any
situation.)
·
Pop: You
can take this process one-step further by creating a pop anchor to feel and act
more positively in your interview. I had a client who was having trouble visualizing
success after a number of negative job interview experiences. He didn’t have a positive
memory of a work scenario to recall. We used what I call my pop tool, so he could
“pop” to a more upbeat, optimistic body language. I asked
him to recall what activities or situations made him feel that way. “Sailing!” he
quickly replied, and his whole demeanor changed as he explained why. While he was
in this mode, I asked him to “anchor” these feelings to his subconscious by briefly
touching his leg. Then we watched our
recording, and he touched his leg when he saw and felt
the confidence and excitement he liked.
