How to Say Yes or No to Hugging
One of my most popular programs is Body Language and Selling and over years a subject that comes up, again and again, is hugging. My female audience members want to know how they can keep certain client’s from inappropriate hugs and my male audience members want to know how they can tell if a woman wants to hug or just shake hands.
Recently clients have asked me to make sure I do my module on propoer touch including information on hugging because they wanted the sales group to be informed. There are many reasons I love talking about hugging, not the least of which I have actually done research on hugging and wrote an entire chapter on hugging in one of my books.
Do They Want a Hug?
In a handshake people typically present the side of their bodies, in limbic brain response of protection of the vital organs. When someone really wants a hug they make themselves far more vulnerable by exposing all the body windows of the eye, mouth, neck, heart, ventral front, pelvis palms of the hands and toes. They open those windows wide. If they don’t want a full hug, they typically one or more of those windows, starting with averting their gaze and then presenting their shoulder closing windows by bowing down, turning away or retreating. It happens quickly, but if your awake to the cues, bringing it from your subconscious to your conscious awareness and focusing on the other person, rather than your needs or habits its very obvious if they are open or closed and you can act accordingly.
If you move in any way you may end up feeling them pull away, perhaps giving you a London Bridge hug, where they leave the upper body in the hug and pull back their lower body making the hug less sexual or they may pat your back in move that simultaneously says, “This is not sexual and by the way, bad boy bad boy.”
How Do You Make It Clear You Don’t Want a Hug?
For women who don’t want to hug, I instruct them to start the handshake early, at as much as 6 feet away instead of the normal 4 feet or less, presenting the side of their bodies and an outstretched hand and that they keep that side right foot forward move as they approach and not smile if the person they are greeting opens up to hug disregarding their cues indicating they just want a handshake and escalating to the verbal request, “I would like to shake your hand.” Or “I am handshake person rather than a hugger.” Or “I am more comfortable shaking hands,” Remembering men as a gender don’t read cues as accurately and some men may think you are saying yes to a hug because you don’t stop advancing toward them and saying no or what you want.
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://edition.cnn.com/2019/03/04/business/ted-baker-ray-kelvin/index.html?fbclid=IwAR0aYc4FnLTgJbfT8pp2E4K0eTeongAXSG
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
