HANDSHAKE
ALTERNATIVES
For Face to Face and Online Interactions
For
you and for your company
(suitable
to send out to your team)
By
Patti Wood, Body Language Expert, Speaker and Coach
I wanted to give you and perhaps your company handshake
alternatives that can feel comfortable for you and your team. I want to make
sure you feel prepared so you don’t fear to greet others and you don’t have
that awkward moment when you and the other person won't know what to do and
someone feels bad and your time together is impacted. Those milliseconds can
make a big difference. Because the greeting ritual has physiological benefits,
I also encourage you to create a nonverbal greeting and goodbye ritual when you
interact online via Skype or some other format. I want to have ways to
acknowledge how special each human being on this little blue planet is and what
a sacred thing we do when we interact heart to heart and talk with each other.
First know that without
an acceptable form of touch, we will be losing an invaluable bonding mechanism
that helps us feel safe and lets us bring down the “stranger barrier” and
connect. I share this with you because I want to emphasize that greeting
rituals allow not just to create a positive first impression and connect and
reduce conflict. If you don’t shake hands or have an alternative ritual, there
is a cost. I have done three years of academic research on handshakes and
greeting rituals and let me share, you need to do some sort of ritual even
online.
Start the Greeting
Earlier. If you are face to face start at about 8 to 6 feet out. If you are shaking hands you
typically smile when you are four feet apart and again as you get close. If you
start the greeting earlier, you can create contact in time to signal that you
want to create a different ritual and NOT SHAKE HANDS. What you want to
do is slow down the greeting, so you have the time to change the greeting
graciously.
Wave- hold up your open
pam and wave. An open palm signals directly to the primitive brain that you
come in peace and friendship. It was said to have originated with American
Indians to signal to others that you held no weapon and come in peace. I highly recommend you use this in your video and live stream interactions like Facebook live, Zoom and Webex. To make that seem more natural move your upper body forward slightly as you wave. Practice it a bit before you go online. And I recommend that you use it as an online goodbye as well.
Salute and Wave combo. Place your hand palm down near your forehead.
As you make eye contact with the person and before you get too close, keep your
hand at head level, flash your palm outward to show you come in friendship. You
can do this from anywhere from 8 to 3 feet out. Military members raise their right hand so that their fingers touch
their forehead in a salute. Typically, we salute someone to publicly show or
state our admiration for them. You may not know that it meant to
also convey the message of good health and goodwill to the recipient. The
word itself, Salutem, in Latin, means health, safety, greeting, and
survival.
The LEAN IN -
with your arms at your sides with a slight bow lean in -This shows
that first of all are NOT offering your hand but also that you come in peace
and still allows you to acknowledge the person as special, that you honor them
and that the and the interaction as special.
The NAMASTE – Originally a Hindu greeting and used in
the 2000s by celebrities who didn’t want to shake hands with fans in red
carpet greeting. The Namaste is a slight bow and hands pressed together, palms
touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. In Hinda, you
actually say the word NAMASTE but you don’t have to but its a beautiful
greeting and the actual ritual its called “Añjali Mudrā;” In
Hinduism, it means "I bow to the divine in you".
THE PEACE SIGN or Victory V - I wanted to offer another option
that signals a greeting that could catch on as we battel whatever this
cold/flu/virus gives us and come out in peace and victory. This thought of
creating this for our season of germs started with my friend Carl who is a
biker. He is smart, cool and he greets fellow bikers on the road with a peace
sign. Yes, the peace sign! Who knew the hippy, bead wearing right hand up, palm
facing out with two fingers spread in a slight “V” greeting? Remember,
we like people who are like us. The various versions of the peace symbol given
by bikers show other bikers they have something in common. Bikers will
slightly raise their fingers off the handlebars in the peace “V” to greet
fellow drivers, especially those riding similar bike brands, type of bike or
helmet.
During World War II, Victor de
Laveleye, a Belgian refugee, suggested during a BBC broadcast that his
countrymen use the letter V as a rallying sign. The “V” is the first letter
of victoire (victory) in French and vrijheid (freedom)
in Dutch. Soon you could see “V” in graffiti all over Belgium and then all of
Nazi-occupied Europe and given as a hand sign. It was a message that said to the
occupier that “he is surrounded, encircled by an immense crowd of citizens that
don’t want this occupation. British Prime Minister Winston Churchill
popularized the V symbol as victory. 1958, the artist Gerald Holton began
using the graphic representation of the “V” in an opposite way from the World
War II usage, casting it as a symbol for peace to create the peace symbol.
It is a greeting that shows others
your own beliefs and desires and asking in return, "Are you part of my
tribe? Will you interact with me in harmony?”
I suggest that if you are meeting
face to face or online with business associates, friends or family that you
talk about how you would like to great. Perhaps pick a team or family or
friendship tribal greeting ritual like the fist bump was created to show we are
in this together.
Because we also need a ritual to show
we are done and grateful for the
interaction will return in peace again I suggest you end with one of these rituals
or your own special parting as well. I also suggest you think of how you might
want to change your signature line to adjust to what's going on. I have been
using Take Care as my online signature for many years in my business and
personal life because I want people to know I send them care and want them to
go carefully, perhaps you may think of a new way to sign off your emails and
texts as well.
and Whatever way you choose to greet I want
to remember to think of the sacredness of each person. We are in this together
spinning on our little blue planet.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
Older Version
ALTERNATIVES
to the HANDSHAKE for GERM-FREE GREETINGS
For you and
for your team
(Suitable to
discuss and send out to your team.)
By Patti
Wood, Body Language Expert, Speaker and Coach
With concerns about germs, you and
your team may want to have an alternative way to greet others rather than
shaking hands. If you’ve been in my body language and first impressions
program, you know that a handshake is equal to three hours of face-to-face
interaction. That ritual is wired in for many of us, so you want to make sure
in those critical milliseconds where you're changing the ritual that you have a
new plan and don’t have that awkward moment in which someone feels bad and your
time together is impacted negatively.
Your greeting is a way to
acknowledge how special each human being on this little blue planet is and what
a sacred thing we do when we interact heart-to-heart to talk with each other.
Options that avoid palm to palm hand
contact.
Greetings provide an invaluable
bonding mechanism that helps us feel safe and lets us bring down the “stranger
barrier,” create the first impression, connect and reduce conflict. In my
research on handshakes and greeting rituals, I have learned how important it is
to do some sort of ritual, including ones that you can do several feet away.
Start the Greeting Earlier, at about
8 to 6 feet out.
When preparing to shake hands, you
typically make extended eye contact, smile, and put out your hand when you are
four feet apart. For the new ritual, start greeting early and look and smile at
six to eight feet. You then create a signal you will not shake hands. You need to plan and act ahead of
the four feet, before the other person puts their hand out and change the natural
progression graciously so you can still build that rapport and not just freeze in place.
Now let’s start with least contact
options and then move to other low contact options.
Slight bow - You simply place your arms at
your sides, lean towards then give a slight mini bow -This shows you are NOT
offering your hand but, you come in peace. It still allows you to acknowledge
the person as special, that you honor them and your interaction to
follow. You can also cross make this more heart-centered by actually placing your hand crossed over your heart as you bow.
Salute and Wave combo. This one you can do even 10 feet out or closer. Place your
hand palm down near your forehead. As you make eye contact with the person and
before you get too close, keep your hand at head level, flash your palm outward
to show you come in friendship. You can do this from anywhere from 8 to 3 feet
out. Military members raise their
right hand so that their fingers touch their forehead in a salute. Typically,
we salute someone to publicly show or state our admiration for them. You may not know that it also means to
convey a message of good health and goodwill to the recipient. The word
itself, Salutem, in Latin means health, safety, greeting and
survival.
The NAMESTÉ - The namaste is a slight bow with hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. Originally a Hindu greeting and
used in the 2000’s by celebrities who didn’t want to shake hands with fans in
red carpet greeting. Tn
Hindi you say the word namaste. You don’t have to but it’s a beautiful
greeting. The actual ritual is called “Añjali Mudrā;” In Hindi, it means "I
bow to the divine in you".
THE PEACE SIGN or Victory V - I wanted to offer another option for
you that signals a greeting that could catch on as we battle whatever this
cold/flu/virus gives us and come out in peace and victory. The idea for this
started with my friend Carl who is a biker. He is smart and cool, and he greets
fellow bikers on the road with a peace sign. Yes, the peace sign! The hippy greeting: right hand up, palm facing out with two fingers
spread in a slight “V” greeting. The various versions of the peace symbol
given by bikers shows other bikers they have something in common. Bikers will
slightly raise their fingers off the handlebars in the peace “V” to greet
fellow bikers.
During World War II, A Belgian,
suggested during a BBC broadcast that his countrymen use the letter V as a
rallying sign. The “V” is the first letter of victoire (victory) in French and vrijheid (freedom) in Dutch. British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill popularized the sign as victory. If you show
the peace symbol it shows others your own beliefs and desires and asking in
return, "Are you part of my tribe? Will you interact with me in harmony?”
The Graceful Dodge
If you see the potential handshake that goes to shake hands you can merely stop in place and smile and offer one of the options below this but if they continue to try to shake hands.
Break eye contact
1. Step forward on your left foot. (Your right foot is your “handshaking foot” – the foot that normally moves first for a handshake so with the change you are sending a signal to the approaching person’s limbic brain that you are changing the ritual.) This is a new habit that you can start immediately for the germ season and you can include left foot forward on all the options.
2. Present only the left side of your body, which effectively closes off your body windows and again stops the handshake.
Pre Corona Virus you would touch then on their left forearm but we need to avoid that contact for now.
Whatever way you choose to greet, I want you to remember to think of the sacredness of each person. We are in this together spinning on our little blue planet.
For now, I would not recommend any contact even to clothing but, here are the ones those with contact.
THE ELBOW TAP- With this greeting you still get contact. And it's fun.
THE DAP or Fist Bump - This is a touch option so you may need to hold off on it but, I just love what it means! The “dap” – two fists bumped together, knuckle to knuckle, originated in the battlefields of the Vietnam War. My friend John was a marine in the Vietnam War We created the Fist Bump so that if the other guy knew the “secret greeting ritual,” it helped them identify friend from foe. A fist says, “I have power and I am willing and able to fight.” Each fist moving toward the other symbolizes a sense of determination and power. When n two or more people high raised arm bumps its a symbol of unity, a feeling of “we will win this together “
This content is modified from my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.
(If you decide to go ahead with
shaking hands, you have an after option. Shake hands and discreetly slip away
to wash your hands or have Purell in your pocket or purse. Infectious viruses
clinging to a tissue can last for about 15 minutes, but viruses on the
hands between their PH and the porous nature tend to fade quickly. Most will be
only a minimal threat 30 seconds to ten minutes. We think of hands as being the
germiest thing, but according to research, hard surfaces, like metal and your
phone are much worse. We check our phones 58 times a day and touch our phone as
we interact with it a whopping 2,600 times a day.)
https://www.journalofaccountancy.com/newsletters/2018/apr/how-often-use-phone-every-day.html?fbclid=IwAR156zpG0I7CkpvP0aC3JBQv1katgkltEpnk_sZWrjQ2RqPaItpJ7hpnDZo
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
