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Can You Wear a Black Dress to a Wedding?


I contributed to an article in Southern Living Magazine
on wearing a black dress to attend a wedding.
There has been a controversy for years about wearing black to a wedding. Recently, Kendall Jenner from Keeping Up With the Kardashian wearing a black dress with cutouts that showed her midriff at a friend's wedding created a feeding frenzy. Kendall wanted to be the center of attention at the wedding, and she got the attention. But, taking attention from the bride is poor etiquette.
Black has symbolic meaning communicating evil and death and formality. It is used in negatively charged words like blackmail and blocklist, but it can symbolize class, wealth, and elegance.
I know many women think they look skinner in a black dress. It does cut down and the worries about an unflattering print, but know it can say Nonverbally, "I have a wish to look good, and I matter more than you, so I am willing to wear a somber color to your celebratory event."
So if the bridal event is formal and in the evening, a simple black dress may be appropriate. Still, I would recommend getting permission to wear it and making sure the bridesmaids are not wearing black dresses as you again would be "stealing" attention and the role of the bridesmaids.

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Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Analysis of Kyle Rittenhouse's Crying. Real Tears or Fake Tears? Kyle Rittenhouse Murder Trial.

Murder trial.

 This is the clip of Rittenhouse crying in court - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2kX1Nzi1I8

At 1:54, Rittenhouse appears to be looking at the judge. 

 The full video can be seen here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bvcl0FqI518. Rittenhouse appears to be answering matter-of-fact questions before he starts crying. He starts crying at around 36:18.  Until he is asked about that moment he is calm. His voice is even and in “report” mode. His breathing is normal. He is stating facts. He shows no stress or fear when just reports that the adult who left him is gone, calm as he reports that the police stopped him and told him not to go into harm's way.  Calm as he reports that he was told to get a fire extinguisher and go to where people are reported to be setting cars on fire. He calmly states when people shout, “burn in hell” he says friendly friendly” though he knows that he is carrying a loaded illegal AR-15 (again the people shouting could be responding to him as a dangerously armed person and he is lying essentially lying that his only possible goal is to be friendly which an unarmed medic could claim as a fire extinguisher could be used as a weapon)

His crying shows several fake tear flags. 

It comes out of nowhere. He has shown no stress around any of the other stressful situation he was under.  His anxiety and stress and does not build as it would normally as he comes to the moment he is asked to describe. Remember he is being asked in this testimony about the day he shot and killed two people and shot and injured another.  When he goes to that moment.
His breathing is hyperventilating breathing he is bringing in big gulps of air to heighten the intensity of his emotional state. To gain energy to create the tears. Kyle Rittenhouse's facial expression compresses and explodes out hard down and up and out over and over again and the breathing gets more intense.  He is working to intensify the emotions and make them bigger rather than the normal manner I have analyzed in witness statements testimony that I have seen in victims who have been traumatized and asked to go back to the moment and relive it.

He also gives a very odd look to the side to the jury as he breathes hard which seems an attempt to figure out whether they are believing his tears and being swayed. I have seen little kids do the side-eye when they are fake crying. 

 Here are some previous pictures of his demeanor:

https://www.tmz.com/2021/01/08/kyle-rittenhouse-has-beer-at-bar-with-free-as-f-shirt-on/
What’s interesting here is the most obvious

Do his demeanor and his other nonverbal cues match what would be considered normal and natural for those circumstances.

The circumstances are he is free on bond from killing two people and injuring another.

First, consider what you would consider normal for someone to feel and do in those circumstances

Now let's look at how far from normal his behavior is.

Demeanor

Choosing to go into a bar where people are happy and partying

Choosing to drink alcohol in public to show the public he is doing an adult activity and considers himself an adult

Happy smiling,

His hat on backwards (As he did during the killing) is a subtle nod to defiance of old rules and a nod to youth.

T-shirt with not only a blacked-out cuss word but a message of defiance and profanity, “Free as …”

One hand in his pocket with arm crooked elbow out shows the power and any sharp-edged body language like this affects the limbic brain of the doer and the viewer as weapon-like. (In fact, there is what is termed a separate “brain” in the eye that reads human silhouettes for threat and large sharp-edged body silhouettes are read as a threat.

  Here he is in possession of an AR-15 at the Kenosha protest - https://www.the-sun.com/news/1403514/kyle-rittenhouse-illinois-kenosha-shooting-jail-murder/

 In this video, Rittenhouse appears to say that he carries his rifle to protect himself. https://www.foxnews.com/media/kenosha-shooting-new-footage-kyle-rittenhouse-tucker#

Look at him after time code 3:31.

 Word use and placement is a part of my analysis. First It's interesting that his lawyers frame the video by saying it was “good Samaritans united” odd labeling for armed boys and men most untrained and some with illegal weapons.

 In his first statement, Kyle has a slight smile his body language is expansive and buoyant and his voice is speeded up and excited as he says, “so people are getting injured.” Typically when someone is speaking of people being injured their body language would match the message and show sadness or concern or seriousness. He does not.

As he says, “Our job is to protect this (built list?? and part of my job is job is also helping. If someone's hurt I am running into harm's way.” Here is he reaches out his hand and arms to show himself running into harm's way, As he says, “That’s why I have my rifle” as he says that with an upward vocal emphasis on the words “My Rifle” he grabs at it holding his hands with his trigger finger out and smiles indicating he is ready to fire his weapon and happy at the prospect. Showing no fear at the prospect of any of this.

https://www.the-sun.com/news/4048987/kyle-rittenhouse-judge-trial-bruce-schroeder-forced-tears/

https://www.the-sun.com/news/4048987/kyle-rittenhouse-judge-trial-bruce-schroeder-forced-tears/



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Watch Bill Gates Get Very Uncomfortable When Asked About Jeffrey Epstein

Watch Bill Gates Get Very Uncomfortable When Asked About Jeffrey Epstein

Bill Gates is currently doing a media tour but was not prepared to be asked about his meetings with the late pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Here are my rough notes on his body language that I gave in an interview for MEL Magazine. 

“I also want to ask you about something else in the public arena, it was reported at that time, that you had a number of meetings with Jeffrey Epstein—who, when you met him ten years ago, he was convicted of soliciting prostitution from minors,” Woodruff said as a preamble to her question to Gates on Tuesday night’s show.

What did you know about him “What did you know about him when you were meeting with him—as you’ve said yourself—in the hopes of raising money?”? (Jeffrey Epstein,)

“He had relationships with, ah, people he said, you know, would give to global health, which is an interest I have,”

“You know, I had... dinners with him... I regret doing that...”

Gates moves his body out forward and to the side in a “symbolic down and run” movement that shows he wanted to escape the question. Then squirms painfully in his seat as he pauses before he speaks and has lengthy uncomfortable pauses as he struggles to figure out what to say. First, he  says, “You know I had dinners with him.” As he says that final word, “Him” His hands clasp together and go into a closed, “steeple” the steeple hand gesture is an attempt of someone who feels they have the power to regain that power and the handclasp is a way to gain comfort by in effect holding your own hand. The blending of those gestures shows he can’t maintain his normal power façade in response to the question. Along with that hand motion Gates twists his head up and away his gaze moves into the memory and he shows a mixture of fear and anger.

Then as he says, “AHHH’ He sticks out his ring finger separately from his other fingers and plays with the tip of it with his other hand grasping the tip. As he says, “You know, I had dinners with him.” “I regret doing that.” As you might expect A married man playing with the wedding ring means a man is thinking about his marriage and specifically if he slips it off it means he would like to slip off the bonds of the marriage. GATES is even more obvious in specific as he is saying it as he saying that he is his decision had an impact on his marriage ending. What’s interesting for him is that he’s typically such a tactical individual and so awake and aware of his impression and yet his subconscious still Took over. That indicates to me that he feels the loss of his marriage profoundly. 

 “He had relationships with, ah, people he said, you know, would give to global health, (Gates oddly gives a faint shuddered laughs as he finishes that phrase which could indicate that Gates knew that was all a ruse a fun laughable cover for Epstein’s real goal, the nefarious goal for connecting people. ) is an interest I have,” Gates continued.

“You know, not nearly enough philanthropy goes in that direction. ( Gates verbal bride to this statement feels highly coached, as if a media coach said keep bridging to the philanthropy whenever you get a tricky question, but sounds very odd here in response to a question about having meetings with a known pedophile.

As Gates says Uh, you know, those meetings were a mistake. ( As he says mistake his hands to fling up and out palms up and move up and down in a classic supplicant posture, in an effort to push up and away from his mistake and be found innocent. (Uplifted palms suggest a vulnerable or nonaggressive pose that appeals to listeners as allies rather than as rivals or foes. Throughout the world, palm-up cues reflect moods of congeniality, humility, and uncertainty.)  of They didn’t result in what he purported, (Gates rubs his hand together here a tilts his head and gives an odd smirk that communicates to me that Gates feels Epstein was good at fooling people and Gates is oddly amused and upset by that.)  and I cut him off,” ( See how he now rubs tother his hand mostly at the tips trying to rub away the dirt from the situation and the question.

Gates said. “You know that goes back a long time ago now. I just... so there’s nothing new on that.” ( He looks away and gestures away indicating he wants the fact that it happened a long time ago to have significance then end the sentence with a large frowning clown downward masking smile in a strong attempt to mask his deep displeasure with the question and the situation. If you do a screengrab of that masking smile you see how big and award it looks and his sideward gaze that also shows contempt for the journalist.

 

“Is there a lesson for you... for anyone else looking at this?” Woodruff asked.

“Well, he’s dead, (As Gates says this again has his face turned away and gives the side-eye and makes this first statement quickly loudly and confidently showing nonverbally he believes that should have ended his problems with Epstein and so he (Gates)  doesn’t have to have learned anything to take to his current life. And the way Gates flings his hands up and out also shows his desire to fling away the problem.

Gates continues, “…so, uh, in general, you always have to be careful,” That is just a really odd statement overall.  You have to be careful of what???? Does that mean Epstein wasn’t careful of how he dealt with the super powerful or does Gates needs to be careful, or he will be killed? In either case, this remark makes us think that if you’re not careful someone will off you.

Gates emphasizes this by saying, “…in general you have to be careful” as he gives that stuttered laugh again and gives humor-filled smile that goes all the way up to his eyes at time code1:29. And holds his hands together knuckles up in a closed confident steeple. He is getting some glee from this that makes me think Gates feels he was smart enough to be careful. He then stumbles and stutters his cover statement about his philanthropy.

https://gizmodo.com/watch-bill-gates-get-very-uncomfortable-when-asked-abou-1847720423Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

     

Why Do We Wave Goodbye On ZOOM Calls?

                Body Language and How to Improve Your Zoom Calls

                        By Speaker, Trainer, and Coach, Patt Wood 

Here is the link to the CBS News article I contributed on why we wave and what else you can do to improve the ending of Zoom Calls.  Wave Article

The Zoom wave provides a social connection to recognize that the person or people you just interacted with have value, you enjoyed connecting with them, and you will miss them. We don't have the usual cues of end of engagement that space, territory, and full-body language give us, so we need to make a conscious action of waves. It also sends a clear, yet polite, signal that the meeting is over instead of just clicking away.

It creates not only a sense of closure and alignment but is also, for some, a signal of respect and acknowledgment: valuing others for their time, their engagement with us.

As a meeting with a large group is coming close, you can also use the comments section to show appreciation and give a verbal end of interaction cues. For example, at the end of the little courteous message, "I enjoyed that." "Great insights." "That was great." "Thanks, see you later" or "That was helpful; bye!" or just simply "Goodbye" or "See you later."


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     



Model Emily Ratajkowski's Body Language, The way you hold things says a lot about you, Body Language Expert Patti Wood


Images of Emily Ratajkowski have long been breaking the internet. Surely I'm not the only one who has headlines like "Emily Ratajkowski Writhes Around In Spaghetti In Her Underwear For 'LOVE's Advent Calendar" burned into my brain. Of course, part of Ratajkowski's appeal lies in the fact that she prompts her audience to examine the way she both does and doesn’t have ownership over depictions of her face and body, and challenges people to think about how often she — and other models — are exploited. Yesterday, EmRata once again sparked a conversation about a photo of herself. Only this time, it was because an Instagram shot of Ratajkowski holding her three-month-old baby made some people wonder: Has she ever picked up a child before? 

In a carousel of photos posted to her Instagram yesterday, Ratajkowski is seen standing in a lovely outdoor locale, wearing a blue and orange string bikini. In the first picture, she stares intensely at the camera with big eyes and pouty lips. It's a pretty standard pose for Ratajkowski, except for one thing: She's clutching her baby under her right arm, which is sharply angled off to the side of her body. The next image is similar, but this time, the model is caught in a candid moment, swooping her hair out of her face as she continues to cling to the baby whose torso is still tucked up against her, his legs dangling in the air. In the third photo, EmRata readjusts, grabbing the baby's heretofore unsupported backside — which, by the way, is clad in swim trunks that match his mother's suit. (Cute!) Finally, after the repositioning, Ratajkowski and her child land in what appears to be a much less precarious pose for the last shot. Ratajkowski's right arm still looks a bit awkward, clamped tightly over the baby's shoulder, but his bottom half is no longer blowing freely in the beach breeze thanks to being supported by her left hand and arm.

EmRata's photos often generate a lot of comments, but these photos generated a lot of comments — so many, in fact, that she shut down comments on the post. It's no wonder, really, since most of the people talking about the photos online are being hypercritical, and questioning the way she has only one arm hooked around her baby, and pointing out that it certainly isn't how we most often see children being held. This is undeniably true; this carrying technique is more like how someone might carry a bag of groceries, maybe, or a pile of books. But even though it looks awkward, does that mean it's the wrong way to hold a kid? 

Well, obviously a lot of people on the internet — including some of the very worst people on the internet — had an opinion about that. Always looking for ways to shame women, Piers Morgan took to Twitter yesterday and wrote, "That's not how you hold a baby @emrata - and your millions of followers shouldn't be encouraged to do the same. Happy to give you some tips if you need them." Another Twitter user wrote, "not to mom police but the way emily ratajkowski is holding her baby in that one picture is anxiety inducing." I'm not going to lie, the photos of Ratajkowski holding the baby also give me anxiety, but not because I'm worried she's going to drop the kid — I'm sure she's taking plenty good care of him ,and it’s not up to me to sign off on how she chooses to cradle her child. The reason the photo gives me anxiety is because the idea of holding a baby itself makes me clammy.

I've held maybe four babies in my life, and I don't think I've ever attempted to do it while standing up, because the risk seems far too great and the load far too large. Even holding a newborn baby seems like a handful — not a literal handful, mind you, because they're usually much bigger than most people's hands! Babies are often referred to as "bundles of joy," but they're also bundles of fragile body parts, super heavy heads, and weak necks. The few times I've handled a baby, I've either thought to myself or asked out loud "am I doing this right?" and even the answers don't provide clarity. "Hold her like you'd hold a football" is supposed to be good advice, but guess what? I've held even fewer footballs than babies so that means absolutely nothing to me. Eager to find out if my anxiety over holding babies and the judgment so many seem to have about how Ratajkowski was clutching her kid in those photos are warranted, I enlisted help from an expert. No, not Piers Morgan.

Ruby Sibal is a newborn care expert, new parent coach, founder and CEO of Beyond Baby Care, and co-founder and CEO Himba Agency Inc. According to her, we should try to always have a fully secure, supportive hold on both the upper and lower body of any baby we hold. "A three-month-old is not as fragile as a newborn but they get so strong, you can't underestimate the capacity of how quickly they develop their gross motor skills," she explains. "It may seem to look 'okay' [to only support part of the baby's body] for two seconds but once the baby starts to feel uncomfortable or when his attention gets caught on something he is very interested in, he can start to move his head, arch his back, or do some strong stretches and kick his legs." The potential for these sudden bursts of movement is why it's important to have a good handle on the baby's whole body. 

Sibal points out that Ratajkowski seemed to be holding her baby tightly against her body and that the quick succession of photos likely indicates that she was adjusting to make sure he was supported. "She obviously was swift enough to hold him securely closer to her body and ensured that he is safe and won't accidentally slip," the baby care expert points out. Sibal also says she would never judge how the model is as a mother based on a few shots posted to Instagram: "I don't know her as a person. But she is a mother. And as a mother, she is the expert of her own baby."

Okay, so we now know the best way to hold a baby, but a question still remains: Why is EmRata always holding living things so strangely in photos? Shortly after the model posted the carousel of images to Instagram, one Twitter user wrote, "Why does she hold small helpless beings like a textbook?" alongside one of the pics of Ratajkowski holding her baby and another of her holding a small dog in an eerily similar way. 



I went back through EmRata's Instagram history and found several other similar pics of her clutching creatures at her side with varying degrees of support. She's gripped her dog Colombo for photos more than once. She's shown off the underside of another unidentified dog as well as a baby sea turtle. She's pressed a sheep against her body. She's even held plants to her side. Her affinity for clasping live objects close to her seems to have started early, as evidenced by these childhood photos of her with a black cat

It really is such a puzzling pattern that I felt I needed one more expert's insights. According to body language expert Patti Wood, author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma, these photos have little to do with what's being held. "The message is clear. The photos are about her. Whatever she is holding, be it flowers, puppies, or a baby, are mere 'artifacts,' accessories that send a nonverbal message about her personality and brand," she explains. "The flowers in front of her and surrounding her body and face are placed to say she is a beautiful flower. Her photos with dogs are to show, 'Hey, I am a loving caring dog owner.'"

Wood also has some thoughts about the way EmRata positions her own body in these photos. "She looks straight into the camera, and the dogs are not kept in loving rounded, supportive caresses. Her limbs are not relaxed around them. Her heart does not arch toward them; her torso doesn't lean in and surround." I'm glad I'm not the only one fixated on that strange arm-clench. From Wood's perspective, the main relationship these photos are about isn't between Ratajkowski and whatever she's holding. "Her focus in the photo is her relationship to the camera and her audience," she explains. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, though, and actually makes a certain kind of sense as that is what Instagram as a platform is all about. 

As Sibal says, "Let us not forget that she is a model. Perhaps she was just trying to get a good shot of her and her baby wearing the same swimsuit print — it’s super cute — and was confident that this hold would not hurt and would show most of the print."ll to say, does Emily Ratajkowski know how to hold things? She sure does — including the attention of her millions of followers.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.