Do Leaders Need Soft Skills?

I speak to millions and billon dollar business owners and C-suite executives on body language and leadership. Why? -Yes, More than ever. They have to assess and respond to the needs of their employees. If they are oblivious to the nonverbal cues and don't put credits in the "relationship account, they won't be able to keep their employees happy, prevent conflict, and keep their employees motivated. Leaders say their top two priorities right now are how to hire the best employees, keep employees from leaving, and detect deception.

Are Narcissists Happy? Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Happiness and Malignant Narcissism. Years ago, I was dating a charming Malignant Narcissist and broke up with him. One of his arguments in his plea to keep me was that I couldn't break up with him because he always has to start a new business when a woman breaks up with him, as otherwise, the emptiness in his life makes him feel like he is in a deep dark void. He already had too many businesses and didn't want to start another one. He didn't say what he liked and loved about me. Instead, he shared the emptiness he would feel without me in his life and equated that with the fulfillment of starting and business. Not very romantic, but it does show how Malignant Narcissists view their happiness met by a supply of stimulation filling a void. Malignant narcissists feel happy when they are fed well with Narcissistic supply. What makes them "Happy" is different. They don't feel the normal human emotions of love, bonding, and empathy. Those parts of their brains don't light up. Instead, their brains light up when they are admired and feel they can control others. They are happy, creating negative emotions in others. T They are puppet masters. Normal (low score on a continuum) narcissists can receive pleasure and happiness, making people happy. For example, a normal narcissists actor derives pleasure from the applause of a delighted audience watching them perform. However, the malignant narcissist pleasure centers light up when they see and or create intense negative emotions like drama, fear, pain, and discord in others. These emotions create the MG's "Narcissistic Supply." Because they lack those loving bonding emotions

Why we need to improve our gun safety laws.

Why we need to improve our gun safety laws.

 

When I was in my 20's in my master's program and teaching at Auburn, I got a call at 7:00 in the morning from the father of my brand-new boyfriend, Shane Ford. He said, "Shane was shot in a hunting accident. He is not expected to make it, and he is calling out your name and wants to see you." The pain in Shane's father's voice was the worst sound imaginable. I had lost my father a few months before this, and I knew that pain.

I was home with the flu and 103-degree temperature, and there was an ice storm, and I had never driven in snow. So I got in the car and drove on an ice-covered deserted road to the hospital. I masked up and went into the intensive care unit to say goodbye to Shane. When I first saw Shane, he was covered in blood and hooked up to many pieces of equipment. (I didn't know some was the deer's blood.) So there, surrounded by his family, Shane and I said our goodbyes.

That morning a young boy, I believe he was 14, who had never hunted or held or shot a rifle, was handed a gun and instructed how to shoot it by some men that knew the boy came from a troubled home. Their intent was the teach him to be a man and help him bond with other men. The boy and the hunters laid down in line at the deer stand with their guns and Shane ran the deer (chased the deer in front of them) The body saw movement and shot Shane.  The Bullet went through Shane's spleen and his kidney bounced off his spine and lodged in his heart. He lost 37 pints of blood in 24 hours. In the first surgery, they couldn't find the bullet. They stitched him up and we said our goodbyes as he was bleeding to death. But just by happenstance there was a visiting physician there to teach at the hospital and he asked us if we were willing to have Shane be a research patient since he was going to die, they would continue to look for the bullet, but they didn't have much hope. We said yes, and the visiting surgeon found the bullet lodged in his aortic value and was able to replace it with a pig's valve and save his life. With his blood loss, this was a medical miracle and in fact, Shane's case was written up in three medical journals.  Over 400 people donated blood at the hospital that week in Shane's name.
Shane, according to the doctors, was not supposed to live, and when he survived, they said he would never walk again, as the shock trousers they had put on him to push the blood to his heart and brain had cut off the blood supply to his legs for too long. He had a long recovery; that recovery was difficult and painful for him and all of us. I saw firsthand what that one rifle bullet did to his body. The long deep red scar down the center of his body. The hole in his back. I know how many people worked to save him; I see the love it took to keep him motivated to fight for his life. I know all the work it took for all of us to help him recover and walk again. I wouldn't wish that agony of a journey on anyone.  

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How can your space negatively impact your relationship? Decoration, Clutter and Your Relationships

How can your space negatively impact your relationship? Your space/territory is not only a reflection of you, your personality, your mood, and your energy it affects you profoundly.

If you have for example the clutter of too much stuff or merely make design and purchasing or decorating items that may mean something to you and give you pleasure, but have no meaning and nor give pleasure to you partner you may be sending the message I have all the power over this space and or my stuff is more important than you and your needs and pleasure.

How do things like clutter, not compromising over the interior
decor, etc. affect your relationship? In addition to what I shared above clutter may create a barrier between you and your partner. Sometimes that barrier is obvious such as pillows that keep your partner from sitting next to you on a sofa or getting near you in a bed. Or more subtle such as a collection of salt and pepper shakers Dolls or Star Trek or Sports memorabilia that take over the house and create clutter and dust and space for the other partner to mark his or her territory and or that take up the attention and time of a partner.

Sometimes it can be a color choice that significantly bothers a partner. For example, When my fiancé and I were getting ready to marry we talked about and redid my house to his comfort level. I had a turquoise guest bath that my fiancé hated as he thought it was too girly. I loved it but it was painful for him to even look at it so we went on home tours and he fell in love with this moss grey-green color and we went that day to get it and paint the bathroom and he was so extremely happy. I also had a collection of fiesta ware on display in the kitchen and he was a bit overwhelmed by it. It was not his favorite thing, but he knew I loved it so we compromised and we went through a scaled it back. I also had terracotta bunnies in the front yard and he again thought they were a bit too feminine and they were not that important to me so we moved them to the side yard.

What are some solutions to overcome these negative effects?

What are some other surprising home-related factors that could
have a negative impact? Lighting temperature and sound and size Some people like dark cool small quiet spaces that they can retreat to like a cave and recharge and relax.
So people like bright light airing large spaces filled with happy music. So creating spaces that give both partners their own happy space or that compromise on those needs is important for the overall mood of the members of the relationship. Again in my relationship, we had a cool lower lighting space to watch TV and the kitchen brighter. As a side note, when we were dating I painted my kitchen floor with bright colors like the partridge family bus. My sweetie was not overly fond of that floor, but to show me how much he loved me, he got down on one knee and proposed on that very floor!!! It was very symbolic of him embracing my happy bright personality!

Safety Tips for Concert and Festival Attendees, How to Deal With Crowds, Recommendations for Crowd Safety From Body Language Expert, Patti Wood

 

These are tips that I not only recommend as a body language expert but also as 5 foot one petite blonde concert, and music festival attendee use. 

Tips

1. Know your territory. That may involve getting a map and studying it carefully before the event begins so you know where the stage or stages, exits are. If you can rather than just knowing that there’s a map somewhere on your phone if you can print out the map too. 
2. Get there early. That way you can see the space and again study your territory the stages in the exits. 
3. Introduce yourself and your friends to security. Make sure you feel safe and comfortable with them and ask them how things are going how they’re reading the crowd. I use to train law enforcement officers so I go a bit above and beyond and ask if they need a soft drink or a snack. 
4. Make plans with your friends for what you would do and where would you meet should someone get lost or some emergency happen. Have a backup to that plan. 
5. When you get to your seat or to the stage look around again. Note the different exits from your seat or your standing position. Note any barriers that may be in your way. Always look for exits to your side in front of you and behind you. 
6. Read the crowd. Your central nervous system is your best friend in potentially dangerous situations. Check-in with how you were feeling in your body to note whether there is danger. If you see agitated or angry people move away from the space as quickly and calmly as possible to somewhere safe, knowing that may be the exit. Aggressive behavior usually involves people not only raising their energy level but forming nonverbal cue gesture cues that are sharp-edged elbows out weapon-like hands in our motions and fast unpredictable motions. Your primitive limbic brain picks up on these cues before your neocortex. You may not be able to formulate words as to why you’re feeling uncomfortable but your body knows. Move away from danger. Every crowd has energy and crowds that are dangerous or recognizable if you’re paying attention. There’s a difference between excitement and being pulled into that wonderful uplifting excited dancing singing together crowd energy and dangerous energy. If you feel it flip and you feel scared move away and out of the crowd. 
7. Know that the response to danger is not just flight or flight it’s also freezing in place faint or fall. If you find your body wanting to freeze in place that’s a sign you’re in danger move away from the danger. Override whatever social norms there are about having to be “cool” or not look afraid or be nice to dangerous aggressive or rude people. Move away from them. 
8. If you are small or if you stumble in a loving mob, tell those around you I need help shout, "Lift me up" "I need help lift me up." 
9. In preparation, if you can bring a clear plastic case for your phone in some sort of lanyard that you can wear around your neck it can be helpful. In a dangerous crowd,      situation trying to hold your phone as you move through the crowd can be dangerous you may need both hands. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.