Have you noticed that some people at work would perfer to e-mail or blackberry you a message rather than get up, walk around the cubicle, and talk with you face to face?
There are many reasons that it would be a preferred way to communicate, one of the reason’s is that the e-mailer is more comfortable with writing and reading words than using nonverbal communication.
After my last post people asked me if lack facial expression is a sign of Asperger’s syndrome.
Asperger’s syndrome is a developmental disorder. People with the syndrome have normal or above average intelligence but have severe problems socializing. They have something called mind-blindness that makes it difficult or impossible to read nonverbal communication and therefore understand all the subtle nuances in communication. For example, there are 100’s of different things someone may mean when they say, “Hello.”, “I love you.”, or “I think that’s just great” depending on the voice, body language and context around it. If you have Asperger’s you wouldn’t know the difference between a sincere, statement and sarcasm, disgust or anger unless the speaker told you what they were feeling with their words. People with Asperger’s have trouble showing their emotions as well, so they seem stone faced. See my post from yesterday about facial feedback and for a more complete description of Asperger syndrome go to the following blog.
http://bogieworks.blogs.com/
treppenwitz/2005/12/just_one_of_man.html
While I have seen an incredible increase in the number of clients under 25 with poor social skills I would not label poor socializes with a severe disorder. I think the majority of my younger clients did not get the modeling and socializing necessarily to feel comfortable with interpersonal interaction. I discuss what many cause this problem or poor socializing in my book, "Success Signals” in detail but let me state one of pervasive causes here. When I poll ask my audience to raise their hands if they have had dinner with their family at least three times a week when they were growing up, many of the participants under 25 do not raise their hands. They say they ate in front of the TV or computer by themselves. You need the adult modeling or social behavior and little prompts such as, “What did you do a school today?” and coaching such as, “It’s your turn.” And “Look at me sweetie while I am talking.” In fact, research says you need this modeling and coaching at dinner three times a week for 17 years or so to learn complexities of social interaction. If you don’t get it, it would seem like everyone else knows French but you: as if you were from a foreign country. It would be very scary to go to someone’s cubical and talk them. You would send an email instead. Hummm? Scary, and considering how I am communicating now, a rather ironic thought isn’t it?
How to show your listening with your body language
Tuesday the 13th of December
I teach a three day public seminar on interpersonal skills for technical proffesionals and one of the skills we talk about is empathetic listening. One of the ways that you show you are listening is through your facial expressions. Now I know you techies might think its corny and a little to touch feely to display your emotions but touchy feely people like me really need your smiles and frowns to feel heard. Below is the first step in my GENTLER listening reccomendations.
G-ive facial feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener. When, but when you do, you give a blank, open- mouthed expressio. You know that look that resembles the face of a kid after five hours of cartoons. A blank face does not help you win friends and influence people and drool is not very appealing. You have to work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and you have to work your face to have toned empathetic skills. And contrarey two what your moma said, your face will not free that way. Showing you empathy helps the speaker share more effectively and helps you listen more effectively. So make some funny faces and listen up.
Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to their message. If they are concerned, show understanding by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy, frown and lower your eyes. If they are mad, close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope... Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs and you will actually feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively.
I teach a three day public seminar on interpersonal skills for technical proffesionals and one of the skills we talk about is empathetic listening. One of the ways that you show you are listening is through your facial expressions. Now I know you techies might think its corny and a little to touch feely to display your emotions but touchy feely people like me really need your smiles and frowns to feel heard. Below is the first step in my GENTLER listening reccomendations.
G-ive facial feedback
It is so easy to zone out as a listener. When, but when you do, you give a blank, open- mouthed expressio. You know that look that resembles the face of a kid after five hours of cartoons. A blank face does not help you win friends and influence people and drool is not very appealing. You have to work your abs to have toned stomach muscles, and you have to work your face to have toned empathetic skills. And contrarey two what your moma said, your face will not free that way. Showing you empathy helps the speaker share more effectively and helps you listen more effectively. So make some funny faces and listen up.
Let your facial expressions show your emotional response to their message. If they are concerned, show understanding by furrowing your brow. If they are unhappy, frown and lower your eyes. If they are mad, close and flatten out your lip like a sealed envelope... Briefly matching their facial expressions not only shows your customers that you are listening, it creates the same chemicals in your brain that body language shifts are creating in theirs and you will actually feel what they are feeling and understand them more effectively.
The power of hot pink and Pride and Prejudice
Hi,
So you know from my profile that I'm an expert in nonverbal communication and now you may be wondering "What's Up" with the hot pink border? My friend Michael set up the blog and picked the bright color out for me. Do you think he chose it because I have 4 hot pink business suits and 12 hot pink shirts that I wear when I give speeches? Or do you think it is the hot pink winter coat I bought last year with a hot pink fake fur collar? Perhaps it's the hot pink suede high heels or the hot pink fedora I wear on grey winter days. I like the color so much this year some friends got me hot pink Christmas ornaments at IKEA for the chartreuse tinsel tree they got me last year! Ok, so now the world knows I am crazy for hot pink. Nonverbally it is a color that energizes you. It gets you excited and the deep shade of magenta on women is an attraction magnet for men.
My friends Elaine and Judith and I went to see the new Pride and Prejudice movie last night...so romantic. The eye contact between the leads should be required “reading” for all students of body language. The eyes are the very first thing we notice about a person of the oppposite sex. Ok, I know what you're thinking..."It couldn't possibly be the eyes". That's what I use to think too, even though the research was in the body language textbook I taught from at Florida State University. So for 4 years, every single semester I did a paper and pencil poll of my college students. Every semester all 100 to 150 students, both male and female, said the first thing they noticed was the eyes. It makes sense as the eyes tell you what action a person will be taking next. Looking at the eyes keeps us safe and makes us feel connected.
Take Care till next time,
Patti
So you know from my profile that I'm an expert in nonverbal communication and now you may be wondering "What's Up" with the hot pink border? My friend Michael set up the blog and picked the bright color out for me. Do you think he chose it because I have 4 hot pink business suits and 12 hot pink shirts that I wear when I give speeches? Or do you think it is the hot pink winter coat I bought last year with a hot pink fake fur collar? Perhaps it's the hot pink suede high heels or the hot pink fedora I wear on grey winter days. I like the color so much this year some friends got me hot pink Christmas ornaments at IKEA for the chartreuse tinsel tree they got me last year! Ok, so now the world knows I am crazy for hot pink. Nonverbally it is a color that energizes you. It gets you excited and the deep shade of magenta on women is an attraction magnet for men.
My friends Elaine and Judith and I went to see the new Pride and Prejudice movie last night...so romantic. The eye contact between the leads should be required “reading” for all students of body language. The eyes are the very first thing we notice about a person of the oppposite sex. Ok, I know what you're thinking..."It couldn't possibly be the eyes". That's what I use to think too, even though the research was in the body language textbook I taught from at Florida State University. So for 4 years, every single semester I did a paper and pencil poll of my college students. Every semester all 100 to 150 students, both male and female, said the first thing they noticed was the eyes. It makes sense as the eyes tell you what action a person will be taking next. Looking at the eyes keeps us safe and makes us feel connected.
Take Care till next time,
Patti
My First Post
Hello everybody! Well, I'm entering the world of blogging with a hot pink template and a lot to share. I hope over time you'll join me by making interesting comments and guiding me through this technical world. I'm looking forward to it. I hope you are too!
Until next time...
Patti
Until next time...
Patti
I was reading a blog about young adults twittering friends more than brands http://bigfatmarketingblog.com/category/marketing-schmarketing/
As a body language expert I twitter about nonverbal research, improving corporate communication, and other lofty things, but my twitter readers are more interested in my celebrity body language reads than any other information I twitter. It is interesting that so many people want to "follow" celbrities on twitter. It makes sense. As a teenager I bought "Tiger Beat magazine and had David Cassidy photos taped like wall paper all over my room. I would have loved to follow his twitter.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Profesionaal
The Body Language Expert
Phone-404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com
To Young Adults, Twitter’s for Friends, Not Brands
BRIAN QUINTON June 25th, 2009
Consumers 18 to 24 have come to embrace social networks but have yet to include Twitter in that hug, according to new research from the Participatory Marketing Network, a trade association promoting social marketing.
According to a study conducted in May on 200 Gen Y members of a PMN panel, 99% of the group said they currently have one or more active profiles on social networks such as Facebook or MySpace. But only 22% of that same group said they are actively using microblogging service Twitter.
The study was conducted by the PMN together with the Interactive and Direct Marketing lab at Pace University’s Lubin School of Business.
“Twitter dominates the news, but clearly we’re only touching the surface of its potential as a marketing vehicle,” PMN co-founder and chairman Michael Della Penna said in a release. “There is a tremendous opportunity now for marketers to develop strategies to get this important group active on Twitter too.”
Of those respondents who said they are active on Twitter, 85% said they use the serviced to follow friends, while 54% track celebrities and 29% keep tabs on family.
As to their behavior on social networks, 89% say they have downloaded a photo application to their social page. Another 53% say they have installed a game app, and 51% say they have added entertainment content to their profiles.
Media metrics agency comScore reported an 83% monthly increase in U.S. traffic on Twitter in April, with unique visitors growing to 17 million from 9.3 million in March.
Other findings from the PMN research:
• 38% of respondents 18-24 say they use a iPhone or iPod Touch
• Of that group, 53% say they’ve downloaded game apps to the device, 35% have accessed entertainment apps, and 31% have added lifestyle apps.
• 28% have downloaded free financial apps, while 7% have bought paid apps for their Apple smartphones.
• However, just over one quarter of device-owning respondents (26%) said they have not accessed any iPhone or iTouch applicat
As a body language expert I twitter about nonverbal research, improving corporate communication, and other lofty things, but my twitter readers are more interested in my celebrity body language reads than any other information I twitter. It is interesting that so many people want to "follow" celbrities on twitter. It makes sense. As a teenager I bought "Tiger Beat magazine and had David Cassidy photos taped like wall paper all over my room. I would have loved to follow his twitter.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Profesionaal
The Body Language Expert
Phone-404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com
To Young Adults, Twitter’s for Friends, Not Brands
BRIAN QUINTON June 25th, 2009
Consumers 18 to 24 have come to embrace social networks but have yet to include Twitter in that hug, according to new research from the Participatory Marketing Network, a trade association promoting social marketing.
According to a study conducted in May on 200 Gen Y members of a PMN panel, 99% of the group said they currently have one or more active profiles on social networks such as Facebook or MySpace. But only 22% of that same group said they are actively using microblogging service Twitter.
The study was conducted by the PMN together with the Interactive and Direct Marketing lab at Pace University’s Lubin School of Business.
“Twitter dominates the news, but clearly we’re only touching the surface of its potential as a marketing vehicle,” PMN co-founder and chairman Michael Della Penna said in a release. “There is a tremendous opportunity now for marketers to develop strategies to get this important group active on Twitter too.”
Of those respondents who said they are active on Twitter, 85% said they use the serviced to follow friends, while 54% track celebrities and 29% keep tabs on family.
As to their behavior on social networks, 89% say they have downloaded a photo application to their social page. Another 53% say they have installed a game app, and 51% say they have added entertainment content to their profiles.
Media metrics agency comScore reported an 83% monthly increase in U.S. traffic on Twitter in April, with unique visitors growing to 17 million from 9.3 million in March.
Other findings from the PMN research:
• 38% of respondents 18-24 say they use a iPhone or iPod Touch
• Of that group, 53% say they’ve downloaded game apps to the device, 35% have accessed entertainment apps, and 31% have added lifestyle apps.
• 28% have downloaded free financial apps, while 7% have bought paid apps for their Apple smartphones.
• However, just over one quarter of device-owning respondents (26%) said they have not accessed any iPhone or iTouch applicat
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