Yesterday I was on an all day car trip. Sitting next to my sister talking and laughing I thought about the intimacy that the seating space in a car creates. Intimate space is created by standing or sitting less than 16 inches from someone. Sitting side by side in car creates a unique opportunity, for self disclosure and bonding. It almost forces you to bond.
I remember how my father uses to love to play golf. I bet one of the things he loved was sitting side by side with one of his buddies, joking and laughing for a day. You add a cooler of beer to the outing and you can really self disclose!
On the trip with my sister we talked and laughed for 8 hours. Maybe we should all take a long car trip or play golf with a loved one.
How should you seat groups of people
How should you seat groups of people?
It depends on what activity you want to encourage. If you want people to visit, share ideas, bond and create agreement, put them in “social seating.” This spacing actually brings people together, like team style seating in a classroom or the dining table in most homes. The people are facing each other around a table but the table breadth is no more than three feet, so they are still in personal distance.
If you want them to be quiet, be obedient and listen, use sociofugal seating. This creates spacing which separates people so no one faces anyone else. We see this in the straight rows of chairs found in airports or bus terminals.
Positions at a table also communicate power. In Western cultures, a father traditionally sits at the head of the table facing the other members of the family, appropriate to his primary role in patriarchal societies.
It depends on what activity you want to encourage. If you want people to visit, share ideas, bond and create agreement, put them in “social seating.” This spacing actually brings people together, like team style seating in a classroom or the dining table in most homes. The people are facing each other around a table but the table breadth is no more than three feet, so they are still in personal distance.
If you want them to be quiet, be obedient and listen, use sociofugal seating. This creates spacing which separates people so no one faces anyone else. We see this in the straight rows of chairs found in airports or bus terminals.
Positions at a table also communicate power. In Western cultures, a father traditionally sits at the head of the table facing the other members of the family, appropriate to his primary role in patriarchal societies.
The need to interact and have an opinion
So I was reading and interesting article on blogging today in an old may issue of Business Week magazine. The authors Stephen Baker and Heather Breen discussed how the blog universe is like one big coffee house of intellectual discussion. I think blogging. pod casters and sending video and still photos over are phones are a clear indicator of our need to interact and comment rather than passively listen to and read data.
As a former college instructor and as a speaker trainer for over 20 years I know that audiences have changed dramatically. My Auburn college audience in the early 80’s would listen quietly and politely and dutifully write down every word of my lecture verbatim. My FSU students were not as quiet, but I still had to work got them to ask questions and debate with me. My corporate audiences were equally as passive. But now audiences become what I love best, filled with the desire for lively interaction and sharing. Speaking can not longer be a data dump of PowerPoint slides. It must reflect the publics growing desire to interact and have an opinion.
As a former college instructor and as a speaker trainer for over 20 years I know that audiences have changed dramatically. My Auburn college audience in the early 80’s would listen quietly and politely and dutifully write down every word of my lecture verbatim. My FSU students were not as quiet, but I still had to work got them to ask questions and debate with me. My corporate audiences were equally as passive. But now audiences become what I love best, filled with the desire for lively interaction and sharing. Speaking can not longer be a data dump of PowerPoint slides. It must reflect the publics growing desire to interact and have an opinion.
The power of the pause
Have you evey noticed the power of the the pause. You are listening to someone and instead of finishing the sentance they pause. The is so much power in that pause. You are expextent. You feel tension and you want it to be released, but it can't be released untill the speaker finishes the sentance.
You can use the power of the pause in public speaking. If you want the audiance to really listen to a particular word, an important statistic, a action step you want them to take, pause before the inportant word or words.
Pausing also works really well in humor. We actually laugh to release tension. Thats why we laugh at dirty jokes, even when we do not think they are funny. So how do you use pausing to be funny? Your telling a funny story and the listener or listeners are waiting to hear the punch line and you pause before you say it. This increases the tension and the laughter that follows is louder.
You can use the power of the pause in public speaking. If you want the audiance to really listen to a particular word, an important statistic, a action step you want them to take, pause before the inportant word or words.
Pausing also works really well in humor. We actually laugh to release tension. Thats why we laugh at dirty jokes, even when we do not think they are funny. So how do you use pausing to be funny? Your telling a funny story and the listener or listeners are waiting to hear the punch line and you pause before you say it. This increases the tension and the laughter that follows is louder.
Body language at parties
I was interviewed on the BBC last week and asked about body language at parties.
Here are some tips.
1. Stand near the food, thats where people hang out. I suggest that to meet guys stand near the buffaloe wings and meatballs and to meet women stand near the chocolate desserts.
2. Stand were there will be a flow of people so you can keep meeting new people and extracate yourself from someone you wish to stop talking with. If you stand near the entrance so you can greet people as they come in works well.
3. You know the arm cross thing? Use to make you feel secure if you are nervous entering a party, but stop hugging yourself once you plant yourself somewere. Instead hold a drink or plate as a security blanket.
4. Listening makes you much more interesting than talking. Have several provactive questions ready to ask people. Such as, "What's the best thing that has happened to you in the last year?" and who is the most interesting person you have every met? What's the most surprising thing your have heard or read about recently?
5. Make sure your heart is aimed towards the person you are talking to and not toward the exit.
6. Don't sit down unless you are talking with someone and the conversation is VERY interesting. Sitting lowers your energy level, makes you less likely to be approached and can take away the vocal variation in your voice. Lean on a wall or rest your arms on the bar if you have to, but stand up.
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