Yesterday Men's Health UK asked me to give some body langauge tips to help men appear more confident and gain trust. Here are a few of the tips I shared.
To gain trust and look confindent
Some tips for men
• Walk up to people with confidence. Keep your head level and your hands at your side unless you want to shake hands. Be sure to keep your hands out of your pockets. Showing the palms of the hands shows you or open. Research indicates that we don't trust people with hands in their pockets. Make sure your right hand is free to shake hands. Always shift any briefcases, papers, beverages or cell phones to your left hand before you begin the greeting so you handshaking hand is free.
• In business Smile briefly. Don't overdo it. If you smile too long or too much, you can be perceived negatively. submissive. An over-extended smile can create negative impressions, such as “overeager,” “easily manipulated” or “not intelligent.” Women need to take special care not to over-extend the smile as it can reduce personal power and can even be misinterpreted as a sexual come on. When going to "chat up a girl" smile before you approach to make her feel that you are safe and not about to "attack"
• Make eye contact. There is a substantial amount of research showing that good eye contact increases feelings of trust. Don't stare, but don't look at your shoes. Making eye contact as you approach lets the person know you want to interact. Men need to extend the eye contact with other menfor a least three seconds without blinking or looking away as they shake hands. When first interacting with a women you need to be careful of holding eye contact for more than three to five seconds at a time so you do not look to agressive or predatory. Some of those "win women every time" website will say to stare a women down...but I disagree. If you want to date a women, make her feel safe. If you want to have a sexual conquest you can stare for longer and if she stares back you have a signal that she may want a sexual conquest as well, but for a relationship establish trust first.
• Face the person heart-to-heart. When you stand at an angle and don’t face the person squarely, you are sending the symbolic message that you are not being straight and open. You may look as if you need to protect yourself, you do not like the other person or you feel the need to reduce the intimacy or the duration of the interaction. Body Language is symbolic show your heart.
Chinese new ideal of beauty and what women do for the sake of beauty.
Years ago I went to see a feminist play in Washington DC. The play involved three women at different points in history that where "bound" by traditional views of women. One character acttually had her feet bound in the ancient chinease custom to assure the then feminine ideal of tiny feet and small stepped hobbling walk.
I had read about this tradition of taking the feet of young girls and curling the toes under and binding them, but in discussing the practicet afterwards with Steve, my fiance at the time, I remarked how horrible it was to cripple an entire gender. How interesting that the wish to be desired by men required such sacrifices. Then I started laughing, because as I was saying this I was hobbling through the snow from the theater, wearing high heeled suede boots!
Yes, we make sacrifices for beauty. And though we might not wear now wear the "..stacked, brass coils used to distend the necks of Karen women.." (Time mag) in Africa or remove a rib to be tiny waisted like 19th century women, modern women do continue to suffer for beauty.
Recently I read an article in Time Magazine that spoke about the amazing increase in plastic surgery in China. With the new ideal no longer being to look Caucasian, but to emphasize Asian Beauty. It makes sense that plasitc surguy would come full circle back to that part of the world.
Some of the earliest records of reconstructive plastic surgery come from sixth century India: the Hindu medical chronicle Susruta Samhita describes how noses were recreated after being chopped off as punishment for adultery. And it makes sense that ideal of beauty would change over time as well. The Havared psychology professor Nancy Etcoff, says that beauty is evolutionary. Etcoffs book, "Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty is currently a best seller in Japan, Korea, Hong Kong and China. So what are Asian women requesting from their plastic surgeion? The top requests are wider eyes, longer noses and fuller breasts—features not typical of the race, but the new Chinise version of Extreme Makeover called. "Lovely Cinderella, shows some of the shift towards the Asian ideal. I will have to do more blogs to cover the concept of evolutionary beauty in the meantime check out the Time Mag article with reporting by Robert Horn/Bangkok, Joyce Huang/Taipei, Zamira Loebis/Jakarta, Michiko Toyama/Tokyo, Bryan Walsh/Shenzhen and Genevieve Wilkinson/Singapore
I had read about this tradition of taking the feet of young girls and curling the toes under and binding them, but in discussing the practicet afterwards with Steve, my fiance at the time, I remarked how horrible it was to cripple an entire gender. How interesting that the wish to be desired by men required such sacrifices. Then I started laughing, because as I was saying this I was hobbling through the snow from the theater, wearing high heeled suede boots!
Yes, we make sacrifices for beauty. And though we might not wear now wear the "..stacked, brass coils used to distend the necks of Karen women.." (Time mag) in Africa or remove a rib to be tiny waisted like 19th century women, modern women do continue to suffer for beauty.
Recently I read an article in Time Magazine that spoke about the amazing increase in plastic surgery in China. With the new ideal no longer being to look Caucasian, but to emphasize Asian Beauty. It makes sense that plasitc surguy would come full circle back to that part of the world.
Some of the earliest records of reconstructive plastic surgery come from sixth century India: the Hindu medical chronicle Susruta Samhita describes how noses were recreated after being chopped off as punishment for adultery. And it makes sense that ideal of beauty would change over time as well. The Havared psychology professor Nancy Etcoff, says that beauty is evolutionary. Etcoffs book, "Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty is currently a best seller in Japan, Korea, Hong Kong and China. So what are Asian women requesting from their plastic surgeion? The top requests are wider eyes, longer noses and fuller breasts—features not typical of the race, but the new Chinise version of Extreme Makeover called. "Lovely Cinderella, shows some of the shift towards the Asian ideal. I will have to do more blogs to cover the concept of evolutionary beauty in the meantime check out the Time Mag article with reporting by Robert Horn/Bangkok, Joyce Huang/Taipei, Zamira Loebis/Jakarta, Michiko Toyama/Tokyo, Bryan Walsh/Shenzhen and Genevieve Wilkinson/Singapore
Wait Untill You See the Whites of Their Eyes!
"Wait Until You See the Whites of Their Eyes!"
...is the iconic battle cry of the Commander under siege as the attackers come in mass upon the fort, circle of wagons or up the hill towards his men. Strangely, the large whites of the eyes in humans, where designed to help us cooperate.
Recent research at Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that unlike chimps and apes who look at head movement, children pay more attention to eye movement. Why?
Tune in soon for the answer
...is the iconic battle cry of the Commander under siege as the attackers come in mass upon the fort, circle of wagons or up the hill towards his men. Strangely, the large whites of the eyes in humans, where designed to help us cooperate.
Recent research at Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that unlike chimps and apes who look at head movement, children pay more attention to eye movement. Why?
Tune in soon for the answer
Wait untill you see the whites of their eyes!
"Wait untill you see the whites of their eyes!", is the iconic battle cry of the commander under siege as the attackers come in mass upon the fort, circle of wagons or up the hills toward his men.
Strangely, the large whites of the eyes in human where designed to help us cooperate.
Recent research at Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that unlike chimps and apes who look at head movement, children pay more attention to eye movement.
Apes and chimps need to mask where they are looking looking from other primates and thus do not have those bright whites of the eyes. Anthropologist Brain Hare says primates who do not have bright whites can hide where they are looking from others so they can, "...eat it, mate it, or chase it," I am thinking the chasing might come first, but I digress.
Humans however have evolved the bright whites of the eyes to contrast with our baby blues Iris and dark pupils so we can easily see the direction of another person's gaze.
The theory is that the advantages of understanding and cooperation received through mutual gaze outweigh a having a poker face. This is particular useful to me as I am not a great poker player, but boy can I read that body language.
I think this also interesting if your apply all the information we get subconsciously from eye gaze and brain function. That is the science of NLP. Which I have blogged about previously. I love that we were designed to create mutual gaze. If your interested in the whites of the eyes research pick up this months Scientific American Mind. Just another fun body language fact.
Strangely, the large whites of the eyes in human where designed to help us cooperate.
Recent research at Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that unlike chimps and apes who look at head movement, children pay more attention to eye movement.
Apes and chimps need to mask where they are looking looking from other primates and thus do not have those bright whites of the eyes. Anthropologist Brain Hare says primates who do not have bright whites can hide where they are looking from others so they can, "...eat it, mate it, or chase it," I am thinking the chasing might come first, but I digress.
Humans however have evolved the bright whites of the eyes to contrast with our baby blues Iris and dark pupils so we can easily see the direction of another person's gaze.
The theory is that the advantages of understanding and cooperation received through mutual gaze outweigh a having a poker face. This is particular useful to me as I am not a great poker player, but boy can I read that body language.
I think this also interesting if your apply all the information we get subconsciously from eye gaze and brain function. That is the science of NLP. Which I have blogged about previously. I love that we were designed to create mutual gaze. If your interested in the whites of the eyes research pick up this months Scientific American Mind. Just another fun body language fact.
Oscar body language Tom and Katie
The most interesting part of the photo is how he is holding her hand tightly and high up close to his waist as if she is a little child in a super market who might get away. He is truly showing he is concerned she might get away from him. And she is standing fully away from him except for that hand. She is creating her own individual space. It's nice to see her in her own individual bubble rather than close and pulled into Tom like she has been. She is the most poised and relaxed I have seen her in over a year. Though her bowled and drooped down shoulders indicated she has been carrying a lot emotional weight. I mean, really a lot of weight, it is rather sad to see. Interesting that he is looking at the screen rather than doing his old "I'm looking at the camera" focus.
I found his Oscar presentation fascinating he was holding his hands together in a steeple which is a position men go into to gain control of themselves and looked poised and he was so very still and his voice strained to stay low and unemotional. His smile was even very small and a little tight. It was the anti Oprah show jumping on the coach body language.
I found his Oscar presentation fascinating he was holding his hands together in a steeple which is a position men go into to gain control of themselves and looked poised and he was so very still and his voice strained to stay low and unemotional. His smile was even very small and a little tight. It was the anti Oprah show jumping on the coach body language.
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