Some of you know I use to teach at a law enforcement training center and that I am particularly interested in what body language can make people open up. In grad school I wrote a paper on body language to increase self disclosure and I have been researching that process ever since.
Recently I have been corresponding with a police officer about some of his experiences Here is one of his stories that I thought was interesting.
"After hearing your handshake lesson and reading the article in your book, I started shaking every one's hand I was introduced to. I meet people all day long, but I used to shake hands only about 1/2 the time. I notice now that when you offer it first, usually there's a brief smile on the other end of it- almost like they do not expect a cop to be friendly- it works!"
"Now, when I shake a suspects hand, we have already made inroads into the rapport-building phase of interviewing him. I of course want a confession- or at least an admission from a bad guy to help me make my case...I clearly remember at least 3 times when I was on domestic calls and would not shake a guy's hand. The call would be all but over and we were literally leaving the scene. Me not shaking the dude's hand at the close of "business" would make him mad all over again. Hey it's a tactical consideration, but I wonder if I could have shaken more hands now."
I would love to know what you think. Do you think shaking hands can make people self disclose more? Do you have a story to share?
The 10 and 5 rule of body language and greeting behavior
How can body language change a business.
For years in my programs I have talked about greeting behavior and it's impact on first impressions.
In the Atlanta paper Sunday there was an article on customer service that mentioned a business that applies one of my greeting principals.
The Georgia World Congress Center, the fourth largest convention center in the country is working to improve it's customer service with specific directives. One of those directives they call the "10 and 5 foot rule." Workers are trained to make eye contact with a customer at 10 feel and acknowledge the person at 5 feet. How does this help. Well typically when we are walking and meet someone we make eye contact at 15 feet and do an eyebrow flash to show we are not going to harm them then if we are going to interact we stop at about 4 feet to greet (that's handshake distance) and shake hands. I suggest in customer service situations and sales situations that you actually smile and make eye contact and reach out your hand earlier at about 5 feet to let the other person know you want to stop to interact. In sales situations it always increases your chances of getting a good handshake in situations where prospects may try to avoid that contact. So the Congress Center knows that that the greeting can make strangers in their huge monilith building feell safer in the space by giving a extra freindly greeting. Yep, they have that body language thing down.
For years in my programs I have talked about greeting behavior and it's impact on first impressions.
In the Atlanta paper Sunday there was an article on customer service that mentioned a business that applies one of my greeting principals.
The Georgia World Congress Center, the fourth largest convention center in the country is working to improve it's customer service with specific directives. One of those directives they call the "10 and 5 foot rule." Workers are trained to make eye contact with a customer at 10 feel and acknowledge the person at 5 feet. How does this help. Well typically when we are walking and meet someone we make eye contact at 15 feet and do an eyebrow flash to show we are not going to harm them then if we are going to interact we stop at about 4 feet to greet (that's handshake distance) and shake hands. I suggest in customer service situations and sales situations that you actually smile and make eye contact and reach out your hand earlier at about 5 feet to let the other person know you want to stop to interact. In sales situations it always increases your chances of getting a good handshake in situations where prospects may try to avoid that contact. So the Congress Center knows that that the greeting can make strangers in their huge monilith building feell safer in the space by giving a extra freindly greeting. Yep, they have that body language thing down.
How other peoples energy affects you nonverbally
Your Top Five
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
How other peoples energy affects you nonverbally
Your Top Five
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
What is Your Interpersonal Grade Point Average?
How do we become the people we are? How do we grow? How do we slide into bad attitudes and bad habits? Studying nonverbal communication all these years I have been fascinated with how other people’s energy affects us. One of my favorite aspects of nonverbal communication is Isopraxisim. Isopramism is phenomenon in nature that explains why animals pull toward the same energy. It explains why fish swim together in schools and birds fly together in formation, why we all do the stadium wave and laugh together at movies and I believe it explains how we become the people that we are. We are pulled into the energy of people in our lives.
I was reading an article the other day by the ezine queen she quoted Jim Rohn, one of Anthony Robbins first mentors. Jim says that, “You are the average of the five people you hang around with the most.” That just blows my mind. I think of all the awesome friends I have in my life and all the love I have from my family and I am so grateful. My top five (really my top fifteen) are such straight A’s that I am bound to get a great energy report card this year! They are happy people, who are loving and generous and love life! And most of them enjoy their work and all of them strive to be the best at what they do.
My mom says I came out of the womb laughing and smiling and I think I am blessed to be a positive person. Yet I think about times in my life were I chose to be with friends and sweeties that were not happy. I was the little motivational speaker smiling and full of Pollyanna, “Life is wonderful.” vibes, but that wasn’t true of my top five, I felt needed and bringing happiness to people who were not happy certainly filled a place in me. But, energetically it was very draining. And as all the positive energy was drained out of me the empty space filled up with negativity. When you soak up negatively you can’t absorb as much love. We are sponges for the energy of the people we spend the most time with. The people we watch and listen to over and over again become the nonverbal models for what is acceptable, normal behavior. We talk about how television violence is affecting our children, doesn’t it make sense that the people you talk with, eat with, play with and work along side will affect you?
Who are you choosing to be around the most? Are you working for someone that pulls up your average or drags it down? Does your boss treat you with respect and value your work? Do you respect him or her? Is your family bring you up and appreciative of the love you give to them? Do they run to the door when you come home to give you hugs and kisses or is your family’s energy pulling you down with their negativity and complaints? What about your friends and colleagues? Do their voices energize when they talk to you? Do they have loving relationships and jobs or other passions that make them feel alive? Are you riding high from your top fives nonverbal energy or are you being pulled to below C level? Now I will tell you I am a loyal friend and family member, and you know that everyone goes through down periods in their life but recent shifts in my life have made we realize we are not serving ourselves or the people in our lives if we let negative energy pull us down. I say in my programs that your life is full of choices. Who are you choosing to spend your time with? Who are your top five?
Common questions about the science of body language
I often have high school, college and grad students send me questions for papers or articles they are writing. I thought I would blog a few of the questions from a high school students recent email and my short answers.
Is body language always a valid form of judgment? Can we really tell what a person is thinking, or feeling just by looking at them?
Judgements and Stereotypes are processed in a different part of the brain than body language. And are much less accurate. For example Stereotype impressions of others are researched at about 30 percent accuracy, while first impressions made from reading someones nonverbal communication and processed in the more primitive part of the brain are found in research to be 80 percent or higher in accuracy.
Body language can give you insights into yours and other peoples thoughts and feeling. I would expand your definition to say nonverbal communication rather than body language so you could include aspects of the voice and dress and more.
2. Is body language mostly subconscious? Can we ever really control what our bodies are giving away?
We can give out up to 10,000 nonverbal cues in less than a minute..obviously most of our nonverbal cues are not under are conscious control. Our nonverbal cues come from the more primitive part of our brains rather than our rational logical brain. Language comes from the logical brain and can be more easily manipulated.
3. Can our verbal and nonverbal communication ever contradict itself? What kind of problems can this cause?
When the words and nonverbal communication don't match your primitive brain where intuition operates automatically relies on the nonverbal communication for the truth. For example, if someone says, "I love you." then grimaces, we are likely to detect their insincerity.
4. What are some practical everyday uses for body language expertise? For example, can we really tell whether someone is lying by their body expression? You can be trained to read the subtle nuances of deceit, however most people, without training predict that they will be accurate, but in reality are only able to detect deceit about 50 percent of the time. Other every day uses are too numerous to list as you can read yourself to know what you truly feel, to read people that you are working and playing with to know how they are doing.
5. Can better knowing what body language means enhance our relationships/quality of life? What are advantages to understanding body language? Your life can be greatly enhanced by understanding and reading nonverbal communication. You are able to go through the facade and really see to the heart of others and become closer and more empathetic. You know who it's not safe to get close to and you don't just play act in your relationships, but form deep connections.
Is body language always a valid form of judgment? Can we really tell what a person is thinking, or feeling just by looking at them
Judements and Stereotypes are processed in a different part of the brain than body langauge. And are much less accurate. For example Stereotype impressions of others are researched at about 30 percent accuracey, while first impressions made from reading someonees nonverbal communciation and proccessed in the more primative part of the brain are found in research to be 80 percent or higher in accuracey.
Body language can give you insights into yours and other peoples thoughts and feeling. I would expand your definition to say nonverbal communication rather than body langauge so you could include aspects of the voice and dress and more.
2. Is body language mostly subconscious? Can we ever really control what our bodies are giving away?
We can give out up to 10,000 nonverbal cues in less than a minute..obviouly most of our nonverbal cues are not under are concious control. Our nonverbal cues come from the more primative part of our brains rather than our rational logcial brain. Language comes from the logical brain and can be more eaisely manipulated.
3. Can our verbal and nonverbal communication ever contradict itself? What kind of problems can this cause?
When the words and nonverbal communication don't match your primative brain where intuition operates automatically relies on the nonverbal comunication for the truth. For example, if someone says, "I love you." then grimaces, we are likely to detect their insesarity.
4. What are some practical everyday uses for body language expertise? For example, can we really tell whether someone is lying by their body expression? You can be trained to read the sublte nuances of deciept, however most people, without trianing predect that they will be acurate, but in reality are only able to dectect deceipt about 50 percent of the time. Other every day uses are too numerous to list as you can read yourself to know what you truley feel, to read people that you are working and palying with to know how they are doing.
5. Can better knowing what body language means enhance our relationships/quality of life? What are advantages to understanding body language? Your life can be greatlye enhanced by understanding and reading nonverbal communication. You are able to go through the facade and really see to the heart of others and become closer and more empathetic. You know who it's not safe to get close to and you don't just play act in your relationships, but form deep connections.
Is body language always a valid form of judgment? Can we really tell what a person is thinking, or feeling just by looking at them?
Judgements and Stereotypes are processed in a different part of the brain than body language. And are much less accurate. For example Stereotype impressions of others are researched at about 30 percent accuracy, while first impressions made from reading someones nonverbal communication and processed in the more primitive part of the brain are found in research to be 80 percent or higher in accuracy.
Body language can give you insights into yours and other peoples thoughts and feeling. I would expand your definition to say nonverbal communication rather than body language so you could include aspects of the voice and dress and more.
2. Is body language mostly subconscious? Can we ever really control what our bodies are giving away?
We can give out up to 10,000 nonverbal cues in less than a minute..obviously most of our nonverbal cues are not under are conscious control. Our nonverbal cues come from the more primitive part of our brains rather than our rational logical brain. Language comes from the logical brain and can be more easily manipulated.
3. Can our verbal and nonverbal communication ever contradict itself? What kind of problems can this cause?
When the words and nonverbal communication don't match your primitive brain where intuition operates automatically relies on the nonverbal communication for the truth. For example, if someone says, "I love you." then grimaces, we are likely to detect their insincerity.
4. What are some practical everyday uses for body language expertise? For example, can we really tell whether someone is lying by their body expression? You can be trained to read the subtle nuances of deceit, however most people, without training predict that they will be accurate, but in reality are only able to detect deceit about 50 percent of the time. Other every day uses are too numerous to list as you can read yourself to know what you truly feel, to read people that you are working and playing with to know how they are doing.
5. Can better knowing what body language means enhance our relationships/quality of life? What are advantages to understanding body language? Your life can be greatly enhanced by understanding and reading nonverbal communication. You are able to go through the facade and really see to the heart of others and become closer and more empathetic. You know who it's not safe to get close to and you don't just play act in your relationships, but form deep connections.
Is body language always a valid form of judgment? Can we really tell what a person is thinking, or feeling just by looking at them
Judements and Stereotypes are processed in a different part of the brain than body langauge. And are much less accurate. For example Stereotype impressions of others are researched at about 30 percent accuracey, while first impressions made from reading someonees nonverbal communciation and proccessed in the more primative part of the brain are found in research to be 80 percent or higher in accuracey.
Body language can give you insights into yours and other peoples thoughts and feeling. I would expand your definition to say nonverbal communication rather than body langauge so you could include aspects of the voice and dress and more.
2. Is body language mostly subconscious? Can we ever really control what our bodies are giving away?
We can give out up to 10,000 nonverbal cues in less than a minute..obviouly most of our nonverbal cues are not under are concious control. Our nonverbal cues come from the more primative part of our brains rather than our rational logcial brain. Language comes from the logical brain and can be more eaisely manipulated.
3. Can our verbal and nonverbal communication ever contradict itself? What kind of problems can this cause?
When the words and nonverbal communication don't match your primative brain where intuition operates automatically relies on the nonverbal comunication for the truth. For example, if someone says, "I love you." then grimaces, we are likely to detect their insesarity.
4. What are some practical everyday uses for body language expertise? For example, can we really tell whether someone is lying by their body expression? You can be trained to read the sublte nuances of deciept, however most people, without trianing predect that they will be acurate, but in reality are only able to dectect deceipt about 50 percent of the time. Other every day uses are too numerous to list as you can read yourself to know what you truley feel, to read people that you are working and palying with to know how they are doing.
5. Can better knowing what body language means enhance our relationships/quality of life? What are advantages to understanding body language? Your life can be greatlye enhanced by understanding and reading nonverbal communication. You are able to go through the facade and really see to the heart of others and become closer and more empathetic. You know who it's not safe to get close to and you don't just play act in your relationships, but form deep connections.
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