Should You Spank Your Children?
Should you spank your kids? There is an interesting article on MSNBC (http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Spanking.aspx?cp-searchtext=Spanking>1=36010) with a photo of Kate of John and Kate Plus Eight spanking her child. I know that the limbic brain, which fires us up for flight or flight is engaged quickly while the higher cognitive brain takes longer. This explains why parents go to a physical response before a logical, cognitive response to bad behavior and why it works. Kids who are engaged in a "bad" or "dangerous"physical activity may not be able to get a logical verbal request, "Stop that!" or "Stop that our you will get a spanking." The spanking shocks the child. It is disturbing that the parent's hand that shows love and connection and the palm of the hand that non verbally communicates honesty may be used as a punishment. You hope your children always associate touch with love. My best friend never spanked her child unless her daughter was about to, or was doing something that physically endangered her such as crossing the street without looking. And she raised a wonderful loving daughter. I am not sure spanking is a good method for all children or that all parents can control their anger enough to make sure it is not their first means of punishment or that it is not given without a warning. My parents where of the 'spank now, admonish later' variety. I certainly never cross the street without looking as an adult, but my other punished behavior of talking back or "smart mouthing" has managed to survive in what my friends and clients think is wit. Thank goodness my father had and my mother has a great sense of humor! What do you think?
What Should You Do While You are Being Introduced to Speak? Body Language Tools for Public Speaking
Typically, I recommend that when you are being introduced to an audience you stand or sit facing the person who is introducing you and follow my GENTLER body language tips for good listening. (Find article on my website www.PattiWood.net) Last week I did something I have never done before. I stood backstage while I was being introduced. It felt very odd, but because the seats where so far from the stage, there was not a choice. It could have made me very nervous, creating far too much pressure on my first impression with the audience. I was so glad that before the introduction I had taken the time to introduce myself to individual audience members. I went to the beginning of the line for the banquet food tables and introduced myself to about 90 people out of the 400 or more people attending my luncheon keynote at the convention. So when I was standing backstage I knew I had already bonded with the audience. We already had a connection. Greeting and shaking hands with the audience before you speak is so important in creating a strong connection and reducing your anxiety. It is a tool that I teach in all my public speaking programs and describe in my book Easy Speaking. Here is some input about what to do while you are being introduced from other professional speakers found at http://www.speakernetnews.com/post/introwait.html
What to Do When Being Introduced — Sharon Ferrier (sharon@persuasivepresentations.com.au)
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8/2/2007
Following are the responses I received to my question “When I get introduced to an audience I never know what to do — do I remain incognito until the final ‘Please welcome....”? Do I stand up and smile at the audience trying not to look self conscious? Should it be different depending on the group size?”
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— Robert Skoglund
I always start greeting people as soon as I arrive at a meeting. Greet as many as possible at supper the night before, work the tradeshow. I stand at the door before the banquet/show and shake each hand as they go in and thank them for coming. Someone at NSA must have told me to do this. I’m often sitting on the edge of the stage when I’m introduced. I was told by someone at NSA that as the speaker, I’m the host of the event and people appreciate being personally greeted and thanked by the host.
Who am I to hide out back like a superstar and then roar in on a motorcycle upon being introduced?
After my shows I run to the exit and shake every hand that leaves and thank them for coming.
I wash my hands as soon as I can. We're talking about 300 chances to catch every disease known to man.
Find out from the meeting planner what is expected. I did a stage show last week. Have been to that theater half a dozen times in as many years. But I was wandering about on the stage at 8 and the fellow who was going to introduce me got upset because he couldn’t handle anything different from what he’d always done. He always entered from the back door and strode purposefully down the aisle to the stage where he introduced the acts. Because I was wandering around on the stage chatting with people in the front row he ran around outside and came on stage from the back, very angry, and said that he wanted to make his grand entrance from the back but couldn't until I got off the stage.
My fault. It had never in 25 years had happened to me before but now I know I should have asked the introducer what he had planned.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Claude Stein
Stand simple and straight ... and receive the eyes that will be on you while being introduced.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Marilyn Snyder
While I’m being introduced, there is a PowerPoint show running on the screen. I’m clicking the remote in time with the introduction as I’m standing in the back of the room (I make a grand entrance). Instead of being focused on the introducer, who may not be a very good speaker, the audience is watching the PowerPoint show. What’s in it? Pictures of me, the NSA and ASTD logos as s/he mentions my board activities, a picture of Tommy Trojan (USC grad), pictures of my products when they are listed, always a chuckle built in, my company logo, and pictures of people who are members of that audience/group/association who are also my clients. It’s a great time to establish a relationship with the audience.
The last slide/s in the PowerPoint introduction are what I call Splash Slides(c) — very wow slides that are animated to set the audience up that they’re going to enjoy a great speaker. It may show, one after the other, three words that describe me. Or my topic may be revealed on the screen. Or my picture. Or all of the above. And now it doesn’t matter where you are, because the audience isn’t looking at you and you aren’t standing there self-consciously wondering what to do next. As your last click reveals the Splash Slides(c), and the audience is clapping, you walk to the platform and begin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Jim Brown
I like to have fun so sometimes I’ll sit in the back next to a participant with my mike on and say something during the introduction, just to play with everybody. To me playing is important. Sometimes they’ll say do you know your mike is on. It’s fun to watch the reaction of the introducer too. They tend to be serious even though I have written the introduction.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Linda Thompson
I try to have everything set up before people enter the room. As they are coming in I try to meet as many as possible. That way we have already established a relationship before I begin speaking. If it’s a large audience, I stand off to the side and toward the back of the room as my introduction is being made. If it’s a small group and I’ve met most of the audience, I will stand off to the side of the person introducing me, looking directly at him/her as they are speaking. They have my full, undivided attention until they say my name, at which time I come forward, shake their hand and thank them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Glenn Brandon Burke
What works best for me is to tell the person introducing me how I would like it handled.
Also, most planners have asked me how I want them to handle it? The setting determines how I want to do it.
Usually, most people doing your intro., and for lack of a better word, suck! They do not have the proper energy, enthusiasm, excitement to do you justice. When that happens to me, I reintroduce myself the way I like it. Remember, you’re the STAR! They want you! They want you to be awesome! Take control and have fun!
I have a gig next week and though they asked how I want to be introduced, I have come up with something new (also depends on the setting/client, etc.) I experimented with a couple of weeks back and it worked beautifully. It is a 6min 20sec comedy video sketch. When it ends, I come out from the wings (or wherever I am) and make a fun reference to the video and introduce myself my way! This way I already have the audience laughing and feeling great!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Hightshoe
My background is that I was a police officer — one of the first women in America to ride a beat car, then became a detective investigating felony sex crimes. I learned the importance of letting the jury stare at me when I was testifying, and have carried that experience forward into my speaking career.
The American Bar Association did a study indicating that people decide if you are believable and if they like you in the first 90 seconds. I always stand at the front of the room or on the stage but off to the side of the introducer. I look both at the introducer and at the audience, but am careful not to notice anyone staring. So my audience gets to stare at me without feeling rude and they can make up their minds about how they feel about me.
Then, when my program begins, they’re ready to participate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Janie Jasin
I stand at an angle and smile and act quite steady and kind-looking. At one place in the intro the person reading it says, “Jasin has been speaking for 31 years and been in front of three million people.” At this point I droop my shoulders and give a worn out exhausted look. They all laugh. It was an indication to me that they were looking at me and I best be looking good for the whole intro.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Lininger
While I have a general preference, there may be times that I would deviate.
I believe it is professional to be near the front of the room/stage, and as the introduction is beginning I stand up and off to the side corner. (Not too close to the introducer, avoiding an awkwardness if the intro goes on long or the introducer goes off on a tangent ... like housekeeping.) This allows me to look at the introducer and/or the audience and smile confidently to either one as certain remarks are made. The audience sees me and has a chance to warm up to me before I utter a word.
I am also positioned nearby so when it is time to take center stage, I am not wasting anyone’s time. I don’t need a grand entrance by parading down the aisle from the back of the room.
The exception would be if a humorous dramatic grand entrance is called for ... such as if I am wearing a clown nose.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Ray Mulvihill
Most of us feel self-conscious when we are standing in front of an audience while someone extols our virtues. That’s why most of us keep in the background until such time as the introduction is complete. When a person is speaking, they are “front and centre.” They are “in control” and eyes are usually focused on the speaker. I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to be standing beside someone when they are (or should be) the focus of attention.
Also, the moment people see you, they are getting a first impression. Do you really want their first impression to include your awkwardness while waiting to take over?
It’s very important to think through what you will do as soon as the introducer is finished because if you force an audience to clap too long, they feel awkward ... or they stop clapping and you feel awkward. So, plan how you can be front and centre while people are still clapping.
Tactics might include
staying in the wings until “the moment” and then moving crisply to stage center.
In a small room, be at the back — behind people — until “the moment.”
In an assembly, locate yourself on a chair that gives fast and easy access to “front and centre.”
So, the two tactics I’d recommend for a best first impression are:
be out of sight (or insignificant) until “the moment”
move quickly to “front and centre” ready to present your best self with the greatest degree of panache.
What to Do When Being Introduced — Sharon Ferrier (sharon@persuasivepresentations.com.au)
Page Sponsors
How to sponsor this page
8/2/2007
Following are the responses I received to my question “When I get introduced to an audience I never know what to do — do I remain incognito until the final ‘Please welcome....”? Do I stand up and smile at the audience trying not to look self conscious? Should it be different depending on the group size?”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Robert Skoglund
I always start greeting people as soon as I arrive at a meeting. Greet as many as possible at supper the night before, work the tradeshow. I stand at the door before the banquet/show and shake each hand as they go in and thank them for coming. Someone at NSA must have told me to do this. I’m often sitting on the edge of the stage when I’m introduced. I was told by someone at NSA that as the speaker, I’m the host of the event and people appreciate being personally greeted and thanked by the host.
Who am I to hide out back like a superstar and then roar in on a motorcycle upon being introduced?
After my shows I run to the exit and shake every hand that leaves and thank them for coming.
I wash my hands as soon as I can. We're talking about 300 chances to catch every disease known to man.
Find out from the meeting planner what is expected. I did a stage show last week. Have been to that theater half a dozen times in as many years. But I was wandering about on the stage at 8 and the fellow who was going to introduce me got upset because he couldn’t handle anything different from what he’d always done. He always entered from the back door and strode purposefully down the aisle to the stage where he introduced the acts. Because I was wandering around on the stage chatting with people in the front row he ran around outside and came on stage from the back, very angry, and said that he wanted to make his grand entrance from the back but couldn't until I got off the stage.
My fault. It had never in 25 years had happened to me before but now I know I should have asked the introducer what he had planned.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Claude Stein
Stand simple and straight ... and receive the eyes that will be on you while being introduced.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Marilyn Snyder
While I’m being introduced, there is a PowerPoint show running on the screen. I’m clicking the remote in time with the introduction as I’m standing in the back of the room (I make a grand entrance). Instead of being focused on the introducer, who may not be a very good speaker, the audience is watching the PowerPoint show. What’s in it? Pictures of me, the NSA and ASTD logos as s/he mentions my board activities, a picture of Tommy Trojan (USC grad), pictures of my products when they are listed, always a chuckle built in, my company logo, and pictures of people who are members of that audience/group/association who are also my clients. It’s a great time to establish a relationship with the audience.
The last slide/s in the PowerPoint introduction are what I call Splash Slides(c) — very wow slides that are animated to set the audience up that they’re going to enjoy a great speaker. It may show, one after the other, three words that describe me. Or my topic may be revealed on the screen. Or my picture. Or all of the above. And now it doesn’t matter where you are, because the audience isn’t looking at you and you aren’t standing there self-consciously wondering what to do next. As your last click reveals the Splash Slides(c), and the audience is clapping, you walk to the platform and begin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Jim Brown
I like to have fun so sometimes I’ll sit in the back next to a participant with my mike on and say something during the introduction, just to play with everybody. To me playing is important. Sometimes they’ll say do you know your mike is on. It’s fun to watch the reaction of the introducer too. They tend to be serious even though I have written the introduction.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Linda Thompson
I try to have everything set up before people enter the room. As they are coming in I try to meet as many as possible. That way we have already established a relationship before I begin speaking. If it’s a large audience, I stand off to the side and toward the back of the room as my introduction is being made. If it’s a small group and I’ve met most of the audience, I will stand off to the side of the person introducing me, looking directly at him/her as they are speaking. They have my full, undivided attention until they say my name, at which time I come forward, shake their hand and thank them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Glenn Brandon Burke
What works best for me is to tell the person introducing me how I would like it handled.
Also, most planners have asked me how I want them to handle it? The setting determines how I want to do it.
Usually, most people doing your intro., and for lack of a better word, suck! They do not have the proper energy, enthusiasm, excitement to do you justice. When that happens to me, I reintroduce myself the way I like it. Remember, you’re the STAR! They want you! They want you to be awesome! Take control and have fun!
I have a gig next week and though they asked how I want to be introduced, I have come up with something new (also depends on the setting/client, etc.) I experimented with a couple of weeks back and it worked beautifully. It is a 6min 20sec comedy video sketch. When it ends, I come out from the wings (or wherever I am) and make a fun reference to the video and introduce myself my way! This way I already have the audience laughing and feeling great!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Hightshoe
My background is that I was a police officer — one of the first women in America to ride a beat car, then became a detective investigating felony sex crimes. I learned the importance of letting the jury stare at me when I was testifying, and have carried that experience forward into my speaking career.
The American Bar Association did a study indicating that people decide if you are believable and if they like you in the first 90 seconds. I always stand at the front of the room or on the stage but off to the side of the introducer. I look both at the introducer and at the audience, but am careful not to notice anyone staring. So my audience gets to stare at me without feeling rude and they can make up their minds about how they feel about me.
Then, when my program begins, they’re ready to participate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Janie Jasin
I stand at an angle and smile and act quite steady and kind-looking. At one place in the intro the person reading it says, “Jasin has been speaking for 31 years and been in front of three million people.” At this point I droop my shoulders and give a worn out exhausted look. They all laugh. It was an indication to me that they were looking at me and I best be looking good for the whole intro.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Nancy Lininger
While I have a general preference, there may be times that I would deviate.
I believe it is professional to be near the front of the room/stage, and as the introduction is beginning I stand up and off to the side corner. (Not too close to the introducer, avoiding an awkwardness if the intro goes on long or the introducer goes off on a tangent ... like housekeeping.) This allows me to look at the introducer and/or the audience and smile confidently to either one as certain remarks are made. The audience sees me and has a chance to warm up to me before I utter a word.
I am also positioned nearby so when it is time to take center stage, I am not wasting anyone’s time. I don’t need a grand entrance by parading down the aisle from the back of the room.
The exception would be if a humorous dramatic grand entrance is called for ... such as if I am wearing a clown nose.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
— Ray Mulvihill
Most of us feel self-conscious when we are standing in front of an audience while someone extols our virtues. That’s why most of us keep in the background until such time as the introduction is complete. When a person is speaking, they are “front and centre.” They are “in control” and eyes are usually focused on the speaker. I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to be standing beside someone when they are (or should be) the focus of attention.
Also, the moment people see you, they are getting a first impression. Do you really want their first impression to include your awkwardness while waiting to take over?
It’s very important to think through what you will do as soon as the introducer is finished because if you force an audience to clap too long, they feel awkward ... or they stop clapping and you feel awkward. So, plan how you can be front and centre while people are still clapping.
Tactics might include
staying in the wings until “the moment” and then moving crisply to stage center.
In a small room, be at the back — behind people — until “the moment.”
In an assembly, locate yourself on a chair that gives fast and easy access to “front and centre.”
So, the two tactics I’d recommend for a best first impression are:
be out of sight (or insignificant) until “the moment”
move quickly to “front and centre” ready to present your best self with the greatest degree of panache.
Attractiveness: If you are pretty, what do we think about how you manage?
An attractive boss is more liked and perceived more positively than an unattractive boss... More research that indicates the "attractive advantage." I was reading the results of an MSNBC online survey, 61,647 people or workers that found that "Good-looking bosses were found to be more competent, collaborative and better delegators than their less attractive counterparts." Yes, another example of the halo effect. When we see one outstanding positive characterisics in someone we assign them other positive qualities. I discuss this in the chapter on first impressions in my book Success Signals. The ELLE/MSNBC survey also found that most women believe they are judged in the workplace on the basis of their looks. Not a big surprise, nor is it a surprise that men thought their competence mattered more than their looks. Other research on attractiveness shows that over time the 'halo' can get tarnished and people may see the real behaviors, but it takes quite a long time for people to stop attributing positive characteristics to someone who is attractive and some people can't do it at all. It actually creates dissonance in the brain. The survey found that, "About 58 percent of female bosses who were rated as attractive got high marks for competence, compared with 41 percent of 'average-looking' female bosses and only 23 percent of unattractive supervisors. Among people with male bosses, 61 percent who rated their supervisors as good-looking also found them competent, compared with 41 percent for the average types and 25 percent for those rated unattractive."
Many of you know that I have been researching first impressions for many years. The power of first impressions is very strong. So women get out your blow dryers and makeup and guys buy some new pants and tuck in your shirts. We are watching.
Many of you know that I have been researching first impressions for many years. The power of first impressions is very strong. So women get out your blow dryers and makeup and guys buy some new pants and tuck in your shirts. We are watching.
Series: Famous statements about lies #8
"Life is a system of half-truths and lies, of opportunistic, convenient evasion."
-Langston Hughes
(http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1611/sins22lies0index.html)
For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.
-Langston Hughes
(http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1611/sins22lies0index.html)
For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.
What women find attractive men
What Women WantWomen showed some preference for thin, muscular men. But they also disagreed over the hotness factor of many men, with some women giving a guy high attractiveness ratings while others scored the same guy as not attractive at all. To read the full article go to http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31669474/ns/health
The results of the study were published in the June issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, a journal that I have been reading since my undergrad days in the 70's as I began researching and writing about body language. The research has some important implications for the dating scene.
Women are programmed to find all sorts of men attractive so they are not all competing for the same Tarzan he man. The textbook I used when I taught body language at Florida State cited research that found that women find men who look like their current boyfriend or mate the most attractive and that as women change love interests they change what they find attractive in a man. Thank goodness we are flexible.
Men who seem to find the same wafer thin model type women attractive might face stiff competition from other guys who all have eyes for the same handful of women. The research suggested men may need to invest more time and energy into attracting and guarding their mates from other potential suitors. I guess that means men who find thin women attractive need to increase their credit card debt. Oh, and they do: After eons of evolution, men are hardwired to overspend and max out credit cards to attract mates, a study last year concluded. To read more, check out the link below.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31669474/ns/health-behavior/
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