I love to talk to strangers. Typically, I initiate conversations. But, not everyone feels comfortable doing that. In fact, my clients often ask me, "When I go out, be it on business, or just out by myself, how do I get people to initiate a conversation with me? On a business trip to California I ate at the wonderful Pied Piper Restaurant. Because it had been a long day of speaking I wasn't in an initiating mood. That evening at the restaurant, without even realizing it, I used three of the methods I teach to nonverbally invite strangers to initiate conversation and as a result met two interesting people.
In my advice to people who want to meet new people, network, form business alliances, or find someone to date I suggest to invite conversation by engaging in an interesting and or unusual positive activity that can illicit a positive comment or question.
The First Technique I used was to sit at the bar not at a table. Sitting at the bar you get side by side conversation, it is less threatening than face to face initial interactions so the seating makes it easier for men to initiate conversation with each other and with women. (See my blogs on side by side vs face to face)
The Second Technique I used was to carry an interesting book or other interesting reading material such as an electronic book. That night I was reading a hardback by humorous British author David Nicholls “A Question of Attraction.” The young man siting next to me asked me what I thought of the book and we were off on a fun conversation immediately. A funny coincidence is that it was easy for me to converse right away with him because he had a book on the bar in front of him on Franklin Roosevelt.
During our conversation I learned he does training internationally and owns a coffee house in San Francisco. He was leaving for China that week and I had just read a very insightful article on China in “The Week” so we were able to discuss some of the points discussed in the article: the coming storm as China continues to pollute its water and runs out of drinking water, It's problems, similar to ours as more elderly people are in need of support than people working and finally because of its large population, China's increased need to purchase goods from other countries, thus increasing trade throughout the world.
The Third Technique I used was to order interesting food. For the main course, I ordered something I saw someone eating as I came in that looked marvelously unique. A big bowl with spiral pasta pasta, mushrooms, parsley and a dollop of sour cream on top. It also had truffel oil and was wonderful.
As I ate I noticed a gentlemen sitting next to me eyeing the big bowl of pasta.
Then I had dessert, chocolate peppermint cake. It was served on a beautiful long clear glass rectangle plate with pink ice-cream and raspberry sauce. It was so lovely, I even took a picture of the plating. That did it. The combination of the unusual maincourse, dessert and my IPhone photo session motivated the gentleman to initiate a conversation by saying, "I noticed that the dessert looked beautiful, obviously you did too!" He then asked, "What was it?" and the conversation was started. I discovered that the gentleman was from Malaysia. He shared with me that he is part Indian part Chinese and was raised in a big house with floor to ceiling books in the library that sounded like the library at the Biltmore. At 14 he left Malaysia for London and was accepted immediately into college. He went on from there to law school at Cambridge and then worked in international banking. He rides his bike or the bus everyday to his current job as a house council for a Bank. That fact alone impressed me! He talked about the chain of restaurants in China he just opened with his partners. The Chinese love cheese and California wine. Who knew! We also all shared favorite books. I told them about the novel I was reading. The same novel by humorous British author David Nicholls “A Question of Attraction.” (He reminds me of the author of “About a Boy” Nick Hornsby.)
The Law of Association (with good experiences)–By pairing yourself with pleasurable stimuli another person will begin to associate you with pleasurable things.
The next day I had breakfast in the hotel court. Check out the link for Photos. It is an extremely impressive hotel. Make sure you click to the court photos. It has an enormous glass ceiling like a garden conservatory in a Victorian home. In fact, the restaurants and lobby were gorgeous!
Http://www.sfpalacerestaurants.com/pied-piper
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Southern Voices- Authors Body Language
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Image and Attractiveness, A Make Over Story
A 56 year old CEO had taken her company from 2 million dollars to a 200 million dollar business in 15 years. She was very successful, but as her clients got younger she didn’t feel successful. Her clothes were dowdy, blacks and browns, her hair hung lank over her face. Parker Geiger, an image consultant colleague of mine. (Check out his website) worked with her to see what fit. We are typically drawn to certain first impression factors. Power had been her motivator, esthetics attractiveness, how she looked to others, had meant nothing to her. But now she wanted to look like her new client base.
Parker says, wearing the right colors, saying the right thing, eating with the right utensil is not going to make you successful. It’s knowing you are doing all the right things that builds confidence and it’s that confidence that translates into success. For Sandra, we did just that. Her clothing style is Dramatic/Natural; dramatic in terms of wearing larger scale accessories but natural in the sense of dressing in comfort. We built a wardrobe of natural fibered clothing and unusual jewelry. Things she felt confident in. Although Sandra has been speaking to large groups around the world, after her coaching she told me that she walked out to a crowd of 1000 people and felt more confident than she ever had before. And it felt good. Now Sandra can focus back on what she does best and that is selling!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Parker says, wearing the right colors, saying the right thing, eating with the right utensil is not going to make you successful. It’s knowing you are doing all the right things that builds confidence and it’s that confidence that translates into success. For Sandra, we did just that. Her clothing style is Dramatic/Natural; dramatic in terms of wearing larger scale accessories but natural in the sense of dressing in comfort. We built a wardrobe of natural fibered clothing and unusual jewelry. Things she felt confident in. Although Sandra has been speaking to large groups around the world, after her coaching she told me that she walked out to a crowd of 1000 people and felt more confident than she ever had before. And it felt good. Now Sandra can focus back on what she does best and that is selling!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Image and Attractiveness, making changes.
56 year old female CEO had taken her company from 2 million dollars to a 200 million dollar business in 15 years. She was very successful, but as her client’s got younger she didn’t feel successful. Her clothes were dowdy, blacks and brown her hair hung lank over her face. Parker a Geiger an image consultant colleague of mine, worked with her to see what fit. We are typically drawn to certain first impressions factors power had been her motivator, esthetics attractiveness how she looked to others had meant nothing to her. But now she wanted to look like her new client base.
Parker says, wearing the right colors, saying the right thing, eating with the right utensil is not going to make you successful. It’s knowing you are doing all the right things that builds confidence and it’s that confidence that translates into success. For Sandra, we did just that. Her clothing style is Dramatic/Natural; dramatic in terms of wearing larger scale accessories but natural in the sense of having dressing in comfort. We built a wardrobe of natural fibered clothing and unusual jewelry. Things she felt confident it. Although Sandra has been speaking to large groups around the world after her coaching she told me that she walked out to a crowd of 1000 people and felt more confident then she ever had before. And it felt good. Now Sandra can focus back on what she does best and that is selling!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Parker says, wearing the right colors, saying the right thing, eating with the right utensil is not going to make you successful. It’s knowing you are doing all the right things that builds confidence and it’s that confidence that translates into success. For Sandra, we did just that. Her clothing style is Dramatic/Natural; dramatic in terms of wearing larger scale accessories but natural in the sense of having dressing in comfort. We built a wardrobe of natural fibered clothing and unusual jewelry. Things she felt confident it. Although Sandra has been speaking to large groups around the world after her coaching she told me that she walked out to a crowd of 1000 people and felt more confident then she ever had before. And it felt good. Now Sandra can focus back on what she does best and that is selling!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
How seating effects the audience and the speaker
Have you ever noticed an audience “check out” on a speaker?
There are times when seating profoundly effects and audiences response.
Recently I was the last speaker of a four day event. All day, for four days the attendees sat at tables set for 12 people in the same large banquet room at the Hotel.
By the time I was introduced in the afternoon of the last day they had set up their seats to create an easy way to “check out” of any presentation.
Out of 150 people the majority of the people were sitting in the back of the room. In fact, there were five tables in the front that were absolutely empty and the others up front have two or three people at a table meant for 12. This seating creates what I call the castle wall effect. The participants can tune out and talk to each other because they feel they are protected and hidden behind the castle wall.
It also makes it much more difficult to connect with the group and to get them to laugh. It is hard to move and audience to laugh over empty seats. You may have heard comics like Jay Leno talk about the advantage of having the front seats filled and a packed house for the comedy to work. The same principal applies to any speaking, training or meeting situation. Laughter and energy move easily in a crowd. With all those issues in mind, you can see were this could have made for a “tough audience.” I had to move out into the audience throughout the speech to bridge the empty gab. Now in the ideal circumstances you as the speaker can get the room arranged more effectively. Here is what you might ask.
Could you ask the banquet manager to change the room slightly before the last day’s presentation? Could the hotel staff please move out at least the back three tables and all those chairs at the back? And get rid of any extra chairs in the room that people may have pulled away from the tables and brought to sit in against the back wall. Those are what I call the, “too good for the room seats.” and are typically filled with participants who may have high assigned status, or those who most want to check out. Please get rid of those chairs.
If you can get the change the groups they will fill up the room at not have empty tables or three at the tables in front. You will have a packed house and a much happier audience!!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
There are times when seating profoundly effects and audiences response.
Recently I was the last speaker of a four day event. All day, for four days the attendees sat at tables set for 12 people in the same large banquet room at the Hotel.
By the time I was introduced in the afternoon of the last day they had set up their seats to create an easy way to “check out” of any presentation.
Out of 150 people the majority of the people were sitting in the back of the room. In fact, there were five tables in the front that were absolutely empty and the others up front have two or three people at a table meant for 12. This seating creates what I call the castle wall effect. The participants can tune out and talk to each other because they feel they are protected and hidden behind the castle wall.
It also makes it much more difficult to connect with the group and to get them to laugh. It is hard to move and audience to laugh over empty seats. You may have heard comics like Jay Leno talk about the advantage of having the front seats filled and a packed house for the comedy to work. The same principal applies to any speaking, training or meeting situation. Laughter and energy move easily in a crowd. With all those issues in mind, you can see were this could have made for a “tough audience.” I had to move out into the audience throughout the speech to bridge the empty gab. Now in the ideal circumstances you as the speaker can get the room arranged more effectively. Here is what you might ask.
Could you ask the banquet manager to change the room slightly before the last day’s presentation? Could the hotel staff please move out at least the back three tables and all those chairs at the back? And get rid of any extra chairs in the room that people may have pulled away from the tables and brought to sit in against the back wall. Those are what I call the, “too good for the room seats.” and are typically filled with participants who may have high assigned status, or those who most want to check out. Please get rid of those chairs.
If you can get the change the groups they will fill up the room at not have empty tables or three at the tables in front. You will have a packed house and a much happier audience!!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)