Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

How to Avoid a Hug

This is an excerpt from Patti's new book "SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" coming out this Fall

The Hug Dodge

So, you’re not a hugger and this whole hugging thing makes you a bit uneasy. There are many motivations for dodging a hug and more than one method to do it. It was front-page news in the Irish press with Bono, of the rock group U2 admitted that he dodged a hug from then-President George W. Bush by jumping behind a podium on the stage as the affectionate Bush came near him. Bono said he didn’t feel like being the recipient of a hug from someone he disagreed with on so many things.

I’m a hugger, so I don’t worry about people hugging me. But I know there have been times when someone didn’t want to hug with me. Not everyone is a hugger. When you hug, you expose the front of your body, opening all of your body windows. It can make some people feel vulnerable. Others feel that hugs are too personal and intimate and even too sexual for everyday interactions in business and with acquaintances. Thankfully, their body language cues will let you know very quickly whether they are huggers.

What if I don’t want a hug?

Carol, a pharmaceutical sales rep in my sales presentation skills class asked, “What if I don’t want a hug? Some of the physicians I call on immediately give me a hug and I am just not into that.” This is a frequent question for women in business. The good news, Carol and all, “I am not a hugger” gals and guys, there is a systematic technique to avoid the hug.

If you see the potential hugger with both hands and arms raised and chest thrust out in the “hug” position, do the following:

1. Break eye contact

2. Step forward on your right foot (This is your “handshaking foot” – the foot that normally moves first for a handshake)

3. Present only the right side of your body, which effectively closes off your body windows

4. Extend your right hand for a handshake. (You can choose to make eye contact again at this point)

5. After touching, step back outside the intimate zone of space to signal you are done, and you don’t want to follow the handshake with a hug. This step also sends the signal that not only is the hug unwanted now, but also unwanted in the future.

If extending the arm and presenting the right side doesn’t stop the hugger, wrap your left arm around the person’s shoulder. This way it becomes a side-to-side hug rather than a frontal hug. You can also pat their back or shoulder to insure you indicate you don’t want a sexual interaction.

The hug dodge does two things:

1. It signals in those important milliseconds that you are initiating a handshake interaction.

2. It closes and protects the windows of your body

Macey, a drop-dead gorgeous client of mine came in for a coaching session after receiving the hug dodge training in our previous session. She said, “I feel so empowered. Yesterday I was at a meeting. My boss’s boss, who goes in for the really uncomfortable, feel you up kind of hug approached me with his arms out at the meeting last week. I was able to use the hug dodge to change it to a much more comfortable handshake. I realized at once how powerless and uncomfortable I typically feel when I have had to interact with him after one of his inappropriately sexual hugs.”

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Life Lesson Quote for April 14, 2012

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Casablanca "Here is looking at your kid" - drinks for a Casablanca party night.

Rick's toast to Ilsa, "Here's looking at you, kid", that is used several times in the movie Casablanca , is not in the draft screenplays, but has been attributed to something Bogart said to Bergman as he taught her poker between takes. It was voted the 5th most memorable line in cinema in AFI's 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes by the American Film Institute.

I just got Turner Classic Movie 70^th anniversary edition remastered version of Casablanca

I just looked up the beverages that were consumed in the movie to inspire choices for a Casablanca movie viewing Party. In the Movie Casablanca the characters drank Champagne, Champagne cocktails, wine, cognac, Cointreau, and bourbon. Nonverbally drinking all that alcohol effects the body language of the characters throughout the movie. They are looking off in the distance as they wait for a drink, they look at the drinks they look at each other and then the drinks. This show the hopelessness and trapped feelings they have at the onset of war. The alcohol is their escape from reality . Wow! You could get very tipsy if you played a drinking game had people raise our glasses and drink every time they drink or toast in the movie.

Here is what I found on the internet at http://www.wineintro.com/movies/casablanca/ everything below is from this website.

“From the start of the story right through the end, wine and Champagne were key elements..

The movie begins with Rick finishing a glass of Champagne. It's sad that in those days they used the giant-bowl glasses, which aren't very good for saving bubbles or flavor in a bubbly! Ugarte comes over with the two passes, and goes through two glasses of cognac.

Cut over to Yvonne, drowning her sorrows in Rick's private stock of brandy. I've tried to figure out which it is, but the picture is too small for me to see. She's soon escorted home by Sacha.

Now Major Strasser enters, and Captain Renault kindly suggests he try the Veuve Cliquot '26, a very good year for this Champagne. Laszlo and Ilsa come in and order two glasses of Cointreau. Renault seems to be fond of Champagne, because in a few minutes he joins the couple, and orders a bottle of Champagne for them (although, we might note, not the '26). Lazlo heads up to the bar before it arrives, and Renault meets him there and orders a pair of Champagne Cocktails. These people like to drink!

Later that evening, Rick is depressed over seeing Ilsa and goes most of the way through a bottle of bourbon. He starts remembering their days in Paris. This involves they drinking Cordon Rougue Champagne in his apartment, with the famous "Here's looking at you, kid" line. Later in La Belle Aurore, a little club, they're trying to get through the remaining bottles of Cordon Rougue before the Germans get into town. They even threaten to pour it in the garden rather than let the Germans get it. Their final kiss knocks over the glass.

The next morning in the Blue Parrot, Rick and Ferrari share a bourbon together. At Rick's later on, Yvonne and her new German soldier lover order "French 75s" at the bar. Carl, the waiter, then brings "the finest brandy" to the Leuchtags, who are preparing to leave for Lisbon. It appears to be Hennessey Cognac. Rick's drinking brandy when he chats with Annina, and then Laszlo comes in with Ilsa and order two cognacs. When Rick lets Annina win their 'escape fare', Carl pours a brandy for Rick in thanks.

Now we go through perhaps the longest wine-free stretch of the entire movie, until Ilsa gets into Rick's apartment. After the "pause" they are sipping Champagne on the couch. Then Laszlo comes into the bar, and Rick goes down to pour him some brandy

Six lines from Casablanca appeared in the AFI list, the most of any film (Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz tied for second with three apiece). The other five are:

"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship" – 20th

"Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By'" – 28th

"Round up the usual suspects" – 32nd

"We'll always have Paris" – 43rd

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all

One of the lines most closely associated with the film — "Play it again, Sam" — is a misquotation.[120][121] When Ilsa first enters the Café Americain, she spots Sam and asks him to "Play it once, Sam, for old times' sake." After he feigns ignorance, she responds, "Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By'." Later that night, alone with Sam, Rick says, "You played it for her, you can play it for me," and "If she can stand it, I can! Play it!"

Life Lesson Quote for April 13, 2012

HOWEVER GOOD OR BAD A SITUATION IS, IT WILL CHANGE.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Five Relaxation Techniques Before a Speech or Other High Stress Event

1. Place one hand on your stomach, and breathe deeply. Focus on filing your belly up like a balloon so your hand rises and then let your breath out slowly. Repeat three times

2. Breathe in slowly counting to three then hold your breath in for a count of three then breathe out very slowly on a count of three.

3. Place one hand on the chest just under your neck and the other on your stomach breathe in slowly and see which hand moves the most. When we are under stress we breathe shallow breaths high in the chest. To relax focus on your breathing low and slow till just the hand on your stomach moves when you breathe.

4. Close your eyes and imagine yourself walking by the ocean. Feel the warm sun on your skin. Feel the sand. Hear the waves come in and out. Breathe slowly in and out with the waves. Say to yourself I am relaxed.

5 .Close your eyes and imagine the audience smiling and leaning forward as you come up to speak. Imagine your relaxed and confident energy as you begin your speech. See the audience in your mind's eye nodding their heads and showing interest.