If you missed Patti this morning on the TODAY Show, click the link below to see the entire interview.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJnVjD1HPQE&feature=youtu.be
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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Space Invasion, When People Get too Close
I’m
about to speak to a group of CEOs in Florida. I notice that two of the
group members are standing side-to-side, feet in a guy relaxed stance
talking together laughing and eating bagels. Another CEO, the only guy in the
meeting wearing a tie approaches them. Their entire bodies change and
turn to face the Tie guy each enlarging their bodies and moving their feet far
apart. In a brief minute they are
exchanging thousands of cues. It is clear to me these guys aren’t going
to share the bagels or anything else with Tie guy but Tie guy doesn’t pick up on
the cues. Research shows that in just
one minute you can exchange up to 10,000 nonverbal cues.
–
This
example specifically was Proxemics- how people use and perceive
space. Adults typically have more control
of their face and upper bodies but the feet are under less conscious control.
–
The
broader your stance typically the more powerful you feel or want to feel.
There’s physics to it! The more space
you take up the less of a push over you are as well as the message of power you
send to others.
–
So
note, our feet communicate exactly what we think and feel more honestly than
other parts of our bodies. (Morris, 1985, 244) Generally, people are focused on
controlling their facial expressions, torsos and upper body while communicating. The feet are vital to us responding to danger
and stress and we need them to freeze, flee, fight, or fall.
–
When
you’re monitoring yourself check out your feet how you feel about yourself the
topic or situation and the other person or people you are with.
–
The
CEOs eating bagels in the story changed their stances from relaxed to what I
call a Toe Stop position. A position people, mainly men, take when they
are standing side-by-side with their buddies in agreement, talking to equals
and relaxed. When Tie guy approached they went into what I call lock and load
position. True Grit ready to go for their guns. It is an alpha/ready to attack
or defend stance.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Julia Roberts' Niece, Emma Roberts and Evan Peters' Body Language as a Couple since the Domestic Violence Charge
Patti was asked to read the body language of Emma Roberts and Evan Peters in the pic below by Life and Style Magazine. Her comments will be in next Wednesday's issue in the PDA section.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
That
is doozy of a story. I can't see her hand closest to him. Really they are walking beautifully in sync
with one another. See how the toes are
down in the same spot on the ball of the foot on their back foot and on the
heel of the foot on the front foot.
Exactly in step and looking down at the same spot which means (I remember the first photo I read of Julia
with her then new boyfriend now husband where they were walking in sync and I
said for a mag" This it. This is her love"
Getting
back to them, I do see that she is using her artifact (purse papers and scarf)
to block her heart, but it could be the photographer.
What
I think is most interesting is that he is so cautiously putting his hand around
her. See how the upper arm, elbow and forearm are not touching her and the hand
is flat. It is a very polite way of showing affection and protection and not
the usual arm wrap of love and ownership.
From
the photo alone I would give them a 3.
Here
is a piece I did later on Julia with all her boyfriends. http://www.pattiwood.net/uploads/Julia%20Roberts%20Body%20Language%20US%20mag.pdf
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Patti on the TODAY SHOW, August 1, 2013 @ 8:20 a.m.
Here are Patti's notes for her appearance on the Today Show, August 1, 2013 @ 8:20 am. Tune in to watch Patti but if you're not able you can check back on the blog later on August 1 to see the entire video of Patti on the Today Show.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
WHY ARE WE SO UNCOMFORTABLE BEING CLOSE
UP WITH STRANGERS?
Forced, close
distances get intense at 2 feet. Arm’s
length, our bodies go into a “Stranger Danger” stress response. You have heard
of the flight fight response it’s more complex. Close strangers may make you
want to freeze in place, flee, expand into fight response, faint or fade.
WHY ARE ELEVATORS SO ESPECIALLY AWKWARD?
People coming in
face forward into your space feels like an attack and invasion. And once you’re
trapped in that space there are no lines on the floor saying this is my space
that is yours. That’s why people hang out at the button panel; it gives them a
defined role space.
HOW CLOSE CAN WE GET TO ANOTHER PERSON?
In North America
our sense of self is external so we have a body bubble that has expanded to 18
inches.
WHAT IS THE DISTANCE WE ARE ALL GENERALLY
COMFORTABLE WITH?
Intimate
relationships 0 to 18 inches, for people we know but aren’t going to be kissing
2 feet in what is called personal distance. If we don’t know them and are
confined we want 4 feet or more (Think two arm lengths.)
TALKING…WHY DO WE FEEL WE SHOLDN’T TALK
TO STRANGERS IN CLOSE SPACES BUT SOMETIMES WE FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO?
Social proxemics
Typically When you have an intimate relationship,
think friend or family, both your primitive, limbic brain and social rules say
you can and should be physically close.
If you are forced to be close with a stranger you are battling the
physical messages that say this is scary and the social etiquette that says, I
should be nice, after all we’re close.
HOW DO WE SIGNAL THAT WE DON’T WANT TO
ENGAGE? AND WHAT’S THAT ABOUT?
Subtle limbic brain responses called
blocking and comfort cues.
WHAT ARE STRESS OR COMFORT CUES?
Blocking cues protect,
comfort cues make us feel better. Rapid blinking or something I see in elevators
eye shade, closing your eyes I don’t see you (or maybe you’re just napping),
crossing your arms to protect your body’s vulnerable ventral front.
WHAT DO WE DO TO BLOCK AND COMFORT
OURSELVES?
When mommy is
not here to hold us we self-comfort.
This alerts the nerve endings and creates endorphins that make us feel
better.
LET’S TALK ABOUT WHEN WE ARE STUCK SEATED
NEXT TO SOMEBODY ELSE: ON A PLANE, IN A THEATRE, ON A TRAIN, ON A BUS, ETC…
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE PHYSICAL THINGS WE DO TO CREATE A DISTANCE IF IT FEELS TOO
CLOSE?
We may
consciously avoid engagement leaning back or breaking eye contact by checking
our phones or reading. I have a theory
that women’s huge purses are to make women bigger, mightier and give her
something to use to block access.
IS THERE A GENDER DIFFERENCE?
This is huge.
Men feel attacked when sitting or standing face-to- face. (Think elevator) They tend to puff up, get
bigger in fight response or shut down and not talk. Men feel more comfortable
in side-by-side. So men can sit close on
stools at a bar. Women are socialized to
face and nurture children so if they are side-to-side and they want to start a
conversation they will turn and face their hearts toward you.
ON AIRPLANES, THERE’S A PARTICULAR
HEIGHTENED SENSE OF DISCOMFORT WHEN TALKING TO THE STRANGER SITTING NEXT TO US.
IS IT TRUE? AND WHY IS THAT?
You are on a small plane hurtling in the air and
there is no place to run. If you’re a frequent flyer, you know that seats use to give you six inches
of elbow room from your torso but now seats put you in an intimate space less
than 12 inches head to head.
OVERALL ANY GENERAL WORDS OF ADVICE OR
TIPS TO MAKE CLOSE SPACES WITH STRANGERS LESS AWKWARD AND MORE COMFORTABLE?
If you want to
ease stress, establish commonality, something that signals we are in this
together state something you have in common, the weather, the temperature in
the plane or train, the coffee. Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
What does Castro's Body Language Reveal?
Patti was interviewed by Erin Burnett on CNN while in Wisconsin yesterday on the body language of Castro, the man that held 3 women captive for 10 years. Click the link below to hear Patti's observations of Castro's body language during his appearance in court.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THW6N5Enu6s&feature=youtu.be
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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