Below is a great article on the body language of world leaders, spys
and terrorists called the body language of James Bond. They quoted three people in the my field that I respect, I just wish they had
quoted me!
Body Language of World Leaders, Spys and Terrorists
How to Say, “I Love You” With Your Greetings and Goodbyes
How to Say, “I Love You” With Your Greetings and Goodbyes
I
am a professional speaker so I fly just about every week. After working out of
town and flying hours in a cramped plane I arrive in Atlanta, a weary traveler.
Then I have a long walk and train ride. Every week on this journey I am
surrounded by a sea of sad and exhausted travelers, all wearing what I call
“Friday Faces,” the tired look of someone who has worked and traveled all week
and is just barely hanging on until the weekend. In fact, sometimes I look at
the travelers around me and they look like they are soldiers who have been in
battle and they are coming home from war.
When
we reach the top of the escalator, something magical happens. There is a sea of loved ones, holding, “I
love you” signs and carrying roses, ready to touch and hold us and transform
our Friday Faces, to faces full of love. We are greeted with love and the
greeting transforms us and bonds us with our loved ones.
In
one study done at airports, 60% of people engaged in touching when greeting or
saying goodbye to another person. And other studies show that we linger and
give more touch as we say goodbye in any interaction.
I
believe we should greet our loved ones every day as if they have come home from
battle. We should hold them, touch them, kiss them and give them our love and
undivided attention.
Greetings Home
Every evening when my father came
through the door from work, he would give a high two note whistle to signal he
was home and my mother, my teenage sisters and I would come running to greet
him. It didn’t matter what we were doing. My mother’s cake batter could be
stirred later, my sister’s records could be listened to later and my Malibu
Barbie could wait to go out in the convertible with Ken. Daddy was our priority
and we would run to him, sharing hugs and kisses with each other, with me being
grabbed in his arms and thrown in the air. We would have a few minutes of love
and laughter. I was fortunate that my parents were so demonstrative. Message:
Greetings are an important ritual for family bonding and bonding in
general. Always make a loving
ritual of hellos and goodbyes.
No matter where you are in the house, drop whatever you’re doing, and greet your spouse with a kiss and or a hug hello when they come home. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, working, or cooking, this communicates that he or she is the most important thing to you. If you are with other family members, bring them with you to greet your sweetie. Get them excited. If you have small kids and they run to greet your sweetie, go with THEM.
Each time you greet with your time, your speed of reaction, your eye contact, your presence and your touch, you are saying nonverbally, “You come first.” A warm welcome actually decreases the chance of stress, conflict and arguing later on. This can reduce conflict in your home as well. In a research study where teachers and principals stood at the school doors or classroom and shook hands with students as they entered, school attendance was higher and bad behavior was lower. Don’t you think in your home if you started the night right by greeting your sweetie as they came in the rest of the night would go better?
No matter where you are in the house, drop whatever you’re doing, and greet your spouse with a kiss and or a hug hello when they come home. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, working, or cooking, this communicates that he or she is the most important thing to you. If you are with other family members, bring them with you to greet your sweetie. Get them excited. If you have small kids and they run to greet your sweetie, go with THEM.
Each time you greet with your time, your speed of reaction, your eye contact, your presence and your touch, you are saying nonverbally, “You come first.” A warm welcome actually decreases the chance of stress, conflict and arguing later on. This can reduce conflict in your home as well. In a research study where teachers and principals stood at the school doors or classroom and shook hands with students as they entered, school attendance was higher and bad behavior was lower. Don’t you think in your home if you started the night right by greeting your sweetie as they came in the rest of the night would go better?
Goodbyes
Goodbyes and goodbye hugs and kisses have a
big impact too. These words and gestures say “I leave you with love.” With a touch goodbye, you anchor yourself to
your mate. I recommend creating a “secret
touch” I suggest that you agree on a non-verbal love signal shared just
between the two of you. It can be a
lingering look, a touch on the forearm, a cupped hand on the side of the face,
a kiss to both cheeks, a touch of forehead to forehead, and that three second
look or touch can mean, ‘I love you,’ ‘I want you right now’ or ‘You look great
to me’,” or “I send you off with all my love.”
There are other choices. Your secret love signal could be as simple as a
sly smile, or your lips puckered up, or maybe a quick wrinkling up of the nose.
It could be as simple as a tilt of the head to indicate you’d like to rest your
head on his shoulder or allow her head to rest on yours as a gesture of warmth
and respect. Words are not always needed. The secret love signal can recreate the
love each time it is given.
Because I have been recommending making
a ritual of goodbyes and hellos in your household, I have gotten many emails
from attendees saying things like, “My spouse treats me so differently now that
I get up and greet them at the door when they come home.” “I am amazed how much
it seems to ease the stress of my husband when I go and greet him at the door.”
“I have seen my sweeties face light up now when she comes home in a way it
didn’t when I didn’t go to hug her when she came home.”
We have a favorite family
recording of a greeting home. The coming home greeting was done by the local
television station during the gulf war. My brother-in-law Sheldon is coming
home from many months of danger in the Gulf. As he gets off the plane at first
he looks lost and then, he sees his family and they see him. My sister and their
children leap up and run full blast to him with their arms up and open. They
are smiling and crying and it’s a love fest. My brother-in-law Sheldon bonds
with his family, he is transformed.
So I say to you, Get up off
the couch, come down from the office, put down your small tasks and rush to
your sweetie. Go to the door to say hello every night when your loved
ones come home.
This chapter was inspired
by an interview I did for the Toronto Sun today. Here is the
article. http://www.torontosun.com/life/2010/02/09/12807046.html
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Patti Wood's Analysis of Jon Jones' Fox Sports Interview
Patti's read is below in yellow:
Here's what body language experts thought of Jon
Jones' Fox Sports interview
By Mike
RussellJanuary 23, 2015 4:33 PMCagewriter
Done
In the wake of Jon Jones’ Fox Sports
interview Monday, in which he denied having a cocaine problem, many questioned
the UFC light heavyweight champion's sincerity.
During the 13-minute one-on-one with
Fox Sports Live host Charissa Thompson, Jones admitted to using cocaine at a
party prior to the Dec. 4 drug test he failed. He also admitted to using
cocaine and other recreational drugs in college, but unequivocally denied
having a cocaine problem.
"I know I don't [have a
problem]," Jones said. "There's no room in my life to be a cocaine addict."
It seems as though every fighter,
blogger, pundit, and social media soapboxer who has seen the interview, whether
they believe or doubt the honesty of Jones, is a self-proclaimed expert on
behavior, body language, and deception.
Rather than pile on with our own
hypothesis of what we feel Jones’ demeanor indicated, we instead brought in two
actual leading experts in the field to watch and analyze the 13-minute
interview below and share their unbiased expert opinion of how genuine Jones
really was.
(Disclaimer: Both experts were also
provided with the “off air” argument between Jones and Daniel Cormier, as well
as other less crisis-fuelled interviews with Jones for comparison as neither
was familiar with him prior to our consultation. They were consulted
independently and did not discuss their findings with one another.)
Janine Driver is a former ATF agent and deception and body language training officer, and is the New York Times and international best selling author of "You Can’t Lie to Me". She is the current president of the Body Language Institute, which offers civilian training courses and consults for various law enforcement agencies, legal teams, and news agencies.
The following is Driver’s analysis
of the video:
Red flag 1
“When [Jones] answers that, no, he
did not use cocaine from the time he took the [positive] test to the fight, he
responds with a strong denial. He says, ‘No. No, I did not.’ This is the best
denial and is often heard from honest people,” Driver explains.” “However, we
then see a smile. This is called ‘duping delight’ and this is indicative of
someone who is being deceptive. This indicates to me there's something he's not
saying here.”
Red flag 2
“When asked how often he's done
cocaine, he responds that he experimented in college, "but that's really
it, you know?" This is what we call ‘squishy language,’ and it's
indicative that there's again something he's not saying,” Driver points out.
“Instead [if he were being absolutely forthright] he should've simply said, ‘I
experimented with cocaine in college,’ then stopped talking.”
Red flags 3 and 4
“When he said that the cocaine he
has done was done, ‘Mainly just in college...’ Another deceptive red flag
popped up. Both the words ‘mainly’ and ‘just’ indicate that there is more than
what he's telling us. Plus, then he does a shoulder shrug, which means he’s
uncertain. If he's telling us the truth, what's he uncertain about?”
.
(
Getty)
Red flags 5 and 6
“When again asked by the reporter,
other than in college, this one time before the fight is the only time he had
used cocaine, [Jones] responded, ‘Yeah, pretty much…’ This is more
"squishy language" and it indicates he's not giving us the whole
truth,” Driver says. “He also does an eyebrow flash here, which indicates
surprise. What is he surprised about?”
Red flag 7
“When the fighter says he is not a
cocaine addict or frequent user, his eyes go to his bottom right, which is
indicative of processing information with emotions,” explains Driver. “This is
a change from his baseline throughout the interview, where he looked to his
bottom left, which is internal dialogue or self talk. Why the change in
behavior here?”
Red flag 8
“When talking further about not having
a drug addiction or problem, we see the fighter smile here and do another
eyebrow flash, indicating surprise. Although the smile and surprise could be
because he thinks it's absolutely ridiculous because he has no room to have a
drug problem or there could be more to the story here,” Driver says. “If I were
interviewing him I would ask a question about why the smile and what's so
surprising. The reporter then shares information that people who know him are
shocked that he had used cocaine and the fighter shows no change in behavior
like a smile or a contempt smirk, I'm inclined to believe that he is telling
the truth here. However, I would need the follow-up question to make certain.”
–
– – – – – – – –
Our
second expert, Patti Wood, holds a master’s degree in
interpersonal communication with an emphasis in non-verbal communication. She
has given her expert analysis to countless law enforcement agencies and media
outlets, including CNN, Fox News, ABC News, The Washington Post, and National
Post.
Here
is Wood’s analysis:
On
“Bones” vs. Jones
“Jon
Jones truly does have an on-air, off-air personality and great media coach,”
Woods points out.
On
Jones’ demeanor
“Though
at first glance he seems amazingly calm, and matter of fact, if you look
closely and examine his subtle nonverbal cues, he shows tension. There are
indicators he is holding his deep displeasure [with having to do the interview,
or the answers he’s giving]; he pulls back on volume of his voice,” Wood points
out. “The interviewer is speaking in a clipped, loud, assertive voice; he is
not matching her volume or assertiveness, which would be normal if he was
totally relaxed, and revealing everything. Instead, oddly we see this big
[fighter] whispering back his answers.”
On
what his mouth is doing while saying something else
“Watch
how he presses his lips together in what I call ‘pouty kiss mouth cue’. Those
are cues of the bad taste the question being asked and the answers he is giving
feel to him. Also, listen to the little clicks as he moistens his lips. The
mouth gets dry under stress. This could be the stress of withholding
information, but keep in mind this is also a stressful interview.”
On
his choice of words
Jones
says, ‘I am not here to make excuses.” This is an interesting statement. People
who are demonstrating true integrity and honesty in revealing everything would
not even feel the need to say that. He then follows that with, ‘Basically, I
was at a party.’ Basically acts as a curtain word that covers up the truth and
details of what happened at the party. I typically only hear someone use a
curtain word in interviews and interrogations and courtroom testimony when they
are hiding the truthful details. You don’t typically use ‘basically’ in
everyday conversations. A scientist might use the word when trying to describe
a complex process that he doesn’t want to spend the time describing to a novice
in his field. Jones is not telling you how wild his behavior really was.”
.
(MMAWeekly)
On
Jones “taking responsibility”
“The
‘I am not going blame…’ speech, gives him a chance to blame. It sounds like it
was scripted by a media coach. The phrase really works to make him look to the
general public like he is being totally up front,” says Wood. “When he says ‘I
don’t know what made me...’ while again making the ‘pouty kiss’ it shows he is
displeased [with the answer] and not sharing everything.”
On
Jones’ subconscious and conscious use of words
“He
says, ’I am not a cocaine addict by any mean.’ He didn’t put an ‘s’ on the end of
‘means.’ He didn’t finish the sentence. That shows his lack of certainty in
that answer. He follows that with, ‘I am not even a frequent user.’ That is an
odd statement. This allows him to define what a ‘frequent user’ is. Practiced
liars use that kind of wording. In this case he can make that statement and
appear honest, but ‘frequent user’ could mean so many things. This is
comparative to the words ‘sexual relations’ in the, ‘I did not have sexual
relations with that woman,’ admission by Clinton.”
On
the most honest thing Jones said during the interview
“The
one statement that he believes and feels the most strongly about is, ‘It was
really dumb.’”
On
his honesty when talking about his brothers
“Watch
the bit of the tape as he talks about [discussing the situation with] his
brothers and the one brother said [it is a really big topic of conversation] in
his [NFL] locker room, he does a tongue cleanse. Very normal cue that shows he
would like to get the whole conversations about his brothers out of his mouth.”
On
his demeanor as the interview goes on
“He
actually gets more relaxed as he talks about not having to check into rehab. I
like him more and more, which is highly unusual for a confession/apology
statement interview,” explains Wood. “That is so interesting.”
On
his word he gives his fans and stakeholders
“He
says, ‘…try to do things better.’ His delivery was honest and his pacing was on
the mark,” Wood says. “I believe he wants to try to do things better. But do
notice the limiter word, TRY. He honestly does feel bad about having let [his]
fans down.”
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Patti Wood on CNN Reading the Body Language of Tom Brady and Belichick During the DeflateGate Interview
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Body Language Read of Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum
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Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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