What Can You Do If Someone Says Something to You That Reveals They Have The Wrong Impression Of You?

What Can You Do If Someone Says Something to You 

That Reveals

They Have The Wrong Impression Of You?

You're talking to someone a co-worker, or perhaps your boss and they say something about you that isn't true about you at all.  What do you do in that moment to correct his or her misperception of you? Perhaps a mistaken impression is shared with you during your performance review, or in passing in an office conversation or meeting. Your boss or co-worker might get the wrong idea about your personality, sense of humor, interests, performance, your work or life goals or other things about you. What can you say in the moment or if you are too surprised to correct it in the moment, what is the best way to go back and set the record straight? These ideas are adapted from my book "The Conflict Cure" 

Sometimes you are sure they aren't accurate and sometimes you need clarification. I recommend, if you don't know how they came to that impression, you start by asking for more information.

REQUEST MORE INFORMATION

Sometimes you don’t know why someone has that mistaken impression. You can't disagree or change your behavior without clarity. Ask for the details or a specific explanation of why he or she has that impression of you.

Start your statements with a "SOFTNER" statement that takes out any hostility from your request. You might try, "I need your help to understand..." or "Can you help me understand....?" or "I really want to understand what you’re saying...." Then follow with one of these statements.

Examples:

• “What specifically have I done that makes you feel that way?”
• “Can you give me a specific time in the last three weeks that I did this?"
• “Can you share a specific behavior of mine that you saw recently that led you to      feel that way?”
• “Can you share an example of my behavior that fits that impression?

If you didn't know you did that and can now see why they feel that way, admit it. If you discover why they came to the wrong conclusion about you, you can correct it by using the “disagree” script.

DISAGREE

Without making the other person wrong. You want to clarify and change their impression not start an argument, so speak in an even neutral tone. Ideally you want to calmly repeat what they have said first, to let them know you heard and understood it before you disagree. Make sure you use their words, don't elaborate or extrapolate. Repeating puts you on even ground with them. Otherwise they may say, "You misheard me."

Examples:

• "That surprises me, you feel that...." "That is different than my intention I feel that I....."
• “You feel…about me, I disagree I feel…” 
• “I think you have the impression that….but I would like share that I have done….that shows I am actually…..”

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Mind Your Ps and Body Cues

The Toronto Sun n Wednesday, April 29, 2015

JOANNE RICHARD

Special to Postmedia Network

Mind Your Ps and Body Cues

Important things to remember when interviewing

for that summer job. “We’re able to read up

to 10,000 nonverbal cues in less than a minute,” says

body language expert Patti Wood. “Many hiring

decisions in interviews are based on reading those cues

in an instinctual way, with the interviewer then spending

the rest of the interview looking for evidence to back up

her initial snap (impression).” Give off the right cues with

tips from Wood, author of Snap: Making the Most of First

Impressions, Body Language and Charisma.

See success: “Visualize your success before

the interview, rather than imagining all the things

you might do wrong,” says Wood. Practice “live.”

Close your eyes and visualize yourself in the situation.

Imagine a self-assured handshake and sitting with

confidence — be warm and friendly, listen attentively

and answer questions assertively.

Less stress for success: The first few moment s of the

interview are do or die. “Your most important goal in any

interaction is to make the other person feel comfortable.”

By focusing on them, you’re no longer focused on yourself

and your fears. 

Manage the shift : “Your interviewer may back away

from you, break off eye contact, or stop giving

you nonverbal feedback. If you’re sensing that

something has shifted or changed, don’t freak out!”

says Wood. Just keep listening, connecting, and

answering the interviewer’s questions. “If it’s appropriate

and fits your personality, you can even choose

to be a bit feisty and say, ‘What can I do right now to

convince you that I’d be the best person for this job?’”

Lean into It: Lean forward to show that you are

interested, listening and connecting to what the

interviewer is saying. “But don’t overdo it; you’re not

trying to get in their face. Just aim for gentle, timely

leans. As interviewees, we tend to pull back when we

don’t like or are fearful of a question.”

Show your hands: “Always keep your hands open and

in view on the table or the arms of the chair,” stresses

Wood. Gesture normally. Tightly closed hands reveal

how you feel about the topic being discussed and

the person you are with. 

A great ending: The last thing you say or do matters 

a great deal! “As the conversation winds down, make 

sure your belongings are on the left side of your body 

so you can easily shake with your right hand,” says 

Wood, adding that you might shake hands more than once. 

Shake when you get up, at the door, and after talking for

a bit longer while parting. “Make that seem like the

most natural thing in the world, because every time

you shake hands, you’re bonding.”

Even if you feel you bombed the interview,

leave on a high note by closing strongly and confidently.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Last Day of School Rituals for Kids

Last Day of School Rituals for Kids.

• Take a photo outside the school say the front entrance or by a tree or door at your house. One particular spot you can return to each year.
• Take all school stuff, backpacks, papers, books, and symbolically put them away for the summer saying goodbye and have a great summer break!
•  Come home, put on bathing suits and turn on the sprinkler or slip and slide on the lawn and have the kids, and (perhaps you as well), run through a sprinkler or slide yelling out each time they go some fun things they dream of doing over the summer.    Fun things they can yell out might be, "Eat peach ice cream, go to the pool, visit grandma, paint pictures, play in the dirt, skip rope, learn to hula hoop, build a fort, ride my bike, play with _____.,  Have a sleep over, make my own pizza, play with the dog, go to the park, roast marshmallows, catch fire flies."
•  Create a start of the summer song and or dance that you do with your kids and do that same song or dance each year. You can pick an old classic sixties song, or some current hot song. Just make you’re your first day of summer vacation song is fun and upbeat and you will love singing to it each year.
•  Have one fun new summer set of clothes for your child and have those clothes laid out on their bed and have them run to their room take off school clothes and put on summer fun clothes. 
•  Have a special fun dinner at home or go to a fun restaurant you eat at rarely. Perhaps you can choose a theme restaurant like Japanese hibachi or Five Guys Hamburgers so there is specific memory, when you go there take a picture. At dinner go around and say fun things you dream of doing over the summer.
•  Ask your child or children the Monday of last week of school what fun dessert treat like ice-cream they want that they don’t usually get and have that after last day of school. Or bake a summer cake and have them decorate it.
•  Have a blown up beach ball, new beach towels and new bathing suits and flip flops, pail and shovel on the kids’ beds when they get home from school.
•  Fill a jar with slips of paper, each slip of paper has on it one summer fun play dream like those listed in the run through the sprinkler option above.  You put some in yourself and have the kids put some in. During the summer they get to pick something from the jar to do.
•  Go to the store before the last day of school and buy plants, or flowers or vegetables or herbs and fun pots and have the kids plant them the last day of school when they get home to show that new things begin when school ends and they can nurture and grow something over the summer.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

20 Body Language Signs That Mean He's Into You

I was interviewed by Cosmopolitan on body language signs that mean someone is into you.  Click the link below to read the 20 signs. If you go the link they have photos to illustrate each image.

Like women, men don't always say exactly what they're feeling precisely when they feel it. But guys don't have to say much to show you what they're thinking. 

That's because unconscious body language signals can be extremely telling, says Patti Wood, a body language expert with more than 30 years of experience and author of Success Signals, A Guide to Reading Body Language.  

So, in the early stages of a new relationship (like when you first meet an online date), look out for the following signs to get a sense of what he's thinking.

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1. His pupils are huge. Either you're in a super-dark place, or this subtle signal means he's into you. "Dilation is a brain response that occurs when you like and are attracted to something," Wood says. 

 

2. His eyebrows are raised. People tend to use this subconscious expression to help open their eyes when they like what they see. If he raises his brows ever so slightly while you're talking, it means he's interested in whatever you're saying.

 

3. He shows you his front teeth. "Guys stop smiling like this around the age of 5 — unless they're really happy," Wood says. He might not show off a toothy grin while casually flirting, but on a really awesome date when he's having loads of fun? Look for teeth: "When he feels really happy, he's not covering that up," Wood says.

 

4. He smiles above the mouth. Real smiles extend well beyond the mouth: They lift the forehead and give you slightly squinty eyes. If his smile involves his whole face, it means you're genuinely affecting him in a good way.

 

5. He licks his lips in a cute (not creepy) way. When you're attracted to someone, your mouth produces extra saliva, Wood says. In response, he might quickly lick his lips or press them together. (Slower = creepster.)

 

6. He locks eyes with your face — not just your eyes. You might think that a guy who is totally enamored by you will find it hard to peel his eyes away and that is great. But now that everyone is used to being glued to their phones, nonstop eye contact can make people feel uncomfortable. We don't feel the same about someone starring at us. Just starring can now feel like an unwanted invasion. You can distinguish wither or not someone cares for you from a stalker stare by noticing if if he spends about 80 percent of your interaction looking from your eyes to your nose and lips, he's into you, Wood says.

 

7. He takes a deep breath when he sees you. Yes, men do require oxygen. But when he subconsciously takes a deep breath — he'll pull in his stomach and puff out his chest — it's a subconscious way to make his upper body look broader and his waist look smaller, two qualities that make him look more fit and (from an evolutionary perspective) more desirable, Wood says. In other words, he's into you and he's trying to attract you. More at

 

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a36457/things-his-body-language-signs-hes-into-you/

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Deciphering Denial: Kim Richards ‘Withholding The Truth’ In Dr. Phil Interview, Says Body Language Expert

I was asked to read the body language of Kim Richards as she was interviewed on the Dr. Phil show by RadarOnline.com.  See my insights below highlighted in yellow.

It is not only Kim Richards’ ex-boyfriend Ken Blumenfeld who believes that the 50-year-old troubled Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star is lying about her drinking. After watching clips of the actress on Dr. Phil earlier this week, a body language expert tells RadarOnline.com exclusively that the reality star appears to be “withholding the truth!”

Body language expert Patti Wood MA, CSP told Radar, “Kim Richards appeared to be withholding the truth from Dr. Phil during the interview.”

“Following Dr. Phil asking Richards about her drinking in the past two and a half years, she looks to her right, which … is where she would look to create a statement rather than to her left where she would scan to remember things,” said Wood. “This indicated to me that Kim is trying to think up and create an answer rather than relay what is actually the truth.”

 “Right after that, Kim freezes in place, which is a high stress cue,” Wood said after examining the footage several times.

“This indicates that she fears being caught. Her head is down and forward slightly to protect herself. Her face is frozen in a moment of fear and sadness, but her forehead and brows are furrowed and her nose is clenched at the top. Her cheeks are lowered down.”

“Look particularly at the mouth and jaw at this moment,” said Wood, who is also a former substance abuse counselor and the author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma.

“The jaw is clenched down to keep the tears and truth from coming out and the lips are out flat and only slightly open, showing symbolically that she would rather withhold the truth and keep the truth locked inside.”

According to Wood, after Richards answered Dr. Phil by saying “That is not exactly true,” “One side of her face goes up while the other stays down. This lack of symmetry of the face shows a disconnect between how she wants to answer and the truth.”

“The science behind that is a disconnect in the neocortex of the limbic brain,” Wood said. “Basically, you reveal your true feelings on the one side of the brain before the neocortex can stop it.”

 “After Kim answers Dr. Phil, we see her lip tremble in fear and sadness,” Wood told Radar.

“The next shot that we see of Kim, she has changed body language positions. She is sitting with her hands folded closed on her lap. It is obvious that she has collected herself a bit and she answers with a teary and stressed voice about the times she had a drink.”

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.