A Modern Man’s Guide to Body Language
They say actions speak louder than
words, and that’s especially true when it comes to dating. When it comes to
detecting a woman’s interest in you, then you needn’t look further than her
body. No, not in a leering, Tinder-esque way. Often times, it’s in the simplest
gestures when a woman’s body language speaks the loudest. So even if Shakira
was right when she said “Hips
Don’t Lie”, what is she trying to tell you?
And what is your body language saying to her?
We asked body language experts, Stacie
Ikka, a nationally recognized matchmaker
and dating coach, and Patti Wood, author of SNAP:
Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma, to give
us some insight on what her body language is telling you as well as tips to
help you control the impression you’re giving off on your first date.
What She’s Telling You
When She’s Into You
So, you just sat down to dinner,
exchanged the usual pleasantries (“How long have you been on Tinder?”) and now
you’re wondering what she’s thinking about you. Well, if she’s adjusting
herself—twirling her hair, playing with her earrings—chances are, according to
Ikka, she’s into you. “When a woman is interested in a man, she tends to be
more self-conscious than usual,” she says. “She won’t realize it, and could
vehemently deny it if called out, but you’ll find her doing things like,
checking the bottom of her shirt (is it adequately covering the midsection
she’s trying to conceal? OR is it exposing her sexy midriff in that
meant-to-look-unintentional-but-actually-strategic-kinda-way?), and inconspicuously
peering down at her inviting cleavage to ensure the girls are positioned ‘just
right.’”
Another dead giveaway? Her eyes.
“If they are fixated on you—and not
the door, her phone or the handsome bartender—then you are ‘winning’,” says
Ikka. “And, if you feel violated—like her eyes are doing naughty things to your
body—then consider that a bonus.”
Wood
agrees that a woman’s eyes are the windows into her soul—or, at least, her
loins.
“Lingering
eye contact is a big sign of attraction. It’s a look that lasts longer than
three seconds. For women, they will look away unless they want to go bed with
you right now.”
Another
indication of attraction is the direction of your date’s feet. “If she’s
attracted, she will point her feet towards you,” says Wood. “I like to say,
‘where her feet point, her heart follows.’”
What She’s Telling You
When She’s Not
Of
course, a woman’s body language speaks volumes when she’s not into you at all.
Sometimes she can be subtle about her disinterest, like, as Wood points out,
her feet are pointed away from you.
Another
thing to look out for? Her pelvis (like you’re not looking at it already). “The
pelvis, when she is attracted sexually, will be pointed towards you and
slightly tiled in towards you,” says Wood. “But when she is not interested, she
might have her upper torso pointed towards you, being very polite, but her
pelvis will be turned away. She doesn’t tilt her pelvis towards someone she
isn’t sexually attracted to.”
Other times, she might be sending
some seriously obvious SOS signals, and you still might be clueless. “If your
date is spending a lot of time in the bathroom, she is either not feeling the
vibe you’re sending, she has a cocaine habit or she legit has a bladder
infection,” says Ikka. “None are good signs.” Checking her phone a lot and
having a wandering eye are other signs she’s not into you, according to Ikka.
What Your Body is Telling
Her
Just as much as her body is telling
you what she’s thinking, your own physicality—whether it’s intentional or
not—can be verbalizing a heck of lot to her, too. Wood warns against what she calls “peacock boasting”—when
a guy lays back on a chair and spreads his arms out. “It’s a guy move and guys
have always done this,” she says. “They’ll talk about themselves and the great
things they’ve done, things they accomplished. It will be an attempt to
peacock. ‘Don’t I have great feathers? Don’t you want to mate with me?’ But it
tends to do the opposite.”
Ikka warns against checking your
phone (“There is no bigger turn-off than a guy checking his phone. We
automatically either assume you’re lining up your post-date booty call or
wonder how many other women you’re dating”) and keeping your wandering eye in
check. “Most of us understand your primitive inclinations. Some of us are more
forgiving than others. But, before you start affixing your gaze elsewhere, make
sure we’re willing to play the ‘people watching’ game with you,” says Ikka.
“Otherwise, we take it as a personal insult. Some women may even call it
demeaning or disrespectful.”
As for tips on how to better clue
into your date’s non-verbal cues, Wood says, “Just be very present and very connected, and that’s very
had to do when yore highly attracted to someone. Be present, connected and
willing to go where they are energetically.”
Ikka echoes the sentiment. “Body
language, usually, comes from the subconscious,” she says. “If you’ve been
oblivious to body language in the past, before you can aspire to “accurately
read someone’s body language”, you first need to wake up, and be present.” She
suggests to observe and pinpoint her facial expressions, her body positioning,
her hand gestures and her overall movement. “Once you’ve got this nailed
down—then and only then—can you begin to interpret her body language,” Ikka
says.
“Remember that any one signal—in
isolation—could mean nothing. For example, just because she responds to a text
doesn’t mean she’s not into you if she’s otherwise smiling, touching your arm
from time to time and facing you with those bedroom eyes. She may have a sick
child at home with a babysitter. Conversely, just because she’s not looking at
her phone and is engaged in your conversation doesn’t mean she’s into you . . .
Just like when choosing a partner you need to consider the whole package, the
same must be done when reading body language.”
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at
http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
