Some of you know one of my areas of research and one of my body language books and my most popular keynote speech is on first impressions. I do research and consult on my clients business first impression and one of the things you may not know is that online your first impression is likely to be perceived more negatively.
“If you want to make a good impression, it is critical that it is done in person,” said Jeremy Biesanz, Ph.D., of the University of British Columbia, who conducted three studies comparing the accuracy and bias of first impressions when formed under different circumstances.
The first study analyzed a series of experiments involving more than 1,000 participants who met each other through either a three-minute speed-dating style interview or by watching a video of the person.
“What we observe here is that the accuracy of impressions is the same when you meet someone face to face or simply watch a video of them,” Biesanz said. “However, impressions are much more negative when you form impressions more passively through watching videotapes.”
While people could accurately attribute certain personality traits, such as extroverted, arrogant, or sociable, to others in person or by video, the magnitude of the positive attributes was lower via video, while the negatives attributes were higher.
The researchers found similar results in two other studies, including one that compared in-person impressions to those obtained by looking at Facebook photos. The other study compared in-person meetings to simply watching someone as a passive observer. In all cases, the passive means of making impressions were as accurate as the active ones, according to the researchers.
“However, there is an extremely large difference in the positivity of impressions,” he said. “More passive impressions are substantially more negative.”
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
The day we've all been waiting for is
finally here: Meghan Markle married her prince — actually,
the Duke of Sussex — at St George's Chapel. The whole world watched ... and
cheered ... and wept. The ceremony was full of under-the-breath comments from Harry (we
caught 'em), Princess Diana tributes, and lots (and lots)
of body language.
"Prince Harry is living the story he's
dreamed up his entire life," Susan Constantine, human behavioral expert
and author of The Complete
Idiot's Guide to Reading Body Language told
GoodHousekeeping.com. "Same goes for Meghan Markle. In every moment, you
can see that they're totally mesmerized with one another." As they should
be.
The grand spectacle of it all, including Meghan's family drama, didn't get in the way
of their love. Better yet, even though Harry was riddled with nerves, he still
embraced the moment — well, his bride.
"This is a high
anxiety moment for Harry yet he's still being spontaneous and affectionate
toward Meghan throughout this formal occasion," Patti Wood, body language
expert and author of SNAP: Making the
Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charismatold
GoodHousekeeping.com. "He touches and bites his lip
as a way to hold back his emotions (a.k.a tears) and soothe himself in a
stressful situation." Makes sense to us.
And when the choir
started singing "Stand By Me," Harry comforted his soon-to-wife with
a gentle stroke of the hand. Ugh, our hearts.
But his emotions truly took over when his
late mother's sister Lady Jane Fellowes read the Song of Solomon.
"You can see Harry's hands are in a downward steeple," Wood
explained. "This is merely his way of pulling himself together during an
understandingly difficult moment."
In this moment, he also turns toward his
bride, indicating that he wants to be connected to her while he keeps his
emotions at bay. "Meghan, on the other hand, is focused on
formality," Wood told us. " You can tell she's received royal
training due to her erect posture but overall she's exhibiting strength and
grace."
Their hands prove to be the real indicator
of their emotions. While reciting their vows, Harry presses his thumbs
down into Meghan's hands.
"In this moment, she's reaching her
hands out farther to be close to him but he's giving her strength through his
thumbs," Wood told us. "This is his way of saying 'I got you.'"
How sweet!
When Prince William
and Kate Middleton recited their vows seven years ago, things looked rather
different. For starters, they didn't hold both
hands (protocol, perhaps?). "More importantly, Kate stretches her hand
over to Will, indicating that he's in charge and she will follow him wherever
he goes," Wood explained.
After officially saying "I will"
— their version of "I do" — Meghan and Harry stepped out of the
chapel as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. "She's
overjoyed by this surreal moment and he's totally smitten with her,"
Constantine explained. "They're truly connecting with one another and
their upward-turning smiles are proof that they're totally smitten."
Once again, the couple is holding hands —
and dropping serious clues about how they're feeling."Beyond their mutual
eye contact, when the couple kissed they turned their shoulders very close to
one another, which signifies that they want to be close even in such a public
moment," said Wood. "In fact, no one would question if their
shoulders were a few inches apart ... but clearly that's not what's important
here."
When Will and Kate
made their official entrance as a married couple on the balcony of Buckingham
Palace, they also had the same sweetness in their eyes (ah, love!). But their
intimate moment is more about formality than anything else. "You can tell how
genuinely happy Kate is just by looking at her face, but it's also evident that
she has not lost sight of being appropriate and formal with her posture,"
Wood said. But with the knowledge that Kate is likely the next Queen, we can totally understand why.
Here's the truth:
Both weddings
were full of pure, genuine love — that's the goal, isn't it? Both experts agree
that the world hasn't seen a love like Harry and Meghan's in a long time (well, since 2011) — and we couldn't agree
more.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
On April 29, 2011, the world watched as
Prince William and Kate Middleton exchanged vows at Westminster Abbey in
London. This past Saturday — seven years after Kate donned that iconic
Alexander McQueen gown and she and Will became the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge
— it was Prince Harry's turn. He and American angel Meghan Markle tied the knot
at St. George's Chapel in Windsor, just outside of the British capital. And,
while both ceremonies were touching and both couples looked overjoyed in their
own ways, Prince Harry and
Meghan Markle's wedding body language is quite a bit different than
that of William and Kate's.
But you don't have to take my word for it — I brought in the pros to do a
little comparing and contrasting. Elite Daily spoke with body language experts Tonya Reiman, Patti Wood, and Blanca Cobb to uncover what each set of
newlyweds' actions revealed about their thoughts and feelings on the big day —
about the cheering crowds, their new spouses, and the significance of this
historical moment (for themselves and for the world).
Both couples shared adorably quick kisses
and even more adorable, telling glances with one another. But that's just the
beginning. Here's a look at exactly how Harry and Meghan's newlywed body
language in 2018 differs from William and Kate's back in 2011 — plus what
their physical cues reveal about their relationships.
Both Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle likely
had pre-wedding jitters.
Just after Kate Middleton made her way to
her groom, she clearly clenched her father's hand, indicating that she realized
what a BFD this was.
When Kate meets her groom at the altar, she
takes a deep breath and clenches her father's hand, which Reiman chocks up to
"wedding jitters or perhaps soon-to-be 'princess' jitters."
It's a feeling the duchesses likely shared,
as we saw Meghan take a deep breath the moment she entered St. George's Chapel.
"In the shot of her
standing at the church door, you see [Meghan] trying to catch her breath with
nervousness, but her face is relatively calm," says Wood.
"As she walked down the aisle, Meghan
was completely poised and she wore a peaceful smile," notes Cobb.
"She kept her chin slightly lowered and looked up at her awaiting prince.
The look was romantically flirtatious!"
(Also, can we all take a
moment to appreciate how gosh darn excited page boy Brian
Mulroney is? Be still my heart!)
The royal bros were so excited for one
another.
One of the most charming moments of William
and Kate's wedding came before the pair had even joined hands: When Kate made
her grand entrance, Harry took a peep at the beautiful bride coming down the
aisle, and said something that looks like, "Wait until you see her"
to his older brother.
"The look is affectionate and childlike
with a boyish grin — it demonstrates the warmth he feels for his future
sister-in-law and his brother," explains Reiman.
On Harry's big day, he and his brother both
bobbed and smiled as Meghan made her way down the aisle, accompanied by their
father, Prince Charles.
The dukes appeared to be a bit antsy, too.
Speaking of crowds, even William and Harry
get a bit antsy knowing that so many people are
watching (and also, you know, because they're getting married!). Though both
dukesgrew up in the public eye, they showed a few signs of
discomfort and nerves on the big day.
"On the balcony, William [kept]
touching his outfit," says Reiman. "This appears to be a sign of
displacement — slight nervous behavior to keep your hands busy."
While Harry looked cool as a cucumber
during the couple's carriage processional through Windsor, he was definitely
feeling some feels during his vows.
"[We] see
him rock forward and back in nervousness, but he is smiling, except on the 'til
death us do part,'" says Wood. "His bottom lip comes up and over to
suck the sadness of the thought of that loss back in. That is incredibly sweet
and sad and shows his real love for her. You see him have trouble breathing
staying still and calm as she gives her vows."
They also exchanged loving touches
throughout the ceremony, in some less somber moments.
"While they held hands [during the
ceremony], Harry caressed Meghan’s fingers with his thumb," Cobb explains.
"Again, touch is a silent sign of love, connection and emotion... When
you’re in love, you want to touch the one your heart beats for."
Is it cool and normal if
my heart only beats for Harry and Meghan? Yes? Great.
Meghan seemed less shocked by the crowds than
Kate did.
In 2011, the streets of London were flooded
with adoring royal fans — all hoping to catch a glimpse of the new, happy
couple — and Kate Middleton was seemingly in awe.
When the couple popped out onto the balcony
of Buckingham Palace after the ceremony, Kate could hardly keep her eyes off of
the never-ending crowds below.
"Note the wide-eyed astonishment as
Kate says, 'Oh, [wow],' upon seeing the enormous crowd — innocent behavior that
seems to make William smile," says Reiman.
Moments later, when the couple
shared one of their first-ever kisses as husband and wife, "William [kept]
his eyes lingering on Kate and Kate quickly [turned] back to the crowd,"
Reiman explains. "This [was] most likely due to Kate’s excitement at being
exposed to this size audience."
While the crowds for Harry and Meghan's
wedding were seemingly endless as well, Meghan appeared to be slightly less
overwhelmed, instead shooting Harry coy glances and even suggesting they share
their first kiss (seriously, if you watch the footage back, I'm pretty sure she
says "Do we kiss?"
and Harry says, "Yeah." It's the cutest.)
"Their first kiss is a gentle, almost
two-second, lip kiss with eyes closed – they open their eyes and look at each
other before turning back forward – a sign of love," Reiman notes.
"Their ride in the carriage is filled with hand holding, little conversation
and waves."
Both couples are genuinely so in love.
At various moments during both royal
weddings, the happy couples exchanged looks and shared little moments that
showed how truly, madly in love they were — and each and every one set my heart
on fire.
"In the unveiling... after she smiles
up shyly, they have a moment where they are fully present with each other [and]
non-verbally he says something that makes her laugh," says Wood.
"They actually have a fun, intimate moment in the midst of all the formal
pageantry! How marvelous."
How marvelous, indeed. Similarly, on
William and Kate's big day, "The eye contact [was] sometimes a gaze where
they [spent] several seconds engaged with one another," Reiman explains.
"The few times they did kiss [on the balcony], they both smiled [and]
leaned into each other, while making sure they did not turn their back on the
crowds — sure signs of being in sync and happy."
"They have an amazing chemistry
between them, at the same time, you can see the comfort level between
them," says Reiman, and Cobb had a similar assessment of Harry and
Meghan's connection.
"Both Harry and Meghan radiated the
biggest, happiest smiles for each other," she explains. "This royal
coupleisn’t shy about showing each other the way they feel. Whether
it’s a smile, a touch, a caress, they’re quick to show their affections. It’s
quite heartwarming."
I think everyone watching around the world
saw the same. Gosh, don't you just love royal love?
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
For those of you who didn't keep up with
the Met Gala, let me give you a little refresher. As usual, it
delivered with some amazing outfits and, more importantly, some juicy celebrity
gossip. The Met Gala has always been a great place for A-listers to flaunt
their relationships, both new and old. Last night, two Riverdale star, Cole Sprouse and
Lili Reinhart, made their red carpet debut. While you may have heard
about the possibility of the two being linked together for a while now, last
night was a pretty big deal because it was the first time the two decided to
step out publicly as a couple.
In fact, in a recent interview with Seventeen,
Reinhart made it pretty clear that she didn't necessarily plan on going public
with Sprouse any time soon.
Every time someone asks me about it, I make
a decision then and there about whether I’m comfortable. It’s not like I’m in
some kind of contract, but I’m not in the place where I want to talk about it,
and that’s totally fine. It’s called a private life for a reason—it’s mine, and
it’s special and sacred. My relationships are between me and whomever I’m with,
not between me and the world.
So, now that the couple decided to shock
the world by finally coming forward at pretty much the most public
event, like, ever, here are all the clues we can gather about what their
relationship is really like.
Going public means they're willing to take
risks for each other.
"Having worked for
my clients in the entertainment industry for over 25 years, I know what a big
deal it is for a couple to go public," says Dr. Gary Brown,
a prominent relationship therapist in Los Angeles who has been working with his
clients in the entertainment industry for over 25 years. "The fact that
they will now routinely be in the public eye says that their relationship is
important enough to them, that they are willing to give up one of the most
cherished commodities for any actor — their privacy. This is particularly true
for singles who become couples. In their case, possibly even more so as there
will be the inevitable comparisons to their characters on Riverdale to
their relationship IRL."
"Going 'public' in a
relationship is somewhat unique for celebrities or other public figures,"
adds Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Web Radio Show.
"Simply because they are seen and known by more people, and the
assumptions that are made about the relationship can, in some cases, impact
their careers."
Their relationship had to be in a solid place
to make this move.
"[Becoming public] also opens a flood
gate of judgement," warns Dr. Klapow. "Going public means that your
relationship is going to be tested by the outside world. To be ready for this,
you need to be very clear on a few things."
Specifically, Dr. Klapow notes there are
four things a couple should be clear on before going public. First, it's the
nature of the relationship (i.e where this going and what are we). Second, it's
how they you're going to handle judgment. Third, it's how much the two of you
are willing to share with others about each other and your relationship.
Finally, he notes it's important to know when it's time "to pull together,
to talk out issues that have come up from others from the outside, being ready
to tackle difficult statements that could be made by family, friends,
co-workers."
If Reinhart and Sprouse really have all of
these things figured out, I'd say they're in a pretty good place.
They're excited about the
relationship but may not be ready for the risks.
"Sometimes, going public is
overrated," Dr. Klapow warns. "We tend to do it because we are
excited and proud of our relationship. However, if we are not prepared for
comments, speculations, questions, and a test of who we are as a couple, then
the glory of making the announcement is overshadowed by the strain of the
public scrutiny. That holds whether you are Lili and Cole or anyone."
They see each other as equals.
"Cole and Lilli’s outfits signify as a
whole that they’re a new couple on the market who are ready to take on life
together," says Sydney Sadick,
on-air fashion and style expert. "Both looks were particularly fresh, from
the color and silhouette of Lili’s look to the crop pants in Cole’s tuxedo, but
one didn’t out-shine the other. While Lili’s look was certainly romantic and
flirty with its gorgeous, soft, blue color palette and off-the-shoulder
silhouette, it also had a visible edge, showing that there’s no superiority
complex in their relationship. Rather, she and Cole are equals."
As a couple, they know their place on the
Hollywood totem poll.
"As their first
time walking the carpet, and [first time walking] together, they made a
statement while not competing with the big Met Gala red carpet vets like Kim Kardashian
and J. Lo," notes Sadick. "They were chic and youthful, sophisticated
and playful."
There may be some trouble in
the bedroom.
"Her legs are crossed and they're
crossed tightly," notes Patti Wood, body language expertand author of SNAP: Making the Most of First
Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma. "It may
be the dress. But what's interesting is that, in this intimate moment with him,
she's still very concerned about the dress and/or she needs to cross her legs
which usually indicates a problem with sexuality in the relationship, a lack of
fidelity in the relationship, or some kind of concern about sex." Wood
highlights the fact that it really "could just be the dress but it's
interesting that she's crossing her legs so tightly even when
she's so close up to him."
I don't know about you guys but that dress
is so
short I'm going to go ahead and attribute her crossed legs to that.
Or the fact that this is their first time stepping out as a couple publicly and
I can't even imagine how nerve wrecking that must be.
Congrats to Reinhart and Sprouse on finally
taking the plunge and making it official!
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
Of all star-studded events and award shows,
no red carpet gives me more joy than that of the Met Gala. I mean, what more
could I ask for? Amazing outfits, celebrities from all sorts of industries,
and, of course, new celebrity couple debuts. Throughout the years, the event
has been a popular place for celebrity couples to make their love public and
last night was no exception. In fact, Riverdale stars Cole Sprouse and
Lili Reinhart's body language at the Met Gala as they made their
first official debut as ~lovers~ tells us a lot about their relationship.
For those of you who haven't quite been
keeping up with the Riverdale stars IRL, they have been tactfully ignoring rumors
about being an item for some time now. In fact, in a recent interview
with Seventeen, Reinhart said:
Every time someone asks me about it, I make
a decision then and there about whether I’m comfortable. It’s not like I’m in
some kind of contract, but I’m not in the place where I want to talk about it,
and that’s totally fine. It’s called a private life for a reason—it’s mine, and
it’s special and sacred. My relationships are between me and whomever I’m with, not
between me and the world.
So the fact that they finally took the
plunge and made a public appearance together is a pretty huge deal. We
spoke to Patti Wood, body language expertand author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma,
about what she took away from photos of the pair on their first public
debut.
They may be having trouble sexually.
"There's some
sweetness to this," Wood notes. "She's got this wonderful look and
he's a little bit more stoic but he is looking at her and there's a nice
overlay of their bodies. But there's a couple of things that are really tiny to
me, but they're interesting."
"First, is that her legs are crossed
and they're crossed tightly," she continues. "It may be the dress.
But what's interesting is that, in this intimate moment with him, she's still
very concerned about the dress and/or she needs to cross her legs which usually
indicates a problem with sexuality in the relationship, a lack of fidelity in
the relationship, or some kind of concern about sex." Wood highlights the fact
that it really "could just be the dress but it's interesting that she's
crossing her legs so tightly even when she's so close up to him."
The next thing Wood asks
us to notice to is Lilli's right hand. "It's very awkward. It's doing a
partial reach towards him open as if she wants to touch him but we don't see
the touch," she explains. "There may be a photo with a touch in it
but we don't see the touch and we don't see him matching with a symbolic touch
to her. We see him straight up and down. He's not leaning into her, he's not
putting his face towards her and he has a more closed face. It's not totally
relaxed." Can you say awkward?
He matches her awkwardness with confidence.
"I love the hand on his chest,"
Wood notes about this photo. "It typically is endearing, it's a closeness
and, to me, when I see this with the rest of her body language, it usually
indicates that that's a position she takes when they're in bed together. She's
doing this to get closer or more intimate or a feeling that reflects the
intimacy." That being said, she notes that Reinhart's legs are still
crossed "really, really tightly."
"What I like here is that her smile is
off-kilter and a little bit awkward but he's looking really confident,"
she continues. "I like that his hand is around her, I wish I could see the
fingers but he's a little bit happier in this position but, still, it's a
little bit straight up and down. I would like some leaning in. But I do like
that the face is much more relaxed."
OK, so it's really important to stress the
fact that this was their first appearance
together in public as a couple. Is it really that hard to believe their body
language might not have been on point?
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
