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Was Trump’s Apology during the second debates / town hall meeting,real and sincere?

Trump’s Apology during the second debates / town hall meeting.

No not a sincere apology. In fact he labeled it permissible OK normal and acceptable by labeling it as locker room talk. He wanted that to stick in our minds and did so by vocally emphasizing it with over articulation and slowing down and repeating it. For recently married man to boast about assaulting women, and to boast to a newscaster speaks of an immense sense of entitlement and a lack of control. Most people are careful what they say in front of a reporter. Again he was not in a locker room with his pals he was in a news van with a reporter.
If a future leader says that this behavior is OK because it only goes on in locker rooms he is saying when men are in private its normal and ok to denigrate women. 

An apology is always interesting for what it says but also for what it does not say. He did not say that he had changed as a person. He did not say I respect and honor women and do not treat women that way now.

A real apology does not justify bad behavior by saying some other guy is worse than me.

Imagine saying, “Hey I robbed a liquor store and it was not big deal that guy robbed stores too.”

Check out my post, "The Proper Way to Apologize"

Patti Wood, MA, The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What made Arnold Palmer the King of Charisma - Insights from Patti Wood, Body Language Expert

What made Arnold Palmer the
King of Charisma

USA TODAY Sports' Lorenzo Reyes was on hand during what was an emotional day as family and friends of Arnold Palmer gathered to celebrate the late golfer's life. USA TODAY Sports

Thousands of people are expected to gather Tuesday in Latrobe, Pa., for a memorial service honoring the Arnold Palmer, known as "The King" of golf but also considered a king of something else —charisma.
Two experts on the subject explained for USA TODAY Sports what made Palmer so charismatic and, in turn, made people so fond of the legendary golfer who died Sept. 25 at the age of 87.
Countless photos show Palmer flashing his signature smile — open mouthed and revealing his front teeth, noted Patti Wood, an expert in body language and nonverbal communication.
“Most boys stop doing that at the age of 5 unless they’re very joyful,’’ said Wood, author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma. “But he gave that smile all the time. And the crinkles around the eyes showed a sincere, real smile. You just see it over and over and over again."
The smile is encompassed in what Wood cites as charisma’s three categories — likability, attractiveness and power. Likability also includes laugh, and Wood said Palmer had a world-class laugh.
“His jaw would drop down, so he had a large, open mouth,’’ Wood said. “And the sound of his laugh was deep and just very warm and strong at the same time."
Palmer’s attractiveness, well, Wood suggested that requires little expert research.
“Blond and gorgeous,’’ she said. “Handsome and well dressed. He just had some of those classic characteristics of Adonis-like attractiveness.’’
Jennifer Withelm, an international speaker on charisma, said that Palmer wasn’t perfect and neither was his swing. More importantly, she said, he had great integrity.
“He played golf raw, ferocious and unorthodox and was an enormously good golfer nevertheless,’’ Withelm wrote it an email. “Palmer had rough edges and was a great role model for a charismatic person. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be full of integrity.’’
Controlled emotions also bolstered Palmer’s charisma, according to Withelm.
“Yes, Palmer showed emotions,’’ she said. “But he was always aware of his emotions, even when he lost. No uncontrolled fits of rages, just pure confidence in his ability to win.
“But Palmer was not always perfect in this personality characteristic. There were times in the 1960s where he wanted to win too badly and lost because he became a high flyer. Over time he got better in tranquility.’’
The rise of TV also captured Palmer’s extroverted ways, evidenced by his interaction with fellow players and fans, and that reflected his charisma, according to Withelm.
“Charisma is a relational phenomenon,’’ she said. “It’s no use to sit in your closet all alone and say: ‘Wow, I am charismatic!’ ” No one will see it.’’

Patti Wood, MA,  The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Proper Way to Apologize To Friends, Family, Co-workers and Customers

The Proper Way to Apologize
To Friends, Family, Co-workers and Customers
By Patti Wood Professional Speaker and Trainer

We all make mistakes. Often when we have made a mistake we feel uncomfortable dealing with it.  You first need to clarify in your mind what went wrong. Was it a simple error? Did you not realize it at the time, or did you know and hope you would not get caught? Is it something you feel bad about? Is it something that is likely to occur again? And think about its effect. Was it no big deal shoulder shrugs for the person or was it a heartbreaking mistake. You can't apologize effectively if you don't know what you are apologizing for?  When you examine the mistake follow these rules step-by-step for an apology that takes the pain out of the process for you and lightens the pain of the offended party. The best way to apologize is face-to-face with the person but you can use some of these steps to form an apology letter as well.

Step One - Communicate your apology as soon as possible. Waiting to let some time pass is a great strategy when you’re a gardener waiting for your seeds to grow, but delay allows weeds to grow larger in a garden and bad situations to grow worse in our relationships. Dissonance makes people uncomfortable, so your friend who is upset with you taking a phone call during your lunch, or a customer upset that they waited too long will not remember the good behavior they will emphasize the bad and research shows it will actually grow in severity in their minds.

Step Two -Let go of your desire to win, be right, or make excuses. The Myers Briggs Personality test say there are two types of arguers, Thinkers who think the most important thing in the world is to be right and Feelers who feel it is the most important thing in the world to be liked. If you’re the “I want to be liked” person you may avoid apologizing to save embarrassment or hurting feelings. If you’re the “I am always right” person most of the time it’s not about winning or losing, it is about keeping and or maintaining a relationship.

Step Three - apologize. – You can say, “I apologize,” or “I am sorry.” Or my personal favorite, “I am sorry, I messed up.”

Step Four - Keep the message clear of “buts” and excuses. In order to sound professional you must keep your message clear and free of the “buts” So don’t say, “I’m sorry, but I had to take that phone call it was really important.”  Stay clear of the blame game. “I am sorry, but it’s not really my fault, my boss…”  You might think, “But sometimes it’s not my fault.”  It doesn’t matter who’s to blame; apologize anyway without giving an excuse. If you’re apologizing to a customer you know you are a representative of your company and therefore you have a responsibility to see that things go well. In all your relationships your willingness to be accountable will insure that you are seen as a responsible, mature individual.  If you start making excuses, you may start an argument. If you choose to be agreeable an argument is not possible.

Step Five - If there is an excuse use this magic phrasing. “I am sorry, I messed up, there is a reason and I would like to talk to you about it at some point but the most important thing for you to know now is that I am sorry.”  If the person is calm and rational they will immediately ask you the reason. If they are emotional, angry and upset, they are not ready to hear it and have a discussion about it, and could probably care less, but you have left an opening to talk about it later if you need to. If you absolutely must make an excuse right now for goodness sakes make the excuse briefer than your apology and whether writing an excuse or giving it face-to-face, follow it with another statement of apology.

Step Six - Make sure your voice, facial expressions and body language are sending the same message as your words. If you are not feeling respectful, your tone will tell the tale. When your word message and your nonverbal message disagree, people will always believe your nonverbal message is the true message that comments your honest emotions. If your voice is sarcastic in your message you are wasting your breath to apologize. You must apologize with complete sincerity without any subtle eye- rolls or exasperated looks or even looking away slightly. Anybody who has a teenager in their home knows the difference between a smart mouth apology and a real apology.

Step Seven - Sympathize. This is especially important if the person is emotional. If someone is emotional they will keep emoting till they feel heard and understood. Case in point, an angry customer will get angrier until they know you get their pain. Empathize.  Let the person know that you can identify with his feelings.  For example, “I understand you’re very frustrated about receiving a faulty product or poor service.  I would be frustrated to.”  When someone feels heard they don’t have to keep talking! Their feelings have been validated. You can also assure them that you did not mean them harm. For example, “I did not mean to offend you with that comment.”

Step Eight - Accept responsibility for the situation. You’re an adult. You cannot blame mommy. Be accountable. If you’re not going to be accountable do not apologize just to say you did.  If you are willing let the person know that you intend to do whatever it takes to make things right. You can’t help what has already happened, but you will come up with a solution to the problem. Or if you’re in a business situation you will find someone who can. When I suggest you take responsibility I mean, you accept it. Do not say, “We are sorry.” Instead say, “I am sorry.”

Step Nine - Show your regret. Just as I said people will complain till they see you get there pain, some people will not fully accept an apology unless they know you have suffered too. I don’t mean that meanly, just know that pain for pain can make a conflict disappear. Come right out and say you are sorry or ashamed. “I felt bad the minute I said that. I'm ashamed of myself.”

Step Ten - Take the heat. This is the toughest part. After you say you’re sorry you need to stop and listen to hear the person share their pain and anger.

Step Eleven - Repair the damage. To be complete, an apology must correct the injury. If you damaged someone's property, offer to fix it. If the damage isn't so obvious, ask “What can I do to make it up to you? There may be nothing concrete you can do, but the offer must be sincere. “I'll try to keep my mouth shut in the future. Meantime, let me buy you a cup of coffee. “Another way to repair the damage is to send a note or a small gift.

Step Twelve - Take action. For your apology to be complete you need to do something to repair or fix the injury. Decide what you can do and tell the person. If you won’t be late next time, if you will no longer take cell phone calls at dinner, if you will replace the defective or incorrect product as quickly as possible. Try to avoid the word “try” in your repair step. I have a pet peeve about the word try. I think it makes the user sound like a teenager, “I’ll try not to be late.” Sounds in a teenage vernacular, lame.  If you don’t know what to do, if there is nothing obviously concrete for you to do or you’re not sure what you thought of is enough ask, “What can I do to make this up to you.” If you’re dealing with a customer, you can offer a bonus of some sort or waive fees if possible. It doesn’t hurt to offer friends and family a bonus as well.

Following these steps can soften a hurt. And know that it never hurts to send flowers!!


Patti Wood, MA, The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Trump, Hilary Clinton and Anger, What are the Gender Differences.

Gender Differences in Anger 

Unfortunately, we perceive women’s anger differently than we do a man’s. Research shows that if a man is perceived as emotional he is considered more credible for getting angry. But when the woman was perceived as emotional, participants became surer of their own opinion, even if they considered the woman credible. As the researchers in one study put it: “When a woman expresses anger, this does not just make her seem less credible, but seems to make assessing her credibility irrelevant.”(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/people-reward-angry-men-but-punish-angry-women-study-suggests_us_561fb57be4b050c6c4a47743)


Patti Wood, MA,  - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Clinton and Trump's Body Language Durring the First Debates.

Here is a another story I did on Clinton and Trump. I have been a media machine! I am being selective about what I post. I am also not putting up the TV interviews.


Here you go Patti. It's done r ally well online. Thanks again.





Patti Wood, MA, - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Expert reads Hitler in Documentary

The six part Hitler Documentary I was interviewed for begins this Sunday evening at ten on More4 if you can get it. It's been airing in other countries for awhile and will eventually be on the Discovery Channel. My shoot lasted 10 hours and I have no idea what segments of mine they will use, but it was a very interesting project. I studied his body language in videos for several months. I should have written a thesis on him! I have blog posts on some of my reads if you search with the word Hitler. 





Patti Wood, MA, The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Clinton and Trump, beyond words: What the handshakes, smiles, grimaces, finger-pointing and sniffles revealed

Clinton and Trump, beyond words: What the handshakes, smiles, grimaces, finger-pointing and sniffles revealed

Douglas Quan
Tuesday, Sept. 27, 2016
It is often said that for voters, picking a leader has less to do with policy positions and more to do with who you would be most comfortable inviting for dinner. With that in mind, the National Post asked four body-language experts to assess Donald Trump’s and Hillary Clinton’s debate performance: Diane Craig, president of Corporate Class, Toronto; Mark Bowden, president of TruthPlane, Toronto; Dave Matsumoto, a psychology professor at San Francisco State University and director of Humintell; and Patti Wood, president of Communication Dynamics, Atlanta.
The handshake
Mark Bowden: Trump gets the advantage position by coming in on the audience’s left side, which means his handshaking hand is forward to the camera, which should make his arm bigger. But Clinton does a countermeasure by extending her arm out so he has to withdraw his arm back closer to his body.
Diane Craig: Trump put his hand on her back; that’s a sign of superiority when you do that.
Facial expressions
DC: Trump has this natural pout when he listens. Both corners of his mouth go down, like when a child is pouting. I don’t know if it’s because he’s used to getting his way. Another thing he does is his eyebrows go down. It’s a definite sign of anger, frustration. Clinton smiled a lot — almost too much. I felt that some of her nervous energy was going into her smile. The amount of smiling she did was betrayed from time to time with deep sighing. It’s a little more difficult to read her facial expressions because of her eyebrows — nothing’s moving. I was trying to watch, it’s like frozen in time.
MB: We saw a look of contempt, a one-sided frown from Trump, and an eye roll when Clinton said she prepared for the evening and ‘I prepared to be president.’ She pretty much had one signature gesture, which was her smile. For the most part, it was effective and well-executed.
Dave Matsumoto: Looking away and rolling his eyes were unmoderated to some extent. So Trump has more of a perception of genuineness. There’s less question about what he’s feeling, whereas Clinton has the same pasted expression throughout, a controlled expression, pursing her lips. Much of the time, her smile was asymmetrical. People might interpret it as a smirk and her laughing off of responses feeds into a perception she’s standoffish.
Patti Wood: Trump has a broad emotional range. He typically gets very happy and smiles a lot, and then he goes all the way to extreme anger. Broad emotional range actually creates likability in candidates. Clinton does not have broad emotional range and that works against her.
Other gestures
MB: Trump’s got some classic gestures that we’ve become used to. He does that OK gesture with his thumb and index finger, and swaps it for the L shape. It’s a precision gesture, he’s detailed. Then his hands squeeze together like a mechanical monkey that plays the cymbals. We also saw the ‘You’re fired’ pointing gesture. Whether we like him or not, at least we’re getting the brand.
PW: He typically has broad high gestures and lots of weapon-like gestures — pointing, jabbing, stabbing, slicing. You only saw the first edges of those so in that way he didn’t look as powerful as he typically does.
DM: Clinton shrugged when asked if she would support the outcome and the will of the people. To me, I don’t know whether that was intentional or not. Probably not. A shoulder shrug raises doubts about the credibility of what she’s saying. It’s typically interpreted as doubt or uncertainty.
Oddities
MB: What was different with Trump this time was the sniff, the big in-draw of air up the nostrils. We hadn’t noticed this before with him. It’s suggesting he’s under more pressure, in that fight or flight area, he’s out of his usual comfort zone. When he talked about his tax returns, he adjusted his microphone. That would be an indicator he’s showing more anxiety. He needs to start adjusting or augment his environment to feel safer or in control.
The split screen
MB: In the split screen, the camera was having to come in closer on Clinton in order to fill the frame; she’s obviously got smaller shoulders than Trump. So her face is always bigger on the screen. It causes her to look more powerful. She was a lot stiller too. Her gestures were more in the frame, so we could see more of her hands, whereas Trump’s gestures were outside of the frame. Good choice of Clinton wearing that block red. That’s aggressive.
DC: That red suit was not an accident, it speaks power. It’s a very structured jacket. There’s nothing distracting about what she wore. Also, Trump makes a lot of noises with his facial expressions when she speaks. He’s so expressive. Even though he doesn’t say anything, it’s noisy. It’s almost like he’s interrupting when she speaks.
PW: Something more subtle that I found interesting is though he said that Clinton did not have stamina, she showed even emotion and continuous solid ground throughout the debate. He started out yelling and gesturing, but about 45 minutes in you saw him gesturing less and grimacing more and placing his weight on his arms on the podium. If you look subtly at the musculature of his face, it pulled down toward the end of the debates, showing fatigue.
The takeaway
DC: Clinton seemed to be more in control of her emotions. When we talk about presence, being in control of emotions is critical. I think it made us more confident in her. She did look presidential, there’s no question about it.
MB: On the whole, the president we’re looking for is the one who can handle pressure. I go for Clinton on that, for sure. Who looked the most presidential? She did. Calm and assertive.
DM: Trump showed he was an emoting human. She showed she was a standoffish, arrogant person. If you watched that debate without words, that’s the impression people would come off with. Many people will see it as an advantage; the president should be above immediate, transient reactions on the spur of the moment. Whereas some people will think he was more genuine and showed more empathy to what the common people are like.
PW: Clinton couldn’t do the full range of things men do: she couldn’t grimace, couldn’t growl. That smile was bizarre in some cases, but I would’ve coached her to do the same thing. It’s a forced choice. She was masterful in how calm and composed she was.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Analysis of the First Presidential Debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump by Patti Wood



I'm fascinated by Trump's use of anger. He yelled through the first 20 minutes of the debate. Anger has the strongest pulling effect.  It pulls audiences strongly and it's highly persuasive. Being the angriest in the debate can make you look the most powerful. Check my blog for my articles on anger. For example, research shows that employees who are evaluated to be angrier actually get more promotions and higher salary.  Anger makes you look like the alpha dog.

There is a gender difference in how anger is perceived. Yes, anger can make a woman look more powerful but there is a cost.  For example, research shows that angry women are seen as less attractive. Hillary Clinton kept her anger in check. Typically her baseline voice is high and can seem strident. It was not strident or high tonight. Also look at my research on my blog about women's voices. Men hear women’s voices (higher range) in the loosely defined as the auditory brain or emotional brain.  Research shows that they therefore perceive women's voices as being more emotional. Also research says that voices are not seen as authoritative. 

Trump has something that's called, in body language research, a broad emotional range. He typically gets very happy and smiles a lot and then he goes all the way to extreme anger. This emotional range actually creates likability in candidates. Hillary does not have emotional range and that works against her.  It's one of the reasons she is seen by some as unlikable.

I do research on the DISC personality inventory and body language and  Hillary is a high C corrector with D. Trump is a high D driver with I influencer. That is how less emotional, nonverbal delivery can be perceived as cold and or rational. I think Hillary did a very good job, having said that, in controlling her emotions. Trump was yelling and interrupting her turn in a way that made him powerful but she continued on. Even if people don't like her you have to be impressed by that.  

I thought their head placement in the debates was really interesting. Her baseline tendency is to bring up her chin and look superior or hold contempt.  She didn't do that tonight.  Her head was evenly placed, she didn't look down, she didn't hold her chin up and it was evenly placed. She looked balanced and in control. Also typically Trump brings his chin up.  He did that occasionally tonight but what I found interesting was his listening face when she was talking. Baseline in debates he smirks, he smiles and he seems to enjoy listening to the other person. Waiting or not waiting for his turn to pounce. Tonight he had closed mouth down at the corners, look of displeasure and sometimes the sour post mouth but he had a head tilt and he kept his eyes on her. He was not showing his typical face playful "I am having fun" glee. He wasn't having fun he was fighting. 

Also interesting, the split screen I was watching on didn't show the broad gestures of either candidate. Trump typically has broad, high gestures and lots of weapon like gestures (pointing, jabbing, stabbing, and slicing.)  You only saw the first edges of those so in that way he didn't look as powerful as he typically does in debate. Both candidate’s gestures were synchronous. You can look at my blog about (feel show say) indicating honesty.   Smooth gestures that come at the same time words do indicates a person is being honest. Again both of the candidates tonight had synchronous gestures. 

Something more subtle that I found interesting is though he said that Hillary did not have stamina, she showed even emotion and continuous solid ground and energy throughout the debate.  Trump started out powerful yelling and gesturing but about 45 minutes in you saw him gesturing less and grimacing more and placing his weight on his arms on the podium as if to support himself. If you look subtly at the musculature of his face it pulled down towards the end of the debates showing fatigue. I've seen Hillary look that way but she did not look at all fatigued tonight. Typically voters choose the candidate that is the most charismatic. Charisma is determined by high likability, attractiveness and power. It's interesting when you compare this with what we assessed and in a first impression typically we look for credibility, likability, attractiveness and power. Research shows when somebody is highly charismatic it overrides our ability to tell whether or not they are credible. We are easily persuaded by somebody that is charismatic. 



Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Does Winking Mean? The Definition of Winking.


What Does Winking Mean? The Definition of Winking.

Winking can be a greeting, it can indicate interest, attraction and or indicate you have a secret connection Winking is a conscious deliberate set of body language cues. We tend to think it is just the closing of one eye, but what is also necessary is that the person looks at the receiver of the wink with his or her other eye. It is a fascinating combination of low and high power cues, and closed and open gestures.  
You stare with one eye to show interest and the wink with the other to soften the stare. Starring, extended eye contact can indicate a desire to attack.  So winking is a way of showing interest but softening what could be threatening continuous eye contact. That is why I recommend it in my chapter on flirting in SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.

Winking is sometimes done with a tilt of the head that is an additional softening cue. So a wink and tilt may indicate, “I am interested, but I’m harmless.”
The conspiratorial wink to one person can translate as, ‘You and I have a secret, we both understand, others do not.”
Winking can also be a slightly suggestive greeting and is reminiscent of a small wave of the hand as in “Hello there, beautiful!” or “Hello you hunk You.”
A perfect example of the softening/conspirator wink is given in the poem “The Night Before Christmas.” Santa gives traditional nonverbal cues to show he is harmless and not going to attack with, “A wink of his eye and a twist of his head.” Together these body language cues let the narrator of the story who just saw a stranger who just bounded into his living room carrying a sack is a charming interloper, not a dangerous intruder planning to abscond with the silver.
I remember being out with a group of friends, one of whom I had dated. A topic came up in the groups discussion that he and I had discussed and laughed about many times when we dated and I looked at him and gave him a wink and the exact moment he turned to wink at me!





Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Does Winking Mean? The Definition of Winking.


What Does Winking Mean? The Definition of Winking.

Winking can be a greeting, it can indicate interest, attraction and or indicate you have a secret connection Winking is a conscious deliberate set of body language cues. We tend to think it is just the closing of one eye, but what is also necessary is that the person looks at the receiver of the wink with his or her other eye. It is a fascinating combination of low and high power cues, and closed and open gestures.  
You stare with one eye to show interest and the wink with the other to soften the stare. Starring, extended eye contact can indicate a desire to attack.  So winking is a way of showing interest but softening what could be threatening continuous eye contact. That is why I recommend it in my chapter on flirting in SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.

Winking is sometimes done with a tilt of the head that is an additional softening cue. So a wink and tilt may indicate, “I am interested, but I’m harmless.”
The conspiratorial wink to one person can translate as, ‘You and I have a secret, we both understand, others do not.”
Winking can also be a slightly suggestive greeting and is reminiscent of a small wave of the hand as in “Hello there, beautiful!” or “Hello you hunk You.”
A perfect example of the softening/conspirator wink is given in the poem “The Night Before Christmas.” Santa gives traditional nonverbal cues to show he is harmless and not going to attack with, “A wink of his eye and a twist of his head.” Together these body language cues let the narrator of the story who just saw a stranger who just bounded into his living room carrying a sack is a charming interloper, not a dangerous intruder planning to abscond with the silver.
I remember being out with a group of friends, one of whom I had dated. A topic came up in the groups discussion that he and I had discussed and laughed about many times when we dated and I looked at him and gave him a wink and the exact moment he turned to wink at me!





Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

7 Body Language Tricks to Exude Confidence

Check out this cool article on how to appear more confident with these simple body language tricks!

http://www.cnbc.com/2016/09/14/7-body-language-tricks-to-exude-confidence.html?slide=8

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

7 Body Language Tricks to Exude Confidence

Check out this cool article on how to appear more confident with these simple body language tricks!

http://www.cnbc.com/2016/09/14/7-body-language-tricks-to-exude-confidence.html?slide=8

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

  • Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

 The Chicago Tribune asked for my insights as a body language expert. Here’s the link, ladies! It was a treat working with you and I added the links to your websites in your bio as well!
Below that are my more detailed comments. 

There is vast scientific knowledge and data from researchers around the world that proves that positive touch makes us better communicators, better friends, and better people. Human Touch is vital to our physical and emotional development and to our overall sense of health and well-being. But, touch that we don’t want, touch that makes us uncomfortable even it its well-intentioned is another thing all together. How do we say, “Stop!” to something others may see as such a warm and wonderful thing? By saying simply what’s true for you and requesting what you would like and ideally getting agreement that the toucher understands. “I notice that you are a very touchy huggy person” “I am not that way, I am uncomfortable with that, you know everyone is different. So could you please honor my need for space?” (Making eye contact and getting nonverbal and or verbal agreement.” Then if you wish say. “I appreciate it.” I suggest a question and a response from the person to act a promise/contract. This is a soft request. Use a clear even strong tone. Not accusatory but not soft and pleading.  If someone has been inappropriate or creepy I would suggest a stronger message and that you do this in the presence of others who know what has happened and have your back. Years of research on touch and giving workshops on sexual harassment have taught me that many people don’t know that their touch bothers others people, they just don’t get it. And when it is made clear they stop. Oddly, the true bully harassers often stop too if there told and or if they are given clear consequences.. Women, who research shows understand nonverbal communication more effetely than men think that their nonverbal message of discomfort should be enough. Sometimes, they may think a tight smile or an awkward laugh or freezing in place or pulling away from touch is enough, But, not everybody can read the signals clearly.  Women sometimes, want to much to being nice. They don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, even the very person that doesn’t seem to be seeing their discomfort the person who is not sensitive to their feelings. So you need to bring the message from the complex emotional nonverbal world to clear logical neocortex words and say it out loud and clear. “Stop!”
(By the way you gym membership is not as important as your personal safety and comfort and if you saying what you want and need to feel safe bothers other people, they are not the people you should be around.”






Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

  • Responding to Inapropiate Touch, Your fitness/yoga instructor likes to get a little too handsy /touchy-feely. How to handle it without risking to lose your membership or make uncomfortable other attendees?

 The Chicago Tribune asked for my insights as a body language expert. Here’s the link, ladies! It was a treat working with you and I added the links to your websites in your bio as well!
Below that are my more detailed comments. 

There is vast scientific knowledge and data from researchers around the world that proves that positive touch makes us better communicators, better friends, and better people. Human Touch is vital to our physical and emotional development and to our overall sense of health and well-being. But, touch that we don’t want, touch that makes us uncomfortable even it its well-intentioned is another thing all together. How do we say, “Stop!” to something others may see as such a warm and wonderful thing? By saying simply what’s true for you and requesting what you would like and ideally getting agreement that the toucher understands. “I notice that you are a very touchy huggy person” “I am not that way, I am uncomfortable with that, you know everyone is different. So could you please honor my need for space?” (Making eye contact and getting nonverbal and or verbal agreement.” Then if you wish say. “I appreciate it.” I suggest a question and a response from the person to act a promise/contract. This is a soft request. Use a clear even strong tone. Not accusatory but not soft and pleading.  If someone has been inappropriate or creepy I would suggest a stronger message and that you do this in the presence of others who know what has happened and have your back. Years of research on touch and giving workshops on sexual harassment have taught me that many people don’t know that their touch bothers others people, they just don’t get it. And when it is made clear they stop. Oddly, the true bully harassers often stop too if there told and or if they are given clear consequences.. Women, who research shows understand nonverbal communication more effetely than men think that their nonverbal message of discomfort should be enough. Sometimes, they may think a tight smile or an awkward laugh or freezing in place or pulling away from touch is enough, But, not everybody can read the signals clearly.  Women sometimes, want to much to being nice. They don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable, even the very person that doesn’t seem to be seeing their discomfort the person who is not sensitive to their feelings. So you need to bring the message from the complex emotional nonverbal world to clear logical neocortex words and say it out loud and clear. “Stop!”
(By the way you gym membership is not as important as your personal safety and comfort and if you saying what you want and need to feel safe bothers other people, they are not the people you should be around.”






Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.