How to Apologize for Missing a Meeting

How to Apologize for Missing a Meeting
By Body Langauge and Human Behavior Expert 
Patti Wood

Step One - Communicate your apology as soon as possible. Waiting to let some time pass is a great strategy when you’re a gardener waiting for your seeds to grow, but delay allows weeds to grow larger in a garden and a bad situation to grow worse in our relationships. Dissonance makes people uncomfortable, so your colleague who is upset with you for missing the meeting and that they taking will not remember the good behavior in other situations they will emphasize the bad and research shows it will actually grow in severity in their minds.

Step Two - apologize. – You can say, “I apologize,” or “I am sorry.” Or my personal favorite, “I am sorry, I messed up.”

Step Three - Keep the message clear of “buts” and excuses. In order to sound professional, you must keep your message clear and free of the “buts” So don’t say, “I’m sorry, but I had to take that phone call it was really important.”  Stay clear of the blame game. “I am sorry, but it’s not really my fault, my boss…”  You might think, “But sometimes it’s not my fault.”  It doesn’t matter who’s to blame; apologize anyway without giving an excuse. If you’re apologizing to a customer, you know you are a representative of your company and therefore you have a responsibility to see that things go well. In all your relationships your willingness to be accountable will ensure that you are seen as a responsible, mature individual.  If you start making excuses, you may start an argument. If you choose to be agreeable an argument is not possible.

Step Four - If there is an excuse use this magic phrasing. “I am sorry, I messed up, there is a reason but the most important thing for you to know now is that I am sorry.”   If you absolutely must make an excuse right now for goodness sakes make the excuse briefer than your apology and whether writing an excuse or giving it face-to-face, follow it with another statement of apology.

Step Five - Sympathize. Empathize.  Let the person know that you can identify with his feelings.  For example, “I understand that you were worried and frustrated because I missed the call. would be frustrated to.”  Their feelings have been validated. You can also assure them that you did not mean them harm. For example, “I did not mean to upset you.”

Step Six Accept responsibility for the situation. You’re an adult. You cannot blame mommy. Be accountable. If you’re not going to be accountable do not apologize just to say you did.  If you are willing let the person know that you intend to do whatever it takes to make things right. You can’t help what has already happened, but you will come up with a solution to the problem.

Step Seven - Show your regret. Just as I said people will complain till they see you get there pain, some people will not fully accept an apology unless they know you have suffered too. I don’t mean that meanly, just know that pain for pain can make a conflict disappear. Come right out and say you are sorry or ashamed. “I feel really bad for forgetting”.

Step Eight - Repair the damage. To be complete, an apology must correct the injury. If you damaged someone's property, offer to fix it. If the damage isn't so obvious, ask “What can I do to make it up to you? There may be nothing concrete you can do, but the offer must be sincere. “I'll will be there on the call on time next time. Meantime I want to send you a Starbucks card to say I am sorry.”

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How to Tell If Your Job Interview Over The Phone Went Well

1.      One of the indications that an interview has gone well is if the interviewer has gone deep on particular questions when you are giving a positive answer.

2.      If they are looking for more information about something you have done well it indicates they see you as a positive candidate.

3.      Spontaneity in their questions and responses during the interview indicates they are going off-script to be present with you as an individual rather than doing a rote interview.        

4.      They laugh!  Interviewers who laugh show not only that they think they have had fun with you at the moment, and that they may find you funny, but they are comfortable enough with you to be personable and step out of the “interviewer” role.

 5.     Time is a strong communicator. If they are giving you more time. If they are thinking seriously as a candidate, they will give you more time to answer questions, won’t interrupt or cut you off or speed through the process. One of the best indicators is if they slow down and or linger at the formal close of the interview. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How do we find out the real number of Covid 19 cases and how many people have recovered?

In college at Florida State, I had a great part-time job. I was that delightful person who called your home between 6 and 10 in the evening to do a short survey, 45 minutes to an hour and a half, about fun topics such as how many refrigerators you had in your home and if you owned a trailer. (I always wanted to ask if they had a pink flamingo in their yard, but It would have skewed the survey.)  I worked for the policy science program and most of the survey research was done for the governor’s office for the State of Florida and used to determine policy and budgeting. After getting my Master's degree and  I came back to Florida to work on my Doctorate in Communication with an Emphasis in Body Language and end up getting promoted to my former boss's job and I was the manager of the Policy Science Program, helping design the surveys, hiring and managing the staff and keeping track of all the research and creating reports for the governor’s office. 

Oh, by the way, I was 22. I had taken several semesters of graduate-level statistics and a survey research course in grad school where I designed and conducted a survey research study, and I had been trained briefly by my boss, but that’s it. Later, as National Spokesperson for Wrigley’s gum, Benadryl, Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, The Natural Dentist and Latisse eye drops and other products. I designed and conducted and or consulted on the design of national surveys. I also designed a three-year survey research study on handshake and greeting rituals and a five-year study of first impressions. 

Here is why this is important to know. 

If you are asking, "What are the real numbers for COVID 19 in your state or in the US? I think we could very easily design and implement a brief survey research design to call every house and or a sample large enough to study in our state and gather data on who has or has had each symptom of COVID 19, how long they were ill and their recovery, who has passed in a household and who may have developed antibodies?

It’s not hard to do and not that expensive. If we couldn't poll everyone and wanted to do a representative sample for research, for example, a staff of 12 surveyors working from 6:00 till 10 each did surveys, up to 7 pages long for an entire state in two to three weeks. National Surveys I worked on hired US companies to do the phone research for less than 1,000 dollars questions an again did the pilot tests and surveys in a few weeks.

We could also design a simple survey and have it online and we could work in conjunction with or compare research that could be done by every insurance and health care provider could have it online and do the same phone survey with their customers/patients. Surveys could be on websites, they could be emailed, and there could be follow up emails and make phone calls to check in on health and recovery. We could figure out the privacy rules. Dang, Kaiser already has a number for the nurse to call if you have symptoms that the nurse could ask for permission to use the patient's demographic details, keep their privacy and collect the data on symptoms and then check back about the seriousness of illness and recovery. It wouldn't be difficult to compare that data with numbers coming from hospitals dealing with the seriously ill. 

If I could design and conduct survey research at 22 and “This is Carol with Cardholder Services” can call us on an automated service with such persistence to get us to use a high-interest credit card I think we can get have the know-how and gusto up to make this work. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language and Human Behavior Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Living and Working with your Spouses and Partners Durring Covid19, Coworking Durring Covid By Body Language Expert Patti Wood, Gives Tips to Co-Working With Significant Other

When you were little you built forts from cardboard boxes, wood, blankets. As a child, you see the need to have your own kingdom a safe space that is all yours where you are in charge. If you can create your own “fort” in your home. When your Coworking with a significant other Space (Proxemics) is important and having conversations, boundaries and rituals around private spaces is important. Personal space or proxemics, a form of non-verbal communication, is the space surrounding each person. Zones: Broadly, the four distinct zones are: Intimate (0-2 ft.), Personal (2-4 ft), Social (4-12 ft.) and Public (more than 12 ft.)

Ideally you need a workspace that gives you at least five to seven feet of space. Just like having a fort that’s yours, you and your partner can each set up sacred kingdoms. Have fun with it. Name your kingdom! Create a Royal King or Queen name. (Kids may willing serfs or invading Vikings. That just the way life is.) So set up the sacred time rituals of your kingdom, such as, “Please no one else socks, coffee cups, and commands” will be brought into the kingdom of the desk.  You and your partner may have sacred times for work and relaxation as well. So the law of the kingdom may be, “No interruptions while I am at the dining room table kingdom from 9:00 till 12:00. There may be a sacred time. Perhaps an hour in the day where you want to be alone as you can be, whether its to work, meditate, exercise or binge-watch. Research shows that  any interruption when we are working takes on average 15 minutes to recover from, so one small request like, “Did you see my glasses.” It can cause you to lose your already possibly unsteady focus. My niece has the upstairs bedrooms from 8:00 till lunchtime, my nephew is law had the basement reck room office till 5:00. You can make the punishment funny, interrupt me and you must pay a price and wear a pair of clean underwear on your head, or you must sing your high school fight song all the way through. Use love and humor to ease stress. 

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Honoring these small kingdoms of time and space can help you get through these tough times.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

When People Say, "I am sorry for your loss." and other well meaning platitudes How Do You Deal With Loss

One of the many lessons of loss is that you the sufferer, become responsible for helping those around you not feel bad as they interact with you. Standing in your pain, you are often in situations where you need to lift the burden of your sorrow off those who feel awkward about dealing with the messiness of grieving and loss.

So, for example, when someone tries to comfort you with the comment, “I am sorry for your loss." This may seem to you to be a rote statement, you are left with the choice of giving a pat automated response or going deeper. It’s always your choice.

As a body language expert, I give programs on dealing with abuse, grief loss and trauma with professionals who deal with the grieving. (funeral directors, social workers, therapists, school counselors, law enforcement, ministers and rabbis, and others.) I share with them tools they can share in turn with those suffering losses.
I suggest that you listen to the voice and watch the body language of the person who makes the “Sorry for your loss” statement to see and hear if they may be willing to go deep with you for a moment. If they are staying pulled back and reticent and speaking with a flat automatic tone, just give them a warm, “Thank You.” And let them go. They say the pain is too much for them, but they are kind enough to reach out as far as they can go to comfort you.

If they are really making eye contact, leaning in, fully present and have the paralanguage of truth as they say, “I am sorry for your loss.” it you can give them your truth. The funny thing is when you are laid bare in grief, you can read nonverbal cues acutely. You know. If they are open and willing, you can share your truth.

You can share how the loss is affecting you, “I have lost my partner and my best friend, and it hurts so much.”

You can thank them deeply, “Thank you for reaching out to me and standing in my grief with me for a moment.” “My pain is so big, thank you for being in sorrow with me.”

You can share memories of the person you lost that the person who said sorry also shares so you can grieve at the moment together, “I remember how you and Roy loved to sing in the car together when we went to the beach. I will miss hearing his voice joining with yours.” 

 When I was 29, the year I watched my best friend die and suffered the loss of nine other friends dying I learned a lot about grief and the responsibility of dealing with people who had no experience with it being incredibly uncomfortable and awkward about it. I already had my speaking and consulting business as a body language expert so it placed me in a unique position of seeing into the hearts of people as my heart broke. 

 

Patti Wood’s Bio

Called the “Gold Standard” of Body Language by The Washington Post and credited in the New York Times for bringing the topic to national attention Patti Wood, is a true expert. She is the author of nine books and she speaks and consults to Fortune 500 companies and associations. You see her on National TV shows like Good Morning America, CNN and FOX News, The History Channel and the Today Show. She is quoted every week in publications such as The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today, Bloomberg Business Week, Fortune, Good Housekeeping, and USA Today.