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How Should Your Greet Your Crush?

I am a body language expert and I have done three years of research on greeting behavior. I am the Author of a book on First Impressions called, “Snap Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.”

No matter where you see them drop whatever you’re doing, and make eye contact, ideally with an eyebrow flash, (an eyebrow flash is raising up your eyebrows so that your eye open widely and signaling, “I like what I see and I want more of it!) and greet your crush immediately, wither it be with a hello, hug, or kiss. Each time you greet with your time, your speed of reaction, your eye contact, your presence your touch. You are saying nonverbally, ‘You come first,’” If you are keeping your interest in your crush a secret I would still recommend you make eye contact immediately, as they will feel seen and recognized and be more likely to like you back! 




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How To Be a Health Advocate When A Loved One is Having a Medical Emergency Such as a Stroke. Things to Know When A Loved One Is Having a Stroke.


How To Be a Health Advocate When A Loved One is Having a Medical Emergency 

Many years ago, I had a boyfriend who was a pilot who had a stroke at my house. He, his family, and his healthcare providers said I saved his life. That seems so weird to say. I feel uncomfortable using those words. Because I just communicated effectively and anyone can do that. But I realized that not everyone knows how to communicate and be an advocate for a loved one in crisis so I want to share simple things I did that you can do if you are ever in that horrible situation. 

1.   I had a boyfriend who was a pilot. After we had been together a year, he took a job as a private pilot in another state without discussing it with me. I was blindsided. He said it was no big deal as he would still have a house here. He said he would just live most of the time in another state. We already had a lot of issues and the fact that he couldn’t understand that making this life-changing decision without talking to me was a problem. It was a last straw issue. I broke up with him.

The next day he appeared on my doorstep in his pilot's uniform to try to get back together. He was going to fly that day on a commercial airline to pick up the private plane and then fly it all by himself back to Atlanta. He wanted me to go out to breakfast and talk. I said I wasn’t going to change my mind, but breakfast was ok. We came back to the house. He wasn’t overly upset and we talked about his trip that day. He started to look awful, and he said he had a horrible headache and had trouble talking. I am an expert in body language, I didn’t know every sign of a stroke, but I knew some of them, and I knew him, and I knew he was having a stroke. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. and said, I think you are having a stroke do you want me to call 911 or drive you to the hospital?

He couldn’t decide and he was in pain and went to the floor. I couldn’t lift him to get him to the car, so I dialed 911. By the time the ENTs came, he was in agony holding his head writhing on the floor saying over and over again, “My head.” “My head,” I told the three EMTs he was having a stroke and to take him to the hospital immediately. They didn’t believe me. They showed no urgency. My ex couldn’t communicate clearly, and I was his only advocate.  I said, "Look at him." he is writhing in pain." I told them I know him. I know his normal behavior, his baseline behavior. I know how he is when he has horrible back pain. I said he does not take pain meds, bravely handles his pain, and keeps working. I said he has never had a migraine. I told them through specific changes in behavior that indicated this was a stroke. They didn’t believe me. They kept saying it was a migraine. Sometimes we go with the professional opinion.  Three guys in uniforms were certain they were right, I had to go against that authority to advocate for my ex. 

I pointed out and repeated the behaviors that indicated it was a stroke, his severe headache, loss of balance, confusion, dizziness weakness, difficulty speaking, trouble seeing, lack of understanding, and altered mental state. (Other clues you can check for if you suspect a stroke; are weakness, facial paralysis, loss of sensation, and lack of reflexes.) 

They also had me call his pharmacy to prove he wasn’t on medication to cause his behavior or pain meds that might show he was acting rather than in crisis in a bid to get pain meds. I convinced the pharmacy to talk to us and share his medical history with the EMTs.  I was really upset. I know drug addicts do crazy things to get drugs, but it was so clear he was in pain and needed to go to the hospital immediately and they were delaying transporting him. I couldn't lift him to the car myself so I persisted.

I am only 5.1 and at that time I weighed less than a hundred pounds, but I knew how to be a strong advocate, See my history of that below this story. I firmly repeated yet again to them you need to put him in the ambulance right now and get him to the emergency room. It took several repetitions, but they finally put him in the ambulance.  They said they didn't think it was a stroke and they couldn’t give him the stroke medication I knew you need to take that ideally in the first hour. They took him to his normal hospital, which was over a half hour away even though I told them there are two hospitals less than four miles from my house. But finally, they drove him to the hospital. They helped save his life. 

I got to the emergency room a good 15 minutes before the ambulance. I had a lot of work to do to get a neurosurgeon down to the emergency ready to see him when he came in. I had requested the EMTs ask for that on their way, but they didn’t.

I had to sign off on a ton of paperwork allowing them to do testing and saying I would be responsible for his health care decisions. I spent the next half hour with my ex-boyfriend as he writhed in pain on the exam table trying to convince him that he was having a stroke so they would give him a brain scan and give him the meds he needed. Absurdly, they didn't know if his writhing agony and slurred speech were normal. I had gotten the Neurosurgeon there but he kept asking me if my ex’s behavior was normal, and if had he acted l like this before. I told him over and over NO. He kept asking. I told him what his normal behavior was in detail and what where the changes were today in detail.  Thank god I know how to communicate what baseline normal behaviors are and how to track specific behavioral changes in the order of appearance. It shouldn’t be that hard to advocate for a loved one.  They finally believed me.  

Once they scanned his they told us he had intense bleeding in the brain and the pressure was causing damage he would be paralyzed, brain damaged, and or die. In fact, the neurosurgeon told us several times he was probably going to die or be paralyzed. It was just horrific. I asked what could save him and was told he needed a shunt (a hollow tube) to be put in his brain to drain the blood to decrease the pressure on his brain. He,  neurosurgeon) wouldn’t do it. I kept saying please do it. It was so odd to be in this room with him in pain and the doctor and everyone clearly thinking and acting like he was going to die. That it was inevitable. I have wondered many times if because they saw how bad the bleeding in his brain was that they felt that his death was a better alternative.  

I was on the phone trying to get a family member to fight with the surgeon to get him to do it. I could only reach his brother-in-law, and he refused to get involved or be held responsible telling me my ex was known for suing anyone who irritated him. That was news to me. But I knew he could recover from this if he got the best care, so I kept on advocating.

I had unfortunately been in this kind of situation before. I knew I needed to marshal my resources. So I was also on the phone trying to find help. I got on the phone with my good friend who is an occupational therapist for brain trauma patients for her advice. I asked her, “What can I do to save his life?” She shared that if/when he was stabilized, there are two brain trauma units in Atlanta, and he needed to get to one ASAP. I started to call them to get him transferred there. She helped save his life and I am so grateful for her. All the while I was calmly and firmly telling the Neurosurgeon to put in the shunt. 

I knew my ex-boyfriend. I knew he was strong bodies and strong-willed, that he worked out every single day, and that he dealt with back pain. I knew he was a fighter and could recover so I told the Neurosurgeon, all of these truths about him several times. They didn't know the brave man he was. I had to convince them to fight for him as it was clear they didn’t think he would make it. Let me repeat that, it was clear to me that everyone in that room standing over him didn't think he would make it. 

Finally, the Neurosurgeon had me sign another document and he put the shunt in. I realized that the doctor was taking a big risk to do this in an emergency room, rather than a surgical room, and increased the risk of doing it before my ex was transferred as the shunt could come out easily in the transfer. My ex showed immediate improvement. I am so grateful the doctor took that risk. He helped save his life.  I breathed a sigh of relief as my ex was talking again and I knew he had a chance of a full recovery.

I can’t begin to describe the conversation I had with the brain trauma units trying to convince them that he was savable and fighting for one of the very few beds. I believe there were only 12 beds. I used every calm level headed technique I could to convince them. He got a bed. 

I kept calling his family, but they didn’t reply. I was still on my own. The EMTS came back and transferred him across town to the hospital with the brain trauma unit. I followed the ambulance. The EMTs complimented me and said, it was clear I loved him and that I had just saved his life. At the brain trauma center, they were very kind, but I discovered immediately that he was the only patient in the unit who was conscious and that they were acting like he was there to die. I finally got the on-call neurosurgeon in the room and convinced him that my ex was a fighter and again signed a ton of paperwork.  At this point it is important to share that I was very lucky they were letting me, not his wife or family member sign off on the paperwork. They took a big risk and so did I. They took exceptional care of him and helped save his life. 

To be clear, I did not go back with him. He did fully recover and a year later we were having coffee in a coffee shop, and I saw his main neurosurgeon from the brain trauma unit come in and see me sitting with my ex. The look of shock on his face was stunning. The doctor pointed at the back of my ex’s head and gestured a question mouthing if he is ok. And I smiled and nodded yes. Again, he looked gob-smacked and came over and talked to us, sharing how stunned and happy he was to see such a miraculous recovery. I was told by the staff at the brain trauma unit that his recovery was a miracle. I always knew my ex would make it and that’s why I battled to save him.  I stepped away from my ex after his full recovery but to this day he sends me cards to thank me for saving his life. He sometimes mentions that that day he was under so much pressure as he was about to fly a plane alone for the first time in years, and he was moving, if he hadn’t come to my house, he could have been on that plane alone, with the increased risk of the air pressure on the plane and had a stroke alone on the plane.  

I recognized he was having a stroke. Know the signs of a stroke. Severe headache, loss of balance, confusion, dizziness weakness, difficulty speaking, trouble seeing, lack of understanding, altered mental statefacial paralysis, loss of sensation, and lack of reflexes.

2.     I convinced the EMTs that he was having a stroke and not just a headache or a faking his pain for pain meds and insisted they take him to the hospital. Get your loved one cared for. Know their prescriptions. 

3.    I persuaded/fought with the neurosurgeon that he was having a stroke and was a fighter and to take action to save him, most critically to put in a stunt to drain the blood “on” his brain. Know how to stay calm focused and advocate. 

4.     I signed off on a ton of paperwork that his family refused to be responsible for that allowed him to immediately get tests, procedures and medication, and other care. Have the legal paperwork to sign off on your loved ones' paperwork.  


M  My friend help save him by recommending great hospitals. I got the intake person to get him a bed in a top brain trauma unit rather than a regular hospital unit. Know the medical resources in your state and beyond and if you don't ask the staff to tell you and get them in. 

6.     I persuaded the staff at the brain trauma unit that if they fought for him, he would make a full recovery.  Tell the health care providers about your loved one and their personality and even funny stories about them so they see them as a full person.  I told the healthy care providers about my ex's great Italian cooking, his love of flying golf, and funny movies. I had experienced how humanizing my loved one helps doctors and nurses and other staff treat them with even more care. 


                                               Things to Think About

Prep

Have the signs of a stroke on your phone, written and up on your fridge in your beside the table and medicine chest, and in your glove compartment. 

Have a list of all your loved ones' medications and permission from their doctors to talk to you. Have the phone number for THEIR pharmacy and all the doctors and any friends or contacts you know in health care. If your loved one is not your relative, have a list of their relative's names and numbers. My ex had told me the password to get into his phone. If I hadn't known it is would have been very hard to convince the EMT's this was not a drug issue. 

Has the legal paperwork been done to be able to sign off on paperwork for them?

When It's Happening

Tell your loved one what you think is happening and that you are summoning help. They may be confused and tell you nothing is wrong.  Get help anyway.  Keep talking to them as you summon help. 

Tell emergency workers be it EMTS or 911 what you think it is and that you want to get to a hospital immediately state the loved ones' behaviors, why it's different than their normal behaviors, and that it is a crisis, and insist on immediate help. Be clear calm and insistent. 

Be clear in communicating. Stay calm, and don't shout or get angry. 

Ask questions, and insist on being in the loop. 

Advocate for the best care. 

My past experiences of being an advocate for someone in a health care crisis.  

I had taken care of a boyfriend who was shot in a hunting accident where a bullet went through his kidney and spleen bounced off his spine and logged in his heart and lost 34 pints of blood in 24 hours and I was with him in intensive care, getting off his addiction to the pain meds, and as he was learning how to walk again, I knew how to be firm. That boyfriend and his doctors and his family said I saved his life. But that is another story if you would like to hear it.

After that, I was with my best friend Roy as he died of AIDS and learned how to make sure he got compassionate care.  I could tell you a lot of stories about them leaving his food trays in the hall or trying to give him the wrong medication and me knowing every one of his medications and the dosages.

 





Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Expert and Dating Coach Patti Wood

Patti Wood Dating Coach

Patti Wood is called the “Gold Standard” of Body Language by the Washington Post and credited in the New York Times for bringing the science of body language to national attention Patti Wood, is a true expert. She is the author of ten books including, “Success Signals Understanding Body Language and SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.” She is the body language expert who first analyzed Celebrity couple's body language for the media, having a weekly article in US Weekly, Yes, and Ok magazines for three years. She continues to be the go-to expert on celebrity couple’s body language. Just google her name and a famous couple like the Royals, the Kardashians, or Ben and Jen, as well are her name and the word Dating, Couples, Signs He or She is Into You, Toxic behavior, and more.

She speaks to Fortune 500 clients, and you may have seen her on Good Morning America, The Today show, ABC, NBC, National Geographic, The History Channel, and National News Channels.

She is quoted every week in publications such as Business Week, Psychology Today, The Wall Street Journal, Readers Digest, The Sun, Elite Daily, and Fortune.  She coaches business owners and C-Suite level executives on Dating, Yes, that’s a niche because extremely smart successful, and wealthy people can find dating challenging.

Patti doesn’t advertise or market herself as a dating coach instead her clients find her. They may have been in an audience in one of her speeches, read an article where she is quoted as an expert, or may research and google the top body language expert. Often they come to her for executive or public speaking coaching and then hire Patti for dating coaching.

Patt’s Approach.

1.     What do you think about dating apps? I work with my clients to find alternatives to dating apps as they often have a recognizable face and or name.

2.     What are some tips you would give to someone who has to go on a first date?

First I would help them reframe it not as “.. have to go…’ to a gets to go on an adventure.
We work on their first impression going over the four first impression factors Credibility Likeability Attractiveness and Power to see how they come across to a potential date. We practice, sometimes in front of a mirror and videotape on their phone and review and I give coaching and feedback.

 

Instead of saying “Do this because I said so.” We have conversations about what they think of dating behaviors such as small talk. For example, I ask my clients what they think about small talk. Many of my clients are Drivers and Correctors and or a combination of the two on the DISC personality inventory. Drivers think small talk is a waste of time and they want to rush through it and get to the good stuff Correctors can perceive small talk as shallow, fake, and insincere. I help them see the value in small talk so they look forward to it rather than approaching it like a bite of bitter broccoli. We go over fun easy and interesting conversation starters, questions to discover more about your date and follow-up questions. I also give LOTS of coaching on how to listen.

 

3.     What do you think of friends-with-benefits relationships? My opinion is not important, helping my client discover if it's right and healthy for them and their benefits partner is critical. We go over what they need to say out loud to make it clear what they want and don’t want and how to ask their benefits partner for their boundaries and expectations. I suggest they do “Updates and Check In’s” to make sure they are both on the same page. I ask my clients a lot of questions to see If they feel honored and respected and watch and observe their nonverbal behavior. If I see signs that they don’t then I suggest they have a conversation, change things or get out!

 If they find themselves being unkind or unthoughtful or unhealthy in how they deal with the other person, we talk about how that affects both people and creates a pattern of communication that leads to an unhealthy romantic relationship with a long-term partner. Once you allow yourself to be mistreated or become abusive you begin to set down neural pathways in your brain that you will go down automatically in your dating and romantic relationships.

4.     What would you tell a client who needs help getting out of the friend zone with the person they like? I suggest testing the waters. Sometimes it's just a simple change in touch such as putting their hand on the back of a friend to guide them into a restaurant or touching the top of their hand to emphasize a point or as they laugh together at a joke and being observant of their friend's response. We practice having open honest conversations to test the waters. It is funny how simply saying, “ I really like you.” And seeing how your friend responds Can be a relationship changer.

5.     In your opinion, what are some personality traits men find irresistible in women?

Warmth, Confidence, Curiosity, Sexiness, Affectionate, and my clients tend to be attracted to what they describe as a very feminine woman. Some of my clients like Women who are shy in public, soft-spoken women and I believe it’s because it’s a contrast to their personality and it makes a good match for them.

6.     In your opinion, what are some personality traits women find irresistible in men? Confident, Funny, Warm, Affectionate, Sexy, Easygoing.

7.     How can people find you? Patti@PattiWood.net Thebodylanguagelady@blogspot.com

8.     Two of Patti’s Books. “Success Signals Understanding Body Language and SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.”

 









Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Does Blinking a Lot Mean Your Lying? What Gwyneth Paltrow's Blinking Meant in her Ski Accident Court Room Testimony.

Here is what the Huffington Post quoted me saying in a recent article. The link to the article is in the comments.

Patti Wood, a body language expert and the author of “Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma,” said that blinking rates under ordinary circumstances can vary widely depending on the person, such that 40 blinks per minute might also be a typical rate. So the key is to analyze what someone’s baseline is in different contexts.

“As stress increases, blink rate goes up to 70 blinks per minute or higher,” Wood said. “So, for example, you look at what a person’s blink rate is in a courtroom setting: How are they blinking most of the time? What is their baseline in that situation? Then you look at how their baseline rate changes due to certain factors — for example, when they ask a question and they’re stating their response, or when someone on the stand is saying something about them.”

If you’re trying to assess how someone’s blinking rate can change during questioning, Wood recommended mixing in more difficult questions with easier, fact-based inquiries. You may even ask the same tough question multiple times to get a better comparison. If their blinking pattern changes, you might want to get to the bottom of what they’re truly thinking.

“For example, in a job interview situation, you would ask them what’s making them uncomfortable about answering the question,” Wood said. “You should come from a place of integrity and curiosity. The goal should be to create conne

ction, establish a relationship with people so they feel comfortable telling you the truth, rather than have to fear everyone is lying and expend the energy trying to catch them. Research shows that people who [think they] are in the presence of an honest person with integrity, they are more likely to feel comfortable telling the truth.”

And remember that a change in blink pattern doesn’t necessarily mean someone is lying, so give people grace.

“There are many reasons why someone could have rapid blinking,” Wood said. Despite those studies showing some link between blinking and dishonesty, that’s not the whole picture, especially in a courtroom setting. After all, a person’s excessive blinking may simply stem from the stress of taking the stand in front of so many people.

“Blink rate is linked to a change or sudden shift in emotion. Now we have to accept that for any person, going into court with cameras present, reporting on every word we say, would be stressful.”https://www.huffpost.com/entry/blinking-lying-gwyneth-paltrow_l_642330c6e4b04efaae793fe7?fbclid=IwAR3SzO5wyxtUaPyaqZuHkaKyGqWcsPsfaLJabAs67R2xryrkhpT24u2OJCo



https://www.huffpost.com/entry/blinking-lying-gwyneth-paltrow_l_642330c6e4b04efaae793fe7




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What is Body Doubling and Why Does It Work to Help People With ADHD and Others to Get Us to Work and Complete Tasks? By Body Language Expert Patti Wood


Body Doubling is a strategy Recommended for people with ADHD. But because it's based on the effect of the scientific principle of isopraxism, it is one of the reasons it works in work and educational settings and it is recommended by therapists) while people clean, declutter, or

finish their to-do lists. It helps with executive functioning and accountability. 

Body Doubling works because of a scientific phenomenon called Isopraxism, a pull towards the same energy to save energy. Isopraxism is why birds fly in formation, deer run together, fish swim in schools, why we do the wave at football games, slow in traffic if the car in front of us slows down, and why get can easily get pulled into someone’s bad mood.  Research shows that the strongest energy, the strongest leader has the strongest pulling effect, and that negative energy (anger) has the strongest pulling effect. The people we are with can motivate us to change or shift our body language. Body doubling can help us get work done.

Body doubling creates a multi-tiered effect to get you moving and motivated. First, there is someone else moving so you are pulled to “Match” that movement. Your limbic system (not your logical thinking neocortex) feels the pull to move because they are moving. If you like a trust them that pull is stronger. You don’t have to Mirror them and do the same exact thing they are doing; you just must move. So for example when my assistant is in the office and may Mirror her and sit at my desk next to her and also type, but I may also just match and be up doing other things in the office or be working in another room. Her presence and energy of being productive pull me to be productive. Specifically, we are pulled by all our senses, The visual body language cues of the other person, the sound of them breathing and talking, and even their scent,  ie they are sweating so we are pulled to work and sweat.

I have many fellow entrepreneurs and author friends that do their best writing in a coffee shop because there is movement around them. People’s energy and movement, create matching energy and productivity in them. I had an office in a shared office space in a cool hip Ponce City Market before covid, where I spent most of my time in the coffee bar or sitting in one of the lounges working because I loved being around all those fellow high-energy entrepreneurs.

In addition, there is a psychological pull towards being productive, where you see them working, and you feel good if you do too and feel guilty if you don’t move as well. My ex-fiancé, insisted I buy a two-story house because he hated that he could see me sitting at my desk working in my office when he was sitting on the couch watching TV. He wanted me to work on a separate floor so he didn’t feel my pulling effect and didn’t feel guilty for not working nights and weekends as I did. He worked full-time, he shouldn’t have felt any guilt but the pull was strong.

 



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.