A famous author of detective fiction was speaking at a writer’s conference I attended last week. Her nonverbal behavior and the content of her speech were so unusual, that the group of friends I attended the conferance with could not stop talking about her.
She spent a great deal of the speech talking about her alcoholic ex husband, "aka. 'The Rat'" and the horrible life she had with him.
I was fascinated by the long drawn out pauses the author gave before she was about to reveal some horrific aspect of her life. I was fascinated, because during the pause their would be a flash of pain across her face then a small smile would play there as her head tilted up and she shared the terrible incident. What where her true feelings? I think she was reliving the tremendous pain of her past, then enjoying the fact that she could share that pain, in fact I think she even enjoyed reliving the pain. Nonverbally she seemed to enjoy sharring it, not merly for us to apprieciate her marterdom for living through, it, but by somhow she simply seemed to receive pure pleasure from expressing it. She ended her speech, rather oddly, by singing the Janice Iain song about the painful adolescence of an ugly duckling, “At Seventeen”
Perhaps my deduction was not difficult to make as she would often share a success, such as the flying in her lire jet, or having over 37 novels published, just after sharing a painful story. She affected my friends differently. All of us had had experiences dealing with alcoholics, yet some of us felt moved and effected by her presentation, and others felt that she was manipulating us, by asking us to feel sorry for her and then envy her a moment later.
Why am I blogging about this? Well I think the whole process of sharing our past pain, and what the lie detector test of of nonverbal communication reveals as we do this, is interesting. And any time I am deeply affected by someone’s nonverbal behavior and find myself judging it, I ask myself what I can learn from it. So her behavior made me examine the way I share my past pains and current successes. I started to ask myself this weekend what my motivations are for sharring a story.
I am going to continure to examine my own body language as I share a past injustice, generally whine and complain, or just plain brag about a success.
Every human interaction is a chance to hold up mirror and reflect. What will the mirror show you?
