nonverbal communication, baby and dog video
I love the Bonnie Hunt Show. So, instead of my usual academic read of some one's body language, here is a video from her show of a baby and a dog greeting each other nonverbally. If you read my blog you know I am the queen of handshakes. Who knew that dogs and babies had their own unique handshakes. It shouldn't surprise us dogs have been bred to read human body language more accurately than chimpanzees. To read more about handshakes just type it in my blog or go read the perfect handshake article on my website at www.Pattwood.net
How to Become a Body Language Expert
I got an email from Dr. Paul Ekman's office yesterday. After I stoped jumping up and down with excitement, I answered his assistant's request. Since the new TV show, "Lie To Me" based on Dr. Ekman's life has come out, his office is getting queries on how to become a body language expert. Here is my answer.
It was so kind of you to contact me. Dr. Paul Ekman is my idol. I read his research in my first nonverbal class when I was 19 years old, I quoted his research on my Master’s and Doctoral exams and I have been sharing the results of his research with my audiences since I taught my first body language class at Florida State in the 80’s.
There are many ways to become an expert in any field and I will give you different paths to take. I will start with the most arduous and then give you easier routes.
It was so kind of you to contact me. Dr. Paul Ekman is my idol. I read his research in my first nonverbal class when I was 19 years old, I quoted his research on my Master’s and Doctoral exams and I have been sharing the results of his research with my audiences since I taught my first body language class at Florida State in the 80’s.
There are many ways to become an expert in any field and I will give you different paths to take. I will start with the most arduous and then give you easier routes.
The first path is one that I chose. Get a degree. Don't freak out. The academic route is rewarding. If You want to pursue a full education I recommend you look for universities that have a program in Nonverbal Communication in a their -Communication Department, but also have a strong psychology, sociology, business communication and or anthropology departments. I was able to take courses in other colleges within my University to create my undergrad degree and I feel that truly helped me have a strong foundation in both brain research and the social interaction research on nonverbal communication.
Another path is take just take a college course on the topic. Look online at the college course catalogue. The course may be listed as nonverbal communication, but you may have to go deeper into the course description. Typically, you find courses that have a section or module on the topic under Psychology or Communication. You may also find them in the Business School or in the Anthropology Department or in the Sociology Department.
If someone wants a different kind of education please let them know I am taking on students for one on one coaching. I also take on student interns to work with me in my business.
Please let Dr. Ekman know I enjoy the television show and marvel at the accuracy of the nonverbal information. It is wonderful to have this show on the air for those of us who teach and have a passion for the field of nonverbal communication. If there is anything else you would like to know please feel free to call me.
The web is full of information, but some of it is far to simplistic and some is just plain wrong. Look for the experts with degrees in the field. When you do a Google search use the word "research, as the first word in the search. Read www.SceinceDailyNews.com
You may also want to find read some of the best books on the subject. I recommend going deep and reading all of Paul Eckman's books. Also read Desmond Morris' seminal contributions to the field.
Another path or mode of learning is to become a keen observer. Watch talk shows, look closely at the behavior. I have a chart in my Success Signals book that you can use to note when certain nonverbal behaviors occur and how many times they occur. One of the key times to watch is the pause before someone speaks. There are the micro expressions that Paul Ekman discovered that occur in that fraction of a second. They are the truthful expressions. Start looking for what people say, before the words come out. Then, observe what they do with their face movement and gestures and body, just as they finish speaking. There is the least amount of control at those moments so there is so much truth in those moments.
Don't over analyze your daily interactions; it will take you out of the real moment with people. It can make you crazy, or just make other people think you are crazy. Instead, observe as an outsider. Go the mall or the airport or the bookstore or coffeehouse or the grocery store and see if you can predict people’s next actions or get gut impressions of how people respond to waitress or cashier. For that matter, do something I do. Look for the nice people. For example, look at all the cashiers at Target, observe their nonverbal cues and decide which cashier will make your interaction the best. Personally, I look for the person who appears friendly, and present rather than an autotron. For you, that may mean choosing someone who is fast. Form an impression then predict their future behavior. Test your skills.
You can also look for a mentor or coach to guide you through the process. Find someone who is skilled at reading people as well as a good teacher.
Personally, I earned two degrees in communication with a specialization in Nonverbal Communication and did an additional four years of Doctoral coursework in nonverbal communication and taught Nonverbal Communication at the University level for many years. I have also been doing research on the topic since the early 80’s. My favorite areas of research are first impressions, handshakes and greeting behavior, rapport building, gender differences, deception detection and touch.
I studied with Dr. Larry Barker for my Masters to specialize in nonverbal communication and I did Doctoral coursework in Nonverbal Communication in the same manner as my undergraduate degree, by seeking courses in other departments related to the field.
If someone wants a different kind of education please let them know I am taking on students for one on one coaching. I also take on student interns to work with me in my business.
Please let Dr. Ekman know I enjoy the television show and marvel at the accuracy of the nonverbal information. It is wonderful to have this show on the air for those of us who teach and have a passion for the field of nonverbal communication. If there is anything else you would like to know please feel free to call me.
The real origin of the handshake
Why do we shake hands with people? Well today on MSM front page ever day mysteries wrote today that the origin of the handshake ,"...lies in medieval history. By offering a right hand to a stranger, a hand that could otherwise be used to draw a sword, men were overtly displaying their intentions of peace toward one another. " But that is not accurate.The real origin of the handshake started not in medieval times but in Roman times. Romans clasped arms to show I hold not weapon. It was the medieval nights who made the shift from arm clasping to hand clasping and later to the shaking, but the shaking part of the handshake originated because of a trick of some medieval nights of hiding weapons up in their sleeve. So when Knights went to grab hands they started shaking the other guys hands so if there where any hidden weapons hidden in the sleeves of their potential opponent they would fall out during the "shake down.
At that point handshakes became weapons checks.
Nowadays, from signing a treaty to settling a bet with friends, "shaking on it" remains a symbolic sign of agreement.
For more about the handshake check out my book on my website. www.pattiwood.net
At that point handshakes became weapons checks.
Nowadays, from signing a treaty to settling a bet with friends, "shaking on it" remains a symbolic sign of agreement.
For more about the handshake check out my book on my website. www.pattiwood.net
Lie to Me
In preparing for my deception detection class tonight I thought I would watch a few minutes of the new television show called, "Lie to Me." The program is based on the research of Paul Ekman the leading authority on facial expression research. I have read all of his books and have been quoting his research since I began teaching body language at Florida State in the 80's. Durring the few minutes I watched the information on the facial expression that comes before someone is about to attack was accurate. I will be writing more about the show.
Obama's voice and body language read
I was going over my notes from the History Channel special I did this fall and came across my notes on Obama. Since I had so many of my audience members ask about him I thought I would cut and paste my notes. I am prepping for my deception detection class tonight so I am giving you these notes in their pure, make that not edited in anyway, form.
(i) Barack Obama How does he use his voice to project an impression? Rhythmical, very powerful, charismatic.
(ii) I just analyzed his voice as he did his victory speech at the Iowa Cacus back in January.
(iii) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(iv) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is but who is truly is.
(v) Listen how Obama cadence that rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words the word saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythmic speaking were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically like a drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing.( and he didn’t really say anything new in the speech) But his voice is hypnotic. We know when his voice goes up and he pauses we must cheer and say amen. You can’t help your self. His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect. He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say something like. He waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
(vi) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(vii) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is who is truly is.
(viii) Listen how Obama cadence rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words and he say ‘They saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythm were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing. The voice is hypnotic we just know when his voice goes up and he pauses we should cheer and say amen His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect.
(ix) And listen for how he says particular words like said you small towns and churches Ameeerica, affooodablllee draws it out he puts on a slight southern more accent that slightly slurs the word. That makes him sound like one of the common folk. So even when we know he came from upper class family when he says, Callused hand by callused hand he sounds like he was with us working on the farm and ploughing the field.
(x) He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
(i) Barack Obama How does he use his voice to project an impression? Rhythmical, very powerful, charismatic.
(ii) I just analyzed his voice as he did his victory speech at the Iowa Cacus back in January.
(iii) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(iv) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is but who is truly is.
(v) Listen how Obama cadence that rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words the word saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythmic speaking were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically like a drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing.( and he didn’t really say anything new in the speech) But his voice is hypnotic. We know when his voice goes up and he pauses we must cheer and say amen. You can’t help your self. His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect. He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say something like. He waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
(vi) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(vii) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is who is truly is.
(viii) Listen how Obama cadence rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words and he say ‘They saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythm were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing. The voice is hypnotic we just know when his voice goes up and he pauses we should cheer and say amen His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect.
(ix) And listen for how he says particular words like said you small towns and churches Ameeerica, affooodablllee draws it out he puts on a slight southern more accent that slightly slurs the word. That makes him sound like one of the common folk. So even when we know he came from upper class family when he says, Callused hand by callused hand he sounds like he was with us working on the farm and ploughing the field.
(x) He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
Top Ten Graduation Speech Quotes
Here are my top ten graduation speech quotes that where requested by USA weekend magazines can. I would love to know your feedback or be sure to comment if you have one that you want to add.
J.K. Rowling -Writer
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Steve Jobs-Stanford UniversityJune 14, 2005
“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
Anna QuindlenMount Holyoke CollegeMay 23, 1999“But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
Katie Couric -TV Journalist
Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested…And have the courage to accept that you’re not perfect, nothing is, and no one is — and that’s OK
Oprah Winfrey -Talk show host
Your calling isn't something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel. It's a part of your life force. It is the thing that gives you juice. The thing that you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that is. You know it inside yourself.... always take a stand for yourself. Your values, you are defined by what you stand for.
Paul Glaser -Actor and Director
It is said that only those that have experienced their own mortality through the loss of a loved one or a near death experience of their own can know that choice, because that is the greatest experience of our fear of helplessness; our mortality. I would venture to say that, while we may go to great lengths to deny it, we are quickly approaching a time when this fear, this extreme helplessness.. is showing itself in more and more ways as it bubbles, roils beneath a surface that we are ever determined to keep calm, controlled, and in place. Our fear is an anathema to us, and we go to great lengths to avoid it… to the detriment of our creativity, of our very act of being, and we sacrifice our ability to search, and in the accepting the security of the status-quo, to re -- search, to re--discover, to re -- attach to that body of knowledge of which we are all a part. To re-member, that which we all know and knew at the moment of our birth. We sacrifice our experience of ourselves to be created, and to be creative. And in the name of security we make choices away from our hearts, away from our real needs as individuals, and as a civilization
Ursula K. Le Guin Author
Mills College, 1983“Because you are human beings you are going to meet failure. You are going to meet disappointment, injustice, betrayal, and irreparable loss. You will find you’re weak where you thought yourself strong. You’ll work for possessions and then find they possess you. You will find yourself — as I know you already have — in dark places, alone, and afraid. What I hope for you, for all my sisters and daughters, brothers and sons, is that you will be able to live there, in the dark place. To live in the place that our rationalizing culture of success denies, calling it a place of exile, uninhabitable, foreign.” So what I hope for you is that you live there not as prisoners, ashamed of being women, consenting captives of a psychopathic social system, but as natives. That you will be at home there, keep house there, be your own mistress, with a room of your own. That you will do your work there, whatever you're good at, art or science or tech or running a company or sweeping under the beds, and when they tell you that it's second-class work because a woman is doing it, I hope you tell them to go to hell and while they're going to give you equal pay for equal time. I hope you live without the need to dominate, and without the need to be dominated. I hope you are never victims, but I hope you have no power over other people. And when you fail, and are defeated, and in pain, and in the dark, then I hope you will remember that darkness is your country, where you live, where no wars are fought and no wars are won, but where the future is. Our roots are in the dark; the earth is our country. Why did we look up for blessing - instead of around, and down? What hope we have lies there. Not in the sky full of orbiting spy-eyes and weaponry, but in the earth we have looked down upon. Not from above, but from below. Not in the light that blinds, but in the dark that nourished, where human beings grow human souls.
Salman Rushdie
Text of Commencement Address at Bard College, May 25th, 1996 by Salman Rushdie.
Members of the Class of 1996, we are here to celebrate with you one of the great days of your lives. We participate today in the rite of passage by which you are released from this life of preparation into that life for which you are now as prepared as anyone ever is. As you stand at the gate of the future, I should like to share with you a piece of information about the extraordinary institution you are leaving, which will explain the reason why it is such a particular pleasure for me to be with you today. In 1989, within weeks of the threat made against me by the mullahs of Iran, I was approached by the President of Bard, through my literary agent, and asked if I would consider accepting a place on the faculty of this college. More than a place; I was assured that I could find, here in Annandale, among the Bard community, many friends, and a safe haven in which I could live and work. Alas, I was not able, in those difficult days, to take up this courageous offer, but I have never forgotten that at a moment when red-alert signals were flashing all over the world, and all sorts of people and institutions were running scared, Bard College did the opposite - that it moved towards me, in intellectual solidarity and human concern, and made, not lofty speeches, but a concrete offer of help. I hope you will all feel proud that Bard, quietly, without fanfares, made such a principled gesture at such a time. I am certainly extremely proud to be a recipient of Bard's honorary degree, and to have been accorded the exceptional privilege of addressing you today….
It is men and women who have made the world, and they have made it in spite of their gods. The message of the myths is not the one the gods would have us learn - that we should behave ourselves and know our place - but its exact opposite. It is that we must be guided by our natures. Our worst natures can, it's true, be arrogant, venal, corrupt, or selfish; but in our best selves, we - that is, you - can and will be joyous, adventurous, cheeky, creative, inquisitive, demanding, competitive, loving, and defiant.
Do not bow your heads. Do not know your place. Defy the gods. You will be astonished how many of them turn out to have feet of clay. Be guided, if possible, by your better natures. Great good luck and many congratulations to you all.
Ray Bradbury Caltech
The Great Years Ahead
So, I've come a long way. I hope I have another 20 years to go. That gives you 20 years to get from here to Mars. That's the important thing. I've got to give you a few rules of hygiene here-very important for the next several days. You can do some of them tonight. First of all, from today on, none of you are ever going to have to watch local television news again, right? Don't look at it ever. Because it tells you how bad you are. It's full of rapes, murders, funerals, AIDS, all the good things, huh? So you're not to look at that.
Now, right after graduation today, make a list of the people who don't believe in you. And you have a few, don't you? I had plenty of people who told me not to do what I was going to do. You make a list this afternoon, of the people who don't believe in you, and you call them tonight, and tell them to go to hell!
And then you gather around you the people who do believe in you - your parents and a few friends, if you're lucky. We don't have many friends in this world; but the few that do believe in you - and then you move on into the future. I try to do that.
Anthony G. Collins -SUNY Jefferson Community College May 24, 2004
“The word ‘partner’ is often used when a child begins school. A kindergartener cannot make a move without finding his or her partner. The partner is the security blanket — the person who cushions insecurities and fears — the person who gives their hand when you fall. In summer swimming lessons at the beach, the lifeguard blows the whistle at regular intervals to do the buddy check — making sure everyone has a partner — someone to help in a time of need. Early on we recognize that others help to support and nurture us. We gain advantage by working together. Life is a vast network of partnerships in which all of us are givers and takers. Partnerships may well shape your career, your personal life, and ultimately define the mark you make in this world.”
J.K. Rowling -Writer
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Steve Jobs-Stanford UniversityJune 14, 2005
“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
Anna QuindlenMount Holyoke CollegeMay 23, 1999“But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
Katie Couric -TV Journalist
Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested…And have the courage to accept that you’re not perfect, nothing is, and no one is — and that’s OK
Oprah Winfrey -Talk show host
Your calling isn't something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel. It's a part of your life force. It is the thing that gives you juice. The thing that you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that is. You know it inside yourself.... always take a stand for yourself. Your values, you are defined by what you stand for.
Paul Glaser -Actor and Director
It is said that only those that have experienced their own mortality through the loss of a loved one or a near death experience of their own can know that choice, because that is the greatest experience of our fear of helplessness; our mortality. I would venture to say that, while we may go to great lengths to deny it, we are quickly approaching a time when this fear, this extreme helplessness.. is showing itself in more and more ways as it bubbles, roils beneath a surface that we are ever determined to keep calm, controlled, and in place. Our fear is an anathema to us, and we go to great lengths to avoid it… to the detriment of our creativity, of our very act of being, and we sacrifice our ability to search, and in the accepting the security of the status-quo, to re -- search, to re--discover, to re -- attach to that body of knowledge of which we are all a part. To re-member, that which we all know and knew at the moment of our birth. We sacrifice our experience of ourselves to be created, and to be creative. And in the name of security we make choices away from our hearts, away from our real needs as individuals, and as a civilization
Ursula K. Le Guin Author
Mills College, 1983“Because you are human beings you are going to meet failure. You are going to meet disappointment, injustice, betrayal, and irreparable loss. You will find you’re weak where you thought yourself strong. You’ll work for possessions and then find they possess you. You will find yourself — as I know you already have — in dark places, alone, and afraid. What I hope for you, for all my sisters and daughters, brothers and sons, is that you will be able to live there, in the dark place. To live in the place that our rationalizing culture of success denies, calling it a place of exile, uninhabitable, foreign.” So what I hope for you is that you live there not as prisoners, ashamed of being women, consenting captives of a psychopathic social system, but as natives. That you will be at home there, keep house there, be your own mistress, with a room of your own. That you will do your work there, whatever you're good at, art or science or tech or running a company or sweeping under the beds, and when they tell you that it's second-class work because a woman is doing it, I hope you tell them to go to hell and while they're going to give you equal pay for equal time. I hope you live without the need to dominate, and without the need to be dominated. I hope you are never victims, but I hope you have no power over other people. And when you fail, and are defeated, and in pain, and in the dark, then I hope you will remember that darkness is your country, where you live, where no wars are fought and no wars are won, but where the future is. Our roots are in the dark; the earth is our country. Why did we look up for blessing - instead of around, and down? What hope we have lies there. Not in the sky full of orbiting spy-eyes and weaponry, but in the earth we have looked down upon. Not from above, but from below. Not in the light that blinds, but in the dark that nourished, where human beings grow human souls.
Salman Rushdie
Text of Commencement Address at Bard College, May 25th, 1996 by Salman Rushdie.
Members of the Class of 1996, we are here to celebrate with you one of the great days of your lives. We participate today in the rite of passage by which you are released from this life of preparation into that life for which you are now as prepared as anyone ever is. As you stand at the gate of the future, I should like to share with you a piece of information about the extraordinary institution you are leaving, which will explain the reason why it is such a particular pleasure for me to be with you today. In 1989, within weeks of the threat made against me by the mullahs of Iran, I was approached by the President of Bard, through my literary agent, and asked if I would consider accepting a place on the faculty of this college. More than a place; I was assured that I could find, here in Annandale, among the Bard community, many friends, and a safe haven in which I could live and work. Alas, I was not able, in those difficult days, to take up this courageous offer, but I have never forgotten that at a moment when red-alert signals were flashing all over the world, and all sorts of people and institutions were running scared, Bard College did the opposite - that it moved towards me, in intellectual solidarity and human concern, and made, not lofty speeches, but a concrete offer of help. I hope you will all feel proud that Bard, quietly, without fanfares, made such a principled gesture at such a time. I am certainly extremely proud to be a recipient of Bard's honorary degree, and to have been accorded the exceptional privilege of addressing you today….
It is men and women who have made the world, and they have made it in spite of their gods. The message of the myths is not the one the gods would have us learn - that we should behave ourselves and know our place - but its exact opposite. It is that we must be guided by our natures. Our worst natures can, it's true, be arrogant, venal, corrupt, or selfish; but in our best selves, we - that is, you - can and will be joyous, adventurous, cheeky, creative, inquisitive, demanding, competitive, loving, and defiant.
Do not bow your heads. Do not know your place. Defy the gods. You will be astonished how many of them turn out to have feet of clay. Be guided, if possible, by your better natures. Great good luck and many congratulations to you all.
Ray Bradbury Caltech
The Great Years Ahead
So, I've come a long way. I hope I have another 20 years to go. That gives you 20 years to get from here to Mars. That's the important thing. I've got to give you a few rules of hygiene here-very important for the next several days. You can do some of them tonight. First of all, from today on, none of you are ever going to have to watch local television news again, right? Don't look at it ever. Because it tells you how bad you are. It's full of rapes, murders, funerals, AIDS, all the good things, huh? So you're not to look at that.
Now, right after graduation today, make a list of the people who don't believe in you. And you have a few, don't you? I had plenty of people who told me not to do what I was going to do. You make a list this afternoon, of the people who don't believe in you, and you call them tonight, and tell them to go to hell!
And then you gather around you the people who do believe in you - your parents and a few friends, if you're lucky. We don't have many friends in this world; but the few that do believe in you - and then you move on into the future. I try to do that.
Anthony G. Collins -SUNY Jefferson Community College May 24, 2004
“The word ‘partner’ is often used when a child begins school. A kindergartener cannot make a move without finding his or her partner. The partner is the security blanket — the person who cushions insecurities and fears — the person who gives their hand when you fall. In summer swimming lessons at the beach, the lifeguard blows the whistle at regular intervals to do the buddy check — making sure everyone has a partner — someone to help in a time of need. Early on we recognize that others help to support and nurture us. We gain advantage by working together. Life is a vast network of partnerships in which all of us are givers and takers. Partnerships may well shape your career, your personal life, and ultimately define the mark you make in this world.”
Body Language Tips for Looking Younger
I am a body language expert and I have done research and spoken for many years on first impressions. I am also coach and speak on interviewing, media interviews, public speaking. In my speeches and coaching on body language I often and share simple nonverbal techniques to looking younger. Please check out my website www.PattiWood.net for more information.
Body Language Tips for Looking Younger
1. Think lift and up. Wear collars on shirts that are crisp and go up to create lift around you face.
2. If you need to wear glasses get your glasses tightened regularly. Glasses that come down on your nose, even a little bit make you look much older. Keep your glasses tightened and high on your face. Again think up.
3. When you walk into an interview or a meeting hold your shoulder back and head up and sit up.
4. Make sure you make eye contact right away smile and put out your hand for a hand shake with extra energy. (I have done several years of research on handshakes. Check out my website or blog here for steps to get the perfect handshake.
5. As you share your ideas and information make sure your voice shows your energy and enthusiasm and hold the strength and volume of your voice all the way to the end of a sentence. As we age our vocal chords show their wear and our voices change and tend to sound rougher and we tend to lose volume at the end or sentences forcing people to not feel with are speaking with conviction and sometimes even saying, “Excuse me I didn’t hear you.”
6. Get your hearing and eyesight checked professionally. Do it now. Most people who need hearing aids wait nine years or more to get their hearing checked and longer than that to get a hearing aid. And if you are squinting because you are not wearing needed prescription lenses you don't look that cute and you are forming squinty wrinkles.(I made the term squinty wrinkles up. It works so well.)
7. For men and woman make sure everything you wear is crisply presses, no wrinkles no wear on your shoes or belts. You have to make sure your clothes and accessories don’t symbolically say you are old or used or tired.
8. Make sure you are fashion current in colors style and jewelry including your watches. If you’re not sure what’s current in professional clothing read a style magazine and go to a high end store like Nordstrom’s and look around and then go buy it at Timex or Marshalls.
It seems basic, but be careful how you sit in a chair. Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of their seats, arching their backs, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. Woman don’t perch the entire time you look less powerful. Sit back in the chair and use lots of space and put you arms on the arm rest to look confident. Men don’t slouch the whole time; you may look lazy rather than vital and energetic. Sit forward slowly as you share certain information your confident in.
For Woman
9. If you can avoid using one, don’t carry a purse. It not only sends a strong female signal it gives you one more thing to worry about and fuss over. When woman sit down they usually have over 16 separate movements. Men have three and look much more together and organized. If you must carry something carry a folder or hip briefcase.
10. Make up for Woman. Make sure you do wear make-up, but make it light. I love Laura Mercie tinted moisturizer. If you wear eye shadow take your finger and lay it on the outside of eye and sweep any shadow up and out. If you wear eyeliner make sure it goes up slightly and the corner of your eye. When you put on blush make sure to use it sparingly and make it go up around your eyes never down. I suggest a cream blush as the new makeup style is dewy not dry and powdered. Be very careful of lipstick I draw around the edge with a very soft Estee Lauder lipstick pencil press my lips together and blend very well so it covers my entire lip and then I put on a light clear pink gloss. If I need all day coverage for my lipstick I use Max Factor Color Stay in a rose shade and put gloss on throughout the day. Don’t wear eyeliner on your bottom lip and don’t use mascara there it pulls the eye down and makes it look tired and older.
11. Make sure you hair is healthy shiny and glossy. Get your hair trimmed more often than you use to so you don't have straggly ends and go to your nearest Sally Beauty Supply or Ultra Cosmetics and ask them for a product to make your hair shinny.
12. Woman put nice flattering color around your face hot pink, pink peach, salmon, cobalt blue whatever makes your skin glow and you feel good.
Body Language Tips for Looking Younger
1. Think lift and up. Wear collars on shirts that are crisp and go up to create lift around you face.
2. If you need to wear glasses get your glasses tightened regularly. Glasses that come down on your nose, even a little bit make you look much older. Keep your glasses tightened and high on your face. Again think up.
3. When you walk into an interview or a meeting hold your shoulder back and head up and sit up.
4. Make sure you make eye contact right away smile and put out your hand for a hand shake with extra energy. (I have done several years of research on handshakes. Check out my website or blog here for steps to get the perfect handshake.
5. As you share your ideas and information make sure your voice shows your energy and enthusiasm and hold the strength and volume of your voice all the way to the end of a sentence. As we age our vocal chords show their wear and our voices change and tend to sound rougher and we tend to lose volume at the end or sentences forcing people to not feel with are speaking with conviction and sometimes even saying, “Excuse me I didn’t hear you.”
6. Get your hearing and eyesight checked professionally. Do it now. Most people who need hearing aids wait nine years or more to get their hearing checked and longer than that to get a hearing aid. And if you are squinting because you are not wearing needed prescription lenses you don't look that cute and you are forming squinty wrinkles.(I made the term squinty wrinkles up. It works so well.)
7. For men and woman make sure everything you wear is crisply presses, no wrinkles no wear on your shoes or belts. You have to make sure your clothes and accessories don’t symbolically say you are old or used or tired.
8. Make sure you are fashion current in colors style and jewelry including your watches. If you’re not sure what’s current in professional clothing read a style magazine and go to a high end store like Nordstrom’s and look around and then go buy it at Timex or Marshalls.
It seems basic, but be careful how you sit in a chair. Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of their seats, arching their backs, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. Woman don’t perch the entire time you look less powerful. Sit back in the chair and use lots of space and put you arms on the arm rest to look confident. Men don’t slouch the whole time; you may look lazy rather than vital and energetic. Sit forward slowly as you share certain information your confident in.
For Woman
9. If you can avoid using one, don’t carry a purse. It not only sends a strong female signal it gives you one more thing to worry about and fuss over. When woman sit down they usually have over 16 separate movements. Men have three and look much more together and organized. If you must carry something carry a folder or hip briefcase.
10. Make up for Woman. Make sure you do wear make-up, but make it light. I love Laura Mercie tinted moisturizer. If you wear eye shadow take your finger and lay it on the outside of eye and sweep any shadow up and out. If you wear eyeliner make sure it goes up slightly and the corner of your eye. When you put on blush make sure to use it sparingly and make it go up around your eyes never down. I suggest a cream blush as the new makeup style is dewy not dry and powdered. Be very careful of lipstick I draw around the edge with a very soft Estee Lauder lipstick pencil press my lips together and blend very well so it covers my entire lip and then I put on a light clear pink gloss. If I need all day coverage for my lipstick I use Max Factor Color Stay in a rose shade and put gloss on throughout the day. Don’t wear eyeliner on your bottom lip and don’t use mascara there it pulls the eye down and makes it look tired and older.
11. Make sure you hair is healthy shiny and glossy. Get your hair trimmed more often than you use to so you don't have straggly ends and go to your nearest Sally Beauty Supply or Ultra Cosmetics and ask them for a product to make your hair shinny.
12. Woman put nice flattering color around your face hot pink, pink peach, salmon, cobalt blue whatever makes your skin glow and you feel good.
A-Rods body language durring Katie Couric interview was he lying?
I finished my ESPN radio interview about A-Rods ( Alex Rodriguez, the base ball superstar) interview with Katie Couric concerning his possible use of steroids to enhance his performance. I finished my ESPN radio interview about A-Rods interview with Katie Couric concerning his possible use of steroids to enhance his performance. Here is the the You tube video of the interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVcqLt9sJLs
Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather thaand the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I didn’t see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth. Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather than the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I did nott see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth.
Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather thaand the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I didn’t see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth. Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather than the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I did nott see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth.
More on A-rods body language of lying in Katie interview
I did my interview on ESPN radio and discussed A-ROds over all body language durring the interview was much more tense than he is normally. I say that, having gone back to watch his body langauge and paralanguage in other iverviews were he had not reason to be tense so that I could get his baseline for his normal behavior. His legs were held back under his chair rather than out as one would be if they were clearly inocent and not afraid on the interview. He was clasping his hands together tighly, sybollically holding his own hands. He even rubbed them occaiosnly. He was starring intently forward with a lot of tention held in his face especially around his mouth, I call the mouth thewindow of the truth. His stare I bleive was his attempt to look fpowerful and in contral. Extaverts tend to over extrovert when they are lying. When Katie was asking the first qutesion about steroids his starring eye behavior gave a tell as she said the word steroids he did an eyeblock eye close and then when back to straring and then as she said the words human growth hormone he did a eyeblock eye close. As katie finshed asking him if he did steriods he said with his words no but as he did he pursed his lips like he was eating a lemon and the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the body is controlled by the right hemisphere more sceifically your more primal brain that is not under your consious control so it leaks out the truth and may look oddly off balance if you are controllig the right side of your face. He had this same resonse to her secound wording of the same quesion with an additional tell. Just before he responded his head came back to pull away f rom the quesion.
What hugs mean a nonverbal interpretation
I got an email today from past interpersonal skills training class participant asking me the following question about hugging
At least two times in the last month I have observed (in my close presence) two sets of two co-workers one male, and one female who had not seen each other in some time who hugged emphatically. In each case, the individuals were very glad to see each other -- it took me by surprise.
Since this is something I would never do, I was wondering if I could read any thing into it.
I responded. I did research on hugging in my doctoral program and as you might guess so much depends on how the hug was given and received, what parts of the body made contact with other parts and how long the hug lasted. It is even important to watch the facial expressions of the people as they are hugged and how their fingers grip or rest on the other person. In general, upper body hugs are typically friends ship hugs and full body with the lower torso pushed forward can indicate sexual intimacy.
'Hugging while briefly touching cheek-to-cheek hug is the typical celebrity socialite hug when someone does not want to add a more intimate kiss on the lips. that says "I Love You" even more with an added kiss on the lips.
Hugging while Resting gently and lingering cheek to cheek is much more intimate.
Tepee hug. Hugging with just the upper body with the torso actually pulled away and the rear end pushed back is a hug that emphasizes friendship rather than sexuality.
A Big Bear hug is defined by the arms being wrapped fully around the person and being pulled in tight with a quick but tight secure squeeze. This shows enthusiasm for seeing someone and can also show someones need to show power over or protection of the huggee.
.
Spoon Hug-While not normally thought of as a hug, when you spoon one partners arms are often wrapped around the other as you lie in bed on your side with the huggers front pressed up against the full back and torso on the hugge. .
Feel better hug- I just gave this hug to a friend yesterday who was laid off last week. I didn't even think about it I just wanted to pull him in close and with my arms wrapped around his shoulders and let my full palms rest there and linger a bit longer with a almost rubbing motion as I pulled away. I didn't pat, because guys don't typically like patting it makes them feel mothersmothered.
At least two times in the last month I have observed (in my close presence) two sets of two co-workers one male, and one female who had not seen each other in some time who hugged emphatically. In each case, the individuals were very glad to see each other -- it took me by surprise.
Since this is something I would never do, I was wondering if I could read any thing into it.
I responded. I did research on hugging in my doctoral program and as you might guess so much depends on how the hug was given and received, what parts of the body made contact with other parts and how long the hug lasted. It is even important to watch the facial expressions of the people as they are hugged and how their fingers grip or rest on the other person. In general, upper body hugs are typically friends ship hugs and full body with the lower torso pushed forward can indicate sexual intimacy.
'Hugging while briefly touching cheek-to-cheek hug is the typical celebrity socialite hug when someone does not want to add a more intimate kiss on the lips. that says "I Love You" even more with an added kiss on the lips.
Hugging while Resting gently and lingering cheek to cheek is much more intimate.
Tepee hug. Hugging with just the upper body with the torso actually pulled away and the rear end pushed back is a hug that emphasizes friendship rather than sexuality.
A Big Bear hug is defined by the arms being wrapped fully around the person and being pulled in tight with a quick but tight secure squeeze. This shows enthusiasm for seeing someone and can also show someones need to show power over or protection of the huggee.
.
Spoon Hug-While not normally thought of as a hug, when you spoon one partners arms are often wrapped around the other as you lie in bed on your side with the huggers front pressed up against the full back and torso on the hugge. .
Feel better hug- I just gave this hug to a friend yesterday who was laid off last week. I didn't even think about it I just wanted to pull him in close and with my arms wrapped around his shoulders and let my full palms rest there and linger a bit longer with a almost rubbing motion as I pulled away. I didn't pat, because guys don't typically like patting it makes them feel mothersmothered.
Is A-Rod lying. A body language read of Katie Courack interview
I am about to do an interview on ESPN radio about A-Rods body language as he repsponded to Katie Courac's questions about his steriod use. I will share the details here after the interview.
Is A Rod lying a body language read of Katie interview
I am about to do a radio interview on 1050 ESPN NYC about A b
Is A Rod lying a body language read
I am about to do a radio interview for ESPN radio NYC about A Rods Kati Corac interview with A Rod. There are several body langauge indications that he is may be lieing as he resonds to Katies questions about Steriod use here is the link to the You Tube Video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVcqLt9sJL
Some of his tells are obvious. He starts the interview with his body tense and making direct and tense focased eye contact and even tension around his closed lips. He is wired and focused for the interview. Eyeblinks are natural we normally blink at about 20 blinks per minute. When we are excited the brain released dopamine and that makes us blink faster so are blinks naturally rise with anicious or tense topics. Even being on TV can increase our blink rate. In deception detection the timing is the tell. When someone does a body language cue continuously are over and over again through an interview it may be a hbit or over all nervousness about the interview. Here is the tell A Rod doesn't blink fast through the entire interview wich indicates nervious about the overall interview. A Rod holds his eyes still untill Katie says the word steriod and on that word he BLINKs and then a moment later as he says hormone use he BLINKs. Then as he says the word NO his mouth twitches
Interview of body language with Health Magazine
I did a interview with Health magazine this week about body language. The article should appear in the April issue. I shared with the journalist several aspects of reading children's body language and how to be more powerful in a conflict using body language.
Love how photo shop can change your body language
My freind Jim was playing around on photo shop with some head shots I had done the other day and came up with this little miracle. I told him I wanted a magic photo shop wand to wave over me every morning so I didn't have to put on makeup. I had a big photo shoot Thursday with First for Woman magazine. I shared an embarrising moment story that will be in their April issue and they sent a camera crew to the house to take photos of me.
Here is the story as it will appear in the magazine.
In my rush to get ready and out the door to give a speech at convention I decided to leave my big pink sponge curlers on in the car and take them off when I got to the speech. It was raining outside I reasoned. This way my hair would not get frizzy. When I got to the convention hotel I looked in the rear view mirror and took out all the curlers. Well, I thought I got them all. At the end of the luncheon I got up to leave the table and get ready for my speech and heard a woman at the table shout. “You have a pink curler on the back of your head!” Everyone turned around to look. But the most embarrassing thing was that my speech was on First Impressions. The convention head thought it was so funny he told the story before he introduced me as t he pink curler girl! s
lie to me
So many people are asking me if I seen the new TV series called, "Lie to Me." I have DVR'd it and I will be watching it this weekend and reporting back about it here. In the meantime I am so excited that there is another venue for people to see the power of body language. I am also excited that Paul Eckman's research on facial expressions and deception detection is being shared with the public. For years Paul Eckman was only sharing it with law enforcement agencies like the CIA. Though if you were willing to spend 95 dollars on his academic book on facial expression. (yes I have all his books even this very expensive one.) you could educate yourself. So as I work on my deception detection book I will be sharing information of ways to read people's body language to detect deception. You can find some of my articles on deception detection on my website at www.pattiwood.net and find deception analysis of various political figures here on the blog.
the skill of reading body langauge
Yahoo jobs just asked me how you can apply the unusual skill of reading body language.
Since I was a small child I was able to read peoples body language and know what they were thinking and feeling. I ended up with degrees in nonverbal communication. Originally I interned as a counselor but since I pick up on the deep emotions of people as I “read” them that was taxing so In my case that has led to a job as a speaker, trainer and coach. I also work with law enforcement and the media reading people live and through video and still photos(see website for details) and sales people, health care workers and so many others who can use the unusual skills of reading body language. For my full story, How I became a body language expert, please go to my website at www.Pattiwood.net t
Since I was a small child I was able to read peoples body language and know what they were thinking and feeling. I ended up with degrees in nonverbal communication. Originally I interned as a counselor but since I pick up on the deep emotions of people as I “read” them that was taxing so In my case that has led to a job as a speaker, trainer and coach. I also work with law enforcement and the media reading people live and through video and still photos(see website for details) and sales people, health care workers and so many others who can use the unusual skills of reading body language. For my full story, How I became a body language expert, please go to my website at www.Pattiwood.net t
Ranking of Importance of Communication Skills
I was just reading a newsletter from Ravenwood that listed the ranking of the importance of communication skills in business. Of course it typically comes out as number one. Years ago when I was working on my Masters Degree at Auburn University my major Professor Larry Barker was not only one of the countries leading authorities on body language he was the president of the National Listening Association. He quoted research back in 1982 that listed good communication skills as the number one success factor in business. It is funny to me that anyone would think otherwise. If you don't listen. If you can not express your self and your needs clearly how can you possibly successful. The problem now is that there are fewer and fewer new employees that have even the most basic of communication skills. Here are the lists.
USA Today ranked communication skills #1 among a list of twelve success factors (Problem solving and an understanding of organizational structure ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
The Lamille Report of Top Executives ranked communications skills #1 among a list of ten success factors (Intelligence and integrity ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
A Society for Human Resource Management poll conducted in conjunction with the Wall Street Journal confirmed that "soft skills" now top the career success factor list for experienced employees
A study by the Center for Creative Leadership identified command of soft skills as the leading determinant of successful change management for executives
A study by Office Team concluded sixty-seven percent of HR managers would hire a candidate with strong soft skills whose technical abilities were lacking. Only nine percent would hire someone with strong technical expertise but weak interpersonal skills
USA Today ranked communication skills #1 among a list of twelve success factors (Problem solving and an understanding of organizational structure ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
The Lamille Report of Top Executives ranked communications skills #1 among a list of ten success factors (Intelligence and integrity ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
A Society for Human Resource Management poll conducted in conjunction with the Wall Street Journal confirmed that "soft skills" now top the career success factor list for experienced employees
A study by the Center for Creative Leadership identified command of soft skills as the leading determinant of successful change management for executives
A study by Office Team concluded sixty-seven percent of HR managers would hire a candidate with strong soft skills whose technical abilities were lacking. Only nine percent would hire someone with strong technical expertise but weak interpersonal skills
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