I wrote some body language tips for a piece in Glamour magazine today. Here they are.
· Always make a loving ritual of hello’s and goodbyes. That means coming from wherever you are in the house to greet your spouse with a kiss and or a hug hello when they come home. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, cooking, or online. By immediately going towards each other to touch, your are communicating to your partner that he or she is the most important thing to you. You are saying nonverbally, "You come first." Greetings are designed to let someone who has left the tribal cave for the day know everything is safe in the home and they are welcome back in. It is wired into our primal brains that we should be on guard until we are warmly welcomed into a space. If fact, couples are more likely to argue later if there wasn’t a warm welcome home. In addition, kissing and or hugging goodbye symbolically says, "I leave you with love." With a touch goodbye you anchor to your mate. So the last memory of he has of leaving the home is that he is y surrounded by love. Touching on greeting and with goodbyes are small rituals with a big impact.
· Another recommendation is to eat at the table sitting kitty corner from one another at least once a week. Women like to sit face to face to read facial expressions and other nonverbal cues and men prefer to sit side by side so their hearts are not vulnerable. (physically and symbolically vulnerable) Sitting catty corner gives men more protection so they feel comfortable self disclosing and women enough access to their partners body language to feel at ease.
· The heart pumping love chemicals that couples produce when they are with each other reduce about two years into the relationship so if they haven't done it before, I recommend couples create a weekly adventure ritual. That mean going out and of having some kind of adventure or stimulating playing together. Whether it’s going someplace new, playing heart pumping board, or computer games, a fast paced who can make dinner fastest cooking contest in the kitchen, miniature golf with looser cleans the bathroom for a week, driving go carts, or snow skiing. Why? Because, exciting play increases the love chemicals monoamines including, dopamine, norepinephidrine, phenylethylamine (PEA) and serotonin. These chemicals basically, affect us like amphetamines, stimulants and painkillers. So they keep us feeling excited about our partner.
· I also recommend making love weekly. In the attachment sage of the relationship Oxytocin, the same chemical involved in childbirth and bonding to the infant, shows up in the blood of both men and women . Oxytocin is released during orgasm in both men and women. It has been postulated that the more sex the couple has, the more bonded they will become.
· In addition or sex and play I also recommend exercising together once a week Heart pumping hard exercising together, jogging, riding bikes, intense ball room dancing, etc. We release endorphins during and after sex. These give us that "feel good feeling" and exercise produces it too. Exercising together makes us associate feeling good with being with our partner.
Finally, I recommend a lock in once a month for 12 to 24 hours. You go into the bedroom for 24 hours, making sure to remove any electronic devises, TV, computers, IPods, cell phones. You stay in the room together without any external distractions. Your partner is it. Amazing to see what happens when there is no electronic device in between you and your sweetie.
