I have been doing research for the Steve Harvey TV Show interview I will be
doing on Kissing. This is on of the ariticles I had in my files when I was
working on my book.
Your Brain On Sex
Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2005-06-24 17:04
NOTE: If you're interested in understanding
the effects of today's hyperstimulating Internet porn on the brain watch The Great Porn Experiment (TEDx talk) or visit Your Brain On Porn.
The following two
articles update key aspects of this page Your Brain On Sex:
Let’s look at what
goes on in the brain during sex and orgasm. Although you may think everything
happens between your legs, the experience of orgasm actually occurs between
your ears. All thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have correlate
with specific nerve cells being activated. Orgasm, like all experiences, is
brought about by electric impulses flowing along paths of connected nerve
cells. Orgasm happens when specific pleasure pathways are turned on, while your
defense pathways are turned off.
All this happens
by means of chemical messengers and the nerve cell receptors they bind to.
These neurochemical changes take place primarily in the limbic system, a very
old part of the brain with circuitry that is common to all mammals. These
ancient limbic circuits control almost all bodily functions.
The limbic
system's job is to keep you alive and reproducing. It does this by avoiding
pain and repeating what is pleasurable. The limbic system is the seat of
emotions, drives, impulses and desires – including sexual ones. It’s where you
fall in and out of love…or lust. Due to the nature of the limbic system, you
cannot will your feelings, emotions, falling in love, or staying in love,
anymore than you can will your heart to beat, or yourself to digest a meal or
sleep. The limbic system has been around for well over 100,000,000 years,
lurking right beneath your large, rational neo-cortex.
Rats, apes and
humans use the same neurochemicals to operate the same functions in this part
of the brain. Keep in mind that scientists aren't studying rodent brains to
help them with their addictions and erections! Studying animals and
humans, scientists have begun to unravel the neurochemistry of lust, attachment
and falling in love. Falling in love involves simultaneous activation and
deactivation of discrete parts of the limbic system. For every biological event
in your body, there is a biological cause. In this case, the cause is
neurochemicals—and the pathways they turn on and off.
Neurochemical Commands: Your World Revolves Around Dopamine
The central neurochemical player behind falling in—and out—of love is
dopamine. Dopamine is the principal neurochemical that activates your reward
circuitry, the centerpiece of the limbic system. Your reward circuitry drives
nearly all of your behaviors. In other words, most all roads lead to Rome, or
to the reward circuitry, so you can assess things as "good, bad, or
indifferent."
At its most basic,
this circuit is activated when you engage in activities that further your
survival, or the continuation of your genes. Whether it’s sex, eating, taking
risks, achieving goals, or drinking water, all increase dopamine, and dopamine
turns on your reward circuitry. You can think of dopamine as the "Gotta
have it!" neurochemical, whatever "it" is. It’s the "craving"
signal. The more dopamine you release and the more your reward circuit is
activated, the more you want or crave something.
A good example is
food. We get a much bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie foods than we
do low-calorie foods. It’s why we choose chocolate cake over Brussels sprouts.
Our reward circuit is programmed so that "calories equal survival." You’re not actually craving ice cream, or a winning lotto ticket, or even a
romp in the sack. You’re craving the dopamine that is released with these
activities. Dopamine is your major motivation, not the item or activity.
Dopamine is not
the only neurochemical involved with reward, but it’s the one that motivates
you to go after the reward. Dopamine governs the feelings of wanting,
yet the experience of liking or enjoying something is probably due to opioids.
Opioids are your brain's own morphine and endorphins. Dopamine drives us toward
eating or orgasm, but the experience of the actual orgasm or eating chocolate
arises from opioids goosing the reward circuit. In essence, dopamine is never
satisfied.
Addiction mechanisms are extraordinarily
complex, and not fully understood. Yet the one aspect they share is dopamine dysregulation. All
addictive substances and activities share one thing – the ability to strongly
elevate dopamine levels. Watching porn, accumulating money, gaining power over
others, gambling, compulsive shopping, video games…if something really boosts your
dopamine, then it’s potentially addictive for you. Why did Martha Stewart
risk everything for more money? She got a thrill from a stock market gamble.
She didn’t need the money; she (thought she) needed the dopamine.
Addictive highs
mimic the good feelings of the basic activities for which we're actually
wired...by hijacking our reward circuitry. Only a few substances (alcohol,
cocaine, etc.) have the ability jack up dopamine – that’s why they are
addictive. We can also hijack it with extremely stimulating versions of natural
behaviors: casinos with hot hostesses, novel porn at every click, tasty junk
food filled with fat and sugar, and so forth. Dopamine especially responds to
novelty and the unexpected, among natural stimuli.
Don't fall into
labeling dopamine as bad. There's no such thing as a bad neurochemical
or hormone, although either can become a problem when out of balance. Dopamine
is absolutely necessary for your decision-making, happiness, and survival. Yet
when it’s too low or too high (or when changes in its receptors alter your
sensitivity), it can cause real problems. If you look at this chart you can see
some behaviors and conditions associated with dopamine levels or with
sensitivity to dopamine. Sensitivity equates with how many receptors a nerve
cell has for dopamine.
It's true that
some of the conditions listed are at extreme ends of the dopamine spectrum.
Nonetheless, dopamine is involved with many aspects of mood, behavior, and
perception. Even small shifts in dopamine sensitivity or levels can have
profound effects on how you see the world, or your partner.
The key word on the list below is bonding.
Bonding is more than a behavior. It is a mammalian program, the program that
permits parenting and living in groups. When dopamine drops, you are likely to
find your partner less rewarding—and your bond unravels.
Dopamine Levels (or altered sensitivity to dopamine)
|
Excess
|
Deficient
|
"Normal"
|
|
Addictions
|
Addictions
|
Healthy bonding
|
|
Compulsions
|
Depression
|
Feelings of well-being, satisfaction
|
|
Mania
|
Anhedonia—no pleasure, world looks colorless
|
Pleasure, reward in accomplishing tasks
|
|
Sexual fetishes
|
Lack of ambition and drive
|
Healthy libido
|
|
Sexual addiction
|
Inability to bond
|
Good feelings toward others
|
|
Unhealthy risk-taking
|
Low libido
|
Motivated
|
|
Aggression
|
Erectile dysfunction
|
Healthy risk taking
|
|
Psychosis
|
Social anxiety disorder
|
Sound choices
|
|
Schizophrenia
|
ADHD or ADD
|
Realistic expectations
|
|
Sleep disturbances, "restless legs"
|
Parent/child bonding
|
|
|
Contentment with "little" things
|
The power of
dopamine and our reward circuitry are seen in classic experiments done on rats.
Consider what happens when sadistic scientists put a starving rat on one side
of a grid with electric current running through it and food on the other side.
The rat will not cross the pain-producing grid. Yet put a rat with an electrode
planted in her reward circuitry on one side of the grid and a lever she knows
will stimulate her reward circuitry on the other, and she’ll dash across the
grid to tap that lever nonstop. Stimulation of her reward circuitry becomes her
top priority, because it’s telling her inner compass that a big reward is just
around the corner. She will ignore food, even if starving, or abandon her
unweaned pups just to tap that lever until she drops.
If the rat is
male, he’ll ignore a receptive female to tap it until he drops. Humans
implanted with similar electrodes (decades ago) experienced a constant urge to
tap their levers, as well as intense sexual arousal—but not pleasure or orgasm
itself. They also reported an undercurrent of anxiety.
Despite the
obvious differences between rats and humans, rats have been called
"guiding flashlights" for understanding the primitive mechanisms of
our own brain.
Sexually-satiated male rats take up to fifteen days to recover their full desire for sex (although they can get it up long
before they are back to full steam). Meanwhile, even if they're feeling
sexually sluggish, there is a reliable way to jump-start them, which we’ll get
to in a moment. (Female rats also show evidence of a similar cycle in the form of predictable surges of prolactin after vigorous copulation,
whether or not they become pregnant. A shadow version of this prolactin cycle
has now been detected in women, and may be connected with post-sex mood swings in some women.)
Research also shows that male rats experience
a reduction in testosterone
receptors for up to a week within their reward circuitry.
Hormones and neurochemicals dock with receptors on the nerve cells. In this
case, fewer receptors mean less sensitivity to circulating testosterone. The
result is that the reward circuitry pumps out less dopamine. It's like the
reward circuitry's batteries are low. If this happens in females, it would also
reduce their sexual desire.
Low testosterone (or decreased sensitivity to
it) is associated with irritability and anger. Serotonin and endorphin levels
also rise in the reward circuitry of sexually-satiated rats. Most of us have
heard that these are "happy neurochemicals," but in this part of the
limbic system both function to put on the brakes instead of just producing
warm, fuzzy feelings.
Keep in mind that sexual dysfunction is a major side effect of taking
either antidepressants that raise serotonin or narcotics that mimic
endorphins. When neurochemicals dampen your reward circuitry for a time, your
relationship can suffer. See The Passion Cycle for an overview of this neurochemical cycle, and for more recent research
see Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation
Cause A Hangover? and Women: Does Orgasm Give You a
Hangover?
Dopamine and the Coolidge Effect
Humans, like
virtually all mammals, are not naturally monogamous (as in sexually exclusive),
although many individuals are. This may not sound very romantic, but no mammals
are sexually exclusive. (A few, such as humans, are "socially monogamous."
That is, they typically raise their offspring together.) It is therefore likely
that our mating neurochemistry is set up to accomplish two goals. It encourages
bonding so we co-parent.
Yet there is also
a conflicting program to push us out of those bonds—at least far enough to add
a novel mate. From chimps to rats, the same neurochemical events drive
mammalian behaviors, and they are driving them to be promiscuous. Is it likely
that Mr. and Mrs. Rodent are growing apart in their relationship? Could the
excitement be gone from their marriage? Perhaps Mrs. Chimp spends too much
money, or nags too much. Maybe Mr. Chimp watches too much football or doesn’t
help much with housework. Not likely. Just like us, they have a subconscious
program, triggered by mating, found in their limbic systems, which biology uses
to urge them tire of their mates and move on to new mates.
During the week or two that the hangover from orgasm lingers, our large,
rational brain proposes logical reasons to explain our relationship disharmony.
Orgasm is natural…absolutely. But it may also be natural for both men and women
to sour on a mate, to suddenly find a spouse unattractive, irritating, and
wholly unreasonable. It may even be natural to become wholly unreasonable, and
thus hasten the departure of a mate.
Now, we know that
all of you are wondering about that sure-fire way to jump-start male rats'
flagging libido. Perhaps you can already guess. All you have to do is introduce
a new, receptive female. That may not be the answer you were hoping for…or
perhaps it was!
Have you ever heard of the "Coolidge
Effect?" Because that’s what we're addressing. Scientists have discovered
that—after a frenzy of copulation—a male rat will lose interest in a female.
BUT should a new female show up, he’ll perk up long enough to service her.1
This process of
presenting novel mates to males can be continued until they practically die of
exhaustion—once again proving that biology doesn’t give a rat’s…hindquarters
about anything but propelling genes into the future.
The Coolidge Effect has been observed in every species tested, and not just in males. Lady
rodents prefer to seduce new guys, too. The Coolidge Effect just might play a
role in human affairs as well. Marnia once talked with a man who had stopped
counting at 350 lovers. He said, "I really don’t understand it. I lost
interest in all of them sexually so quickly—and some of those women are really
beautiful, too."
The Coolidge Effect is linked to your
post-orgasm hangover. The reason the rat loses interest is that he’s getting a
weaker and weaker dopamine surge from Partner No. 1. No dopamine surge, no
interest. She is not perceived as "rewarding." The same thing happens
to humans. The thrill is gone, and Partner No. 1 looks like Brussels sprouts.
Now you’re primed for anything that will jack up your dopamine again. Partner
No. 2 appears, and your dopamine soars. As if by magic, your blues are gone,
and you have that heady feeling of anticipation, that sense of uninhibited
aliveness. In short, No. 2 looks like chocolate cake. (This also has
implications for understanding today's binging on Internet porn.)
Assuming we don't learn how to steer for lasting bonds by taming our limbic system, our reward circuitry will push us to do just
what it evolved to do (once our temporary honeymoon neurochemistry wears off).
We'll get less and less dopamine "reward" during sex with our current
mate. Notice that this is similar to what occurs when people use drugs, play
intense video games, binge on Internet porn, or gamble. They seek more and more
stimulation to get the same high. In short, feelings of sexual satiety do not
promote romance—which calls into question a lot of today's relationship advice
about producing bigger, better and more frequent orgasms.
The truth has been
recognized for thousands of years. Here's a poem from the ancient Greek Anthology.
Once plighted, no
men would go whoring.
They'd stay with
the one they adore,
If women were half
as alluring
After the act as
before.
Back to our tale.
What if No. 2 doesn’t show up for your tryst, and you’re left in the doldrums?
Unlike rats, you have many dopamine-raising possibilities—from Internet porn,
gambling and alcohol, to the dopamine agonists drug companies are producing to
light a fire under slumbering libidos (not recommended, due to risky side
effects). These "fixes" make you feel better briefly, but as far as
your well-being goes, they are like eating junk food—a net loss. As biologist
Robert Sapolsky observed, there is a price for blasting our reward circuitry
too enthusiastically in our efforts to counter the blues.
Unnaturally strong explosions of synthetic experience and sensation and
pleasure evoke unnaturally strong degrees of habituation.... Our tragedy is
that we just become hungrier." In short, there are advantages to steering
for equilibrium initially, rather than always reaching for more stimulation to
cope.
Your limbic system is not equipped to
understand that there can be too much of a good thing. It just keeps rewarding
you to do the same unrewarding things because they register as things
that once served your ancestors. A "fix" just positions you for a continuous addictive cycle of
highs, more lows, and a search for more highs. Many of us spend much of our sex
lives caught in this cycle—with no obvious way out.
The Power of Equilibrium
We have talked about how roller coaster levels of dopamine can break
couples apart, but there’s also something holding couples together. The
neurochemical that binds couples together is oxytocin, the "cuddle
hormone" or "bonding hormone." Without it, we could not stay in
love. Falling in love is associated with a soup of neurochemicals—like
adrenaline, which makes your heart race, and, as we have mentioned, dopamine,
which makes you crave your beloved, and low serotonin, which can make you
obsessed with someone. But the heartwarming, loving, "gushy" aspects
of love are probably due to oxytocin.
Oxytocin has
various functions in the body, such as inducing labor contractions and milk
ejection, but from evolutionary biology’s perspective, its main behavioral
function is to bond us to our children for life. It also serves to bond us to
our mate…at least long enough to fall in love with our child so that it has two
caregivers for its long childhood and adolescence. Friendships are also built
on oxytocin, and can be quite deep bonds.
Yet, what happens to friendships that turn
into sexual relationships? Often things change for the worse. This change is an excellent example of the post-sexual satiation
neurochemical shift, or hangover, kicking in. Oxytocin and dopamine are the yin
and yang of bonding and love. Dopamine furnishes the kick, oxytocin makes a particular
mate appealing, in part by triggering feelings of comfort. You need both
acting on the reward circuitry at ideal levels to stay in love. In experiments,
if scientists block either oxytocin or dopamine, mothers will ignore their
pups.
There's evidence that these two
neurochemicals stimulate each other's release, so if one is low, it affects levels of the other. As sexual satiation
plays havoc with dopamine, lovers can end up with a double-whammy effect on
their precious emotional bonds. Low dopamine (or dopamine receptors) alone
interferes with feelings of love, and it may reduce oxytocin levels or the brain's
sensitivity to oxytocin. As things go sour, something interferes with
oxytocin's bonding effects. It's likely that it's (temporary) low dopamine, or
reduced sensitivity to it.
The good news is that making love while
avoiding sexual satiation is the loophole in biology’s plan for our love lives.
This is the secret that the ancient sacred-sexuality sages stumbled upon. Making love with lots of affection, without the
dopamine-driven highs and lows of conventional sex, seems to keep neurochemical
levels balanced.
There's some evidence that the more oxytocin
you produce, the more receptive to it key nerve cells become. This is the
opposite of dopamine. In addicts, dopamine receptors start to decrease as the
nerve cells protect themselves from overstimulation. Addicts then need more and
more of a drug (more and more dopamine). Luckily you don’t need an
ever-increasing "fix" of oxytocin to maintain the sparkle in your
romance. Daily bonding behaviors can make your partner look better
and better—at least to you. This is why daily
affection, with less orgasm, can strengthen your bond with your mate.
Oxytocin is
associated with significant benefits, both emotionally and physically. In fact,
oxytocin may be the answer to the question, "What is the mechanism by
which love and affection positively affect our health?" Consider the
following research:
·
Oxytocin reduces cravings. When
scientists administered it to rodents who were addicted to cocaine, morphine,
or heroin, the rats opted for less drugs, or showed fewer symptoms of
withdrawal. (Kovacs, 1998 )
·
Oxytocin calms. A single rat injected
with oxytocin has a calming effect on a cage full of anxious rats. (Agren,
2002)
·
This quality of oxytocin explains why
companionship can increase longevity—even among those who are HIV positive
(Young, 2004).
Or speed recovery: wounded hamsters heal twice as fast when they are paired
with a sibling, rather than left in isolation (DeVries, 2004).
·
It may also explain why, among various
species of primates, care-giving parents (whether male or female) live
significantly longer. (Cal Tech, 1998 )
·
Oxytocin appears be a major reason that
SSRI’s [Prozac-type drugs] ease depression, perhaps because high levels of
cortisol are the chief culprits in depression and anxiety disorders. (Oxytocin
counteracts cortisol's effects.) (Uvnas-Moberg, 1999)
·
Oxytocin increases sexual receptivity
and counteracts impotence, which may be one reason why this other way of making
love remains pleasurable. (Pedersen, C.A., 2002), (Arletti, 1997)
Sure enough,
scientists are finally beginning to find the connections between oxytocin,
regular affection and successful, long-term pair bonds:
However, do not think that spraying oxytocin
up your nose, or taking sublingual tabs will in any way reproduce the bonding
benefits described here and elsewhere. These effects only occur when precise
amounts are released in very specific brain structures. Flooding the blood and
brain with oxytocin will cause unwanted side effects and may produce counterproductive mood and perception shifts.
Again, oxytocin reduces cravings and
increases sexual receptivity. This allows making love without orgasm to be surprisingly satisfying. The affection is always there, flowing
between you and your partner. When we tiptoe around dopamine’s highs and lows,
we encourage balance and clear perception of each other. We see each other as
sources of safety and pleasure, not as sources of recurring stress with brief
moments of sexual pleasure. The real magic of love happens at a neurochemical
level—and we can choose balance in order to foil the extremes of our genes'
plans for us.
If you would like to learn more about a way
to make love that sidesteps humanity's built-in separation mechanism and makes
the most of attachment (oxytocin) visit Karezza Korner.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
