We
have changed how we define a hero. We use to talk about a hero being a
strong, brave person who swoops in to save the day or a leader of men who
fights the bad guy but now we are looking for a different kind of person. A
person who seems just as rare and magical as Superman, in his red cape, flying
through the sky. We are looking for an honest person, a credible human being, a
person of integrity and a person we can call our True North.
I
say this hero is rare because in my programs and book, SNAP, I ask people to
think of someone in their life that embodies these characteristics and some
people can’t think of one person with integrity they have known in their lives.
It seems we are living in a time when so many people are screaming out lies we
think everyone is dishonest.
In
the exercise in my program, I ask everyone to remember an honest person from
their lives and recall how they felt or feel in their presence. I ask them to
do this so that they recognize when they are with someone new they can do a
sense recall and see if the new person they meet makes them feel the same way,
safe and good. We need to recognize a hero’s energy, the way a hero speaks and
moves. A person of integrity is fully present with you, they make contact with
you, and they lean forward and truly listen. We need our hero and we need to
know what safe and good feels like. Then we can draw the good guys into our
lives and we can model their goodness.
We
also need to know what it feels like to be with a good guy or gal to protect
ourselves. If we know how good it feels to be with a person of goodness and
integrity then when we are with the opposite, (someone that makes us feel
stressed, uncomfortable, wary and less than,) we know this is not how we are
supposed to feel. Just like the good guys contrast with the bad guys in
super hero movies, we need heroes in our lives so we can recognize the bad
guys.
Last
night I watched a special on PBS about Mr. Rodgers. A journalist, Tim Madigan,
wrote a book about his friendship with that extraordinary hero. He
said Mr. Rodgers made him feel safe and accepted. Sounds like a hero to me. I
think we have a new hero for our time.
A hero who is confident, with no hidden agendas, with new super powers,
speaking softly and honestly, someone who wants to be in the moment listening
to our fears and dreams and wearing a soft red sweater not a red cape.
The
full exercise and the definition and behaviors of a True North Hero from my
book, “SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma.” follow.
Your True North
How do we know what credibility is and whether
the person we’re meeting is credible? How can we know he’s credible within
seconds of meeting him?
I do an interesting exercise with my audiences.
I say, “I’d like you to think about person in your life who you think is the
most credible person you know. There is something about them makes you feel
absolutely safe in their presence. You can believe them. What is it about them
makes you feel that way? What kind of behavior do they demonstrate? What do
they say? Are there things they do with their hands, their body that makes you
tell yourself ‘This person has integrity”?
As they share stories and describe this honest
true person in their lives, whether it is their first boss, their mother, their
high school teacher I notice their voices grow warm and pause with wonder
, their bodies unfold as they describe them. I call this person your “True
North.”
Take a moment now to think of a person who is a
True North in your life. Someone you trust to be honest, who is authentic and
true think how you feel in their presence. If you have someone like this
in your life, you can recognize what it’s like to be in the presence of someone
who truly demonstrates credibility. If you have a “True North,” You can
compare each person you meet for the first time against this person and see if
it feels as comfortable and trusting.
“True North” is a benchmark. Once you know it,
you should be able calibrate within split seconds that “this feels good” or
“something is just not right there.” When somebody has that credibility factor
in first impressions, it typically feels very safe and comfortable to be with
them. There’s an authenticity you don’t get with most people.
The Definition of Credibility is Universal
Some people think credibility is something you
learn about a person over time but it’s not true. When somebody is their
authentic self, exactly who they are with no façade, you have a visceral
feeling in their presence. This is who they are. Call them credible, authentic
or real, you believe them from their facial expressions to their actions. And
here’s something even more interesting: If somebody is credible, they’re
credible to everybody. Other people see them the same way you do. It is
consistent.
It really comes down to evolution. We are
hard-wired to pick up on credibility. The first impression in the basic
survival instinct asks, “Can I trust this person? Can I feel safe in
their presence? Are they going to pull a knife out? No, I can believe what I’m
seeing as the real thing.” Credibility is vital and primary.
Long before I realized that there were four
first impression factors, I used to ask my audiences and my class participants,
“What is the first thing you notice when you meet somebody?” They would partner
with each other and share their answers. Remarkably, class after class, year
after year, would share the same answers: trustworthy, credible, authentic,
honest, integrity. All of these traits make up credibility. These were the
first things they noticed. Years later, I found the research that says the
first thing we look for is credibility. I didn’t
need the research to tell me.
When somebody is “True North,” you know they’re
going to be this way every single time. When you find somebody who is credible,
you don’t have to go through the “fight or flight” response. Your body can say,
“Okay, I’m safe.”
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert.
For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net.
Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First
Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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ords are nice, and who doesn’t love flowers? But, that said, if you really, really want to know how someone feels about you, the answer lies in body language. That’s right: Learning how to read someone’s body language is one of the best ways to sniff out a ripe romantic match.